February 28, 2006
Good day at Broken Bow
Four pop-ups of a monster alligator gar (8' 10" - 327 lbs) that was caught in Oklahoma last spring.
Here's a video clip (WMV) of the fish being landed.
It's too cheap?
At this point, it seems safe to say that state governments just like to fine gasoline companies for whatever...
Gas Station Chain Fined For Selling Gas Too Cheaply
POSTED: 11:59 am EST February 27, 2006
ST. PAUL, Minn. -- The Minnesota Department of Commerce plans to fine a gas station chain for repeatedly selling gas below the state's legal minimum price.
The agency said it's fining Midwest Oil $140,000 for breaking a state formula based on wholesale prices, fees and taxes to determine a daily floor for gas prices.
My kind o' brewery
I wonder if anyone imports this brand?
Video below the fold - and hat tip to Rob.
[WMV format. Save.]
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible. And I believed them!
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
When the problem you have looks like a nail, every tool begins to look like a hammer.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Is there another word for synonym?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
February 27, 2006
What an opener
Rob sends this excellent example of what can only be called a cork screw.
Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
The MoOM Annex has been around for a while but I just learned of it; it's chock full o' links to sites featuring images of vintage this-n-that. For example, here's a link to the Vintage Calculator Gallery that I figure B.K. might like.
The image below comes from the site and shows (part of?) a stove burner colleciton.
Steve R sends a PowerPoint collection of aviation mishap images. Here's one of 20:
And here's the whole thing (1.4MB).
February 24, 2006
Weekend reading 11
Eric Raymond ("ESR") is best known for his technical activities in the networking and software arenas. But he writes a fair bit of political analysis now & again, including this essay called Gramscian damage, which appeared on his blog a couple of weeks ago. It's about how poorly the U.S. understands ideological warfare.
Here's a snippet, but of course you should RTWT.
The Soviets had an entire “active measures” department devoted to churning out anti-American dezinformatsiya. A classic example is the rumor that AIDS was the result of research aimed at building a ‘race bomb’ that would selectively kill black people.
On a different level, in the 1930s members of CPUSA (the Communist Party of the USA) got instructions from Moscow to promote non-representational art so that the US’s public spaces would become arid and ugly.
Americans hearing that last one tend to laugh. But the Soviets, following the lead of Marxist theoreticians like Antonio Gramsci, took very seriously the idea that by blighting the U.S.’s intellectual and esthetic life, they could sap Americans’ will to resist Communist ideology and an eventual Communist takeover. The explicit goal was to erode the confidence of America’s ruling class and create an ideological vacuum to be filled by Marxism-Leninism.
Via a post titled Is the Cold War over yet? at Classical Values. (I'd recommend reading this one too.)
J.R. forwards six images of trucks decorated with trompe l'oeil murals, like the one shown below. These have been making the e-mail rounds for awhile now and Snopes has the full story on them.
They were part of the Rhino Rolling Ad Award '05 competition in Germany. If you visit the Rhino site, you'll see 42 other images like this one.
Alternate names for Brokeback Mountain
As you might imagine, most of these are in questionable taste and not very politically correct.
LITTLE BATHHOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
PRANCES WITH WOLVES
THE PLEASURE OF THE SIERRA, PADRE
DANCES WITH MEN
BUTCH ASSIDY AND THE BUNDANCE KID
THE MAN WHO SHOT ALL OVER LIBERTY VALANCE
PAINT YOUR FAG ON
HOW THE WEST WAS HUNG
THE WILD BRUNCH
THE LEGEND OF THE LONG RANGER
DOC'S HOLIDAY WITH BILLY THE KID
VERY RAW HIDE
THE HOARSE SOLDIERS
MCCABE AND MR. MILLER
A FISTFUL OF NED
HI, PLAINS DRIFTER!
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN INCHES
QUICKLY DOWN UNDER
DON'T MESS WITH TEX' ASS
HOME ON THE RANGER
BALONEY PONY RODEO
TRUE, HE GRITS
Improve your English
A funny ad from Berlitz in the Flash clip below the fold.
February 23, 2006
Stand up for Denmark!
Christopher Hitchens wrote an editorial for Slate with that title this week. He closed with a call for people to join in him in a gathering at the Danish Embassy in Washington. Here's the upshot:
Update, Feb. 22: Thank you all who've written. Please be outside the Embassy of Denmark, 3200 Whitehaven Street (off Massachusetts Avenue) between noon and 1 p.m. this Friday, Feb. 24. Quietness and calm are the necessities, plus cheerful conversation. Danish flags are good, or posters reading "Stand By Denmark" and any variation on this theme (such as "Buy Carlsberg/ Havarti/ Lego") The response has been astonishing and I know that the Danes are appreciative. But they are an embassy and thus do not of course endorse or comment on any demonstration. Let us hope, however, to set a precedent for other cities and countries. Please pass on this message to friends and colleagues.
So, if you're going to be in Washington, DC, stop by and wish them well.
The Sukoi is a Russian-made plane. Lou writes, "Comments from 2 of the pilots in the original e-mail thread who forwarded this on to me."
"I think this is more a triumph of active controls than superior aerodynamic design. This thing is tumbling more than flying."
"This guy does things which are beyond my scope of recognition. Fixed wing aircraft are not supposed to be able to do some of the things you will see here. Imagine trying to stay on the tail of this airplane in a dog fight."
In this image, the plane is oriented perpendicular to its direction of travel; that is, it's flying belly-forward at this point.
Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
Why men may have 2 dogs, but never 2 wives:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs know that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
7. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
8. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
9. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
10. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
11. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
12. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
13. If a dog smells another dog on you, it doesn't get mad. It just thinks it's interesting.
14. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And, last but not least:
15. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.
Always blame the dog
One last Cheney joke, courtesy of my sister.
There was a nun doing charity work in a large metropolitan hospital. As she was walking by the nursery, she encountered a man looking through the window at a newborn.
"Is that your child?" said the nun.
"Why, yes it is, Sister. She was born this morning," said the man.
"Are you Catholic, young man?"
"How many children do you have?"
"This is our twelfth child. We are hoping for more."
"Your twelfth child! How magnificent. God has truly blessed you. I shall remember you in my prayers."
"Thank you, Sister," said the man.
Later that same day, the nun encountered another man at the nursery window.
"Is that your child, young man?"
"Yes, Sister, it is. I am very proud of her."
"Are you Catholic, young man?"
"No, Sister, I am not."
"How many children do you have?"
"This is our ninth child."
The nun gasped, "Sex maniac!"
February 22, 2006
The Falkirk Wheel, in Scotland. This image comes from Wikipedia.
Light Blue Optics
Laser Projectors Coming to Cell Phones and PDAs
Light Blue Optics Demonstrates Matchbox-sized PVPro™ Projector Evaluation Kit
Light Blue Optics Ltd (LBO) has developed a revolutionary technology for miniature laser projectors dubbed PVPro™. Today they announced their latest demonstrator unit, which is only 3.78 cubic inches in volume, and is similar in size and shape to a typical matchbox.
This guy is a skydivin' fool. For that matter, counting the pilot and video guys, there appear to be more maniacs involved in this stunt than I'd care to meet in one group. Click the image to see the clip.
A skydiver jumps out of one small plane, into a second one and then jumps from the second to the ground. (How'd you like to try this one, Hungo?)
Via A Welsh View.
A successful son
One Sunday, while counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.00. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.
This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1000 a week in the collection plate." he stated.
"Why, yes," she replied. "Every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
"$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son must be very successful. What does he do for a living?"
"He's a veterinarian," she answered.
"That's an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
February 21, 2006
World Press Photo Contest
OK, here we have a bona fide set of "Photos of the Year." It comes from the World Press Photo Contest. This image below is of a commemoration ceremony for last year's tsunami victims.
Via Club for Growth blog.
No matter what else happens, fly the airplane. Forget all that stuff about thrust and drag, lift and gravity; an airplane flies because of money.
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
If you're ever faced with a forced landing at night, turn on the landing lights to see the landing area. If you don't like what you see, turn 'em back off.
A check ride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life - altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky!
Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands.
Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
"Unskilled" pilots are always found in the wreckage with their hand around the microphone.
If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger; if you pull the stick back, they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back-then they get bigger again.)
Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. Landing is the first!
Everyone already knows the definition of a 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a 'great' landing. It's one after which you can use the airplane another time.
The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
IFR: I Follow Roads.
You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down -- all of them trying to become random in motion.
Helicopters can't really fly -- they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.
Pilots believe in clean living. They never drink whiskey from a dirty glass.
Things that do you no good in aviation: Altitude above you; runway behind you; fuel in the truck; half a second ago; approach plates in the car; the airspeed you don't have.
If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a corpse.
Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a tree what it thinks about dogs.
Trust your captain but keep your seat belt securely fastened.
An airplane may disappoint a good pilot, but it won't surprise him.
A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
The morning after
If I were selling beer, I don't think this is the way I'd advertise it - but this is pretty funny.
Video below the fold. (Tip o' the hat to multiple sources.)
[WMV format. Save.]
Minister Buys Lap Dances To Tell Strippers About God
Ex-Stripper Founded J.C.'s Girls Girls Girls
POSTED: 6:34 am EST February 21, 2006
RIVERSIDE, Calif. -- Ex-stripper Heather Veitch still goes to topless clubs -- but she's not looking for work.
She's looking for converts. The Southern California woman is spreading her evangelical message among an unlikely flock: strippers and sex workers.
Vietch, a 31-year-old married mother of two, is a co-founder of her own ministry, J.C.'s Girls Girls Girls. Veitch even pays for lap dances, so she can talk to the strippers about God.
February 20, 2006
Hojyo Takashi posts images of his origami here. This is just one of many impressive pieces.
Partners in a farm
A farmer buys an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are overgrown with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.
During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!"
A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. And he sees it's a completely different place: the farm house is completely repaired and repainted; there's a herd of cattle and some other livestock happily munching on feed; the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!"
"Yes, reverend," says the farmer. "But remember what the farm was like when God was working it by himself!"
A drastic diet
His name is Gary Long and he has a web site about his planned journey at A fat man walking.
Photo: Robert Cohen/P-D
Larry at Home Depot
Here's Larry the cable guy on Leno's Tonight Show, doing a little scatological shtick.
Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
February 18, 2006
Weekend reading 10
My sister, who works at Caterpillar, sent me this article from Forbes.com. It's pretty interesting, especially in light of the reports about General Motors' financial woes.
Caterpillar confronted the same labor costs and Asian competition that the auto companies did. But Cat is doing just fine. Why?
A midwest manufacturing company, fat and lazy, heavily unionized, suddenly faces foreign competition. You know the ending: massive layoffs, closed factories, consolidation, rumblings of bankruptcy. That's the familiar story of General Motors, Ford and lots of other big manufacturers over the last 20 or 30 years.
And then there's Caterpillar in Peoria, Illinois, as Rust Belt as one can get, making those big yellow earthmoving machines and the engines that power 18-wheelers, hospitals and container ships. Profit last year rose 40%, to $2.9 billion, on a 20% gain in revenue, to $36.3 billion. This year the company should haul in $40 billion, half from abroad, says Chief Executive Jim W. Owens. No layoffs are in sight. Caterpillar's workforce has climbed 23%, to 85,000, in the last two years. You'll have to wait 12 months to get your hands on one of its mining dump trucks, the ones that can hold up to 400 tons of ore. No wait for the Ford Freestyle. Cat shares have more than tripled in the last five years while the S&P500 has declined 6.3%.
This guy should be teaching economics
School Says Kids Paid Teacher Cash To Skip Gym
POSTED: 2:46 pm EST February 16, 2006
UPDATED: 3:19 pm EST February 16, 2006
PENSACOLA, Fla. -- A gym teacher at a Florida middle school may have found an unusual way to supplement his income.
Officials in Pensacola said he let kids skip his class if they paid him $1 a day.
Authorities said Terence Braxton took the payments between September and December, and that he may have collected thousands of dollars.
They seem to be going around this week.
Here's a snippet from Cafe Hayek about The GOP Budget:
Why do self-styled "progressives" hate Bush II so intensely? It can't be because he's not feeding the state that these 'progressives' so cherish and trust. Why do so many conservatives admire Bush II? It can't be because of his commitment to smaller government. He clearly has no such commitment.
If the period from November 1994 through now doesn't convince you that politics is driven overwhelmingly by special-interest groups in league with unprincipled, power-lusting politicians, you're a hopeless romantic -- or, worse: you're willfully blind.
And the Coyote claims the apparent demise of the Separation of Powers in government has him depressed.
The separation of powers concept, so fundamental in our Constitution to checking government power grabs, seems to be on life support. The reason I say this is that for separation of powers to work, each branch of the government has to, you know, actually monitor and try to check power grabs in other branches. What I see today are three branches that have kind of reached some sort of peace treaty, agreeing to let the others run amok as long as it is allowed to do so itself. To support this hypothesis, I make the following observations:
The Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City. Women may go there to pick out husbands. At the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men improve as the shopper ascends from floor to floor. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, one woman goes to the Husband Store in search of Mr. Right.
On the first floor the sign on the door read: Floor 1 These men have jobs.
The second floor sign read: Floor 2 These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign read: Floor 3 These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but she feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 4 These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, my goodness!" she exclaims, "This seems to good to be true." Still, she goes to the fifth floor.
That sign reads: Floor 5 These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She's very tempted to stay, but she goes on to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor and it exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for visiting the Husband Store.
February 17, 2006
Brief history of an atomic blast
Several photos of an atomic test made in Nevada.
Photos of the First Few Microseconds of an Atomic Blast
Courtesy of Harold Edgerton (photographer)
Ever wondered what an atomic blast looks like before it obliterates everything around it? Before the smoke, the mushroom cloud, the devastation, it's really quite amazing to see the first few fractions of an atomic bomb upon detonation.
Edgerton built a special lens 10 feet long for his camera which was set up in a bunker 7 miles from the source of the blast which was triggered Nevada - the bomb placed atop a steel gantry anchored to the desert floor by guide wires. The exposures are at 1/100,000,000ths of a second.
Lou wants to know: Who says men don't remember anniversaries?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband isn't in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She Watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
Her husband looks up from his coffee and asks, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to think that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes I do," she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that, too," she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today!"
Not a very good video clip, but pretty good slap-stick
Video below the fold.
[ASF format. Save.]
Back in the USSR
It seems that once upon a time Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev were all traveling together on this train from Moscow to Vladivostok when the engines stuttered and the train came grinding to a halt.
Two hours later, nothing more had happened and the train was still stopped. Stalin got up. "I'll take care of this." He went out and had all of the engineers and train-workers shot. He came back into the compartment and sat back down. "That should take care of it."
Two more hours passed; the train still had not moved. Khrushchev got up. "I'll take care of this." He went out, found a few engineers hiding in the rear of the train, and managed to persuade them to start working on the train again. He came back into the compartment and sat down. "That should take care of it."
Ten minutes later there was this loud groaning noise from the engines; the train lurched forward and then came to a halt a few moments later.
Nothing more happened for about an hour. Then Brezhnev got up, drew the blinds, and sat down. "Now," he said. "Train is moving."
February 16, 2006
Steve F sends this image. I know there are at least a couple of serious Maxine fans out there.
A pipe burst in the doctor's house, so he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did his mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and then he handed the doctor a bill for $600.
"This is ridiculous!" the doctor exclaimed. "I'm a doctor and I don't even make that much!"
The plumber waited for him to finish and then quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."
Here's a very interesting site where you can control one of four trains on a model railroad. Nice piece of work.
Via A Welsh View.
This one's so old, it comes from "way back before A" as they say. Nonetheless, there are some pretty snappy come-backs in it, so it's worth a reprise.
If you remember The original Hollywood Squares and its comedians, this will bring tears to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull as they are now! Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question, Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?
A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
February 15, 2006
This guy walked out of a 7-11 with a six pack in a brown paper sack. He walked between two cars and when he did, the bag lightly touched one of them. As it turned out, another guy and his girlfriend were sitting in that car and the boyfriend got out of the car and started bitching at the beer guy for scratching his car. So the beer guy apologized - but the boyfriend kept on ranting.
After a while, the beer guy said, "If it'll make you feel any better, go over and kick a few dents in my truck" and he pointed to a beat-up pickup truck across the parking lot. So the boyfriend went over and started kicking the door of the truck in when a third guy walked out of the store and screamed, "What are you doing to my truck?"
The boyfriend said, "That guy over there told me that this was his truck!" When he turned around to look at the beer guy, he saw the guy driving off in his car.
For many reasons
A.E. sends a pretty hilarious ad for Durex condoms.
Video below the fold.
[MPEG format - 22MB. Save.]
What's in a blot
A man goes to see a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatrist suggests they begin with a Rorschach test. He holds up the first image and asks the man what he sees. "A man and a woman making love in a park," the man replies.
The psychiatrist holds up the second image and asks the man what he sees. "A man and a woman making love in a boat."
He holds up the third image. "A man and a woman making love at the beach."
This goes on for the rest of the set, with the man saying he sees a man and a woman making love in every one of the images. At the end of the test, the psychiatrist looks over his notes and says, "It looks like you have a preoccupation with sex."
And the man replies, "Me? You're the one with the dirty pictures!"
Steve F sends this animated GIF with the comment "Watch closely."
February 14, 2006
24th Century Interior Design
...bites the dust.
Tony Alleyne, an English Trekkie who was trying to build an interior design business based on the television series Star Trek: Voyager, has declared bankruptcy. He evidently owes £100,000 ($175,000) on 14 credit cards.
He redecorated his apartment as a showcase for his 24CID business and here's one of many images you can find at his site (while it's still running).
Hunting for humor
A pair of jokes about V.P. Cheney's hunting mishap. SteveR sends:
Roses are Red,
Chocolates are Brown.
Look! It's Dick Cheney.
And Jeff told me today about a new bumper sticker:
I'd rather be hunting with Dick Cheney
than riding with Ted Kennedy.
Update: Here's a graphic, courtesy of Professor Bainbridge:
Caller ID blues
I found it a little curious that these two Flash clips about caller ID problems arrived within 12 hours of each other.
A.E. sends this first one, which appears at the Huffington Post.
And Rob sends a link to the second one, hosted by the ACLU. (It's been around a few years now.)
What Congressmen mean by "ethics" is best illustrated by the tailor's story:
Suppose I sell a suit to a young man for $200. He tells me that his family is footing the bill and that if I give him a receipt for $400 to give to his parents, he will pay me $100 on the side. The ethics question is: Do I keep the extra $100 for myself or do I tell my partner and split it with him?
February 13, 2006
Menton is a town on the French Riviera, very close to Italy. Its annual Fête du Citron (Lemon Festival) features large-scale objects made from lemons, oranges, grapefruit and limes -- such as the castle below, which appears to be 7-8 meters tall at its peak.
This image above comes from a slidedhow (HTML) at the site. And there are photo galleries of past festivals from 2000 to 2005.
Happy Valentine's Day
"Heartwarming," says Marty.
Little Melissa came home from first grade and told her father that they had learned the history of Valentine's Day at schoold.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asked, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thought a bit and said, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama bin Laden."
"Why Osama?" her father asked in shock.
"Well," she said, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
"And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone more. And then he'd start to tell everyone he didn’t hate us anymore."
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa said. "And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines can blow his ass away."
RC jet crash
A pretty spectacular crash when this fast-moving radio-controlled jet goes down.
Video below the fold.
[MOV format - 22MB. Save.]
What a ride
A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover a fire at Yellowstone National Park. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the fire fighters as they battled the blaze.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport where a plane would be waiting for him.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm a photographer," he responded, stating the obvious very slowly. "And photographers take photographs."
The pilot was silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, "You mean... You're not the flight instructor?"
February 10, 2006
A clever ad from Pepsi featuring Man's Best Friend.
Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
His latest project
[Thomas] Edison found formal dinners extremely tedious. On one occasion, the company was so dull that the inventor made up his mind to escape to his laboratory at the earliest opportunity. Unfortunately, his host accosted him as he hovered near the door. "It certainly is a delight to see you Mr. Edison," he said. "What are you working on now?"
"My exit," replied Edison.
The Astronomy Picture of the Day for February 3.
Thought for the day
I lifted practically all of Jane Galt's post titled Capitalistic Thought for the Day and pasted it below so you wouldn't be able to avoid Reading The Whole Thing. This quote comes from Capitalism: The Movie, an article in The Atlantic Online by Clive Crook (subscription req'd).
Capitalism is prey to excesses, self-evidently, and it creates, or leaves unattended, a host of problems that decent societies must address by other means. Even so, the prevailing culture of suspicion and disappointment is at odds with the facts. Mainly, what is missing is awe. Premodern scholars (Karl Marx is an exception) could scarcely have imagined the material advance that capitalism has delivered. Certainly Adam Smith never dreamed that his "invisible hand" would arrange things so well.
In the late 1980s, as Mikhail Gorbachev embarked on his perestroika program of economic reform, Soviet officials were sent abroad to see how things were done in the West. One visited London's main vegetable market. He asked how the market was organized, and how prices were set. He was told that the individual traders bought whatever quantities they wished, and set their own prices, and that these fluctuated throughout the day as the balance of supply and demand changed. At this, the Soviet visitor laughed. He said he understood that this was the official line--but, please, how did the market really set prices?
That, in fact, was the reaction of an intelligent man. It is fantastically improbable that markets work, at scale, as well as they do. It is astonishing that in an economy of Americ's size--to say nothing of the world economy as a whole--a limitless variety of goods and services is continuously offered at prices people are willing to pay, without persistent gluts or shortages, entirely without central direction. That the system also calls forth an endless flow of innovation and improvement is a miracle. The man from Moscow was right to be incredulous.
I had read the story about the Russian official in London at another site recently and was reminded of Larry Kudlow's apothegm: You either believe in markets or you believe in government.
February 09, 2006
More hot map action
Here's an interesting map-based real estate valuation service at zillow.com. The example in the image below is for a neighborhood a few miles from mine.
I checked zillow for three places that I have a pretty fair idea of value for. On two of them, it came pretty close to my estimates; on the 3rd it was way high. So if it gives you a huge price for your house, don't regard it as money in the bank.
What the lady said...
Teen Boy Saves Life Of Nurse Who Once Saved His Life
POSTED: 11:43 am EST February 6, 2006
BUFFALO, N.Y. -- A teenager recently got the chance to thank the woman who saved his life -- by saving hers.
The 17-year-old successfully performed the Heimlich maneuver on the choking woman in the restaurant where he was washing dishes. Then his mother recognized the woman as the nurse who performed CPR on him in 1999 after he was struck in the chest by a baseball bat.
More than a week after the Jan. 27 incident, Kevin Stephan and Penny Brown are still surprised by the coincidence.
"It was meant to happen," said Stephan, now a volunteer firefighter. "I'm Catholic, and I believe the Lord kind of set things up."
As for Brown, she says, "One good turn deserves another."
The intensive-care nurse at Buffalo General Hospital says she can't think too much about the situation "without being freaked" by it.
On Saturday, the two met again at the Bowmansville Fire Hall where Stephan is a junior firefighter. He presented her with a bouquet of flowers, and his parents were also there to greet Brown.
Rob says, "Some old, more new. Worth a gander." (Many are pop-ups.)
Better than ham
A bishop and a rabbi were sharing a train compartment. After a while, the two men start relating some of their past life experiences to one another. Then the bishop asked, "Tell me, rabbi, have you ever actually tasted ham?"
"Well, yes, I have," said the rabbi. "Once when I was very young and daring, I tried it. But only that once..." After a short pause, the rabbi asked, "So tell me, bishop, have you ever enjoyed the, um, comforts of a young woman?"
"Well, ahem, yes.. But that was before I took my vows, mind you."
After another short pause, the rabbi commented, "Beats the heck out ham, doesn't it?"
Cool that fire
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM
February 08, 2006
SteveR sends this series of 9 images (all pop-ups) of a fire on a UPS aircraft at Philadephia International. This message accompanied the images.
It is very early in the process, but in an attempt to disseminate information and dampen down rumors:
This evening a DC-8 while on approach into PHL had a lower fire/smoke warning with smoke in the cockpit. Prior to landing they also received a main cargo fire warning. While on oxygen the crew landed the aircraft and accomplished an emergency evacuation. The crew was taken to a local hospital and we expect them to be in a hotel within a few hours.
Initial reports are that the fire was uncontained and there may be severe damage to the aircraft, up to and including a complete hull loss.
Again, the crew is safe and this is extremely preliminary information.
As more info becomes available we will let you know.
Michael Moody Jr
Chairman IPA Safety Committee
The Pope visits Alaska
His Holiness took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska and do a little sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, and a "Bush Lied" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.
As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the cab.
As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," the other replied. "He's in direct contact with God and has access to all God's wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all God's wisdom but he sure doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, how's the bait holding up? Do we need to go back to town and snatch another one?"
This amusing message box is one of many in a post at TheDailyWtf.com (which we've visited before, IIRC). There are lots more - check 'em out.
Dave sends this updated oldie.
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind Peter. So he asked, "What's with all the clocks?"
"Those are lie clocks," St. Peter answered. Everyone on earth has a one. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man. "Well, whose clock is that one?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Honest Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in God's office - they're using it as a ceiling fan."
February 07, 2006
Lou sends this picture with the comment, "Pure speculation, but I think somebody came home early."
An man living in Pennsylvania had a yen for golf one February; he felt he just couldn't take winter any longer. So he said to his new, young wife one evening, "Honey, next Friday we're going to Hilton Head for the weekend. We'll get a condo on the golf course and I'm going to play golf all weekend."
"That sounds fine," she purred. So the next Saturday at 6 AM, the guy was on the course all alone. After playing two holes, he noticed a man carrying a golf bag walking toward him across a fairway. So he waited for the other man, who came up and asked, "Mind if I play along?"
"Fine," said the first guy. "Glad to have the company."
All went well for a couple of holes, until they reached the sixth green. When the new fellow laid down his clubs, the cover came off one of them. And it wasn't a club at all - it was a high-powered rifle.
"Whoa," the first guy said. "That's quite a rifle!"
"Look," said the second man. "I'm not out to cause any trouble. If you want me to leave, I will. No hard feelings."
"No, no... I'm just curious why you have a high-powered rifle in your bag."
The man pondered for a moment and then said, "Well, I'll tell you... It's my business. It's what I do for a living - and I don't want to leave it anywhere unattended."
"Wow," said the first guy. "I've heard about guys like you, but I've never met one before."
"Still want me to play along?" said the second.
"Sure," said the first. "As a matter of fact, I do a little hunting myself. Would you mind if I looked at it?"
So the man showed him the rifle. It was beautiful - an inlaid Weatherby with a huge powerful scope mounted on it. The first guy picked it up, looked through the scope and said, "Gee, I can see the window of my condo with this thing. Matter of fact, there's my wife..." He lowered the gun for a moment and added, "She doesn't have any clothes on."
He looked through the scope again. "Damn, there's a guy with her!" The first guy lowered the rifle and looked at the second. "How much do you charge?"
"$10,000 a bullet."
The first man thought for a moment and then said, "Do it."
"That's $20,000, you know."
"I don't care. Hit 'em both."
The hit man took two cartridges from his bag and loaded the rifle. "Where do you want me to get the man?"
"You know where to hit him."
"How about the woman?"
"In the mouth. She's always flapping her gums anyway."
"OK," said the hit man as he raised the rifle. Taking careful aim, he clicked off the safety. Then he paused and chuckled. "Mister, I think I'm about to save you ten thousand dollars."
Carol the cat fancier sends this amusing clip with the comment, "Notice that the cat is giving the orders!"
Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
Word for the day
From Best of the Web Today:
We'll Take That as a 'Yes'
"They want to test our feelings. They want to know whether Muslims are extremists or not. Death to them and to their newspapers." -- "protester" Mawli Abdul Qahar Abu Israra in Afghanistan, quoted by the BBC, Feb. 6
The most balanced take on the Cartoon Riots that I've seen comes from Kim du Toit.
February 06, 2006
Along the autobahn
Advantages of driving in Germany:
1) Cars are in much better condition because of tough inspections
2) Licenses are much harder to get, with much better driver training
3) The autobahn speed limit is "whatever's safe" up to 155 mph
Disadvantages of driving in Germany:
1) When you fly off the road at 120+ mph, you find out why oak was once used as armor on ships
Both ends pay the middle
CodeWritinFool sends a link to this post at the NetworkingPipeline blog with the comment, "This is a dumb idea."
AT&T: "Free Ride" For Google And Others Is Over
AT&T's CEO Ed Whitacre is once again crowing about his company's plans to extort money from Google and other Web sites who want to be able to reach AT&T customers. "The content providers should be paying for the use of the network," he told the Financial Times, and added that they shouldn't "expect a free ride."
AT&T, SBC, Verizon, and others have been busy touting their Soprano-like business model, in which they charge consumers who want to get broadband access, and then extort money from big Web sites if those sites want to be able to reach consumers.
I think the blog post oversimplifies a little.
A month ago, I'd never heard of this sand drawing stuff - and now J.R. sends another video clip of it. It's much like the one posted on Jan. 2 this year.
If you like this stuff, you can find four other clips at Ms. Yahav's site. Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
Body Part Scandal In New York Expected To Spawn Lots Of Lawsuits
POSTED: 3:28 pm EST January 24, 2006
NEW YORK -- Patricia Battisti had thought her back surgery in early 2005 was routine. A letter from her hospital nearly a year later made it clear she was wrong.
Battisti was informed that the cadaver bone that was implanted in her back may have been infected with various viruses -- the result of what investigators say was a large-scale scheme in which corpses were cut up and body parts illegally sold.
The Long Island woman now claims she contracted syphilis from the bone and plans to sue. The hospital adamantly denies the allegation. But the case may be an early warning that the gruesome body parts scandal is going to lead to a lot of lawsuits.
February 03, 2006
More map apps
Here are a couple of more apps based on mapping (mostly Google's).
This first one is "A UK service called World Tracker apparently uses cell tower data (or GPS, when available) to track the location of just about any GSM cellphone." (GSM is the European standard for cellular. The US uses mostly CDMA.)
The second is a Flash-based version of Google Earth called (surprise!) Flash Earth. It apparently works with MSN VE as well with Google Maps:
You can't make this stuff up
Evidently it's OK to edit headlines while under the influence too. That's the way it appeared on the WFTV site.
State OKs Drunken Bicycling, Horseback Ridding
POSTED: 10:30 am EST February 2, 2006
PIERRE, S.D. -- State lawmakers decided Wednesday that it's better to have drunks on horses and bicycles instead of behind the wheel of a car.
The state Senate Judiciary Committee approved a bill 6-1 that will exempt horses and bikes from drunken driving laws, meaning intoxicated people who either pedal or saddle up to get home cannot be arrested for drunken driving.
While I think it's silly to prosecute people for riding bicycles or horses while they're intoxicated, this quote from the article just makes me laugh:
A former lawman, Sen. Gene Abdallah, agreed.
"I can't believe that a horse is going to intentionally run into anything," Abdallah said. "This is a good avenue to get some people home."
Yeah, right, Gene. The first thing a guy will think when he stumbles out of a bar is, "Wow, I'm too drunk to drive... I better ride ol' Paint instead. Now, where'd that critter get to?"
Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
Hell is frozen
This one's been around forever but someone added a couple of nice touches to its punchline.
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and the pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and we take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct. Leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being. Which explains why last night Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"
This student received the only A.
This is pretty funny
It's pretty amusing what some careful editing will do.
You can find this clip in Flash player form here or in Quicktime form at ChocolateCakeCity, where it originated. The server at the ChocolateCakeCity site is either very anemic or completely overwhelmed - it was glacially slow when I tried it.
February 02, 2006
Drive crash remix
Gizmodo announced the winner of its Hard Drive Dying Dance Track contest this week.
James Postlethwaite was the lucky winner with this 2-minute track made entirely from (resampled) hard drive noises. It's actually a very impressive result - check it out. And see the Gizmodo page for runners-up.
Best sign ever in a store
Biofuel from algae?
I've never heard of this source before, but it reports on a recent article that appeared in the Christian Science Monitor. Mr. Berzin is a scientist at MIT, according to the CSM article. If anyone knows about this stuff, leave a comment and fill us in. (Whadaya think, Rob?)
Turning Emissions Into Fuel With Algae
Isaac Berzin has developed a method of capturing CO2 from smokestack emissions using algae, and turning the result into biofuels including biodiesel, ethanol, and even a bio-coal substitute. His process, based on technology he developed for NASA in the late 1990s, captures more than 40% of emitted CO2 (on sunny days, up to 80%) along with over 80% of NOx emissions; in turn, it produces biodiesel at rates-per-acre that could make a full conversion to biofuel for transportation readily achievable. Berzin's company, Greenfuel, has multiple test installations underway, and expects to have a full-scale plant up and running by 2008 or 2009.
A single acre of algae ponds can produce 15,000 gallons of biodiesel -- in comparison, an acre of soybeans produces up to 50 gallons of biodiesel per acre, an acre of jatropha produces up to 200 gallons per acre, coconuts produce just under 300 gallons per acre, and palm oil -- currently the best non-algal source -- produces up to 650 gallons of biodiesel per acre. That is to say, algae is 25 times better a source for biodiesel than palm oil, and 300 times better than soy.
Carol sends a PowerPoint slide show titled "Pictures of the Year." I'm not sure which year is meant, since the images appear to span several years. But that quibble aside, it's a nice collection of 61 images that ranges all over the map.
Click the image to view or to save. It may take awhile: the file's 3.5MB.
February 01, 2006
When galaxies collide
This is an interactive Java applet which allows you to model galaxy collisions on your own computer. With this applet you can study how galaxies collide and merge gravitationally and how the effects of the collision depend on the properties of the galaxies. You can also recreate collisions between real interacting galaxies observed in the sky.
...is a Flash animation which won the Grand Prize in Intel's Indies Film Contest. It was made by Nick Worthey and is extremely clever in addtion to being an excellent animation. Click the image to view the clip.
Don't let this happen to your cat this Sunday.
What happens when you...
1) have nothing to do
2) own a sharp knife
3) have a large lime
4) own a patient cat
5) and drink too much tequila
6) during football season?
Steve F sends this oldie, which is making its first appearance here.
IN PRISON: you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK: you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON: you get three meals a day.
AT WORK: you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON: you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: you get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON: the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: you're often required to carry a security card and open all the doors yourself.
IN PRISON: you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON: you get your own toilet.
AT WORK: you share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON: they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: you're not supposed to even speak to your family.
IN PRISON: all expenses are paid by the taxpayers.
AT WORK: you pay all your expenses to get to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON: you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON: you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: they're called managers.
So, I have to ask: Is this really fair?
Have a good day at work!