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September 29, 2006

How to run the table

Mike sends this clip of an amazing trick shot on a pool table.

DoninoPoolFinal.jpg

Like the guy who played Mozart with roller blades and bottles it's great fun to watch -- but I can't imagine how long it took to set up.

Video below the fold.

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Posted by joke du jour at 08:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Retirement funding

Two older gentlemen, who were sunning themselves on the beach, met in Florida. Soon they fell into conversation and one asked the other, "Where're you from?"

"Pennsylvania," the first man replied. "I had a small factory but it burned down and when I got the insurance settlement I decided to retire down here."

"Now that's interesting," said the second man. "Something similar happened to me. I used to have a plant in California, but it was destroyed in an earthquake. I decided to retire here in Florida, too."

After a few minutes of silence, the first guy turns the second and asks, "An earthquake? How in the world did you ever get one of those started?"

Posted by joke du jour at 08:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Demotivation

Rob sends a link to a page featuring de-motivational posters.

TheOtherOne.jpg

Warning: a couple of these push the boundaries of taste pretty hard -- even more so than this one.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Catskill comedy

You may remember (if you are old enough) the old Catskill comics viz., Shecky Greene, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others. Don't you miss their humor? Not one single swear word in their comedy.

There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.

A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference and I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?"
The doctor answers. "That's what puzzles me!"

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday."
The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?"
The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one who's working!"

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 28, 2006

Bowling for people

Tucson John sends this clip and subject line. Ouch!

bandjeinjerug.jpg

Video below the fold.

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What a reunion

Siblings Separated By Holocaust Reunited
Woman Didn't Know Parents, Siblings Survived Holocaust

POSTED: 8:33 am EDT September 19, 2006

JERUSALEM -- For six decades, Hilda Shlick thought her brother Simon perished in the Holocaust with several other relatives.

But thanks to some online investigating by her grandkids, Shlick has been reunited with the brother she last saw in 1941.

See Photos Of Reunion

Via WFTV.

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Light bulb time

A.E. sends an old joke in a new form.

MiceInALightBulb.gif

Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Advice from on high

Since he had a little bit of free time, the pope made arrangements to play 9 holes of golf. At the seventh hole, a 175-yard par-three to an island green, he prudently decided to tee up an old ball. Suddenly a thunderous voice boomed from above, "Tee up a new ball!"

The pontiff dutifully bent down and replaced the ball with a new one. Once again the thunderous voice boomed, "Now step back and take a few practice swings."

The pope stepped back and practiced his swing. Several minutes passed, then he heard a loud sigh and the voice from above intoned, "OK... Tee up the old ball."

Posted by joke du jour at 06:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 27, 2006

Sneaky Marines

Mary sends four images of a camouflaged Marine helicopter along with the comment, "Look closely."

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MarineChopper2.jpg

MarineChopper3.jpg

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Posted by joke du jour at 06:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Jews

I was going to run these jokes back in July, when I ran jokes about Unitarians, Baptists, and assorted others. But then things went south between Israel and Hezbollah and a little respite seemed in order.

So Moses was talking with God and Moses said, "Wait a minute... Let me get this straight... They get all the oil and we cut off the tip of our what?"


A maitre d' goes over to a middle-aged Jewish couple eating in his restaurant. He asks them, "Is anything all right?"

A bum walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days..."

And the lady replied, "Try, honey. Force yourself."


What's the difference between Jews and Christians?

Jews get really angry but Christians just get a little cross.


A cruise ship sinks and three men manage to make it to a desert island. The first man, a Catholic, kneels and prays to the Lord to be rescued. The second man, a Lutheran, kneels and prays to the Lord to be saved from the island.

The third guy, a Jew, says, "Hey. Two years ago I gave a million dollars to the Jewish Federation. Last year, I gave two million. This year I pledged three million. Don't worry... They'll find us."

Posted by joke du jour at 06:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Fakin' it

The first thing I thought of when I saw this product was an old Dilbert strip featuring a telecommuter, a finger puppet and a webcam.

BusinessBib.jpg

Via Dave Barry.


And, in a similar vein, here's Baby Toupee -- in case you're looking to accessorize some poor, defenseless infant.
BabyToupee.jpg

Via CodeWritinFool.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Your problem is obvious

The sociologist on an African jungle expedition held up her camera to take pictures of native children at play. Suddenly the youngsters began to yell in protest. Turning red, the sociologist apologized to the chief for her insensitivity and told him she had forgotten that certain tribes don't like to have their pictures taken. She explained to him, in long-winded detail, the operation of the camera, and how harmless it was. Several times the chief tried to respond, but to no avail.

Certain she had put all the chief's fears to rest the sociologist then allowed him to speak. Smiling he said, "The children were trying to tell you forgot to take the lens cap off."

Posted by joke du jour at 06:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 26, 2006

Rodavia da Morte

Seven images of a road cut into a cliff in (I believe) Brazil.

Rodavia_da_morte.jpg

Via A Welsh View.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:03 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Military humor

From the Royal Australian Air Force:

I remember reading the following question from an RAAF test for prospective pilots for a VIP squadron. At the time it gave the actual name for a passenger and I remember he weighed a lot, but I can't remember the name or the position. This was supposed to test for quick response, initiative, etc.

Q. You are flying at 35000 feet when turbulence causes a door in the passenger compartment to open and the Incredibly Important Person falls out. What do you do?

Responses ranged from "Swoop down and try and catch him" to "Turn the plane towards the nearest place where you can claim political asylum."

The correct answer: Trim ailerons to compensate for change in weight.

Carrier landings
Any naval aviator will tell you that landing a plane on an aircraft carrier is the most dangerous thing to do. First you've got to find an airport that is moving from place to place all the time. Then you've got to line up on a landing strip that is (a) too short, and (b) bouncing up and down. Not only do you have to remember to lower your landing gear, you've also got to lower a hook which is designed to catch the cables that they've strung across the deck (think of putting on the brakes in your car by leaning out the window and grabbing a telephone pole). And to put the icing on the cake, you've got apply full throttle just before you land so that if your hook misses those cables, maybe - just maybe - you will have enough power to take off instead of falling over the side and going splat.

The operations center was holding its collective breath as a rookie pilot was on final approach for his first carrier landing. The flight path looked good, speed looked good, down comes the landing gear, down comes the hook... Oh no, he missed all four arresting cables! The plane disappears from view as it shoots off the end of the runway and drops over the bow. The operations center personnel quickly start recovery procedures, calling in the helicopters to make the pickup -- if there's anything left to pickup.

To their amazement, just then the plane reappears! There it is -- skimming the wavetops as it begins to gather speed. The radio crackles as the pilot announces, "OK, Lord. I can take it from here..."

Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

What a picker

This guy is an amazing guitarist.

ArmlessGuitarist.jpg

Video below the fold.

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Eat the roach

PETA Upset At Six Flags Roach-Eating Contest

POSTED: 2:40 pm EDT September 24, 2006

GURNEE, Ill. -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Six Flags Great America to scrap its Halloween-themed cockroach-eating promotion.

A spokeswoman for the animal rights organization said the contest at the amusement park's FrightFest is "gratuitously cruel."

The park in Gurnee, Illinois, is joining other Six Flags parks in offering unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach. The bugs are up to three inches long.

Via WFTV.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 25, 2006

Where's the ball?

An amusing sports blooper from Tucson John.

WheresTheBall.jpg

Video below the fold.

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Posted by joke du jour at 06:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

No dice

Mich. Indian Casino Has Problem: Gambling Illegal
POSTED: 2:55 pm EDT September 20, 2006

ST. IGNACE, Mich. -- There is one thing missing at a new Indian casino in Michigan's Upper Peninsula: gambling.

The $36 million casino and hotel complex was mistakenly built in an area where gambling is illegal. It opened in June and has restaurants, a lounge and an indoor pool overlooking Lake Huron's Horseshoe Bay north of the Mackinac Bridge.

However, its 29,000-square-foot casino with 800 slot machines and 26 gambling tables has been unable to operate. The U.S. government said part of the casino was built on land where Indian gambling is not allowed.

Via WFTV.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Solar transit

This image shows a solar transit of the International Space Station and the Space Shuttle Atlantis, taken by Thierry Legault.

iss_shuttle_transit.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 06:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Expectant mother

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician. When the examination was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know," the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that question all the time. And sex is just fine until late in your pregnancy."

"No, that's not it," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know how much longer I can keep mowing the lawn."

Posted by joke du jour at 06:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 22, 2006

Novel transportation

Concept 'car' (Toyota's iSwing):

ToyotaISwing.jpg

Concept bicycle:

CriticalPower.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 08:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Pilot's Delight

Steve R forwards this story about a C-130 pilot flying in Iraq. It had no attribution, but I found a page that claims:

My name is Major Mike Hampton with the 115th AS, Channel Islands "Hollywood Guard." I am a C-130 pilot and the author. The story was originally called, "An excerpt from the forthcoming novel, ‘The Great Hamptini’."

It's an interesting read - just chock full o' metaphor and simile.

There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we're dropping faster than Paris Hilton's panties. It's a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I'm sweating like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting.

But that's neither here nor there. The night is moonless over Baghdad tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it's 2003, folks, and I'm sporting the latest in night-combat technology. Namely, hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys. Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130E Hercules is equipped with an obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system (MWS). The MWS conveniently makes a nice soothing tone in your headset just before the missile explodes into your airplane. Who says you can't polish a turd?

At any rate, the NVGs are illuminating Baghdad International Airport like the Las Vegas Strip during a Mike Tyson fight. These NVGs are the cat's ass. But I've digressed.

The preferred method of approach tonight is the "random shallow".

This tactical maneuver allows the pilot to ingress the landing zone in an unpredictable manner, thus exploiting the supposedly secured perimeter of the airfield in an attempt to avoid enemy surface-to-air-missiles and small arms fire. Personally, I wouldn't bet my pink ass on that theory but the approach is fun as hell and that's the real reason we fly it.

We get a visual on the runway at three miles out, drop down to one thousand feet above the ground, still maintaining two-hundred-eighty knots.

Now the fun starts. It's pilot appreciation time as I descend the mighty Herc to six hundred feet and smoothly, yet very deliberately, yank into a sixty degree left bank, turning the aircraft ninety degrees offset from runway heading. As soon as we roll out of the turn, I reverse turn to the right a full two-hundred-seventy degrees in order to roll out aligned with the runway. Some aeronautical genius coined this maneuver the "Ninety/Two-Seventy". Chopping the power during the turn, I pull back on the yoke just to the point my nether regions start to sag, bleeding off energy in order to configure the pig for landing.

"Flaps Fifty! Landing Gear Down! Before Landing Checklist!" I look over at the copilot and he's shaking like a cat shitting on a sheet of ice. Looking further back at the navigator, and even through the NVGs, I can clearly see the wet spot spreading around his crotch.

Finally, I glance at my steely-eyed flight engineer. His eyebrows rise in unison as a grin forms on his face. I can tell he's thinking the same thing I am: "Where do we find such fine young men?"

"Flaps One Hundred!" I bark at the shaking cat. Now it's all aim point and airspeed. Aviation 101, with the exception there's no lights. I'm on NVGs, it's Baghdad, and now tracers are starting to crisscross the black sky.

Naturally, and not at all surprisingly, I grease the Goodyears on brick-one of Runway 33 Left, bring the throttles to ground idle, and then force the props to full reverse pitch. Tonight, the sound of freedom is my four Hamilton Standard propellers chewing through the thick, putrid, Baghdad air. The huge, one-hundred-thirty-thousand pound, lumbering, whisper pig comes to a lurching stop in less than two thousand feet. Let's see a Viper do that!

We exit the runway to a welcoming committee of government-issued Army grunts. It's time to download their beans and bullets and letters from their sweethearts, look for war booty, and of course, urinate on Saddam's home.

Walking down the crew entry steps with my lowest-bidder, Beretta 92F 9 millimeter strapped smartly to my side, I look around and thank God, not Allah, I'm an American and I'm on the winning team.

Then I thank God I'm not in the Army.

Knowing once again I've cheated death, I ask myself, "What in the hell am I doing in this mess?" Is it Duty, Honor, and Country? You bet your ass.

Or could it possibly be for the glory, the swag, and not to mention, chicks dig the Air Medal.

There's probably some truth there too.

But now is not the time to derive the complexities of the superior, cerebral properties of the human portion of the aviator-man-machine model. It is however, time to get out of this shit-hole. "Hey, copilot, clean yourself up! And how's 'bout the Before Starting Engines Checklist�"

God, I love this job!

Posted by joke du jour at 08:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

F-14: The Final Flight

Jeff sends a link to F-14: The Final Flight, a collection of 100 images of the F-14 Tomcat which is being retired from service.

F-14.jpg
Arabian Gulf (Nov. 22, 2003) – An F-14 Tomcat assigned to the “Checkmates” of Fighter Squadron Two One One (VF-211) launches from the flight deck of the nuclear-powered aircraft carrier USS Enterprise (CVN 65). U.S. Navy photo by Photographer's Mate Airman Milosz Reterski.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Those Sooners

I don't like to mess with people who are at least trying to solve a problem, but finding a literacy campaign called Read Y'all just tickles me.

Carrie Underwood Says 'Read Y'All'
Literacy Campaign Out Of Oklahoma

POSTED: 10:13 am EDT September 22, 2006

NASHVILLE -- Carrie Underwood is adding another cause to the list of things for which she's a poster girl, and this one's homegrown.

In addition to sporting a milk mustache and a shoe campaign, the Oklahoma native is now participating in her home state's "Read Y'All" literacy campaign.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 21, 2006

Getting around the US

Steve F sends a PowerPoint slideshow, titled Getting Around Our Country, that contains 72 images of scenery and animals (and one person). Most of them are pretty striking photos. I pulled the images out and they appear below. (All these images are pop-ups.)

If you want to view the PowerPoint - complete with audio track - all 5.6MB of it is here.











































































































































Posted by joke du jour at 07:03 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Why men aren't secretaries

Husband's note on refrigerator for his wife:

Someone from the Gyna Colleges called. They said the Pabst beer is normal.

I didn't know you liked beer.

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Big dog walking

Interesting clip of an four-legged robot at Google video.

BigDogWalking.jpg

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Oprah for President?

I don't know who's being sillier here: the guy who wants Oprah to run for president or Oprah's lawyers trying to silence him. Maybe they can both lose.

Man Told To End 'Oprah For President' Campaign
Crowe Said He's Not Making Money On Campaign

UPDATED: 7:38 am EDT September 20, 2006

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- An attorney for talk-show host Oprah Winfrey has asked a Kansas City man to stop using her name and her image to promote a campaign urging her to run for president.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 20, 2006

Monster Globemaster

Steve F R (sorry, Steve) send these images of the largest hobbyist R/C craft I've seen. (7 images total - all pop-ups.)

C17_05.jpg

This 1/9th scale radio-controlled C-17 model was built in the United Kingdom. To date it has about 20 flights. It was built as the centerpiece of a 15-program television series produced in the U.K. for the Home and Leisure satellite TV channel. Built with the aid of three friends, it took one year to build and is powered with 4 Jetcat P-120 turbines with a total thrust of 108 lbs. The models weighs over 250 lbs fuelled and carries 12.5 liters (3.3 US gallons) of 95% kerosene and 5% turbine oil fuel.

Other details include 5 Futaba PCM receivers, 16 battery packs (93 cells), 20 Futaba servos, on -board air compressor, electro/pneumatic retracts, etc. Wingspan is 20 feet 8 inches and the top of the fin is 74 inches (6 feet 2 inches) above the ground. Takeoff weight is 264 lbs.

The rear cargo doors open and they drop an r/c jeep on a pallet, as well as 2 free-fall r/c parachutists. The model also has smoke systems both of the inboard turbines, and uses 2.4 GHz data link to provide real-time data to a laptop computer on the ground while in flight; this data includes airspeed, turbine RPM, EGT, fuel consumption, etc. It is covered in fiberglass and epoxy resin. Built mainly from balsa and ply, with many glass and carbon fiber moldings to reduce weight, this C-17 Globemaster III is one of the largest jet models in the world today! Complete with retractable landing gear and pneumatically operated flaps.

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The four builders are shown in the image above. Colin Straus, the owner, is at the nose of the aircraft.

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Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A new world record

Guinness world record busted in seconds

Teenage boys — and a lot of grown men — could learn a lot from Thomas Vogel. On Saturday, the German man displayed dazzling dexterity to break the Guinness world record for the most brassieres unhooked in one minute using one hand, shattering the record with an eye- and clasp-popping 56 opened bras in 60 seconds.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

They talk back

A.E. sends a link to this video of talking cats.

TalkingCats.jpg

And an article in The Washington Times describes a canine translator:
Welcome to the brave new world of Bow-Lingual, a Japanese device due to introduced [sic] in Europe later this year priced at about $100. It reportedly breaks down the barrier between man and beast by translating a canine's every growl and whimper. Or so its makers claim.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Happy birthday!

"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling 'bout my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood. Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

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September 19, 2006

Messin' with Sasquatch

Carol sends this amusing ad for beef jerky.

MessinWithSasquatch.jpg

Video below the fold.

[MPEG format. Save.]

Posted by joke du jour at 07:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Get a hat

Ray and Bessie are elderly snow birds from Iowa who are spending their winter in southern Arizona.

Ray has always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and proudly wears them home. He walks into the house and says to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Bessie looks him over. "Nope."

Frustrated, Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room wearing only the boots. A little louder this time he asks, "Now do you notice anything different?"

"Ray, what's different?" Bessie asks. "It's hanging down today. It was hanging down yesterday. It'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Ray yells, "And do you know why it's hanging down, Bessie? It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!"

"Shoulda bought a hat, Ray," says Bessie. "Shoulda bought a hat..."

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New bike design

Check out the latest in bicycle design: the treadmill bike. Don't miss the video.

TreadmillBike.jpg

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A billion here, a billion there...

And pretty soon you're talking real money*.

Here's the 2007 version of Death and Taxes, an interesting Flash application that allows you to drill down into the appropriations in the US federal budget.

*Not necessarily said by Everett Dirksen.

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September 16, 2006

The End isn't as near as it used to be

YisraylHawkins.gif

CodeWritinFool sends a link to Yisrayl Hawkins' House of Yahweh site, where the countdown until Nuclear War passed zero on September 12th - and is still headed south.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 15, 2006

Clever lad

A stockboy worked in the produce section of a supermarket. A man came in asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce. But the man was persistent, so the boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.

The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce." As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the customer standing right behind him. So he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager agreed to sell the man half a head of lettuce. Later he said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that here. Where are you from?"

"Minnesota, sir."

"Is that right? Well, why'd you leave Minnesota?" asked the manager.

""Oh, they're all just whores and hockey players up there," the boy replied.

"My wife is from St. Paul," said the manager.

"Really?" asked the boy. "What team did she play for?"

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3000 golf balls

What do you do with 3000 golf balls?

3000GolfBalls.jpg

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Since March 1665

The Royal Society is making its newly-launched digital archive available free until December.

Nearly three and a half centuries of scientific study and achievement is now available online in the Royal Society Journals Digital Archive following its official launch this week. This is the longest-running and arguably most influential journal archive in Science, including all the back articles of both Philosophical Transactions and Proceedings.

For the first time the Archive provides online access to all journal content, from Volume One, Issue One in March 1665 until the latest modern research published today ahead of print. And until December the archive is freely available to anyone on the internet to explore.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Lost like summer wages

The last of the the summer-themed tunes is Ian Tyson's rather melancholy song Summer Wages. (Mr. Tyson was half of the Ian and Sylvia duo.)

This cover is from Tony Rice's Native American album.

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September 14, 2006

Weekly World Summa

"Up for some highbrow humor?" asks Dave.

What if Thomas Aquinas had been a tabloid journalist?
weekly-world-summa.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 07:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Waste some time

Scott says, "Browse to any site (say http://www.engadget.com) and then paste the code below into the address bar (no text wrapping allowed)."

javascript:X=[R=(s=(m=Math).sin)(0),.1,.25,1.6,300,300];c=m.cos;Y=[0,.05,.24,.24,200,200];D=document.images;setInterval(function(){for(i=0;i<D.length;i++){S=D[i].style;S.position='absolute';S.left=s(R*X[1]+i*X[2]+X[3])*X[4]+X[5];S.top=c(R*Y[1]+i*Y[2]+Y[3])*Y[4]+Y[5]}R++},5);void(0)


(You'll need to have both JavaScript and image downloads enabled in your browser - if, for some reason, you have either of those disabled.)

Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Scuba-diving cat

Pretty wild clip at YouTube.

ScubaCat.jpg

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Thank Heaven!

The Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank Heaven," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Posted by joke du jour at 07:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 13, 2006

Aviation videos

Jay Honeck, who runs the Alexis Park Inn & Suites in Iowa City has a page with an amazing collection of aviation and related video clips. Here are a couple of samples.

Zhang-Jia_Jie1.jpg

In this one, someone is launched from some bungee-jumping towers and then parachutes back for a landing.

air-launch-catapault.jpg

Video below the fold.

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The good, the bad and the ugly

I thought we'd seen this before, but it doesn't show up when I search the blog. But even if we have, it's well worth a reprise. Tip o' the hat to Steve F.

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your hubby and you agree: no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them.

Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: She makes more money than you do.
Way ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.

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Fire rainbow

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Snopes says, "This is a real photograph of an atmospheric phenomenon known as a circumhorizon(tal) arc, the example shown above was captured on camera as it hung for about an hour across a several-hundred square mile area of sky above northern Idaho (near the Washington border) on 3 June 2006."

H.T. to Steve R.

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September 12, 2006

A retirement dinner

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 35 years in the parish. A member of the congregation, who was also a local politician, had been chosen to make a small speech after the dinner. Since the politician was delayed, the priest decided to say a few words of his own while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it."

"He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE

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The Master Crayon Artist

...is a retired air traffic controller named Don Marco. He draws portraits and other pictures, like the one below, using Crayolas.

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Driving hazard

I'm driving along on the highway at 65, minding my own business, when out of nowhere there appears this big crack in my windshield!

I leaned to the right; then I leaned to the left. But I couldn't seem to ignore it...

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There just ain't NO words for this!

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Japanese newborns

What's the first thing a Japanese newborn does? Find out in this amusing clip.

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September 08, 2006

Engineering quiz

Lou sends this test of what you remember from strength-of-materials class.

A backhoe weighing 8.1 tons is on top of a flatbed trailer heading east on Interstate 70 near Hays, Kansas. The extended shovel arm is made of hardened steel and the approaching overpass is made of commercial grade concrete, reinforced with 1 1/2 inch steel rebar spaced at 6 inch intervals in a crisscross pattern layered at 1 foot vertical spacing.

The truck is traveling at 75 MPH. The bridge is stationary. The ambient temperature is 95° F and there is an easterly wind at 12 knots. Assume no braking by the truck driver.

How far into the bridge will the backhoe travel?

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Final approach at SFO

Here is a great image (pop-up) of a Lufthansa 747-400 and a United 757-200 that were on simultaneous approaches to runways 28L and 28R at San Francisco (SFO). The separation requirement for flying parallel and simultaneous approaches is 225 meters (about 750 feet). These two aircraft are at a safe distance for the approaches they are each flying.

This incredible illusion is due to the 747 being three times larger than the 757, being slightly behind the 757, and the depth of field limits of a telephoto lens.
Tip o' the hat to Steve R.

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Eh?

Two old men are talking.

"Want to go for a walk?"

"Isn't it windy?"

"No, it's Thursday."

"Me, too. Let's go get a beer."

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Blades, bottles, Mozart

I wouldn't even try to guess how long it took this guy to get his "instrument" set up and tuned. But it makes a heck of a clip to watch.

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September 07, 2006

Today's the day

From Reason:

Permission to Speak Freely
The "electioneering communications" ban silences interest groups when their messages matter most
Jacob Sullum

As of Friday, when the 60-day blackout period for "electioneering communications" by nonprofit interest groups begins, political speech will enjoy less protection than dirty movies. While a sexually explicit film is protected by the First Amendment if it has some socially redeeming value, an "electioneering communication" is forbidden even if it deals with important and timely public policy issues.

From Coyote Blog:

Mourning the Loss of Free Speech Through November 7, 2006

In a stunning beat down on one of America's longest-held and most sacred principles, your first ammendment rights to criticize incumbent politicians, at least on radio and TV, are suspended from now until the November 7 election. Congress has decided, and incredibly the Supreme Court has concurred, that only members of the media, including intellectual giants like Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann, can legally criticize sitting politicians on TV and radio in the runup to the election. These restrictions also came very, very close to applying to this and all other blogs. John McCain, Russ Feingold, and everyone who voted for this un-American incumbent protection act need to be voted out of office at our next opportunity.

From Tom Rants:

MFers Tea Party

Well, when our civil rights are violated, it’s time we take a page from the civil rights movement, a little civil disobedience. Maybe dump a few tea bags in a harbor. We can keep it nice for now, no need to water the Liberty Tree just yet. Every day possible from Thursday until the election, I intend to post a piece favoring or opposing some candidate for federal office in this election. I intend to focus, to the greatest extent possible, on criticizing incumbents who voted for McCain-Feingold and supporting those who opposed it. (I may need fodder, so feel free to post a comment or contact me with suggestions.) I’ve beat McCain to death, so I think I’ll hit Feingold on Day One and then see which of the other original sponsors* are up for reelection.

From the Washington DC Examiner (my emphasis):

Editorial: McCain-Feingold was a mistake
Sep 1, 2006 4:00 AM

WASHINGTON - Something almost without precedent in America will happen Thursday. That’s the day when McCain-Feingold — aka the Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act of 2002 — will officially silence broadcast advertising that contains criticism of members of Congress seeking re-election in November. Before 2006, American election campaigns traditionally began in earnest after Labor Day. Unless McCain-Feingold is repealed, Labor Day will henceforth mark the point in the campaign when congressional incumbents can sit back and cruise, free of those pesky negative TV and radio spots. It is the most effective incumbent protection act possible, short of abolishing the elections themselves.

From Professor Bainbridge:

"Thank you, Senators McCain and Feingold...you [plural expletive deleted]".

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The smoking room ceiling

"This is pretty good," says Steve R.

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The gourmet burglar

Police Searching For Burglar With Good Taste

POSTED: 6:56 am EDT September 6, 2006
UPDATED: 9:42 am EDT September 6, 2006
ORLANDO, Fla

Orlando police want to catch a burglar who knows his way around the kitchen.

Late Saturday night, someone threw a brick through the front door of the Blue Bistro on Mills Avenue.

The intruder cooked a steak and opened a bottle of wine. After finishing his meal, the burglar smoked a cigarette and made off with several bottles of expensive wine.

Via WFTV.

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Southbound illegals

Tucson John sends this clip about illegal immigration to Mexico.

While it doesn't reflect my views on illegal immigration (which are similar to the views of Warren Meyer in Phoenix), it does reflect a very popular sentiment -- this isn't the first item I've received to make this point.

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Video below the fold.

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Blonde logic

A collection of blonde jokes from Steve F.

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had just acquired two dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend asked, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Well, they're watch dogs!" answered the blonde.


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he can see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together! Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You are on the other side."


A gorgeous young redhead went to the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" said the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed. Then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"Well, no " she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing into the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper turned on his P.A. system and yelled, "PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When it was her turn, she rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"



Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a porch rocking. One says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says, "Hello-o-o... Can you see Florida?"


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

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September 06, 2006

Hang up and drive

A.E. sends this set of six cartoons about cell phones and driving.

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Careful!

It was Mr. Ryan's funeral and the pallbearers were carrying his casket out of the church. When they bumped into a pillar, one of them heard a moan from inside the casket. They opened it and found that Mr. Ryan was still alive, God be praised!

He lived for ten more years before he finally died. Another funeral was held for him and, as the pallbearers were carrying the casket out, Mrs. Ryan said, "Watch out for that pillar!"

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Dogs & cats living together

Carol sends this clip from Discovery Channel's Animal Planet with the comment, "This is just adorable."

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Video below the fold.

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Just be patient

Town Opts To Leave Naked Teens Alone
Board Decides To Take No Action On Anti-Nudity Ordinance

POSTED: 10:24 am EDT September 6, 2006

BRATTLEBORO, Vt. -- Town officials in Brattleboro said the solution to what some see as the problem of people hanging around naked downtown may be just around the corner.

It's called cold weather.

But the Select Board has decided to take no action for now on a proposed anti-nudity ordinance. That means that until temperatures turn nippy, those who object to nakedness downtown may just have to grin and bare it.

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September 05, 2006

Wikimapia

Another interesting application based on Google Maps. Drill down to an area you know and see what people have written about it.

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Unsportsmanlike conduct

Paul sends a link to this post by Gateway Pundit about a competitor who was disqualified from this year's Bubble Baba Challenge in Russia.

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Yes, those are what you think they are.

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Are we there yet?

Dave sends a link to this Braniff Airways commercial at YouTube that comes from 1975.

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We recommend setting your mood controls at 19 for take-off.

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Reading test

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The DMV clerk showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

"Can you read this?" the cleark asked.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replied. "I know the guy."

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September 01, 2006

Liquid Viagara

Camel's Milk: Liquid Viagra?
88-Year-Old Attributes Vitality To Product

POSTED: 8:15 am EDT August 30, 2006

NEW DELHI -- Camel's milk is hot stuff in India because of its supposed effect as an aphrodisiac.

The run on camel's milk was prompted by 88-year-old Virmaram Jat, who fathered a child. The Times of India newspaper reports the man attributed his virility to the drink.

Virmaram's third wife, Gammo Devi, who is 45 years younger to him, delivered male twins on July 19, according to the Times. One of them was stillborn. The hospital said the surviving child is healthy, the Times reported.


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Via WFTV.

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Bad news

Mary sends these images of situations you'd rather not be in.

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Some we've seen before but most were new to me.

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I'll bet the alumni association was impressed

UF Distributes Thousands Of Shirts With Wrong Roman Numerals

POSTED: 10:29 am EDT August 31, 2006

GAINESVILLE, Fla. -- Thousands of Gator T-shirts are going back in the box because of a mix up. Roman numerals meant to denote the year "2006" on the University of Florida shirts actually translate into "26."

Via WFTV.

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An act of folly

Stone by stone, craftsmen build medieval-style castle
POSTED: 10:10 a.m. EDT, August 31, 2006
By Angela Doland
Associated Press

TREIGNY, France (AP) -- Once upon a time, deep in the forests of Burgundy, a man was haunted by a vision. He dreamed of building a castle, with turrets, great walls and a moat. Some people wondered if he was mad.

This was, after all, 1996.

And yet Michel Guyot set out to build his castle the hard way -- the medieval way. With only hammers and chisels to carve the stones. With only horses to cart the rock. Without power tools.

[...]

"I told myself that acts of folly are the only things that one doesn't regret in life," Guyot said. "With projects like this, you just have to go for them, full-speed ahead."

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Via CNN.

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