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December 30, 2005

Best wishes for 2006

Happy New Year

Doing the honors on the audio below the fold is Doug Robinson, who very kindly published his laid-back rendition of Auld Lang Syne on the web.

I thought you'd like this better than the bagpipe version.

Posted by joke du jour at 11:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Mind your tongue

A few days after Christmas, a mother working in the kitchen was listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop...and all of you sons of bitches who are gettin' on, get your asses in the train, 'cause we're leaving!"

The mother went in and told her son, "We don't usethat kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room for two hours. When you come out, you may play with your train. But I want you to use nicer language."

Two hours later, her son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope that you will ride with us again soon. For those of you just boarding, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking except in the club car. We hope that you will all have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

Posted by joke du jour at 11:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

CAF air show

Steve sends a link to pictures from the 2005 CAF air show in Midland, Texas. (CAF - Commemorative Air Force.)

CAF

Posted by joke du jour at 11:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A blonde's year-end review

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Duh! Bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited. Finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months... box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours... power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid. 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing... couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition. Learned later other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm. Car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C" isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's. They are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911. Duh - there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!

Posted by joke du jour at 10:58 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 27, 2005

Happy 50th, John

A little black humor for my brother's 50th birthday.

50th_hurt.jpg

And many happy returns.

Posted by joke du jour at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dan Osman

You have to watch this cat climb a 400 foot cliff in 4 minutes and 25 seconds. It's beyond awesome.

Via DiClerico

Posted by joke du jour at 10:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Damn interesting

CodeWritinFool sends a set of links to a site named DamnInteresting.com with the comment, "This site is loaded, but here are some good ones."

history of speech synthesis
fascinating story about launch codes
phantom time

Posted by joke du jour at 10:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

At the Milky Way's center

From UCLA:

Galactic center

The center of our Milky Way galaxy, as seen in the infrared using the Keck Laser Guide Star (left panel) and the Keck Natural Guide Star (right). The white cross marks the location of the supermassive black hole.

Via A Welsh View.

Posted by joke du jour at 10:35 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 23, 2005

Merry Christmas to All

The audio clip you'll find below the line isn't a Christmas carol. But it's one of my favorite pieces of religiously-inspired music and is a great piece for this time of year.

It's Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring by Johann Schop, as arranged by J.S. Bach and as played by Leo Kottke on one of his mighty guitars.

It's a beautiful composition regardless of your faith - or lack of one.

Merry Christmas!

ChristmasStar.gif

Due to travel, blogging will be light for the next couple of days. (Unlike Andy Roth, tho', I'm taking my Windows PC with me. Have laptop, will travel is the motto of the firm.)

Posted by joke du jour at 06:26 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Until then

Steve writes, "Hope you have a Merry Christmas and safe, healthy & prosperous New Year. This link has a pretty good flash presentation. It may take some time to bring up for low bandwidth connections."

The site says:

"This presentation was originally created for and dedicated to a wonderful young lady who lost her husband in Afghanistan who we got to know over the internet. I posted this one for her but also as a reminder to those who live near families whose husbands and wives have given their lives for their country and those who are currently serving. Let's not forget the sacrifice made by our military families."

Until then

Posted by joke du jour at 06:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 22, 2005

Be careful out there

A clip from Jay Leno's Tonight Show.

Careful cop

Video below the fold.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The Second Amendments

Interesting choice for a name...

Congressional Band To Rock Troops During Holiday Tour

POSTED: 6:59 am EST December 22, 2005
WASHINGTON -- Some politicians in Washington are marching to the beat of a different drummer -- literally.

They are members of an all-congressional band known as the Second Amendments. And they're taking their show on the road to perform for troops in the Middle East and Europe.

The bipartisan rock and country band features Rep. Collin Peterson, a Minnesota Democrat, on guitar and lead vocals. Michigan Republican Rep. Thaddeus McCotter is on lead guitar. Republican Rep. Dave Weldon of Florida is on bass. Nevada Republican Rep. Jon Porter is on keyboards, and the drummer is Missouri Republican Rep. Kenny Hulshoff.

Their five-city tour is part of an official congressional fact-finding trip between Christmas and New Year's Eve that will take the band to Iraq, Afghanistan, Kuwait, Pakistan and Ramstein Air Base in Germany.

The group has a motto: "No politics, just rock and roll."

Via WFTV.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A perennial

"An oldie for the holidays," says Steve. Click the image.

White trash christmas

Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Winternals Administrator's Pak

The Winternals guys are running a year-end special on their Administrator's Pak (a bundle of their tools). I haven't used all the utilities in the bundle, but the ones I have used I recommend very highly. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a price at the site so I don't know what this costs. Here's the deal:

When you purchase Administrator's Pak before December 31, 2005, you'll receive an iPod Nano* with your purchase!

http://www.wservernews.com/077O7X/051213-Nano

Ready to purchase now? Just call 1-800-408-8415 or e-mail sales@winternals.com.

Or request a free Administrator's Pak trial CD at http://www.wservernews.com/077O7X/051213-Nano. (Select SOI1005 as your offer code.)

*Receive a black, 2GB iPod nano at absolutely no cost with each Administrator's Pak that you purchase before December 31, 2005. Or purchase one Administrator's Pak and receive a second for only $99. If you are outside the US or Canada, visit: http://www.winternals.com/nano/international for more information.

(And, in case you're wondering, this is a free plug.)

Posted by joke du jour at 06:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 21, 2005

Cute overload

Check it out at cuteoverload.com.

Cute overload

Via DiClerico.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Phone shopping

I was moving to Wisconsin around Christmas time, and wanted to order a gift for my mom from Jameco Electronics.

THEM: "Where would you like to have the order shipped?"

ME: (gave an Illinois address)

THEM: "Is (California address) still your correct address?"

ME: "No, it's in Wisconsin now."

THEM: "So you want the order shipped to Wisconsin?"

ME: "No, ship the order to the Illinois address, and then let change me change my address to Wisconsin."

THEM: "Is this an address change or a gift order?"

ME: "Both"

THEM: (agitated) "Sir, you seem to be confused. Have you moved or are you shipping this to someone else?"

ME: "I'd like to have the order sent to my mother in Illinois, and I'd also like to change my address."

THEM: (agitated) "I'm sorry sir, you have to decide which you want to do. It only makes sense to do one of these."

ME: "It's a gift order, ship to the Illinois address."

THEM: "Then your California address is correct?"

ME: "Yes"

THEM: "OK, your order is confirmed, is there anything else I can help you with?"

ME: "Yes, I just moved. Can you change my mailing address?"

THEM: (long pause, then agitated voice) "Well, OK, what's the new address?"

- Bob Mayo via rec.humor.funny

Posted by joke du jour at 07:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Engineer's Christmas card

Tucson John sends this card in PDF form.

Xmas card

Posted by joke du jour at 07:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 20, 2005

It's a Wonderful Internet

A great parody -- very nicely done. Click the image to visit the site

Wonderful

Via A Welsh View.

Posted by joke du jour at 04:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

The knack

Erik sends a funny audio clip and writes, "This goes way back. I do not know the source. It never fails to lift my spirits."

[Save]

Posted by joke du jour at 04:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Snowzilla

16-Foot 'Snowzilla' Attracting Sightseers

POSTED: 9:51 am EST December 20, 2005
UPDATED: 9:59 am EST December 20, 2005

ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- With the help of his kids and neighbors, Billy Ray Powers built more than just a snowman -- they've dubbed his 16-plus-foot-tall creation "Snowzilla."

Snowzilla

Via WFTV.

Posted by joke du jour at 04:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Proof

Mary writes, "I have the proof of global warming."

warming proof

Posted by joke du jour at 04:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 19, 2005

Pac-Lan

At Lancaster University in the UK; click the image for the full write-up.

PacLanResearchers in the Department of Communication Systems, based in InfoLab21, have been developing a new game which can be played by up to five players on mobile phones.

Unlike traditional mobile phone games, this game takes place in real space as well as on a mobile phone screen. Called Pac-Lan, in homage to the arcade classic Pacman, the game enables players to keep track of one another's position through images on their mobile phones as they chase one another round campus.

Dr Paul Coulton, head of mobile game development at Lancaster University, said: "This game is using a traditional mobile phone game in a different way by mixing the real and virtual world. Players move around in real space interacting with one another, their environment and their mobile phone."





Via Dave Barry

Posted by joke du jour at 09:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Paris at night

Here's a 360 degree panorama of Paris at night.

According to Google's translator, the legend means "Click on the arrow in bottom on the right to make ravel Paris under your eyes..."

Via A Welsh View.

Posted by joke du jour at 09:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

6.9 grams

...is the weight of this RC helicopter called the Pixelito. Video at the site.

pixelito
Via ZPi.

Posted by joke du jour at 09:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Where to spend Hannukah

You don't hear much about Tom Lehrer now, but at one time he was widely known for his humor. He's probably best known for his song Poisoning Pigeons in the Park (1959).

The clip below the fold is a lesser-known tune called Hannukah in Santa Monica and it's about where Tom spends the Jewish Holy Days. I don't know when this song was recorded.

[Save]

Posted by joke du jour at 09:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 18, 2005

2-0-5

George Bush's Year In Review -- the latest from JibJab.com.

2-0-5

Via Althouse.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 17, 2005

Wallpapers

A collection of hundreds of high-resolution wallpapers. Here's an example from the Space category.

GasNebula.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 06:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Twisted carol

This is an amusing parody of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen. It evidently comes from Bob Rivers' collection of Twisted Tunes.

Audio below the fold.

[Save]

Posted by joke du jour at 06:04 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Your wife called

A funny ad from Motorola. Mind the volume - the audio track's a little, um, hot on this one.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Another Christmas story

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and he threw down his list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

humbug.gif

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa', what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money; the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those bleeps from the IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes -- if that ain't damn funny.
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days - they all are the pits
They want the impossible, those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls... Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's. No request for them,
They want computers and robots.. Tthey think I'm IBM!

Flying through the air, dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year. Now you know the reason:
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 15, 2005

Very nice

Wallet Flash

A credit card-sized USB drive in capacities up to 2GB.

Via A Welsh View.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

From the archives

Click the image to view this video clip. It's a "clay-mation" style animation of some cops busting Santa for DWI.

Santa busted

Or should that be FWI?

Posted by joke du jour at 06:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Paging Mr. Rex

MAN DATES GAL ON INTERNET FOR SIX MONTHS -- AND IT TURNS OUT SHE'S HIS MOTHER!
Friday December 9, 2005

By Grace Green

MARSEILLES, France -- Skirt-chasing playboy Daniel Anceneaux spent weeks talking with a sensual woman on the Internet before arranging a romantic rendezvous at a remote beach -- and discovering that his on-line sweetie of six months was his own mother!

Posted by joke du jour at 06:42 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

BS protector

BS protector

Our contributor forwarded a message with this image and the caption

Bill Moyer, 73, wears a "Bullshit Protector" flap over his ear while Senator Ted Kennedy addresses the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

But since I don't trust e-mail as far as I can spit, I did some googling for the words and found the image at The Tattered Coat. And that led me to this post at Eschaton, where the caption reads

Bill Moyer, 73, wears a "Bullshit Protector" flap over his ear while President George W. Bush addresses the Veterans of Foreign Wars. (AP Photo/Douglas C. Pizac).

Eschaton had a link to the story at Canada.com, but unfortunately it's no longer available. I believe this photo was taken when Bush addressed the VFW in Salt Lake City last August.





Posted by joke du jour at 06:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 14, 2005

Fun with hemi's

As in Chrysler's famous engine with the hemispherical combustion chambers.

This item comes from DiscoverThis.com -- where they also show another V-8 snowblower:

Think you’re too big to ride a tricycle? What if that tricycle has a 4-foot-tall tire in front, regulation-sized racing slicks in back, a Dodge Viper bucket seat, and a 5.7-liter HEMI V-8 engine? How’d you like to take that baby for a spin around the block?
Hemi_big_wheel.gif

Posted by joke du jour at 06:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Have a geeky Christmas

better !pout !cry 
better watchout
lpr why 
santa claus <north pole >town 

cat /etc/passwd >list 
ncheck list  
ncheck list 
cat list | grep naughty >nogiftlist 
cat list | grep nice >giftlist 
santa claus <north pole > town 

who | grep sleeping 
who | grep awake 
who | grep bad || good 
for (goodness sake) { 
                     be good 
                    } 
- Frank Carey (via rec.humor.funny)

Posted by joke du jour at 06:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

48 seconds

The kind of fireworks you'd rather not see.

Tree fire

Video below the fold.

From a number of sources - thanks to everyone.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 13, 2005

That's what happens

An older woman was cruising a busy parking lot just before Christmas in her new Mercedes-Benz looking in vain for a parking space. She finally saw someone loaded with packages heading for a car, so she followed him, put on her blinker, and waited patiently until he loaded his car and pulled out.

Just as the space became empty, a young man in a sleek black Porsche zipped into it ahead of her. She was dumbfounded and outraged and she jumped out of her car shouting, "How could you do that? Didn't you see me waiting there with my signal on?"

The young guy replied, "That's what happens when you're young and fast."

As the young man was about to enter the store he heard the hideous crunch of metal striking metal. He ran back and was horrified to see that the woman had gunned her Mercedes and smashed it into his beautiful black Porsche. He yelled at her, "How could you do that?!"

And she replied, "That's what happens when you're old and rich!"

Posted by joke du jour at 07:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Technocracy rules

A very clever ad from Samsung that features a number of its products.

Company cruise

Video below the fold.

MOV format. Save.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Infinite Cat Project

For you cat fanciers, here's an interesting way to photograph multiple cats at once.

ticp-middle.gif

Posted by joke du jour at 07:25 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Great suggestion

A sign in a Manchester (England) shop above a display for burglar alarms:

For the man who has everything.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 12, 2005

How'd you like this next door?

Man Uses Paris Hilton Images, Pink Lights For Holiday Yard Display

POSTED: 10:44 am EST December 9, 2005
CRANSTON, R.I. -- Some people go with a reindeer ornament or an inflatable Santa Claus for their holiday lawn display. Joe Moretti went with Paris Hilton.

Moretti's display features a collection of blown-up images of Hilton adorned with pink lights. In one, she sports a tiny pink top hiding little of her chest, in another, she wears knee-high boots and a sultry pout. Even Hilton's faithful Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, is celebrated in a colorful portrait.

ParisChristmas.jpg

Via WFTV.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A Christmas Story reprise

Re-enacted by bunnies in 30 seconds! Click the image.

Christmas Story

Via A Welsh View.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:12 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Christmas Q & A

Q: Why is Christmas like a day at the office?

A: You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Now this could be useful

The Get Off The Phone Excuse Machine. Check it out -- you can sample the sounds it makes.

OffThePhone

Via Dave Barry.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 11, 2005

Winged!

Steve sends a message that's "a forward from my (retired Navy Master Chief) father." It's about an amazing mishap in an F-15D. (Click the image for a larger view.) There's a story to go along with these images below.

I have some reservations about the story, though. Granting that it happened, I'm not sure that the text matches the images. For example, why does the story talk about an arresting hook and emergency recovery net for a landing that appears to have been made on land? You don't find tailhooks on airstrips, do you?

In any event, I found quite a few pages with the same (or a similar) story when I googled for this. One ot them appears below, since it contains more detail than the text Steve's dad sent him.

On May 1st. 1983, a simulated dogfight training took place between two F-15D's and four A-4N Skyhawks over the skies of the Negev. The F-15D (# 957, nicknamed 'Markia Shchakim', 5 killmarks) was used for the conversion of a new pilot in the squadron. Here is the description of the event as described in "Pressure suit":

At some point I collided with one of the Skyhawks, at first I didn't realize it. I felt a big strike, and I thought we passed through the jet stream of one of the other aircraft. Before I could react, I saw the big fire ball created by the explosion of the Skyhawk. The radio started to deliver calls saying that the Skyhawk pilot has ejected, and I understood that the fire ball was the skyhawk, that exploded, and the pilot was ejected automatically.

There was a tremendous fuel stream going out of the wing, and I understood it was badly damaged. The aircraft flew without control in a strange spiral. I re-connected the electric control to the control surfaces, and slowly gained control on the aircraft until I was straight and level again. It was clear to me that I had to eject. When I gained control I said : "Hey, wait, don't eject yet!". No warning light was on and the navigation computer worked as usual; I just needed a warning light in my panel to indicate that I missed a wing..." The instructor ordered me to eject. The wing is a fuel tank, and the fuel indicator showed 0.000 so I assumed that the jet stream sucked all the fuel out of the other tanks. However, I remembered that the valves operate only in one direction, so that I might have enough fuel to get to the nearest airfield and land.

I worked like a machine, wasn't scared and didn't worry. All I knew was as long as the sucker flies, I'm gonna stay inside. I started to decrease the airspeed, but at that point one wing was not enough. So I went into a spin down and to the right. A second before I decided to eject, I pushed the throttle and lit the afterburner. I gained speed and thus got control of the aircraft again. Next thing I did was lowering the arresting hook. A few seconds later I touched the runway at 260 knots, about twice the recommended speed, and called the tower to erect the emergency recovery net. The hook was torn away from the fuselage because of the high speed, but I managed to stop 10 meters before the net.

I turned back to shake the hand of my instructor, who urged me to eject, and then I saw it for the first time - no wing!

The IAF (Israeli Air Force) contacted McDonnel Douglas and asked for information about possibility to land an F-15 with one wing . MD replied that this is aerodynamically impossible, as confirmed by computer simulations... Then they received the photo....

After two months the same F-15 got a new wing and returned to action. McDonnel Douglas attributes the saving of this aircraft to the amount of lift generated by the engine intake/body and "A Hell of a good Pilot"

Posted by joke du jour at 11:14 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

December 09, 2005

Le Papillon

A very impressive animation via aAntin Animation done in an Oriental watercolor style.

papillon.jpg

Flash video below the fold. You can find the original QuickTime movie (28MB) here.

Via Drawn.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:03 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Forewarned is forearmed

From WServerNews (it used to be called W2Knews):

Major Jan 5, 2006 Sober Worm Outbreak Expected

According to iDefense, a security consulting firm owned by Verisign, on Jan. 5, 2006, there will be a substantial outbreak of the Sober worm. This will come from already infected personal computers (zombies) and from newly infected computers.

If you don't have a personal firewall, get the free Kerio Firewall now. (Link below) It works full-fledged for 30-days and then reverts to Limited Mode, but still does a lot of essential protection. Sunbelt is in the process of acquiring this code, so you can expect support in the new year.

And of course tell all your users that their AV at the house has to be up-to-date and don't open any attachments, if you don't know what they are. Be especially careful if they come from some one they know! They can download the Kerio firewall as well: http://www.wservernews.com/$WSN/051212-Kerio

Posted by joke du jour at 08:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Top 10 weirdest USB drives

Featuring a thumb drive, of course. Click the image to see the others.

usb thumb

Via A Welsh View.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

What an apt name

From Newlaunches.com:

blowfly.jpgMany sleepers experience that after they turn off the alarm clock they go on sleeping. One thing that sometimes wakes you up at night and prevents you from sleeping is the mosquito or blowfly when flying around your room.

The Blowfly alarm clock works like a Blowfly. At the desired time it flies off from it's [sic] cage and starts flying and making sound around you. The only way to stop it is to wake up catch it and put it back in the cage. It is just a design by Ena Macana which won her a third prize at the 2005 Taiwan International Design Competition.




Via Dave Barry.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Sleigh ride

The logs say people have been searching for this - and it's certainly timely given the season and the weather - so here's a link to Budweiser's romantic sleigh ride ad.

SleighRide.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 05:12 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 08, 2005

An honest spouse

A man asked his wife what she'd like as a Christmas present. "Well, Bob," his wife replied, "I think I'd like a divorce."

"Sorry, dear," the man replied, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

Posted by joke du jour at 07:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Crash different

CodeWritinFool sends a link to a hilarious rant about Macintoshes at Google video. It's a very well done clip (and much better than this screen snap would lead you to think).

CrashDifferent.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 07:10 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

More answering machine humor

I found this Marine Corps answering machine clip on a forum where someone had posted a link to the police answering machine post that appeared here last April.

They're very similar, but this one's even funnier than the police deparment one. It slams lots o' folks: the US Army, the US Navy, the US Air Force, and the US Congress.

Audio below the fold.

[Save MP3 (2 MB)]

Posted by joke du jour at 07:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Friends

artheart sends these six images with the message "Nothing replaces having a friend."

pet_friends_1.jpg

pet_friends_2.jpg

pet_friends_3.jpg

pet_friends_4.jpg

pet_friends_5.jpg

pet_friends_6.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 07:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 07, 2005

Santa's real name

The Wells family went to see the department store Santa the week before Christmas. As they were waiting in line, Dad mentioned to their son Nicholas, "You and Santa both have the same first name."

When Nicholas' turn to talk with Santa finally arrived, he said, "Do you know that you and I both have the same first name?"

"Ho, ho, ho! That's wonderful," replied Santa. "And what would you like for Christmas, Leonard?"

Posted by joke du jour at 06:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

B-29 aerobatics

Steve sends a nice video clip with the note, "Another long video - this one of a large B-29 model with a small jet under wing. The B-29 launches the jet which goes through its paces then it pulls center stage for some aerobatics."

It looks to me like the under-wing craft is rocket powered (rather than jet powered) and that the two craft are independently controlled. Watch the landing of the smaller plane.

B_29.jpg

Torch_on.jpg

Video below the fold. (Steve's right about the length: the Flash video is 9MB and the WMV file he sent is 15MB.)

WMV format. Save.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:21 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

This looks familiar...

Man Pays For Pizza With Deliveryman's Stolen Visa

POSTED: 9:31 am EST December 7, 2005
UPDATED: 9:42 am EST December 7, 2005

OSLO, Norway -- Norwegian pizza deliveryman Vegard Sjaastad saw a familiar face when a customer handed him a Visa card.

It was Sjaastad's own credit card, with his picture on the back of it.

Via WFTV.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:20 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

See a giraffe?

Keep staring at the picture and you will see a giraffe. (It may take a few seconds.)

giraffe.gif

Tip o' the hat to J.R.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 06, 2005

Hello Euro

euro_kitty.gifGold, silver euro coins with 'Hello Kitty' images to be sold
Nov. 30 TOKYO, Japan

Coin-importer Taisei Coins Corp. and Sanrio Co. said on Nov. 29 they will jointly sell three euro coins (in photo) with images of the latter's ''Hello Kitty'' character on them, beginning on Dec. 5. A 1-ounce gold coin with a face value of 50 euros will cost 168,000 yen. A quarter-ounce, 10-euro gold coin will cost 52,500 yen, and a 1.5-euro silver coin will cost 8,400 yen. Images on the coins, made by the Monnaie de Paris minting authority in France, depict ''Hello Kitty'' characters enjoying life in Paris. (Kyodo)

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The difference between men and boys

...is the price of their toys.

Check out the V-8 snowblower. The site says:

This custom unit features heated handle bars (with engine coolant), full instrumentation with monster tach, hydraulic drive wheels and a host of other gotta have blower 'Bling'.
Careful cop

Video below the fold.

Via Transterrestrial Musings.

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Biters bit

From the BBC:

CCTV staff 'spied on naked woman'
Two council workers used CCTV cameras to spy on a woman as she undressed for a bath, a court has heard.

But the men were themselves caught on a camera monitoring Sefton Council's CCTV control room, Liverpool Crown Court was told.

Kevin Judge, 42, of Crosby, Merseyside, and David Welsh, 40, of Anfield, Liverpool deny charges of voyeurism.

Mr Judge and Mr Welsh were recorded playing back the video of the woman, the court heard.

Mr Welsh denies a second charge of misconduct in public office.

Two other men have admitted offences relating to the investigation.

One man has admitted voyeurism and another misconduct in public office.

Peter Davies, prosecuting, said "These cameras were misused. Instead of focusing on streets and car parks they focused on a young lady inside her own flat, where she was in the bath..."

Via Perry de Havilland at Samizdata who comments, "If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear... Yeah, right."

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Ho, ho, ho

Dave Barry's Annual Gift Guide in the Miami Herald.

HoHoHo.jpg

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December 05, 2005

The postman's breakfast

Firing up the Wayback Machine, we have this one from 1989.

So this mailman was delivering the mail the last day before Christmas. At one of the houses on his route, a lady met him in a filmy negligee and asked, "Won't you come in for a minute?"

"Well, I don't know ma'am," the mailman replied, "I really should finish my route."

"Oh, come on in," the lady said, "I've got a little Christmas present for you." So the lady led the postman into the kitchen and said, "Here's a nice breakfast for you. Won't you sit down?"

The mailman sat down and had a great breakfast. When he finished, he got ready to go but the lady asked, "Won't you come upstairs with me for a little while before you leave?"

The mailman couldn't believe his good fortune. The lady took him up to her bedroom and they spent an hour or so getting better aquainted. Finally, the mailman rose and said, "I'm sorry, lady, but I've really got to finish my route."

"I understand," the lady said, "Let me walk you to the door." When they get to the door, the lady handed the mailman a dollar bill.

The mailman didn't quite know what to make of this, so he asked the lady, "Look, ma'am, I certainly appreciate all you've done for me - the breakfast and everything else. But why are you giving me a dollar bill?"

"Oh, that..." the lady replied. "Well, my husband and I were talking about what to give you at Christmas and my husband said, 'Screw him, give him a dollar'. But the breakfast was my idea!"

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Politically correct Christmas tale

Scott sends this clip with the comment, "Welcome to the politically correct holiday season, 2005."

Careful cop

Video below the fold.

WMV format. Save.

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What's for dinner, dear?

Want To Lose Weight? Try Sex Diet
Woman Claims 'Ultimate Sex Diet' Helps Curb Food Cravings

UPDATED: 10:03 am EST November 18, 2005
BALTIMORE -- A new diet claims to whet your appetite for a healthier lifestyle through exercise -- and boosting your love life, reported WBAL-TV in Baltimore.

Kerry McCloskey recently appeared on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" to talk about diet and exercise.

"My husband and I revved up our passion, and I lost 23 pounds in six months," she said.

McCloskey even wrote a book about it -- "The Ultimate Sex Diet" -- in which she said she simply substitutes her sweetie for food cravings. She said her husband also lost weight -- 15 pounds.

Via WFTV.

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A cut above

From the BBC

Xmashair.jpg

Via Dave Barry

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December 03, 2005

Weekend reading 8

If you have an introvert in the family -- or you are one -- you may enjoy these articles.

Caring for Your Introvert by Jonathan Rauch in The Atlantic.

Introverted youth have deep roots for behavior at Yahoo! News.

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Nanu nanu

ETI_danger_sphere.jpg




CodeWritinFool writes, "It's tinfoil hat time. This SETI Hacker guy is serious."

People had a big time with this one at slashdot last Monday (11/28).








And in related news...
Former Canadian Minister Of Defence Asks Canadian Parliament Asked To Hold Hearings On Relations With Alien "ET" Civilizations
Thu Nov 24, 7:00 AM ET

(PRWEB) - OTTAWA, CANADA (PRWEB) November 24, 2005 -- A former Canadian Minister of Defence and Deputy Prime Minister under Pierre Trudeau has joined forces with three Non-governmental organizations to ask the Parliament of Canada to hold public hearings on Exopolitics -- relations with “ETs.”

By “ETs,” Mr. Hellyer and these organizations mean ethical, advanced extraterrestrial civilizations that may now be visiting Earth.

On September 25, 2005, in a startling speech at the University of Toronto that caught the attention of mainstream newspapers and magazines, Paul Hellyer, Canada’s Defence Minister from 1963-67 under Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Prime Minister Lester Pearson, publicly stated: "UFOs, are as real as the airplanes that fly over your head."

Mr. Hellyer went on to say, "I'm so concerned about what the consequences might be of starting an intergalactic war, that I just think I had to say something."

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December 02, 2005

It's a set-up

Jack Dempsey was world heavyweight boxing champ from 1919 to 1926. Gene Tunney was heavyweight champ 1926-28.

When Dempsey was training for his first fight with Gene Tunney, he sent a spy to watch Tunney work out and pick up tips on his opponent's style. The spy returned in great good humor to make his report.

"It's a set-up," he said. "I seen the lug readin' a book."

From The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes.

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Lovecraft and Legos

The dreamer has awoken...

Cthulu by Ego

The original QuickTime version of this movie comes from http://www.mrtangent.com/video/CTHULEGO.mov (3.7 MB).

Flash video (0.8 MB) below the fold.

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Choosing a wife

As the story opens, our hero has decided he's ready to get married. But he's having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. So he decides to give each woman a present of $5,000 and see what she does with the money.

The first woman goes the total make-over route. She goes to a fancy beauty salon and gets her hair done, she gets new make-up and she buys several smart new outfits so she'll be nicely turned out for our man. She tells him that she's done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

Our hero is impressed.

The second woman goes shopping for gifts with the money. She buys our man a new set of golf clubs and some new gizmos for his computer and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the dude is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She multiplies the $5,000 several times. She gives him back his $5000 and puts the remainder in a joint investment account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, he can't help but be very impressed.

Now our hero has a quandary: each of the women has done something with his money that pleased him. So he thought long and hard about what each woman had done and what it meant in terms of a shared future.

Then, of course, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

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AIDS day

AIDS Day
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina -- The traditional obelisk in downtown Buenos Aires, Argentina, is covered with a giant condom, Thursday, Dec. 1, 2005 to mark this year's World AIDS Day with campaigns for HIV/AIDS prevention. (12/02/05 AP photo)

Via WFTV.

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December 01, 2005

Ask the man who knows

A reknowned sociology professor was delivering his long-awaited lecture on sexology. After listing the causes and treatments of several of the more prevelant sexual dysfunctions, he then proceeded to a new topic. "Now," he said, "as you all know, there are exactly 193 positions in which a healthy human couple may successfully copulate..." But before he could complete the sentence, a shocked Frenchman in the back of the auditorium stood up and declared, "Monsieur! I must protest! There are 194 positions!"

"My good man," said the professor, "there has been careful and deliberate consideration on this topic, and the resounding conclusion is that there are 193 positions. No more, no fewer."

"No, monsieur," the Frenchman insisted, "I am a man of France. A lover. All lovers know that there are 194 sexual positions. No more, no fewer."

"Well," said the professor, eager to get on with his lecture, "let's have the class decide. I will list the 193 that I know, and if you can add to that list, we shall know that you are right and I am wrong. Agreed?"

"Tres bien," the Frenchman agreed.

"Right then," said the professor. "Let's start with the boring old missionary position..." And the professor started to describe the missionary position.

At that point the Frenchman's eyes bugged out in amazement and he immediately stood up, waving his arms in the air. "Mon Dieu!" he shouted, "Make that 195!"

- Mark Bell (via rec.humor.funny)

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DWI dance

Carol sends this funny clip of a DWI bust. It's been around a while, but it's worth a reprise. (I've always suspected this one was staged for the camera.)

DWI dance

Video below the fold.

[WMV format. Save.]

Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Random Chuck Norris facts

Keith sends this link to Chuck Norris Facts and adds, "Chuck Norris is my hero..."

Here are a couple of the "facts" I liked:

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:00 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Scenic images

Here's a view of the Copacabana beach in Rio (via Yahoo News/AP):

Copa_beach_Rio.jpg

And Scott sent this nice shot of the CNN CN Tower:

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