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February 28, 2009

Kite photography

At 10:15, this is a fairly long clip but I found it very interesting.

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I'll drink to that

Jeff sends a link to Jimmy Buffett performing a new tune titled We've Got a Lot To Drink About. Jeff's link is to this YouTube video which appears to have been shot using a hand camera. The audio isn't too bad but the video's out of focus and dark.

There's a version with better video & audio at Buffett's Margaritaville site. Click on the 'Watch' button under the 'Lot To Drink About - Live From Key West' listing.

I'm guessing Dave will like this one, based on his recent comment. (Assuming, of course, that he doesn't mind a little Jimmy Buffett.)

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February 27, 2009

Pwned! (2)

Congratulations to Dixie, KAAL TV's contest winner:


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Cuatros años


The first of 3267 posts went up on this day in 2005.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:19 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Tough competition

Here's a clever ad for Volkswagen.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Splish splash

Double Amputee Fitted For Mermaid Tail
Company Worked On 'Lord Of The Rings' Series

AUCKLAND, New Zealand -- A New Zealand double amputee never expected a response when she sent a note to a special effects company asking if they would create a mermaid tail to help her swim. Two years later, her dream came true.

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Don't forget to smile and wave

A funny bumper sticker


Get yours here.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:16 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Vise-Grip tales

How Vise-Grips Saved My Life and Other Tales at Popular Mechanics. Here's one of nine:

I was fishing a bass tournament, and my fishing buddy hooked me (accidentally) with not one, but TWO hooks of a treble hook–right in my nostrils. Ouch! It looked like it was going to be a short day, but after some cleaning of the old Vise-Grips, we were able to crush the barbs on both hooks down and push them back OUT of my nose. We even ended up finishing in second place that day!

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February 26, 2009

Taking care of business

The Big Picture has a 45 pictures of people at work. The guy below works at a Swiss steel factory near Lucerne.



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Don't count on vigilance

KC cops change 'natural cause' ruling to homicide after funeral home finds 3 bullet holes

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- The death of a man who police and a medical examiner had said was the result of natural causes has been ruled a homicide after a funeral home found three bullet holes in his body.

The Kansas City Star reported Thursday that the wounds -- two of them in Anthony Crockett's head -- were noticed by funeral home workers after the man's body was embalmed Friday.

Car Ticketed With Dead Body In Back Seat

GAINESVILLE, Fla. -- A car found in a Gainesville neighborhood with a dead body in the back seat had been ticketed seven times by city parking enforcement.

Police found the body when a resident called authorities Monday afternoon to report the car, which had been parked on the street for days. A preliminary autopsy helped police identify the body as 42-year-old John Waldo, who had been missing since Feb. 11.

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Trapped like rats

Here's an ad from a couple of years back for Becel (which appears to sell margarine and cooking oil).

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Atlas Reads

Sales of "Atlas Shrugged" Soar in the Face of Economic Crisis

Washington, D.C., February 23, 2009--Sales of Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" have almost tripled over the first seven weeks of this year compared with sales for the same period in 2008. This continues a strong trend after bookstore sales reached an all-time annual high in 2008 of about 200,000 copies sold.

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Wedding dress of the year

Tucson John sends five images of this young woman in the "Wedding Dress of the Year, Key West style".

Looks like she's eager for the honeymoon to begin, doesn't it? The NSFW details on how this 'dress' was painted on her appear after the break.





John says, "I thought maybe I should get married again. But then I thought, 'No, I think I want to become a painter.'"

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February 25, 2009


Someone (was it you, John?) sent a PowerPoint slideshow of very nice plane pictures. (They're mostly from Airliners.net.) I checked out a couple of slideshow-sharing sites and found basically the same show at SlideBoom - except this one contains more images than the PowerPoint version.

Full-screen mode recommended for this one.

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Ridin' that train

Somebody couldn't get a cab, I suppose.

120-Ton Diesel Freight Train Stolen

MIAMI -- Police in Miami were looking for a bold thief who stole a CSX train and took it for a joyride.

The 120-ton diesel freight train was taken over the weekend and company officials said the train was parked in a storage unit when it was stolen.

Investigators were able to track down the train about seven miles away and said they believe the thief had to be a very experienced engineer to pull off the robbery.

Given the weight (120 tons), this must be referring to a locomotive when it says 'train.'

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Getting to know you

This comes from the facebook page for the American Tea Party.


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Poor career choice

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter -- a good find for a retiree like me -- I lasted less than a day.

WalmartGreeter.jpgAbout two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-sounding woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them as they came through the entrance. As instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ain't twins! The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am," I replied. "I just couldn't imagine that you got laid twice. Have a nice day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Thanks to Bill.

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Plenty o' ham at this food festival

Chef Paula Deen loses her pants during festival demo

Superchef Mario Batali may have dropped a couple of f-bombs at a South Beach Wine & Food Festival dinner honoring the king and queen of Spain. But Paula Deen did him one better Sunday afternoon, unwittingly mooning the audience at her festival demo.

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No merit badge this camping trip

Barnstable man burned after building fire in car

HYANNIS - A 24-year-old Marstons Mills man was taken to Cape Cod Hospital early this morning after walking into the Hyannis Fire Department seeking help for burns received after setting a fire in his car to keep warm. [...]

Larue said he started a small fire in the car in order to keep warm, but put the fire out when he started getting dizzy, Cadrin said. The car, a rental, was "heavily damaged," according to firefighters.

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February 24, 2009

The downfall of the Third Reich

Due to grammar?


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The host is busy

A reader-submitted tale at The Daily WTF.

Years ago, I worked for a company that sold and supported a restaurant Point of Sale (POS) system named after a furry creature that eats and hides nuts. We had lots of large accounts across the world.

The system was sort of a client-server setup, with a Host Computer in the back office that drove dumb terminals on the restaurant floor. Whenever there was a problem or lost connection, the terminals would usually flash "Host busy, Manager check Host". Most problems could be cured with a reboot of the host computer.

One day I got a call from a manager of an Applebee's. He says that they can't ring up any orders and that the screens all say "Host busy, manager check Host".

I asked him if he's checked the host. He says "Yep, I've already done that. She's really busy, seating people as fast as she can!"

I put him on hold while I regained my composure.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

More magic with chalk

Via the UK's Daily Mail, here are three chalk drawings done on roads & streets by a fellow named Edgar Mueller. They're a little larger in scope than Julian Beaver's drawings but they're equally impressive.




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You see two, you've seen 'em all

Boobs on Bikes falls a bit flat

Auckland tried to ban the Boobs on Bikes parade, Wellingtonians turned their backs on the accompanying sex festival, and Christchurch is opting for a low-key approach to avoid free publicity for next month's event.

The Erotica Lifestyles Expo will be held at the Christchurch Convention Centre from March 6 to 8, with the controversial Boobs on Bikes parade to open the event. [...]]

Mayor Bob Parker said he found the event "boring" and a "waste of space", adding that "the only positive I can think of is it might be a slight improvement looking at boobs on bikes as opposed to boobs driving around in noisy cars, but I can't see it as a significant improvement".

The reaction seemed a little different three years ago.

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February 23, 2009

Where's Joaquin?

This first clip is Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman's Late Show earlier this month.

This second clip is Ben Stiller doing a hilarious goof on Joaquin at the Academy Awards presentation.

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Micro puzzles

Care to guess what this is? There are 12 others like it in The World's Smallest Puzzles at Discover magazine's site.



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Excedrin Headache #33

Woman's Hair Weave Stops Bullet

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Aside a bit of a headache, a Kansas City woman said she was uninjured after a bullet fired at her ended up tangled in her hair weave.

Police said the 20-year-old woman was in a convenience store parking lot late Wednesday when a man flagged her down and told her that her ex-boyfriend still loved her.

She replied, "Well I don't love him," then heard gunshots.

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Men talking to women

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Bush Visits Hardware Shop That Offered Him Job
Store Had Invited Bush To Apply For Greeter Position

DALLAS -- Former President George W. Bush has visited a Dallas hardware store that earlier this month made him a lighthearted offer to work as a greeter.

Andrea Bond, a manager at Elliott's Hardware, said Bush walked into the store Saturday and quipped: "I'm looking for a job."

The store had published an open letter to Bush, inviting him to apply for a store greeter position. The tongue-in-cheek appeal appeared in The Dallas Morning News and its commuter-oriented sister publication, Quick.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 22, 2009

Weekend Watching VI

These two clips about the credit crisis are simplified -- naturally, or you'd be here the rest of the month. But they show the major points.

One thing not mentioned is that historically (for most of the 20th century), mortgages in the U.S. were handled by savings bankers and not by investment bankers. There were no phone calls from Main Street to Wall Street, as the video describes it. Investment bankers got involved with mortgages in the 70s and 80s when GNMA (followed by others) began to securitize mortgages to make MBS's. These mortgage-backed securities are a big topic in Michael Lewis' book Liar's Poker. (It's a good read, btw.)

MBS's were a way for bond brokers to trade a group of mortgages in much the same way they traded corporate and government bonds. MBS's became CMOs (CDOs, as the video calls them) when traders cut them up into tranches (a French word for slices).

It's an interesting cultural take that the prime borrowers appear as a couple with 1 child and a dog. But the sub-prime borrowers are shown as overweight smokers with 4 children. It's a wonder they didn't put horns on their heads and work an SUV in there somehow.

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February 20, 2009

Custom finishes

Here's one of the cars in DRB's Covered Wagons article about cars with unusual coverings. This truck's covered with wine corks. It's just one of several novel ideas there.


They beat the carpet-covered car I posted about in March, 2005.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Drive-thru hack

Pranksters hack drive-through speaker

Pranksters hijacked the speaker at the Taco Bell drive-through Tuesday afternoon.

The suspects were able to find the same frequency used at the drive-through to broadcast as if they were Taco Bell employees, according to Sedalia Police Department reports.

"They were just saying vulgar things to (customers)," said Sgt. Matt Wirt, a detective.

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New element

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, called Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.Governmentium.jpg

Since Governmentium has no electrons it is inert. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons thus forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Tip o' the hat to Allen.

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Hi-yo, Stagflation! Away!

This week's Friday Funny at ReasonOnline.


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Two kinds of people

Americans fall into two distinct categories today: those who remember how devastating the policies of Jimmy Carter were, and those who are about to find out. - Ron Hart
Based on this news, I think he's right:
Carter voices confidence in Obama stimulus plan

ATLANTA (AP) — Former President Jimmy Carter has voiced support for President Barack Obama's plan to stimulate the economy.

Carter says he has "full confidence" in Obama's proposal and expects it will take about six months for the economy to begin improving.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:40 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 19, 2009

Chicago Tea Party

This is a great clip from CNBC but you'll need to follow the link to watch it (since offsite embedding's not available).

Santelli's Chicago Tea Party

CNBC's Rick Santelli and the traders on the floor of the CBOE express outrage over the notion they may have to pay their neighbor's mortgage, particularly if they bought far more house than they could actually afford, with Jason Roney, Sharmac Capital.

Update: Here's the video -

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Top PowerPoint mistakes


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Money-back guarantee

Chuck in Montana paid a rancher $100 for a horse and the rancher agreed to deliver the horse the next day. But when the rancher drove up the next day he said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news... the horse died."

Chuck replied, "All right. Just give me my money back."

"Can't do that," said the rancher. "I went and spent it already." RaffleTickets.jpg

"OK, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The rancher asked, "What're ya gonna do with a dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle it off."

"You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later, the rancher met up with Chuck again and asked him, "So what happened with that dead horse?"

"I raffled him off, like I said. Sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898."

"Didn't anybody complain?"

"Just the guy who won," said Chuck. "So I gave him his two dollars back."

Posted by joke du jour at 06:13 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Feeling paranoid?

If these parlous times having you thinking about crawling into a cave, here's an eBay deal for you.

Unique Cave Home over 15,000 sf. Beautiful setting
2.8 Acres / Commercial or Residential
Starting bid: US $300,000.00
End time: Mar-11-09 18:19:49 PDT (21 days 1 hour)

Item location: Festus, Missouri, United States

History: 0 bids


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Still others call it raving lunacy

Faith Of Britain Day is a day that focuses all of the positive energy in the country towards achieving our hopes and aspirations. For exactly two minutes on March 6th at 11.00am our consortium of psychics and healers will act as a channel for the positive thoughts of the entire country. [...]

Why will this work?

It is a proven scientific fact that thinking about something often causes it to happen. Some call this quantum physics. Others simply call it "faith." We ask that you open your mind to joining in with a unique psychic force that will change our lives through the power of thought.


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February 18, 2009

A banjo-pickin' fool

Who tells an old joke with pretty good style.


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Musical kidneys

6-Way Kidney Transplant Involves 3 States
12 Patients Have Surgery On Valentine's Day

Surgeons at Johns Hopkins Hospital teamed up for a medical first over the weekend -- the nation's first multi-center, six-way kidney transplant.

TV station WBAL in Baltimore reported that the process involved one kidney being flown from Baltimore to Oklahoma City, one from Oklahoma City to St. Louis and one from St. Louis to Baltimore.

The complex swap orchestrated by Dr. Robert Montgomery involved 12 patients at three different hospitals, nine surgeons and a team of nearly 100 people.

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More sidewalk chalk drawings

Here are 27 pictures of sidewalk chalk drawings from Carol. Most - but not all - appear to be the work of Julian Beever.




























Posted by joke du jour at 06:44 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

What would that be in revolutions per month?

Man takes 26 years to solve Rubik's Cube

It has taken most of his life – but, after 26 years, builder Graham Parker has finally solved the puzzle of the Rubik's Cube.

When he bought the toy in 1983, Yuri Andropov was leader of the Soviet Union, breakfast TV was a novelty and music CDs were in the shops for the first time.

'I cannot tell you what a relief it was to finally solve it,' the 45-year-old from Portchester, Hampshire, said. 'It has driven me mad over the years – it felt like it had taken over my life.

'I have missed important events to stay in and solve it and I would lie awake at night thinking about it.

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February 17, 2009

Road hazard signs

At atom.smasher.org you can make your own road hazard sign.


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A MARRIED Manchester United fan drove 400 miles for a saucy weekend with a girl he'd met on the internet only to discover it was an elaborate hoax set up by two burly Liverpool supporters he had upset on holiday.

Stuart Slann spent nine hours in his car travelling to Aberdeen believing he was about to enjoy his first night of romance with a girl called "Emma", whom he had never talked to but had been sending him suggestive email messages for over a month. [...]

After sitting in his car growing increasingly cold and frustrated for over three hours, Stuart finally called "Emma" and was horrified to hear a man with a Liverpool accent answer and say: "Hello Stuart, do you remember us? It's them Scouse lads who threw you in the pool. You've been framed."

Here's a recording of the phone conversation at Break.com which includes a picture of Mr. Slann with the sex toy he'd brought along.


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Fast and low

The Blue Angels at San Francisco bay.

And threee fighters in Belgium (I believe):

Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack


A reader-submitted story at The Daily WTF.

Recently, one of our customers called in with some problems he was having with his computer.

"I'm having a lot of problems with my crunchies," he explained.

"I'm sorry," Romjin responded, "I don't know what you mean?"

"Uhh," the customer paused, "you know, I was on the Internet this morning, and it kept telling me about my crunchies."

"Crunchies??" I asked, completely perplexed, "is this a game you have installed?"

"I don't know," he said, "it just keep saying something about my crunchies."

After some thought about Internet and websites warnings, it dawned on me. "Do you mean Cookies?"

"Yeah," he responded, "that's what it was saying!"

Posted by joke du jour at 06:30 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 16, 2009

Visible heat

Here's a nice collection of infrared images -- 101 of them.



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Biters bit

Burglary Victim Drives Off In Thieves' Van
Burglars Leave TVs, Laptop After Finding Car Gone

BELLEVUE, Wash. -- A man in Washington state made sure a pair of burglars didn't get away with his three flat-screen televisions -- he moved their getaway car.

Patrick Rosario was in the basement of his Bellevue home on Tuesday when he heard the burglars upstairs.

The Seattle Times said the 32-year-old Rosario, who had been laid off from his job as a Washington Mutual manager, called 911 while he sneaked out of the house.

He saw a white van sitting in front of his house with the motor running and the keys in the ignition, and he got in and drove it to a friend's house.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

He speaks Woman

A funny ad for Carlton beer (Australia).

Posted by joke du jour at 06:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A tale to give you paws

Once there was a couple who kept a cat. But the husband absolutely hated his wife's cat and one day he decided to get rid of it. So he drove the cat 20 blocks from home and left it at the park.

As he arrived back home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

KittyCat.jpgThe next day he decided to try again and he drove the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out again and headed home.

Pulling into his driveway, there was the cat!

So he kept taking the cat further and further away but the cat would always beat him home.

At last he decided to drive several miles into the countryside, make a lot of turns, and cross a bridge until he reached what he thought was a spot remote enough from his home. He left the cat there.

Hours later the man called home. 'Marge, is the cat there?'

'Yes,' the wife answered. 'Why do you ask?'

Frustrated, the man answered, 'Well, put that son of a bitch on the phone! I'm lost and need directions.'

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February 15, 2009


A cleverly done ad that's just the thing for a St. Valentine's Day weekend.

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February 13, 2009

Weekend Reading 29

Here's an interesting blog post by law professor David Mayer, marking the 200th anniversary of Lincoln's birthday.

A Bicentennial Defense of Abraham Lincoln

So, to observe Lincoln's bicentennial this year, I'd like to write a short defense of Lincoln, and particularly of his record as U.S. president. What follows is a slightly revised version of the essay I posted on February 15, 2006, as part of my "Rating the U.S. Presidents III," discussing "Abraham Lincoln: Why He's Great." To that I've appended the first essay I wrote about Abraham Lincoln, "The Lesson of Lincoln," which I wrote when I was a high school student.

While reading this essay, I was reminded of Mary Chapin Carpenter's John Wilkes Booth. Here's Tony Rice's version.

Young Abe Lincoln wasn't young no more / 
Tired old man when he won the war

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Livin' the fantasy

This is impressive - even if you're not into fantasy football.

H.T. Bill

Posted by joke du jour at 06:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

As useful as an e-condom

NYC Health Dept.'s E-Condoms Just in Time for Valentine's Day

The same folks who threw transfats ouf the Big Apple and are now trying to ban salt -- all for New Yorkers' own good of course -- unveiled their Facebook page featuring e-condoms.

As the New York Times explains:

The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, which introduced the city's official condom on Valentine's Day two years ago, has introduced a Facebook page and Facebook application to promote the use of condoms. ...

As of Wednesday afternoon, nearly 1,500 e-condoms, as the Facebook messages are called, had been circulated through the site. The application includes a ranking that displays who has sent the most e-condoms, though several on the list — Jessica Scaperotti, Sheryl Tirol-Goodwin, Geoffrey Cowley, Sara Markt and Celina De Leon — were employees of the health department's communications office.

Happy Valentine's Day from the NYC Health Department.

Whole Times article here.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:57 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Even more cute animal pix

Mary sends a collection of 21 cute pictures of animals.






















Posted by joke du jour at 06:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Trying to keep it down low

From today's Post-Dispatch:

Feb. 14 can be a big day for marital cheaters

A tender embrace in a park. A lingering kiss outside a restaurant. A gentle caress while parting.

Click, click.

And… busted!

"Valentine's Day is, of course, one of the biggest days of the year to catch cheaters," says Mike Barbieri, consulting director with PDI Investigations in Clayton. [...]

Since this Valentine's Day falls on a Saturday, there are bound to be some extramarital liaisons tonight, says Chris Rey, with the Aabott-Rey Detective Agency in south St. Louis County. He says he sees a spike in calls from concerned spouses and significant others around this Hallmark holiday. [...]

One of Rey's cases involved a man who ordered flowers for his paramour through a local florist. When the florist asked for the delivery address, the man gave his home address.

The flowers — and the card addressed to his mistress — were delivered to his wife.

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Fishy ad

An ad for VW from Buenos Aires based BITT Animation.


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February 12, 2009

Mind your speed

Tucson John sends this warning message.

With the highway death toll continuing to increase, this will be the first year that Zero Tolerance Speed Cameras will be used. The new cameras look different than the regular cameras. I have included a photo so that you will be familiar with them. Make sure you do not speed when approaching one. Please take this warning seriously, as you will not get a second chance. Happy Motoring!


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Love is the drug

Researchers: You're Addicted To Love
Scientists Say Broken Hearted Have Cocaine-Like Craving

WASHINGTON -- Singer Robert Palmer may have been right when he said, "You're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love."

Neuroscientists examining love circuits in the brain suggest that romantic love works chemically in the brain like a drug addiction by triggering the release of dopamine.

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Escalator improv

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Should have quit the day job

Deputies say Ohio teacher cut class for prostitution

BELLEFONTAINE, OHIO: Authorities say an Ohio fourth-grade teacher had a side job as a prostitute, and even skipped class after using a school computer to arrange an afternoon tryst at a motel.

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February 11, 2009

15 unfortunate names for towns

At Oddee.com


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It's the Real Thing

India to launch cow urine as soft drink (no, we're not taking the p***)

Does your Pepsi lack pep? Is your Coke not the real thing? India's Hindu nationalist movement apparently has the answer: a new soft drink made from cow urine.

The bovine brew is in the final stages of development by the Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group, according to the man who makes it.

They'll need to be careful not to confuse it with the Dr. Pepper.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:07 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

This one's for Timoteo

From Brian Dunbar's Space for Commerce:


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Efficiency at the post office

A guy went to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asked him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'

He replied, 'Yes - caffeine.'

'Have you ever been in the military service?' asked the interviewer.

'Yes,' he replied. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer said, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.' Then he asked, 'Are you disabled in any way?' Postman.jpg

The guy said, 'Yes... an IED exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.'

The interviewer grimaced and then he said, 'OK, You have enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 and plan on starting at 10:00 A.M. every day.'

The guy was puzzled and asked, 'If the work hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M., why don't you want me to here until 10?'

'This is a government job,' the interviewer said. 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. Not much point in you coming in for that.'

H.T. Tucson John

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The Impotence of Proofreading

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How annoying is Bill Gates?

Leading me to wonder, "Which would you rather have... malaria or Vista?"

Bill Gates Unleashes Mosquitoes On Audience
Stunt Aimed At Brining Attention To Malaria Fight

LONG BEACH, Calif. -- Bill Gates is responsible for a host of bugs at a California high tech conference.

To emphasize a point about malaria prevention, the Microsoft co-founder opened a jar of mosquitoes on stage and let the swarm mingle with audience members.

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February 10, 2009

Speaker monster

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Academic Earth

This is a pretty cool site where you can find video clips of lectures -- the full lectures -- in a variety of disciplines from well-known universities: AcademicEarth.org


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Children and their dogs

Here's an übercute collection: 17 photos of kids with dogs.



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Panic sets in

Man calls 9-1-1 to complain about fast food

BOYNTON BEACH, FL, -- A late night trip to Burger King prompted a call to 911 by an irate customer.

Jean Fortune called the emergency line to complain that the fast food company did not have lemonade, that his burger was taking too long, and that the employee was rude to him. He spent five minutes talking to the 911 operator about his complaint.

Boynton Beach Police responded to the fast food restaurant and then arrested Fortune misusing the emergency phone line.

(Audio at the link.)

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Don't listen to lyrics


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He's got my vote

Mich. Drain Commissioner Wants Pink Slip
Dennis Lennox Says Job Should Be Abolished

CHEBOYGAN, Mich. -- Not many people would say "fire me" in this economy. But Dennis Lennox wants a pink slip from the Cheboygan County, Mich., government.

Lennox was elected drain commissioner in November, but he said the county job is a waste of taxpayers' money and he wants it abolished.

The Republican from Topinabee said he planned to ask the county Board of Commissioners to pass a resolution to abolish his office.

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February 09, 2009

Classical harmonica

It's a pity there's so much aliasing in this clip's audio because it's pretty impressive. I've never heard of a harmonica soloist at Carnegie Hall.

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Who says there ain't no justice?

Class action lawyers to be paid in gift cards
by Walter Olson on February 5, 2009

The client class members were to receive only gift cards, not cash, in the settlement with Windsor Fashions, a clothing retailer, so Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Brett Klein thought it only fair to provide that Yorba Linda attorney Neil B. Fineman be paid his fee with "12,500 ten-dollar Windsor Fashions gift cards." (Metropolitan News-Enterprise)

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Terry Fator again

The last time I mentioned Terry Fator, he was singing What a Wonderful World and winning on America's Got Talent. In the clip below, he appears on Jerry Lewis' MDA telethon and is equally impressive.


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Talkin' trash

April Winchell has snippets of President Obama reading his book Dreams From My Father. Some of the language is NSFW and those are the snippets she posted, naturally.

This would all be snickerworthy enough, but it turns out that Obama actually read the audiobook version of Dreams From My Father.

And that means he read Ray's quotes.

And that means you're about to hear the President of United States using language that would finish Cheney off once and for all.


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Thank God you're a man

This is one of three 'Thank God you're a man' ads for Goldstar Beer that were designed as flowcharts.

Click the link to see the ad in its original size. (Here are links to the other two ads.)

Tip o' the hat to Bill.


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February 07, 2009

Weekend Reading 27

Check out StimulusWatch.org. My quick appraisal of this site is that calling the stimulus package Porkulus isn't very far off the mark.

StimulusWatch.org was built to to help the new administration keep its pledge to invest stimulus money smartly, and to hold public officials to account for the taxpayer money they spend. We do this by allowing you, citizens around the country with local knowledge about the proposed "shovel-ready" projects in your city, to find, discuss and rate those projects. These projects are not part of the stimulus bill. They are candidates for funding by federal grant programs once the bill passes. Learn more by reading the FAQs.

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February 06, 2009

Co-ordinated ATM hack

Pretty impressive in scope: a nine million dollar heist.

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Burning love

Picture this: reaching for the K-Y jelly and grabbing the Vicks VapoRub by mistake.

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Thar she blows

A nice collection of photos of whales, apparently taken at Maui a couple of years ago.



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She's still trying?

I think South Korea needs a 300-strikes-and-you're-out law or something just for cases like this.

771st Time Not Charm For Driver's Exam

Aspiring S. Korean Driver To Keep Retaking Written Test

SEOUL, South Korea -- If you think you struggled with your driver's exam, take heart. It probably didn't take you more than 700 tries to get past the written exam.

That's the case for a woman in South Korea who has taken the written exam needed for a driver's license almost every day for more than three years.

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Her Morning Elegance

This is a nice stop-motion music video that I found via Unruly Media's Viral Video Chart. It's #2 today.

Number 1 is David After Dentist (about the little boy recovering from anesthesia) and, interestingly, Reason TV's Stimulis is #5.

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February 05, 2009

Great eyes

A woman is standing nude in front of her bedroom mirror. She isn't happy with what she sees and she says to her husband, "I feel horrible! I look old and fat and ugly... I really need for you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

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Take our money. Please.

EBay top bidder: Take our money, keep your stuff

It started as a family joke: Facing snowballing medical expenses for their two young disabled children, Gregg and Brittiny Peters quipped they might need to sell everything they owned to stay solvent. As the bills tipped $10,000, however, the idea was no longer funny.

So on Thursday, the Gainesville, Ga., couple accepted a winning $20,000 eBay bid for all their belongings minus their house.

It came with one catch. The winning bidders, Donnia and Keith Blair of Texas, want the family to have the money, but keep their stuff.

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iPhone wallpaper

Here's a collection of 100 wallpaper images for iPhones. They're very nice images in many different styles: both photos and graphics.

iPhoneWallpapers.jpg iPhoneWallpapers2.gif


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February 04, 2009

Good times!

Cocktail.jpgMy wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion. I was staring at a drunken lady who was swigging her drink alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed. "She was my high school sweetheart. I heard she took to drinking right after we split up many years ago. And I hear lately that she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" said my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

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More funny pictures

10 funny pix at The Daily WTF. You'll need to scroll down the page a little.


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Tru Luv 4ever

Tattoos 'carved on lover while asleep'

A drunken lover carved tattoos into a man's body with a Stanley knife while he slept, a court heard.

Dominique Fisher, 22, etched her name on Wayne Robinson's shoulder and designs on his arm and back, it was claimed.

Mr Robinson, 24, woke to find blood oozing and was told by Fisher 'I'm a tattooist – I thought you would like it', jurors heard.

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Howlin' the blues

Where's the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band when they're needed?


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February 03, 2009


Jobseekers Asked To Sing The Blues

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Jobseekers in Central Florida are being asked to put their unemployment blues to music.

A talent show called "Careereoki" is asking entrants to submit videos in which they sing about their desired career.

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Golf joke

Via Miss Cellania, I discovered Old Jews Telling Jokes. Inspired!

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Well, it sounds pretty painful

'Cello Scrotum' Isn't Real, Lawmaker Admits
House Of Lords Member Says She Invented Ailment In 1974

A member of the United Kingdom's House of Lords confessed this week to making up an ailment more than 30 years ago that has concerned some male musicians ever since.

In Tuesday's issue of the British Medical Journal, British lawmaker Elaine Murphy admitted that she and her husband made up "cello scrotum," which relates to chafing from the instrument, reported CNN.com.

She said they got the idea after reading a 1974 letter in the journal about guitar nipple, which they thought "highly likely to be a spoof."

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RTFM, dude

This has to be one of the best warning stickers I've ever seen. It appears on a Wintersteiger combine.


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February 02, 2009

Nice work if you can get it

NY Museum Seeks Women For $10/Hour Sleep Art
Exhibit Described As 'Living Sculpture'

NEW YORK -- Looking for work? Here's a gig where you not only get to sleep on the job -- it is the job.

The New Museum of New York City is seeking women between the ages of 18 and 40 to participate in an art installation where a woman sleeps in a bed in the gallery space. The pay is $10 an hour.

This story reminds me of my student days at Illinois. One of the part-time jobs I had there was modeling for art classes. And one of the assignments I got was to model for an oils class, with the pose being to slouch down in an overstuffed chair. Since the prof didn't mind whether I was awake or not, I slept through the 3-hour class periods while the students drew or painted.

Since it takes a relatively long time to make an oil painting, that assignment went on for several weeks. So twice a week, after my early-morning job at The Daily Illini, I'd go to art class and sleep from 9 'til 12. It was great! Take it, Benny...

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iPod Touch mounted on M110 Sniper Rifle

We have seen some cool iPhone applications come out for shooting sports. But nothing comes close to the sheer awesomeness of the Knights Armaments M110 iPod Touch mount and accompanying ballistics software.


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NJ Disc Jockey To Part With Jenny's Number
867-5309 Number For Sale On EBay

WEEHAWKEN, N.J. -- After five years fielding thousands of calls to one of rock 'n' roll's most celebrated phone numbers, disc jockey Spencer Potter is hanging up on Jenny.

Her seven digits are familiar to anyone who paid attention to pop music in the early 1980s: 867-5309, immortalized by the band Tommy Tutone.

The auction has a week to go and the current bid is $75,000.

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Impressive skydiving trick


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February 01, 2009

Down at the Rockbox

I spent most of the last two weeks in Fredericksburg, Texas on my third annual trip there. And that's fine with me: a week or two in sunny Texas is a nice respite from winter in St. Louis.

The trip went well even though it was 9 straight days, sunup to sundown plus a few hours. A shout out to the crew at AgriTech, who showed off their teamwork again this year, is definitely in order.

While there, I knocked off early on Friday to go to dinner and a show with my host and some others. The dinner (at Silver Creek restaurant) was nice, but the highlight of the evening was the show at the Rockbox Theater. To say the show was a pleasant surprise would be to damn it with faint praise. It was strikingly good and the more so because it was in Fredericksburg, which is a town of fewer than 11,000 people.


Several things impressed me about the show and one of them was the production quality. It was top notch and easily the equal of productions I've seen here in St. Louis and in Branson, Missouri. For that matter, it was the equal of the one & only show I ever saw in Lake Tahoe. The audio was well-mixed - as clear as crystal - and they had the lighting script down pat. My kudos to the technical crew.

The show itself is put on by a troupe of 9 people. One of them said that they present a different show every week. That almost defies belief when you see how polished the shows are. These 9 folks are all accomplished musicians and whatever they did - whether playing or singing - was excellently done.

Evidently, much of what they do is musical revue acts. They did quite a bit of that in the show I saw. While I'm not a big fan of people doing medleys of other peoples' pop music, I have to admit they did that as well as it can be done. What I enjoyed more was their parodies based on pop tunes. One skit was about Feline Fitness Training and included parodies based on several songs, including Edward Starr's War. Very funny and, again, excellently performed.

Here's a clip of their parody based on Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.

Another of the acts in the show I saw included several old songs like My Boyfriend's Back, The Chapel of Love, and a parody of I Will Follow Him (featuring Wendy Hearn as Barbie) with the lyrics I Will Follow Ken... Laugh out loud.

One of the cast, T.J. Smith, was a very good mimic as well as an outstanding guitarist. (He's the guitarist/cop in the clip above.) He did numbers based on Stevie Ray Vaughan's and Johnny Cash's music. Another impressive performer was the keyboardist, Cass Moore. Since it's a small ensemble (drummer, bass player, guitarists and keyboards), Mr. Moore does a lot to provide all the string and brass tracks you'd hear from the much larger groups they cover in their revues.

I only mention Smith and Moore because of little things that struck me. I shouldn't single them out because I really can't say I had a favorite. Every member of the cast was impressive and they were all great together. You can tell this crew has worked together a long time. Check out their videos at YouTube.

The company bills its shows as 'family friendly' and that's a good description. There's a lot of humor but not much edge to it. There's no reason not to take young children (though kids might miss some of the jokes).

If you're ever in central Texas, near Austin or San Antonio, it'll be worth your while to make the trip to Fredericksburg and visit the Rockbox. They perform on Friday and Saturday nights and have matinees Saturday and Sunday afternoons.

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