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September 26, 2006

Military humor

From the Royal Australian Air Force:

I remember reading the following question from an RAAF test for prospective pilots for a VIP squadron. At the time it gave the actual name for a passenger and I remember he weighed a lot, but I can't remember the name or the position. This was supposed to test for quick response, initiative, etc.

Q. You are flying at 35000 feet when turbulence causes a door in the passenger compartment to open and the Incredibly Important Person falls out. What do you do?

Responses ranged from "Swoop down and try and catch him" to "Turn the plane towards the nearest place where you can claim political asylum."

The correct answer: Trim ailerons to compensate for change in weight.

Carrier landings
Any naval aviator will tell you that landing a plane on an aircraft carrier is the most dangerous thing to do. First you've got to find an airport that is moving from place to place all the time. Then you've got to line up on a landing strip that is (a) too short, and (b) bouncing up and down. Not only do you have to remember to lower your landing gear, you've also got to lower a hook which is designed to catch the cables that they've strung across the deck (think of putting on the brakes in your car by leaning out the window and grabbing a telephone pole). And to put the icing on the cake, you've got apply full throttle just before you land so that if your hook misses those cables, maybe - just maybe - you will have enough power to take off instead of falling over the side and going splat.

The operations center was holding its collective breath as a rookie pilot was on final approach for his first carrier landing. The flight path looked good, speed looked good, down comes the landing gear, down comes the hook... Oh no, he missed all four arresting cables! The plane disappears from view as it shoots off the end of the runway and drops over the bow. The operations center personnel quickly start recovery procedures, calling in the helicopters to make the pickup -- if there's anything left to pickup.

To their amazement, just then the plane reappears! There it is -- skimming the wavetops as it begins to gather speed. The radio crackles as the pilot announces, "OK, Lord. I can take it from here..."

Posted by joke du jour at September 26, 2006 07:02 PM

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