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March 02, 2006

Headlines from 2029

I don't know the source of this collection.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in world's seventh largest country, Mexifornia (formerly California).

Baby conceived naturally -- scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter so fast it can photograph a politician with his mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Average height of NBA players reaches nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Posted by joke du jour at March 2, 2006 07:01 PM

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