Client/server - Two types of easily hacked computers

Clean desk policy - What document users admit to ignoring during your intellectual property theft investigation

Confidentiality, Integrity, and Availability - The three great myths of the Internet Age

Crackers - Hackers

Cryptography - The science of applying a complex set of mathematical algorithms to prevent you from accessing your own data while allowing easy access for the hacker

Cybercrime - Crime

Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) - See "Bot"

Downtime - Refers to computer systems' natural state; the opposite of anticipated downtime

E-Commerce - A historical fad from the late '90s meant to generate hundreds of billions of dollars in new profits; the inciting factor that generated hundreds of billions of dollars being spent on security products

Firewalls - Speed bumps

Hackers - Self-righteous crackers

Help desk - A place where rude people read instruction manuals to confused people over the phone, for a fee

Identity theft - The transfer of your personally identifying information from corporations that want to exploit it to hackers who want to exploit it

JOOTT ("jute") - adj. Acronym for Just One Of Those Things; the primary explanation for most computer problems

Laptop - A computer designed to allow employees easily to store vast amounts of customer data in the backseat of a taxicab

Mission critical - adj. Term used to help hackers identify their targets

Non-repudiation - The opposite of repudiation; repudiation, only not

O.S. hardening - An attempt to secure your operating system against the next hack by closing the hole used by the previous one

Passwords - Authentication tool that, when properly implemented, drives growth at the help desk

Patching - A mandatory fool's errand

Pharming and phishing - Ways to obtain phood

PKI (Public-Key Infrastructure) - A system designed to transfer all of the complexities of strong authentication onto end users

Regression testing - The process by which you learn how the patches that fixed your system also broke your system

Road warriors - Traveling employees responsible for delivering malicious code back to headquarters

Scope creep - Stage three of the standard software development model

Upgrade - The process by which you introduce new vulnerabilities into software

Virus - Sort of like a worm but not exactly

Worm - Similar to a virus but different

Zombie - See "Distributed Denial of Service"