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March 10, 2005

Instrument jokes

From Reflections in d minor:

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.

A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
The conductor. Business before pleasure.

What's the difference between violists and terrorists?
Terrorists have sympathizers.

If you throw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
The violist. The soprano would have to stop halfway down to ask directions.

Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune his section noticed?

Why would anyone want to be the last chair in the flute section?
To keep the Oboe player company.

How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?
Shoot one.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.

How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

Why are harps like elderly parents?
Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spots.

Sir Thomas Beecham on the harpsichord: "...like two skeletons copulating on a corrugated tin roof."

Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright?
Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when dropped over a cliff.

Posted by joke du jour at March 10, 2005 09:32 PM

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