October 31, 2006
More wacky Japanese TV humor
A Japanese game show clip at YouTube.
Via Dave Barry.
Fire in the hole
While serving aboard a nuclear powered submarine in the mid 1970's, the crew was in the crew's mess watching the movie Poseidon Adventure. You know the one, where the cruise ship turns upsidedown, and the survivors have to climb "down" to get out.
Well, things were pretty tense and everyone was paying close attention as the heroes went through many trials and tribulations. Then all of a sudden everyone heard: "FIRE IN THE TORPEDO ROOM !"
The audience cheered, "YEAH, go get em..." "Allright!" etc. until someone mentioned, "Hey! They don't have a torpedo room!"
The fire was one compartment forward of where the crew was watching the movie. Once everyone wised up to what was going on they quickly took care of the problem.
Thomas R Balent (via RHF)
More reasons dogs hate Hallowe'en
A bad spell
Witch Must Refund Fee For Failed Love
POSTED: 9:38 am EST October 31, 2006
MUNICH, Germany -- It seems like an ideal court ruling for Halloween.
A German court has ordered a self-proclaimed witch to give her client a refund after a spell failed to win back the woman's boyfriend.
After the client's boyfriend left her in 2003, she consulted the witch on a spell that would bring him back.
The client apparently followed the witch's instructions, carrying out a ritual over several months -- under a full moon. The client also paid more than $1,200.
October 28, 2006
3D pumpkin carving
Here's a tutorial on 3-D (relief) pumpkin carving, with several sample images.
October 27, 2006
Steve R sends 6 images of jack-o-lanterns.
"Go crazy, folks"
Fans to make Mr. Buck proud
By Mark Kiszla
Denver Post Staff Columnist
Article Last Updated:10/25/2006 12:01:24 AM MDT
St. Louis - A Cardinals fan dropped a love letter at the base of the gravestone, in case the dead had not heard the news. The World Series was coming home to the unofficial baseball capital of America.
The plain, gray marker can be found south of town, in Section 84 of Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery. The gravesite must have looked a little lonely on the eve of the Fall Classic. So somebody brought a pumpkin for decoration, and wrote a note that began: "Dear Mr. Buck. Thinking of you, for today is a great day for baseball."
This is a case mod
The modification being to clean and dry the pumpkin first.
Time again for the Flash pumpkin carver. "Fun!" says A.E.
October 26, 2006
Carol sends this set of 6 images with the subject line above.
Mars Rover update
Keeping with this week's Final Frontier theme:
Mike sends this clip about a peeping Tom. (It's SFW.)
[WMV format. Save.]
Little Johnny asked his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
The father, as fathers are wont to do, went into a long lecture on the nature of God and how mankind has associated human characteristics with the Almighty in an attempt at better understanding and so forth. He ended his monologue with the observation that God is neither male nor female, black nor white, straight nor gay.
To which Johnny responded, "Oh, so God is Michael Jackson then?"
October 25, 2006
One of two impressive images of a space shuttle launch from this site. The site claims these were taken from the ISS. Other folks claim they were taken from a chase plane. (What say you, CWF?)
Update: CodeWritinFool replies, "Chase plane. Two reasons:
1. NASA flies a plane known as WB-57 for this very purpose.
2. Shuttle flights to the ISS are launched when the ISS is OVER the Cape, generally +- 5 minutes. The fact that this image is shot from a side view says that the orbital planes are not likely to be coincident. Plane-change maneuvers require lots of fuel, something the Shuttle doesn't have a lot of once in-orbit."
A sure-fire system
A man spent countless days at the race tracks without betting, trying to work out the perfect system to become rich. One day he noticed a priest blessing a horse and observed that the horse went on to win. He noticed the same thing for the next five days.
On the seventh day he withdrew his life savings and went to watch the priest. After the priest blessed one of the horses, the man placed his bet - but the horse died during the race! The man went to find the priest, explained that he'd been watching him bless horses for seven days now, and wanted to know what had happened to this last horse.
The priest asked, "You're not Catholic are you, my son?"
The man responded that he wasn't but asked what difference that made.
The priest replied "Well, a Catholic would know the difference between a blessing and last rites."
October 24, 2006
Virgin Galactic charter trips
This won't be news to those who follow space news, but I was suprised to find Nieman Marcus advertising charter trips aboard the (yet to be completed) SpaceShipTwo®.
Coming in 2009 - for less than $2M.
Some folks (organized as a California not-for-profit corp.) are planning a centennial celebration of Heinlein's birth in Kansas City next summer. From their site:
July 7, 2007 will be the birth centennial of American author, futurist, philosopher and spaceflight advocate Robert A. Heinlein. Commemoration and celebrations will fill the science fiction Grandmaster's Centennial year, with the grandest event to be held on the weekend of July 6, 7 and 8 in his home town of Kansas City, Missouri.
The time is now to make your plans to join us for this huge, once in a lifetime gathering, remembrance and birthday celebration. Whether you're a science fiction fan, a student of Heinlein's work and legacy or involved with the growing world of commercial spaceflight... This is where you'll want to be that weekend. Don't miss out!
A good memory
Three old men were sitting around reminiscing about their earliest memories. The first said, "Yeah, I remember my first birthday party; had about a dozen tykes there."
The second says, "Your first birthday! That's nothin'... I remember waking up in the hospital the day after I was born."
The third one wasn't saying much, so the other two - thinking he couldn't remember anything - tried to poke him up a little. "What's the first thing you remember, George ?" one of them asked.
"Oh," George said, "I guess that'd be going to the prom with my father and coming home with Mom."
Carol sends a link to Team Sandtastic's Professional Sand Sculpture site. There're a bazillion images there -- this isn't the best one by a long sight.
October 23, 2006
A really old joke
A German shepherd went into a Western Union office, took a blank telegram form and wrote, "Woof...woof woof...woof...woof...woof...woof woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the form. "There are only nine words here," he said. "You could send another 'woof' for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "that would be silly."
Via Dave Barry.
Steve F writes, "Wow, more FUD (fear uncertanty & doubt) marketing. The 2006 update to flight insurance machines."
eGene is Seeking Partners for Its Business of DNA Samples Collection in Airport Terminals
4/27/2006 12:40:00 PM EST
eGene Inc. a leading biotechnology company, announced that it is looking for global business partners in the DNA sample collection in airport terminals.
The company's leading product, the compact and automated digital genetic analyzer, HDA-GT12(TM), is already achieving rapid penetration and acceptance in the current genetic research and testing market. Acting CEO of eGene, Dr. Ming Liu, said, "The DNA samples collection combines both the informative and instrumental aspects of DNA analysis, which is an integral part of our business approach."
eGene was awarded a U.S. patent (6,645,718) titled, "DNA sample collection for identification." The patent describes a process of collecting DNA samples for identification purposes in the event of a cataclysmic accident. This is a new, low-cost way to benefit air travel passengers and their families.
Why dogs hate Hallowe'en
Time for more seasonal cuteness. Steve R. sends these 12 images showing why dogs hate Hallowe'en.
October 22, 2006
You gotta be jivin' me...
From CodeWritinFool, this article about the movie industry. I think somebody's missing the whole point of merit badges here.
L.A. Boy Scouts new merit badge: 'Respect Copyrights'
(10-20) 11:04 PDT Los Angeles (AP) --
A Boy Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, etc., etc. He is also respectful of copyrights.
Boy Scouts in the Los Angeles area will now be able to earn a merit patch for learning about the evils of downloading pirated movies and music.
The patch shows a film reel, a music CD and the international copyright symbol, a "C" enclosed in a circle.
The movie industry has developed the curriculum.
Just when you think that tax law can't get any crazier, there's this (via MacRaven):
Patent law is getting tax crazy
By Floyd Norris International Herald Tribune
Published: October 19, 2006
As the American tax law gets more and more complicated, lawyers have come up with one more way to make life difficult for taxpayers: Now you may face a patent infringement suit if you use a tax strategy that someone else thought of first.
"I can't even imagine what it will be like in 5 or 10 years," said Dennis Drabkin, a tax lawyer with Jones Day in Dallas, "if anytime a lawyer or accountant gives tax advice, they have to find out if there is a patent on this." He notes that researching patents, and then licensing them, would just make tax compliance more costly.
Why would Congress pass a law allowing such a thing? The answer is that it did not. But a U.S. appeals court ruled in 1998 that business methods could be patented, and since then the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office has issued 50 tax- strategy patents, with many more pending.
There is even one case pending in U.S. court in Connecticut, in which an organization called the Tax Strategies Group complains that John Rowe, the chairman and former chief executive of Aetna, infringed on its patent by using a certain type of trust to minimize taxes on profits from stock options. The group wants Rowe to be barred from using that strategy unless he buys a license from it.
Even though they're probably within their rights, the folks at Marquette University are seriously humor-impaired:
Free speech group ridicules Marquette for removal of Barry quote
RYAN J. FOLEY
MADISON, Wis. - A national free speech group lambasted Marquette University administrators Wednesday for removing a quote by humorist Dave Barry from a graduate student's office door.
The Foundation for Individual Rights in Education criticized a Marquette administrator for removing this Barry quote from the office door of doctoral student Stuart Ditsler last month: "As Americans we must always remember that we all have a common enemy, an enemy that is dangerous, powerful, and relentless. I refer, of course, to the federal government."
Philosophy Department Chair James South said in a Sept. 5 e-mail that he removed the quotation, which was posted in late August at the office shared by Ditsler and three others, after receiving several complaints. In the e-mail, South said he supports academic freedom but hallways and office doors are not "free speech zones."
October 20, 2006
Nice physics demo
It's the Rubens Tube. Flame on!
A glimpse into the future
Lou sends this timely tale.
A country preacher had a teenage son and it was getting time the boy gave some thought to choosing a career. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed three objects on his study table:
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky.
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher too, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman and that would be fine. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard and, Lord, what a shame that would be."
The old man waited anxiously and soon heard his son whistling as he entered the house. The boy headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed but as he turned to leave the room, he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.
"Lord have mercy..." the preacher whispered. "He's gonna be a Congressman!"
Upload your JPEG image and get an old-fashioned line printer-generated character-based image:
No joy in Gotham
Oh, somewhere in this favoured land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,
But there is no joy in Gotham — mighty Beltran has struck out.
So much for the Mets...
Cards catcher Yadier Molina homers to left field with one out in the top of the ninth inning of Game 7
Photo by Chris Lee at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Update: If you like this picture, the P-D has made some desktop wallpaper available for you serious Cards fans.
October 19, 2006
The Irish plumber
Sean O'Malley was a plumber by profession and he got called one day by a lady with an Emergency in her bathroom. Arriving at the scene, he turned off the water with a sigh and replaced the faucet washer, thus ending the Emergency.
Now the lady was very grateful and she was nice looking and she was lonely to boot. So before long Sean was helping her warm up her bedroom.
About 4:30, the telephone rang. After she hanged up the lady told Sean, "That was my husband. He'll be home in about half an hour, so you'll need to go. But he'll be leaving on a business trip to Chicago this evening at seven. Why don't you come back at about 7:30 and we'll continue where we've left off?"
"Saints!" exclamed Sean, aghast. "On me own time?"
Whiteboard at MIT
Here's a video clip about a really cool automated whiteboard at MIT.
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver, and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab... Before this, I drove a hearse for the last 25 years."
Geekiest license plates
A collection of 15 geeky license plates at Geek24.com. Most of them aren't as geeky as this one.
October 18, 2006
Another scandal in Washington?
Carol forwards this message:
All of the evidence is not in, but it appears that Secretary of State Rice may have been sleeping with President Bush. I'll send details when they become available.
All I have now is this photograph.
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy chief to a bewildered seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
Officer: "Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?"
Sailor: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?"
Sailor: "No, SIR!"
In a well done video clip at YouTube.
Nanosolution Halts Bleeding
A biodegradable liquid developed at MIT and the University of Hong Kong offers a new way to quickly treat wounds and promote healing.
By Jenn Director Knudsen
A team of researchers at MIT and the University of Hong Kong have developed a biodegradable liquid that can quickly stop bleeding.
October 17, 2006
Signs for tomorrow
WARNING SIGNS FOR TOMORROW from the Lifeboat Foundation (whatever that is).
A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho. On the way he fell among thieves, who took all his goods, beat him savagely and left him dying by the wayside.
As it happend on that same day two social workers passed that way, and looking upon him were filled with pity and concern.
Whereupon one turned to the other and said, "The person who did this needs our help!"
Peter Callesen has a site with some really impressive artwork made all of paper. This particular piece is called Down the River.
A telemarketer's nightmare
Rob sends this clip from the Bob & Tom show with the extremely apt comment: "Too funny."
October 16, 2006
A real bla-a-a-a-ack sheep
This article in the UK Telegraph had me laughing aloud.
By David Sapsted
It has taken more than 12 months and cost about £10,000 but a council is finally on the verge of discovering the identity of a man who kept saying "baa" during a planning meeting.
After a wide-ranging investigation, Havering council, based in Romford, Essex, has prepared a 300-page report, according to the Romford Recorder newspaper.
Unfortunately, the downside is that the prime suspect is no longer a councillor and is, therefore, beyond the scope of any punishment that it might want to mete out.
Made from beer
A very funny ad from down under for Carlton Draught.
An important call
Having just moved into his office, a pompous new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, bid the airman to enter, and then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
The only process indicating apparatus you'll ever need.
Via Dave Barry.
October 13, 2006
A rancher bought a champion bull for his herd of cows. When he got it back to the ranch, though, the bull was listless and didn't perform as expected. The rancher called the vet, who came to examine the prize bull. After the examination, the vet gave the rancher a bottle of tonic and told him to give the bull one spoonful per day.
The next day the rancher gave the bull a spoonful. A few minutes later the bull roused himself and took an energetic interest in the rancher's cows. The day after that, the rancher gave the bull another spoonful; again, the bull made himself useful with the cows.
The third day the rancher had a friend visiting, and the friend watched as the bull received his spoonful of tonic and enthusiastically began to perform his duty.
"Wow!" said the friend. "What's in that stuff?"
"I don't know," replied the rancher, "but it tastes sort of like wintergreen."
Mike sent 13 very nice photos taken at the Jones Beach Air Show near New York City. (From Memorial Day 2006, I believe.) But since we can find them hosted here, let's use that guy's bandwidth. Here's a sample:
Random link generator
A.E. sends a link to the Mangle Random Link Generator. It can be an interesting way to burn a little time, since you never know what's coming next.
Album cover warfare
Here's an amusing clip at YouTube titled Album Cover Galore!!
October 12, 2006
A new endeavor
Two men meet on the street. One asks the other: "Hi, how've you been?"
"I'm fine, thanks."
"And your son? Is he still unemployed?"
"Yes, he is. But he's taken up meditating now."
"Meditating? What's that?"
"I don't know. But it's gotta be better than sitting around and doing nothing."
Quite a costume
Kevin Kelm's MechaWolf - standing 9' 4" (2.85 meters) tall.
The Irish barber
O'Rourke, the barber, was hearing complaints from his present trimmee about the price of barbers' services.
"I tell you, O'Rourke, you damn New York barbers gotta stranglehold on the citizens. I was in London just last week, and you charge me half again what they charge over there."
"That may be true, sar," said the Irishman, "but think o' the airfare."
Inner life of a cell
An impressive clip created for biology students at Harvard.
October 11, 2006
No rest for the weary
104-Year-Old Named America's Oldest Worker
POSTED: 7:55 am EDT October 5, 2006
WASHINGTON -- Thinking about retiring?
Waldo McBurney of Quinter, Kan., isn't. In fact, the 104-year-old has just been honored as America's oldest worker by Experience Works, a group that provides training and employment services for seniors.
A 1927 graduate of Kansas State Agricultural College, which is now Kansas State University, McBurney had a nearly 25-year career in agriculture. He now works as a beekeeper. In the last few years he's maintained as many as 100 colonies.
But that's just part of his story. McBurney began long-distance running at 65, and running competitively at 75. At age 80, he set a Kansas state record for the 10-mile run for runners his age and went on to set records in running, long jump, discus and shot-put into his 90s and 100s at the Senior Olympics.
Retirement? McBurney said, "I can't find it in my Bible."
A striking time-lapse image of a plane taking off at Airliners.net.
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and a fighter pilot?
A: God never thinks He's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
White and nerdy
Weird Al's latest video: white and nerdy.
October 09, 2006
A request to help a young fellow who lives in suburban St. Louis. The Manchester Athletic Assoc. held a fund-raising event for him this last weekend, but I didn't get this up on Friday.
Bobby Loughran is a 12 year old boy from the Manchester area who plays baseball at the Manchester Athletic Association and attends school at Parkway South. Bobby became severely ill last week and was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia. Bobby is currently going through blood transfusions to stay alive until a Bone Marrow donor is found.
If you cannot attend the camp out all donations and prayers will be accepted! All proceeds and donations will be placed into a trust fund to help the family pay for medical costs for Bobby.
If you would like to attend or make a donation please contact Steve Brentz at firstname.lastname@example.org or Robert Goad at email@example.com.
Unfortunately, I've forgotten who sent this clip.
Video below the fold.
[WMV format. Save.]
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and in a loud voice, "Willowby, Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."
After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight-lipped smile, "Sloan. Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."
After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, " O'Bryan, Master Chief Gunnery Sergeant, United States Marines, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals."
The last photo
One of 7 images in a collection called The Last Photos I Ever Took.
Nietzsche Family Circus
The Nietzsche Family Circus pairs a randomized Family Circus cartoon with a randomized Friedrich Nietzsche quote. Refresh the page to see a new comic and share your favorites by clicking permalink.
October 07, 2006
This guy in Australia has a site where he documents lots of different hobby projects, including Tesla coils, magnetic can crushers and ferro-fluids among other things.
Here's a picture of his lifter - an asymmetric capacitor that flies. It's based on the Biefeld-Brown effect [PDF]. We built one at home a year and ½ ago and they're pretty cool.
The following is the conclusion of the essay "Science and Religion" by Werner Heisenberg (1927).
Niels [Bohr] closed the conversation with one of those stories he liked to tell on such occasions: "One of our neighbors in Tisvilde once fixed a horseshoe over the door to his house. A friend asked him, 'But are you really superstitious? Do you honestly believe that this horseshoe will bring you luck?'
He replied, `Of course not. But they say it works even if you don't believe in it.'"
A good use for Maxtor drives
Demonstrated in this clip at YouTube.
When the yogi ordered a pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill.
"Don't I get change?" the yogi asked.
"Change must come from within," replied the proprietor.
October 05, 2006
More Blue Angels
Steve R sends four more Blue Angels pix to augment the collection of Blue Angels at San Francisco images. All images are pop-ups.
Share the pain
School Gives Parents Detention For Late Kids
POSTED: 6:33 am EDT October 2, 2006
NEW YORK -- A public school is requiring detention for parents who get their kids to school late.
Under the new rule at the Manhattan School for Children, parents who don't drop off their children by 8:25 a.m. have to pick up late slips from the principal's office and go to the auditorium to serve 20 minutes of detention with them.
Here's video from an R/C plane with a camera mounted in it. That's not news, but the guy controlling it can watch from the pilot's point of view using a pair of 'video goggles.
In one interesting frame, the controller sees himself in the video as the plane passes him.
The Irish priest
An Irish priest came to America and as part of his new duties was given the sermon to preach. He had the bad habit, though, of getting off onto lectures about what treacherous folk the English were. This annoyed his American congregation, who soon complained to the bishop.
So the bishop called the priest in and said, "Father O'Rourke, I've been getting complaints that you're bad-mouthing the English during your Sunday sermons."
"Ahh, Bishop," the good Father said, "'tis true an' all. I forget meself sometimes while preaching the sermon."
"Well, Father, don't let it happen again or I'll have no choice to but to discipline you."
So Father O'Rourke behaved himself for a few weeks but eventually delivered another scathing sermon against the English. The parishoners once again complained and the priest was summoned to the angry bishop's office.
"This is your final warning, Father," the bishop said. "One more sermon like your last and I'll send you to Idaho where there are no Irish and very few Catholics. How'd you like that?"
"Oh no, Bishop," the Father said, "I've no wish to lave here and ye'll hear no more of my talkin' agin' the English."
"Be sure that I don't," the bishop said. "I'll be attending next Sunday to see that you obey."
So the bishop came to mass the following Sunday to hear Father O'Rourke's sermon. Since it was Palm Sunday, the text was the Last Supper and Father O'Rourke was preaching thus:
"And Jesus said to the disciples, 'One of ye here dining wi' me will betray me before this night is tru.' Then Peter stood up and asked, 'Is it me, Lard? Am I th' one?' And Jesus told Peter, 'Na, na, Peter, take yer seat. Ye'll deny me thrice but ye won't betray me.'
So then Thomas asked, 'Is it me, Lard?' and Jesus replied 'Na, Thomas, ye'll doubt me soon enough but ye won't betray me.'
And then Judas spoke up saying, 'I say, old chap, may I have a word with you?'"
October 04, 2006
Mike sends a link to this interesting Flash clip called Icon's Story.
It reminds me of the Battlefield Flash clip a few weeks back.
It'll be a surprise
A woman went into a sporting goods store and told the clerk, "I'm looking for a gun."
The clerk was a little bewildered because there were all manner of guns in the store: pistols, rifles, and shotguns in all sorts of calibers, gauges and styles. So he asked the woman, "What do you want it for?"
"Oh, it's for my husband," the woman replied.
"Well, what kind do you think he'd like?" the clerk asked.
"Like?" the woman said. "He doesn't even know I'm gonna shoot him!"
½ price sale
Lou sends these curious images from Colorado Springs. Must have been one heck of a divorce.
Looking for Herman
Back in 1955, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon an Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon an Army dentist pulled seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army's been looking for Herman for the last 51 years.
Tip o' the hat to Carol.
October 03, 2006
A clever ad for insurance.
Via A Welsh View.
A dog that knows the value of a dollar
A guy walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender stops him and says that dogs aren't allowed in the bar and that the dog will have to stay outside. "But," says the guy, "this is Butch - the talking dog."
"Oh, really?" the bartender sneers.
"All right, I'll prove it. He'll fetch the paper."
"Well, any dog can do that."
"And pay for it? And return the change? " the man asks.
"OK, I've got to see this..."
The man hands the dog a five dollar bill and tells him to go get a paper. The dog replies, "OK, boss."
"And don't forget my change!" the man yells after the dog.
One hour goes by and the dog hasn't returned. Two hours go by and still no dog. Three hours go by and the owner is starting to get worried, so he goes out to find Butch. He looks in the alleyway next to the bar and sure enough there's the dog in flagrante delicto with a female.
"Butch! You've never done this before! Why now?"
"Well, boss," Butch says, "I never had five bucks before."
Few things beat a good joke about Zen. This one comes from True & Useful.
Steve F sends this somewhat long piece about WD-40 (most of which is confirmed at the company's site). Next week, maybe, we'll have one about duct tape.
The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a "water displacement" compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40.
The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their Atlas missile parts. Their workers were so pleased with the product they began smuggling (also known as "shrinkage" or "stealing") it out to use at home.
The Rocket Chemical Co. executives decided there might be a consumer market for it and put it in aerosol cans. The rest is history. It is a carefully guarded recipe known only to four people. One of them is the "brew master." There are about 2.5 million gallons of the stuff manufactured each year. It gets its distinctive smell from a fragrance that is added to the brew. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.
Here are a few of the 1000s of uses:
- Protects silver from tarnishing
- Cleans and lubricates guitar strings
- Gets oil spots off concrete driveways
- Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making it slippery
- Keeps flies off cows
- Restores and cleans chalkboards
- Removes lipstick stains
- Loosens stubborn zippers
- Untangles jewelry chains
- Removes stains from stainless steel sinks
- Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill
- Keeps ceramic & terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing
- Removes tomato stains from clothing
- Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots
- Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors
- Keeps scissors working smoothly
- Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
- Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide
- Lubricates gear shift and mower-deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers
- Rids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises
- Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open
- Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close
- Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards and vinyl bumpers
- Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles
- Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans
- Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons and bicycles for easy handling
- Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly
- Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools
- Removes splattered grease on stove
- Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging
- Lubricates prosthetic limbs
- Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell)
- Removes all traces of duct tape
- Some folks spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
- The favorite use in the state of New York: WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
- WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. It's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing is not allowed in some states.
- Keeps away chiggers on the kids
- Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately, and stops the itch.
- WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
- Also, if you've discovered that you have washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
- If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start. (If I knew what a distributor cap was, it might help)
- WD-40, long known for its ability to remove leftover tape smunges (sticky label tape), is also a lovely perfume and air freshener! Sprayed liberally on every hinge in the house, it leaves that distinctive clean fresh scent for up to two days!
- Seriously though, it removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
- Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
October 02, 2006
A.E. sends this topical cartoon that appeared in The Sacramento Bee.
An old one but worth a reprise since the Cards lucked into the N.L. Central championship.
Near the end of the school year, a first grade teacher was explaining to her class that she was a Cubs fan. She asked her class to raise their hands if they were too. Wanting to impress the teacher, practically everyone in the class raised his hand -- all except one little boy. The teacher looked at the boy with surprise and asked, "Andrew, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Cubs fan."
The teacher asked in a shocked voice, "Well, if you're not a Cubs fan then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a Cardinals fan and proud of it," Andrew replied.
The teacher couldn't believe her ears. "Well, why are you a Cardinals fan, Andrew?"
"Cuz my mom and dad are both Cardinals fans, so I'm a Cardinals fan too!"
"Hmph!" said the teacher in an annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a Cardinals fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a moron, what would you be then?"
"Then," says Andrew, "I'd be a Cubs fan."
Via A Welsh View.
Does he even own a DeLorean?
Doctor Claims He Travels Back In Time To Heal
State Health Officials Not Buying It
POSTED: 9:14 am EDT September 29, 2006
COLUMBUS, Ohio -- An Ohio chiropractor who claimed to treat patients using time travel has surrendered his license to practice.
State regulators had been investigating Dr. James Burda of Athens, who said he could take care of anyone, anywhere by reaching back in time to when the injury occurred.
Burda said he discovered the skill six years ago when he hurt his own foot while driving. He said he gave the pain a command to stop and it went away.
He said he doesn't use force to realign bones, but he uses his mind to manipulate the body. But if that doesn't work, he said he travels back in time to fix the problem. He calls the practice Bala-Keem. State medical officials call it malpractice.