within the crainium

May 18, 2012

Redneck Lent

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. So the priest paid a visit to Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic too.

After several classes and much study, Bubba attended his first Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over Bubba, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved... until the next Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood again.

The priest was called immediately by the neighbors. He rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, but he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba clutching a small bottle of holy water which he was carefully sprinkling over the grilling meat while chanting, "You wuz born a deer and raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."

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May 17, 2012

A nice touch

I wonder how many bottles it took to develop it.

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An unusual residence

Renovated Church Home in Kyloe, Northumberland
A nondescript exterior and a yard dominated by headstones give no indication of the residential nature of this historic church in Kyloe, Northumberland. A couple decided to purchase and readapt the structure, investing nearly three times the purchase price into renovations over the course of several years.

Via Maggie's Farm

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Extreme enough?

Mary sends a link to this clip. I don't believe it, but I found it pretty amusing.

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What a headline (8)

Seattle Times: ‘With Dicks In,’ Congressional Dems Favor Gay Marriage Ban Repeal
The copy editing team at the Seattle Times either had too much or not enough time on their hands this afternoon, when they ran with the headline: “With Dicks in, all 6 WA congressional Democrats favor repeal of gay-marriage ban.” The reference was to Rep. Norm Dicks (D-WA) who had just announced his support for the repeal of the state’s prohibition on gay marriage, but the effect of that headline was something quite different from what the Seattle Times had intended.

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May 16, 2012

Another clever ad

For Flying Horse

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When I was younger

Source

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Bzzt! Thanks for playing

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Tell us what you really think

A Midsummer Night’s Clusterfuck
If you’re a Shakespeare virgin as either an actor or an audience member, A Midsummer Night’s Dream is the ideal place to start. The language is not intimidating or difficult, and it’s so filled with simple mischief and delight that it’s as close to foolproof as any play ever written. I’ve seen amateur productions of Midsummer that were at least winningly buoyant, and some were even unforgettable, maybe because it’s partly conceived as a send-up of amateur players. And now I’ve seen something I never thought I’d see, a star-studded production of Midsummer at Classic Stage (through May 20) that turns this most charming and actable of all Shakespeare plays into a disaster area of poor ideas and incoherent intentions, an extended agony of directorial and design malfeasance.

Via Samizdata

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May 15, 2012

Ruined by lawyers

Entirely believable

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Pimp your ride (2)

Claimed to be from the Camel Haircut competition in Bikaner, India.

Source

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How Real Men shoot skeet

Via The Borderline Sociopathic Blog For Boys

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An etiquette lesson

Have you ever felt like strangling one of those loud-mouthed cell phone users who seem to sit near you in a restaurant or other place and then shares their private call with you?

Here’s a solution provided by a commuter on how to combat this display of bad manners.

After a very busy day, this woman settled down in her seat and closed her eyes as the train departed Montreal for Hudson.

As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice: “Hi sweetheart it’s Eric. I’m on the train... Yes, I know it’s the 6:30 and not the 4:30 but I had a long meeting... No, honey, not with that floozie from the accounts office, with the boss... No sweetheart, you’re the only one in my life... Yes, I’m sure, cross my heart..." and so forth.

Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking loudly. So our resourceful commuter - obviously angered by his continuous conversation - yelled at the top of her voice, ”Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off and come back to bed!”

Via Bits & Pieces

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May 14, 2012

They act so natural

At a zoo in the Netherlands.

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Too much pier pressure

Photo before prom leaves Wisconsin students drenched

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Two Men and ½ A Truck

The interesting thing to me is that someone has a site - 11foot8.com - dedicated to these mishaps.

Via The Sociopathic Blog For Boys

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We're gonna party like it's 2013

New Mayan Calendar Discovered That Doesn't End in 2012
Archeologists have unearthed what they say is the oldest known version of the Mayan calendar and one that doesn't "end" with the Earth's destruction later this year. Yeah, you're welcome.

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May 12, 2012

Thanks, Mom

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Six generations

Six Generations of Daughters – From Baby to 111-Year-Old Great, Great, Great Grandmother
A Virginia family will have a lot of moms to fuss over this Mother’s Day.

The family has an astonishing six generations of daughters still living. The matriarch of the family, Mollie Wood, was born in 1901 and just marked her 111th birthday. The youngest addition to the family, Braylin Marie Higgins, was born in March to Wood’s great, great, great granddaughter.

Via Laughing Squid

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May 11, 2012

High five!

Via The Daily What

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Negative space

Negative Space sculpture

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Check this kid out

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Our tax dollars at work

This Is Not a Joke: Government Issues Study of a Study About Studies
The Pentagon was inundated with so many studies in 2010 that it commissioned a study to determined how much it cost to produce all those studies.

Now the Government's Accounting Office has reviewed the Pentagon's study and concluded in a report this week that it's a flop.

The study of a study of studies began in 2010 when Defense Secretary Robert Gates complained that his department was "awash in taskings for reports and studies." He wanted to know how much they cost.

Two years later, the Pentagon review is still continuing, which prompted Congress to ask the GAO to look over the Pentagon's shoulder. What they found lacked military precision.

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May 10, 2012

Labor reparations

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Guess who

14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People

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Slo-mo popcorn

About as exciting as, well, watching corn pop.

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Hell hath no fury (4)

Chew Cheating Rat
A jilted dentist who pulled out all her boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her for another woman is facing three years in jail in Wroclaw, Poland.

Anna Mackowiak, 34, was astonished when just days after breaking up with her, Marek Olszewski, 45, turned up at her surgery complaining of tooth ache.

"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions.

"But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a bastard' and decided to take all his teeth out," she admitted.

After putting him to sleep with a heavy dose of anesthetic, the spurned dentist locked the door and then began plucking his teeth out one by one.

Via Nothing To Do With Arbroath

Update:The L.A. Times says, "Story about scorned dentist appears to be a hoax"

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May 09, 2012

Venice in a day

Via The Agitator

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Britain from above

Here's a nice slideshow of aerial photography at The Telegraph.

Old Sarum was an iron age hill fort dating back 5000 years and the site of Salisbury's first cathedral. (Britain from Above: Month by Month published by Dorling Kindersley. Picture: Jason Hawkes)

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Hover Car

Thanks goodness for the subtitles.

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Lost or stolen or strayed

Hundreds of 5-year-old municipal vehicles found in Miami that were never used
Have you ever bought a brand new cars only to forget where you put it? How about 300 of them? Probably not – unless you're Miami-Dade County, which was recently reunited with 298 vehicles it bought brand new between 2006 and 2007.

The county "discovered" this fleet of no-mileage vehicles after reading about them in a Spanish-language newspaper there (see the source for more images). Most of the misplaced motorcade is made up of Toyota Prius hybrids whose warranties either expired with very few miles on the odo or will very soon.

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May 08, 2012

What a ride (3)

Nevada issues Google first license for self-driving car.

What I want to know is: whose name is on the license?

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Pressure-washed graffiti

Ethical Graffiti: Pressure-Washing Moss to Make Art
Most street artists add to the urban environment to make a statement. But Stefaan de Croock takes away instead: he uses a pressure washer to carve graffiti into the natural dirt and growth that cover our cityscapes, and the results are quite amazing.

Moss has a tendency to grow rapidly on concrete walls, especially when they're regularly damp. That's something de Croock—AKA Strook—takes advantage of. This series of images shows off his signature "subtractive graffiti", cut into a wall of moss outside the STUK art center in Leuven, Belgium.

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Look! Up in the sky!

I was waiting for him to come popping out of that kayak when he threw out the drogue - but it didn't happen. The landing's impressive.

Via The Borderline Sociopathic Blog For Boys

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Don't bring a sword to a chain saw fight

Bloody battle between neighbours sees man's arm almost severed with a chain saw... and another's finger chopped off with a SAMURAI sword
In a bloody battle between two warring neighbours in Australia today, one man's arm was almost severed with a chain saw, while another had a finger chopped off with a Samurai sword.

Surgeons were later trying to save the arm of the chain saw victim, Mark Jorgenson, 29, while his neighbour Troy Thornton, 26, was being treated after losing his finger to the Samurai sword.

Police who rushed to the small town of Minto, south west of Sydney, found pools of blood in the street and Mr Jorgenson crying in pain from his almost-severed arm.

Via Clayton Cramer

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