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July 31, 2009

Good boy!

Mary sends this funny Bud Light ad:

Posted by joke du jour at 09:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Banned in 'Bama

Ban Of Wine With Nude On Label Is Marketing Boon

MONTGOMERY, Alabama -- Alabama's ban on a wine that features a nude nymph on the label became a business opportunity for a California vintner who is preparing a marketing campaign to capitalize on being "Banned in Bama."

The Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board recently told stores and restaurants to quit serving Cycles Gladiator wine because of the label. Board attorney Bob Martin said the stylized, art-nouveau rendition of a nude female with a flying bicycle violated Alabama rules against displaying "a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner."

Bill Leigon, president of Hahn Family Wines in Soledad, California, said Thursday that visits to the company's Web site have increased tenfold since news of the ban broke late last week, and callers from across the country have been asking where they can buy the wine.

Because of the interest, he's developing store displays that say "Banned in Bama" and "Taste What They Can't Have in Alabama."

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They're alive

Doctors at Toronto General Hospital use a ventilator, pump and filter, to keep lungs breathing in a glass dome for up to 12 hours following donation. See for yourself:

Posted by joke du jour at 09:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Proper terminology

While the C-5's engines were idling, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, and so on.

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and her crew take you safely to Afghanistan '

An old master sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? The captain's a woman? '

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you? Is the captain a woman?'

'Yes,' said the attendant. 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member. 'We no longer call it the cockpit. Now it's the Box Office.'

Posted by joke du jour at 09:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Cat retirement home

This clip is about The Cat House on the Kings in Parlier, CA.

Posted by joke du jour at 09:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

They're everywhere

From the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

Burglar gives cops best lead: his name

JEFFERSON COUNTY — An burglary suspect recently gave sheriff's detectives their best lead in catching him: his name. Spelled out.

Robert Gabler, 19, of Festus, has been charged with first-degree burglary after he allegedly forced his way into a home around 3 p.m. on July 22 on Wampler Drive in Arnold. [...]

The burglary victims told police that Gabler forced his way in, announced his name and spelled it before threatening to harm them. The victims told police that they forced Gabler out, but he punched through a glass door and flashed what looked to be a handgun before leaving, Higginbotham said.

"We were skeptical that a suspect would spell their name, but we were proven wrong when we confirmed his location at an area hospital with the injuries he obtained during the incident," Higginbotham said.

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July 30, 2009

Vortex cannon

"Incredible," writes Danilo. "It might help Big Bad Wolf against the 3 little pigs."

Posted by joke du jour at 06:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Tourists Gone Wild

F***ing authorities clamp down on f***ing tourists

Authorities in the Austrian village of F***ing have installed CCTV cameras in an attempt to stop tourists acting out the name in front of their road signs.

The tiny rural hamlet has been plagued by visitors filming themselves in sexually explicit positions with the name 'F***ing' in the background.

'I'm sure each of them think they're the first to think of it, but believe me they're not. We've grown very tired of it and we're doing something about it,' said one fed up resident of the village near Salzburg, which has a population of just 104.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

New bridge at Hoover Dam

Tucson John sends this picture of the Mike O'Callaghan-Pat Tillman Memorial Bridge. It's a little out of date: the concrete arches are now touching, according to this article.

OCallaghan-Tillman-Bridge.jpg
Taking shape, the new bridge at the Hoover Dam

Creeping closer inch by inch – 900ft above the mighty Colorado River – the two sides of a £160million bridge at the Hoover Dam in America slowly take shape. [...]

The arches are made up of 53 individual sections – each 24ft long – which have been cast on-site and are being lifted into place using an improvised high-wire crane strung between temporary steel pylons.

The arches will eventually measure more than 1,000ft across. At the moment, the structure looks like a traditional suspension bridge. But once the arches are complete, the suspending cables on each side will be removed.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Meanwhile, down in Phoenix

From The Arizona Republic:

Desperate state may sell Capitol buildings, others

Call it a sign of desperate times: Legislators are considering selling the House and Senate buildings where they've conducted state business for more than 50 years.

Dozens of other state properties also may be sold as the state government faces its worst financial crisis in a generation, if not ever. The plan isn't to liquidate state assets, though.

Instead, officials hope to sell the properties and then lease them back over several years before assuming ownership again. The complex financial transaction would allow government services to continue without interruption while giving the state a fast infusion of as much as $735 million, according to Capitol projections.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Be Amazing

From mental_floss:

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Richard Dawkins would be proud of this lad

Utah Boy, 7, Steals Car To Avoid Church
Boy Leads Police On Low-Speed Chase

PLAIN CITY, Utah -- Police in Utah say a 7-year-old boy led officers on a car chase in an effort to avoid going to church.

Dispatchers received reports of a child driving recklessly on Sunday morning. Weber County Sheriff's Capt. Klint Anderson says one witness said the boy drove through a stop sign. [...]

Anderson says when the boy's father later confronted him, the boy said he didn't want to go to church. The boy is too young to prosecute and no citations were issued, although police did urge the father to make his car keys more inaccessible to children.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 29, 2009

This soldier deserves his standing ovation

At a town hall meeting in St. Louis, he asks for an apology from Sen. Claire McCaskill (D- MO) for backing the health care bill. The crowd eats it up.

"Enumerated powers" - bless his heart.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Defamatory tweeting

News from Chicago.

Uptown Resident Sued For Twitter Post

A woman living in the North Side Uptown neighborhood is being sued for allegedly posting on her Twitter account a "tweet" that accuses her management company of being OK with moldy apartments.

Horizon Group Management sued Amanda Bonnen Monday for publishing a false and defamatory tweet on Twitter May 12.

According to the suit filed Monday in Cook County Circuit Court Bonnen wrote an update that said "Who said sleeping in a moldy apartment was bad for you? Horizon realty thinks it's okay." [...]

The suit seeks an excess of $50,000 in damages.

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Not once do his fingers leave his hands

Carol sends a link to this clip of Dom DeLuise performing a trick on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

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Elvis has not left the building

'Elvis' Forced Back Inside Building
Baltimore Restaurant Nacho Mama's Protesting City Order

BALTIMORE -- A Baltimore business is being forced by the city to keep "Elvis" in the building.

Nacho Mama's owners said they've had the Elvis statue outside their restaurant since it opened 15 years ago, reported WBAL-TV in Baltimore.

A couple of weeks ago, the city forced the owner to move the statue inside, causing an uproar from patrons and community members. The uproar grew into a movement to help Elvis leave the building.

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July 28, 2009

Fly guy

A cute animation by someone who knows cats well.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Alvin?

Killer chipmunks invade kitchens

BRITAIN'S killer chipmunk invasion has sparked a web frenzy — for rodent RECIPES.

The beasts, which bite and spread deadly diseases, are infiltrating the UK through the Channel Tunnel after a population explosion in France, experts say. [...]

But chefs on the lookout for a cheap and tasty meal are loving the rampant rodents' spread and flooding the internet with chipmunk recipes — including kebabs, pies and stews.

Online chefs state: "It is perfectly safe to eat a chipmunk. You don't even have to gut it if you don't want to."

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Touching the void

A long (9:32) clip about 'free solo' climbing. There are some really impressive shots in this clip.

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Some male views on marriage

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, some soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays. I go Fridays.

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage..

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky... Mine's still alive.."

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Somebody's oxygen supply needs to be checked

I don't know who made this video. I'm only hoping she doesn't vote.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

At least they weren't all wrong

Errors mar new Rothschild/Schofield sign

ROTHSCHILD -- Rothschild Village President Neal Torney says he's used to people misspelling his first name, but on Friday, such carelessness left him baffled.

Or perhaps we should say Rothschield Prezident Neil Torney was baffled, since those are the types of mistakes currently directing southbound travelers to his community.

The state just erected a new sign on Interstate 39, and the only word spelled correctly on the giant, green billboard is "exit," a fact that has local officials and residents dumbfounded.

Follow the link for a picture of the sign.

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July 27, 2009

Bandsaw virtuoso

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I feel lucky (2)

Man Hits Lottery Twice On Same Day For $1M
Photographer Wins More Than $1 Million

FALL RIVER, Mass. -- A man's good luck turned into life-changing good fortune on Sunday when he hit the lottery twice within hours, winning more than $1 million from two scratch tickets, WCVB-TV in Boston reported.

Photographer Phillip Brunelle, 29, was elated after he won a $1,000 on a lottery ticket at a Fall River convenience store in the morning and decided to press his luck and buy another scratch ticket.

Customers in line watched as Brunelle whittled away the surface of the $20 ticket -- using what he called his lucky penny -- to reveal a $1 million prize underneath.

"At that point, I didn't know what to do. I was kind of in shock," said Brunelle outside the store. "I'm still kind of shaking."

Mary Chapin Carpenter wrote a song about this situation. (Mind the volume; the audio's pretty hot.)


Posted by joke du jour at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

How to open bottles

Mary sends this funny, Candid-Camera type clip about a woman serving bottles of something - beer, maybe? I'll bet she sold a lot of them.

It's definitely NSFW, so discretion is advised.



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"Cops" writing cops

Police: Fake Officer Pulls Over Real Officer

OAKLAND, Calif. -- Oakland police say a man impersonating a police officer tried to pull over a real undercover officer and was arrested.

Police say 21-year-old Antonio Fernandez Martinez of Oakland was arrested Wednesday in the Fruitvale district after trying to pull over an unmarked police vehicle. Martinez was driving a Ford Crown Victoria outfitted with flashing lights, a microphone and speakers.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Vengeance can be yours

Bill sends a link to RevengeCrabs.com with the comment, "And I thought I’d seen it all." NSFW.

RevengeCrabs.jpg

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July 25, 2009

Next they'll tell us the LRO is a hoax

APOLLO LANDING SITES IMAGED BY LRO!

This is so so so freaking cool: the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter has taken pictures of the Apollo landing sites!

Holy Haleakala!

That's EXACTLY how I pictured it would look. That picture [of the Apollo 11 site - JdJ] shows the lower half of the Lunar Module, the part that stayed behind on the Moon when Armstrong and Aldrin blasted back up off the surface. It was essentially dead weight, so the LM was designed to split in half, with the top half (the aptly-named Ascent Module — click on the diagram on the right for details) going back up into orbit to meet with Michael Collins in the Command Module. From there they returned to Earth.

This is an LRO image of the Apollo 14 site.

LRO_Apollo_14.jpg

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Glad I didn't buy any carbon offsets

Since there's still some debate about the causes of warming. Anthropogenic or not?

Peer-reviewed study from Down Under points to nature as global warming source

This ought to stir things up royally. Three Australasian scientists have published a study in the Journal of Geophysical Research claiming that virtually none of the observed temperature increases in the Earth's atmosphere in recent years can be attributed to man-made factors.

Instead, researchers Chris de Freitas at the University of Auckland in New Zealand, John McLean from Melbourne, Australia, and Bob Carter from James Cook University in North Queensland, Australia, ), point to the El Nino-Southern Oscillation (ENSO). [...]

The journal abstract of the study summarizes the conclusion thus: "Overall the results suggest that the Southern Oscillation exercises a consistently dominant influence on mean global temperature, with a maximum effect in the tropics, except for periods when equatorial volcanism causes ad hoc cooling."

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Homonyms are hell

SpellingFail.jpg

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July 24, 2009

How to shoot yourself in the foot

Most expensive javascript ever?

I've wanted to tell this story for a while, and I don't think I'm spilling any beans or disclosing any sensitive information at this point.

So, a while ago Opera Software needed more servers. Not just a few servers either - we were planning Opera Mini's growth, implementing Opera Link, and My Opera was also growing quickly. We predicted crazy server load increases for the foreseeable future (and man, were we right!)

Follow the link - it's worth reading.

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Animal thieves

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Not a good place to park

Police: Drunken Driver Parks On Cops' Lawn
Mich. State Police Say Driver Lost, Confused

PAW PAW, Mich. -- Authorities said a lost and confused drunken driver picked the wrong place to stop and rest -- the front lawn of the Michigan State Police post in Paw Paw. Police said the man drove onto the lawn of the post early Thursday after overshooting the station's parking lot. He was visibly intoxicated and had vomited on himself.

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Need for speed: the video

Here's a video of the German who rollerskated a roller coaster in this weeks Need for speed post.

It's back, Danilo.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Sounds like they need even more practice

Suburbs in flames after military exercise

MILITARY bombing practice has caused one of France's worst fires for three years which continues to rage on the eastern outskirts of Marseille.

The fire has burnt dozens of homes but claimed no victims.

The wildfire was caused by military practice shelling which hit the eastern Trois-Ponts suburb of the southern city forcing the evacuation of scores of residents.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Landscapes (2)

milouvision.com is a portofolio site for David Baker. This page has a large number of images (745, I think), most of which are landscapes - with the odd architectural and portrait shot thrown in.

HorsellCommon.jpg

Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Amazing animals

This guy walks into a bar carrying a crocodile and a chicken. He sets them down on the stool next to him and says to the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and soda."

Then the crocodile says, "And I'll have a whiskey sour."

The dumbfounded bartender gasps, "That's incredible! I've never seen a crocodile that could talk!"

And the guy says, "Oh, he can't. The chicken's a ventriloquist."

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July 23, 2009

Not your traditional wedding processional

But it looks like it was fun.

Via

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Nombres extraños

Scary Drug Lords Sport Silly Nicknames

MEXICO CITY -- Edgar Valdez Villarreal is believed to be the chief hit man for one of Mexico's most brutal drug cartels. His nickname? "Barbie."

That's right, the American fashion doll. Because the U.S.-born Valdez has blond, blue-eyed good looks.

In Mexico's cutthroat drug underworld, "Barbie" shares the stage with such fearsome characters as "Bunny Commander" and "Smurf," ''Taliban" and "Monkey."

Mexican drug traffickers' nicknames run from flashy and threatening to surreal and downright goofy. Some reflect a thug's rank in his cartel, others simply a school yard taunt that stuck. Still others denote a reputation, such as the cartel leader known as "El Mas Loco" -- "the Craziest One."

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More funny signs

WFTV has a slideshow of 70 funny signs (mostly from Flickr).

PleaseNeuter.jpg

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He has nothing to hide

Naked Cowboy Runs For NYC Mayor

NEW YORK -- The Naked Cowboy wants to be the city's mayor, promising transparency in politics -- while running almost buck naked.

"I know how to do more with less," said entertainer Robert Burck, clad as usual in a pair of white briefs, boots and a cowboy hat, as he announced his bid Wednesday in Times Square.

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Twits

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When you pry it from my cold, dead hands

They call it cane fu (really).

A cane is a weapon, not a crutch, in self-defense

SALISBURY, Md. — About 25 seniors gathered in the meeting room gasp as course leader Mark Shuey uses a cane to take a whack at David Gunzburg, an instructor who volunteered to be a test dummy.

Shuey starts with a poke in the stomach before he cracks Gunzburg in the crotch with his cane. As if Gunzburg hasn't had enough by this point, Shuey grabs his neck with the handle of the cane and thrusts him to the ground.

Via

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July 22, 2009

Future Vision (sort of)

A nicely done, understated parody of Microsoft's Future Vision 2019 clip.

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Mortgage apple cake

Bake Sale Helps NJ Woman Pay Mortgage
Angela Logan Raised $2,559.54

TEANECK, N.J. -- A New Jersey woman's bake sale has helped her forestall foreclosure.

Angela Logan raised the $2,559.54 due Sunday under a federal program to help homeowners in financial trouble.

The divorced mother of three sons in Teaneck wanted to sell 100 "mortgage apple cakes" at $40 each. But as of Tuesday, she had more than 500 orders, including one from Hong Kong.

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Impact!

JupiterImpact.jpg
Jupiter Adds a Feature

Mauna Kea, Hawai'i—Jupiter's got a brand new mark. Something slammed into the gas giant leaving a dark bruise in the planet's atmosphere, scientists at Keck Observatory confirmed early on the morning of July 20 Hawaiian Standard Time.

The observation, made with the Keck II telescope, marks only the second time astronomers have seen such an impact on the planet. The first collision occurred 15 years ago, when more than 20 fragments of comet Shoemaker-Levy 9 (SL9) collided with Jupiter.

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The old blarney works everytime

A nice-looking young woman on a flight from Dublin, Ireland asked a priest sitting beside her, "Father, may I ask you a favor?"

"Of course, child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It's unopened and well over the custom's limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it since I can't pay the duty. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robe, perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to customs, the woman let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked him, "Do you have anything to declare, Father?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go along with you, Father.. Next!"

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The face of Leonardo

Interessante.

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Wait... who's busting who?

Undercover cops arrest undercover cop

In a triumph of covert police work, undercover officers in North Carolina arrested another undercover officer from a different force after buying drugs off him.

The entirely drug dealer-free drug deal occurred when undercover officers from the Statesville Police Department met a man interested in selling them some marijuana. The man was an undercover deputy from Iredell County Sheriff's Office.

Statesville is the county seat of Iredell county.

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July 21, 2009

Free fall acrobats

Spaceland Anomaly's gold medal free routine and world record breaking speed round from the 2007 US National Championships.

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Another clip to listen to

Danilo writes (in response to the Listen to the rhythm post, I believe):

This is kinda old, but here it goes - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUDTlvagjJA

It's the virtual barbershop. You have to follow simple steps to work perfectly:

1. Go to a place with no sound, or turn off everything that maybe break the silence;
2. Use headphones, speakers won't be the same;
3. Close your eyes and try to imagine the scene.

It's very cool!


Posted by joke du jour at 07:35 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Signs, signs, everywhere signs

Elf n' safety warning: You could die laughing at these amazing pictures of the Nanny State stating the obvious

It may seem obvious that things left out in the rain will get wet.

Not obvious enough, though, for authorities in central London, who have responded to the danger of damp public benches by sticking notices on them, warning: 'Caution: seats may become wet.' [...]

Scroll down for a sample of ludicrous signs put together by the Manifesto Club. 'Attention Please' features examples of official overcaution messages collected between autumn 2007 and the end of last year.

WarningWater.jpg

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Oops (3)

Police Say Drunk Driver Left Beer On Trunk
Trooper Stops Driver After Noticing Glass

BENNINGTON, Vt. -- Police said a man accused of driving drunk left evidence on the trunk of his car: a glass of beer. A Vermont State Police trooper said when a car pulled up next to him at an intersection on Wednesday night he noticed a glass sitting on the trunk.

The trooper stopped the car to tell the driver, who he then suspected had been drinking.

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The Mathemagician

This is a long clip (15 minutes) but it's an entertaining one.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A need for speed

Speed-freak rides a 860m rollercoaster on rollerskates

The twists and turns of being flung around a rollercoaster in the usual way is enough excitement for most of us. But for some people - one specific, crazy person in particular - that thrill's just not enough.

German speed-demon Dirk Auer decided to take things up a level, by taking on the Mammoth rollercoaster at a Stuttgart theme park on specially designed roller-skates.

Reaching speeds of up to 90km/h as he sped around the 860 metre track last week, Auer found himself subjected to forces up to 3G as he completed the ride in just over a minute. The stunt was, he said afterwards, 'a lot of fun'.

Image at the link.

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July 20, 2009

Apollo 11 in 5 minutes

NASA video edited by USA Today.

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It's kismet

Kelly Hildebrandt to wed … Kelly Hildebrandt?
Months after meeting online, pair with same first, last name gets engaged

It's enough to make a romantic comedy film writer drool over their keyboard. A young Meg Ryanesque Florida gal named Kelly Hildebrandt discovers a shirtless, Matthew McConaughey-type Texan with the exact same first and last name on Facebook.

Kelly girl sends a cyber shout-out to Kelly boy, and he answers back. Three weeks of viral flirting leads Kelly boy to head east to Florida to meet girl Kelly. A couple of months later, he's relocating — and come October, just eight months after their first connection, Kelly Hildebrandt will marry Kelly Hildebrandt.

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World's best card trick - revealed

This is a follow-up to the recent video of the World's Best Card Trick. It shows how the trick is performed, so don't watch it if you prefer to keep your illusions.

Via

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Wienered

Wienermobile crashes into southern Wisconsin home

MILWAUKEE - One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener.

The famed hot dog's iconic Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee, when the driver tried to turn the giant hot dog on wheels around in the driveway, police said.

The 22-year-old driver thought she was moving in reverse, but actually went forward and crashed into the home, Mount Pleasant Police Chief Tim Zarzecki said. No one was home and neither the driver nor a passenger was injured.

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Bad paintings of Barack Obama

Paul says, "Some of these had me howling."

BadBarackPortrait.jpg

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OMG

Teen Girl Falls In Open Manhole While Texting

It was an accident waiting to happen -- an open sewer and a 15-year-old girl who was texting while she walked.

Alexa Longueira, a high school sophomore, was walking along Victory Boulevard near Travis Avenue on Staten Island Wednesday evening when she felt the earth move and was plunged into smelly darkness. [...]

"It was just really gross and it was shocking and scary," she said. "Because of their careless mistake I got hurt."

Longueira has deep cuts and bruises and said she now has nightmares about falling, But she also did admit she was texting at the time.

"Regardless of whether I'm texting or not if there was a cone there I'm going to see a big orange cone," she said. "I walk that sidewalk every day, I don't expect a big hole there."

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July 18, 2009

Listen to the rhythm

Bill writes, 'Close your eyes while watching this one.' That sounds a little odd so let's say instead, 'Close your eyes while listening to this one.'

I don't know who these people are or where or when this performance occurred. It's very well done.

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Get your souvenir mug shot

Mo. Jail To Host 'Bed And Breakfast' Event
Sheriff's Department Offers Chance To Sleep In Jail

HILLSBORO, Mo. -- Want to spend a night in jail? And how about paying for the privilege? The Jefferson County Sheriff's Department in eastern Missouri has come up with a novel way to pay for mattresses at a new jail addition.

Officials are offering the public a chance to stay overnight on July 31 at the recently finished addition. For $50 a person or $90 a couple, people can tour the new facility, learn more about jail, and stay overnight. They'll receive Jefferson County "bed and breakfast" T-shirts, snacks -- and souvenir mug shots.

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Time to fly

I believe they're talking about traveling to Thailand but I could be wrong.

Phuket.jpg

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They walk among us...

Eight funny vignettes from Mary.

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"

Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where???"



While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time. She shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."


A guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it."

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50."

The next day someone stole it.



I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open hours a day, 7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"



My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "...didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."


My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the trunk.



My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both.


I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"

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No subtitles needed

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More self-arrest

What the...?

NC Man Calls 911 To Report He's Robbing Bank
Man Had Quit Job, Given Possession To Roommate

WAYNESVILLE, N.C. -- A man insisted on being arrested after he walked into a western North Carolina bank while on the phone with a 911 operator to report that he planned to commit a robbery.

The Asheville Citizen-Times reported the man insisted on being arrested after an officer walked in behind him Wednesday at the Wachovia bank branch in Waynesville.

The man told the operator he wasn't armed and had a robbery note.

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July 15, 2009

When the eagle landed

The Big Picture has 40 images about the Apollo 11 mission.

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That's one expensive habit

NH Man Charged 23 Quadrillion Dollars For Smokes

MANCHESTER, N.H. -- A New Hampshire man says he swiped his debit card at a gas station to buy a pack of cigarettes and was charged over 23 quadrillion dollars. Josh Muszynski checked his account online a few hours later and saw the 17-digit number -- a stunning $23,148,855,308,184,500 (twenty-three quadrillion, one hundred forty-eight trillion, eight hundred fifty-five billion, three hundred eight million, one hundred eighty-four thousand, five hundred dollars).

Muszynski says he spent two hours on the phone with Bank of America trying to sort out the string of numbers and the $15 overdraft fee.

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World's fastest everything

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The Bathtub test

During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how they determined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the director, "A normal person would pull the plug.

"Do you want a bed near the window?"

H.T. Mary

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World's best card trick?

Maybe - it's pretty cool

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Mens' fashion from Colombia

Miguel Caballero Bulletproof Men's Polo Shirt

This anti-ballistic (bullet proof) polo shirt takes safety to an altogether new level. Designed by Columbian designer Miguel Caballero for his Black Label Collection, which is world renowned "high-security fashion." High profile clients include action hero Steven Seagal, King Abdullah of Jordan, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela, President Alvaro Uribe of Columbia, Prince Felipe of Spain, and other notable V.I.P.'s. This polo shirt comes in three levels of protection:

OPTION IIA: 9mm / 40 Smith and Wesson FMJ
OPTION II: 9mm / .357 Magnum / 38 Super / Mini Uzi submachine gun
OPTION IIIA: Uzi machine gun / MP5,MP9 submachine gun / 44 Magnum SJHP / Stab-proof

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July 14, 2009

Creation

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Of all the people...

Police: Bank Robber Hitches Ride From Cop
Officer Picked Up Robber Blocks Away From Pilfered Bank

SAGINAW, Mich. -- Authorities say a parolee who robbed a Michigan bank was caught when he tried to hitch a ride from an undercover police detective. [...]

Authorities tell The Saginaw News that White flagged down Saginaw Township Detective Scott Jackson on Wednesday after the bank robbery a few blocks away.

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How to peel a banana

Now you know.

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A man can be handy around the house

A funny story from Rob:

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual breakfast of soft-boiled eggs and toast, wearing only the T-shirt that she slept in.

As I walked in, partly awake, she turned to me and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment!'

My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!' Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all -- right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

'The egg timer's broken.'

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Quite a panorama

I've been (mostly) avoiding mentioning Michael Jackson but this 360° view of his 'personal arcade' (and museum) piqued my interest.

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Funny gum

Chewing gum: the ultimate gateway drug!

Hamas says Israel dumping aphrodisiac gum on Gaza

GAZA CITY (AFP) — Hamas suspects that Israeli intelligence services are supplying its Gaza Strip stronghold with chewing gum that boosts the sex drive in order to "corrupt the young," an official said on Tuesday.

"We have discovered two types of stimulants that were introduced into the Gaza Strip from Israeli border crossings," Hamas police spokesman Islam Shahwan told AFP.

"The first type is presented in the form of chewing gum and the second in the form of drops," he said. [...]

The story came to light after a Palestinian man filed a complaint that his daughter had experienced "dubious side effects" after chewing the offending gum, Israeli media reported.

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July 13, 2009

Cirque de chats

Great Cats!

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Rough landings

Then there's the pilot who dies and goes to Heaven. While waiting to check in he notices a large twin engine craft coming in high-and-hot to a nearby landing strip.

The twin pilot blows the landing - collapses the nose gear and strikes the props. He gets out of the plane and walks away.

Fifteen minutes later, the same scene occurs. Another twin, another blown landing, and the same guy gets out of the wrecked plane.

The pilot who was waiting to check in to Heaven is astounded. He turns to St. Peter and asks, "What's the story with the twin pilot over there?"

"Oh, that's just God," says St. Peter. "He thinks he's a surgeon."

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Web Site Story

A very well done parody.

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A World's Record for skin

Skinny-Dippers Aim For World Record
Nudists Show Up At 2 Arizona Venues

NEW RIVER, Ariz. -- Two hundred skinny-dippers were on hand in New River on Saturday to try to set the Guinness world record for the most people skinny dipping at one time.

The event at the Shangri-La resort was part of a nationwide organized effort to set the record, with more than 50 participating locations, reported KPHO-TV in Phoenix. [...]

As far as participants could tell, they got the record because the category was just added to the Guinness Book this past spring.

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Recreating Apollo 11

At WeChooseTheMoon.org they'll be recreating the Apollo 11 mission in real time, starting at 8:02 AM (Eastern) this Thursday.

WeChooseTheMoon.jpg

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That's a lot of newsprint

As someone who's walked and driven his share of newspaper routes, I have to say I'm impressed: 41 years - wow! And I didn't even have to get up at 2:30.

71-Year-Old N.C. Paperboy Retires
Billy Joe Smith Worked At Triad Newspaper For 41 Years

WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. -- North Carolina's longest-running paperboy retired on Sunday.

Billy Joe Smith, 71, got up for work at 2:30 a.m. seven days a week for 41 years, reported WXII-TV in Winston-Salem.

Smith, who lives in East Bend, N.C., got up Sunday morning and delivered his final Winston-Salem Journal.

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July 12, 2009

40 years ago

This coming Thursday is the 40th anniversary of the launch of Apollo 11 and Popular Mechanics has a retrospective on the Apollo 11 mission.

Apollo11.jpg

It's still difficult for me to imagine the fortitude it took for the crew to fly that mission.

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July 10, 2009

A good plan for the weekend


Find more videos like this on AdGabber

Via

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Better late than never?

At 84, Colorado Man Gets High School Diploma

GREELEY, Colo. -- There's at least one guy with a new high school diploma who's not worrying about getting into college or finding a job.

After all, Takeshi Murata is 84.

He left University High School in Greeley, Colo., in 1944 when he was drafted to fight in World War II. [...]

The high school finally granted Murata's diploma Wednesday after a teacher heard his story and found his old report cards.

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Pimp your garage

At Jalopnik, there're 15 examples of garage door wraps.

Here's a cheeky product to simultaneously camouflage your trash-heap garage and annoy your neighbors — "Style Your Garage." Printed tarps to wrap over the garage door with stuff like Ferraris and SR-71 Blackbirds on them.
PimpYourGarage.jpg

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Self-arrest

It's news to me.

Hit-and-run teen's quick jail booking courtesy of Self-Arrest Program

TAMPA - A Davis Islands teen charged in a fatal hit-and-run didn't get special treatment when she was booked and released in less than 20 minutes.

Jordan Valdez and her attorney took advantage of the Sheriff's Self-Arrest Program, which has been around since 2005.

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See the core

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A different type of self-arrest

Robber who set fire to getaway car arrested on foot
A bungling robber who set fire to his getaway car before he carried out an armed raid was arrested moments later as he fled on foot.

The hapless offender parked his Ford Scorpio motor next to a Securicor van as it made a delivery to a building society.

But in a bizarre move, he torched the vehicle in an apparent attempt to destroy any forensic evidence before holding up the security guard at gunpoint.

He snatched the cash box and, with his blazing car out of action, ran off. Police arrived and witnesses pointed them towards the offender.

The suspect was arrested minutes later in a nearby park. Officers managed to put the out the fire in the car, which has now been removed for forensic examination.

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July 09, 2009

No regrets? (2)

Bill sends more pix of tattoos and body modifications - 19 in all.

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I hope they find him soon

Wee want our dog back: Family squirt trails of their own urine around town to lure home missing pet

A family have thought of a novel way to find their dog by trying to lure him home with their urine.

Louise and Jonathan Baltesz are squirting their own smells over trees and lampposts in the hope Simon will smell it and follow the trial [sic] home. [...]

The desperate couple consulted a canine behavioural expert who advised them to 'mark' neighbouring territory with their own wee.

The pair and their children Henry, 15, and Clara, 13, have begun filling bottles with their diluted urine before sprinkling it in the streets to lay a trail back home.

And Incredibly, a small army of friends and volunteers have helped them spread the scent around the upmarket suburbs of Redland, Clifton and Cotham in Bristol.

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Olympus PEN

A cleverly-done stop action clip (that I assume was shot wih an Olympus camera).

This is the PEN Story in stop motion. We shot 60.000 pictures, developed 9.600 prints and shot over 1.800 pictures again. No post production!

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Easy as 1, 2, 3

Oklahoma Baby Born At 12:34:56, 7/8/09

STILLWATER, Okla. -- A quirk of the clock and the calendar has given a Stillwater family an unforgettable memory.

When the time lined up on Wednesday afternoon at 12:34:56 on 07/08/09, it was more than just a twice-a-century alignment. They also had a unique reason to celebrate.

"It just so happened that when they took me back, when he got here, it was 12:34:56," said Lydia Uhrig.

Her son's birth certificate says his birth happened at 12:34:56 on 07/08/09.

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July 08, 2009

Roller babies

LOL

Via

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Drunk as a badger?

Drunk badger blocks German road

BERLIN (AFP) – German police called to clear a road of a dead badger found the animal in question had in fact gorged itself on over-ripe, fermented cherries and, blind drunk, staggered out into the middle of the road.

"The animal's stomach had turned the fruit to alcohol and the badger was, to put it crudely, drunk as a skunk," said a police statement on Wednesday. [...]

"It could not immediately be established whether the badger got into trouble with his wife when he came home in such a state," the tongue-in-cheek police statement concluded.


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The passing of a giant

A funny picture from Rob.

MichaelsDead.jpg

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No experience needed, apparently

Wanted: Porn show host

The Jobcentre is advertising an unusual position - the 'semi-nude' host of a pornographic TV channel.

The ad says the job 'may cause embarrassment to some people' but pays £220 per shift, reports the Daily Telegraph.

The winning applicant will work three days a week from 9pm until 5am but will have no pension entitlement.

The advert for the position of 'Adult TV Channel Presenter' on the Jobcentre Plus website states: "Duties involve explicit sexual dialogue which may cause embarrassment to some people.

"The successful applicant (will be) required to be semi-nude.

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Broken-guitared

Paul sends a link to this guy's musical story about how United Airlines broke his $3500 guitar.

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They'll really like all those free minutes

Thieves Steal Fake Cell Phones In Mexico
Real Cell Phones, Cash Overlooked

MORELIA, Mexico -- Call it the case of the dead cells -- both telephones and the ones in the brain.

Employees at a Telefonica Movistar cell-phone store in Morelia, Mexico said they arrived Tuesday morning to find that the store had been broken into.

An examination of the shop revealed the only items missing were hollow replica phones for display that are completely useless for making calls.

Employees say the clueless thieves overlooked real cell phones and cash in another part of the shop.

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July 07, 2009

Duke Nukem's disease

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A whole family of Yankee Doodle dandies

Dad, Son, Twins All Share July 4 Birthday

BOSTON -- The Fourth of July may be the official birthday of the United States, but the date also belongs three Massachusetts boys, including a newborn set of twins, and their dad.

The Mahoney twins weren't due until July 14, but when their mother, Edina Mahoney, 30, of North Reading, started having contractions during July Fourth celebrations, she underwent an emergency C-section at Brigham and Women's Hospital, WCVB-TV in Boston reported.

Now, twins Michael Jr. and Joseph join both their father, Michael, 51, and their big brother, Paul, 17, in sharing a July 4 birthday.

"You don't have to worry about who's born when, that's for sure," said Michael Mahoney, a Lynn attorney.

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Old timers

Here's an interesting clip about Rachel Veitch and her '64 Mercury Comet Caliente that has over 500,000 miles on it.

H.T. Mary

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An odd sense of humor

Woman Pranks Grandma, Faces Felony Charges

CAMBRIDGE, Minn. -- A 21-year-old woman faces felony charges after allegedly prank-calling her 69-year-old grandmother 45 times in one day, threatening to kill her. The woman faces five felony counts including harassment. A criminal complaint said she told police she was "bored" and "wanted to have some fun."

The woman and a 20-year-old friend, also facing charges, allegedly called the older woman on Feb. 5 and said "I'm gonna kill you," ''You're going to die" and "I'm watching you."

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Weather advisory

Rich sends this message: "When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky, just go back inside, have another cup of coffee, and stay home. It's NOT going to be a good day."

WeatherWarning.jpg

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Custom made balls are the secret

14 kilograms is just a bit less than 31 pounds.

World's strongest vagina breaks own record lifting 14 kilos

A Russian woman has set a new world record, lifting a 14-kg. glass ball with her vagina muscles. Tatiata Kozhevnikova of Novosibirsk, aged 42, has been exercising her intimate muscles for fifteen years, and has already made her entrance into the Guinness Book of Records as the possessor of the world's strongest vagina, she proudly told Life.ru.

"After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women used to deal with this problem using wooden balls," she said. "I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!"

The embarrassing first experience did not scare Tatiana off. She developed quite a taste for vagina fitness, and now she has her exercising balls custom-made.

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July 06, 2009

Interesting technology

The Earthtronics page for this generator.

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Luckily, I'm unable to imagine this

Staff strip naked to improve morale
Staff at a design and marketing company in Newcastle spent a day working together naked after being told it would improve their morale.

David Taylor, a business psychologist, told workers at design and marketing onebestway, in Newcastle upon Tyne, that a Naked Friday idea would boost their team spirit.

He was called in to help the firm after six staff members were forced into taking redundancies at the start of the credit crunch.

Mr Taylor told them that, by stripping off their clothes, staff could also strip away inhibitions and talk to each other more openly and honestly.

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A pool-shooting prodigy

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Why a little discretion can be a good thing

Police: Conn. Teens Mishear Sex Screams, Beat Man
Police Say Teen Beat Man With Bat

HARTFORD, Conn. -- A 16-year-old girl thought she heard her mother being assaulted by her boyfriend and rounded up some friends who beat him up, only to learn later that the couple actually were having sex, the woman and police said.

The girl misinterpreted the woman's amorous screams, and she and four other teens went to the woman's bedroom in the Torrington home on June 6, police Lt. Bruce Whiteley said Thursday. One of the teens beat the 25-year-old man with a bat and others punched him, police said. He suffered a black eye and several bruises.

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Smart Car mods

Mary sends some amusing images of mods for the Smart Car. They're all Photoshop work -- not real body kits, unfortunately. The 6 images are here - including the 'Smorvette', 'Smamborghini', 'Smerrari', two 'Smorsches' and the 'Smaudi A3'.

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Hate your job?

Personally, I like W.C. Fields' advice: Start each day with a smile and get it over with.

Workers have daily smile scans

Japanese railway workers face enforced "smile scans" every morning in a bid to boost their customer services, it has been claimed.

More than 500 staff at Keihin Electric Express Railway are expected to be subjected to daily face scans by "smile police" bosses.

The "smile scan" software, developed by the Japanese company Omron, produces a sweeping analysis of a smile based on facial characteristics, from lip curves and eye movements to wrinkles.

After scanning a face, the device produces a rating between zero to 100 depending on the estimated value of the fulfilled potential of a person's biggest smile.

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July 04, 2009

Happy 4th of July

FlippyCat posts this lighthearted clip on Independence Day.

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July 03, 2009

Celebrate the 4th

Happy Anniversary, citizens.

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And here's Ray Charles to help.

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Timely news

Rare Copy Of Declaration Of Independence Found
Researcher Accidentally Uncovers'Dunlap Print'

LONDON -- British researchers have announced the discovery of a rare original copy of America's Declaration of Independence -- just in time for the Fourth of July.

Katrina McClintock, a spokeswoman at the National Archives, said Thursday that a researcher accidentally discovered the "Dunlap print," named after a printer, several months ago. The find was announced only after it could be properly catalogued.

Edward Hampshire, the National Archives' specialist in colonial materials, said the find was "incredibly exciting."

"It is likely that only around 200 of these were ever printed, so uncovering a new one nearly 250 years later is extremely rare, especially one in such good condition," he said.

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Freelancer's Hall of Fame

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I wonder how many are for sale on eBay?

School Memory DVD Shows Teacher Having Sex
Parents Asked To Destroy Discs

ELK GROVE, Calif. -- A Northern California elementary school teacher sent her students home for the summer with a video of class memories, only the DVD included six seconds of her having sex on a couch.

Officials at the Elk Grove Unified School District asked families of the teacher's 24 students to get rid of the DVD after the unintended clip was found spliced in a scene where children were sharing stories in class.

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July 02, 2009

Careful with the Mac Book

An amusing French clip:

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Watch that first step

Sears Tower Unveils Glass Balconies
Set Of Balconies Nicknamed 'The Ledge'

CHICAGO -- Visitors to the Sears Tower's new glass balconies all seem to agree: The first step is the hardest.

The balconies are suspended 1,353 feet in the air and jut out four feet from the building's 103rd floor Skydeck. Their transparent walls, floor and ceiling leave visitors with the impression they're floating over the city.

"It's like walking on ice," said Margaret Kemp, of Bishop, Calif., who said her heart was still pounding even after stepping away from the balcony. "That first step you take -- 'am I going down?'"

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Like a domino

Danilo sends a link to these pictures of an apartment building in Shanghai that toppled. (It didn't collapse - it fell over.) He writes, "It´s amazing... it´s almost intact!"

BuildingTopples.jpg

The amazing thing is that it didn't collide with any of its neighbors. There are 12 pictures of it at the link.

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Nice work if you can get it (2)

British Man Begins Aussie Island Dream Job
Ben Southall To Serve As Tropic Reef's Ambassador

BRISBANE, Australia -- Briton Ben Southall said he'll miss his mom's Sunday roast as he began what's been dubbed the "Best Job in the World" -- a six-month contract to serve as caretaker of a tropical Australian island.

The 34-year-old former charity worker bested nearly 35,000 applicants from around the world for the dream assignment that started Wednesday to swim, explore and relax on Hamilton Island in the Great Barrier Reef while writing a blog to promote the area.

He was selected for the 150,000 Australian dollar ($120,000) gig by officials from the tourism department of Queensland state in early May.

Take it, Benny...

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One nanosecond

Bill sent a PowerPoint show of very fast exposure photos - then I found the same show on the web. Enjoy.

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A sea-going safari

THE NEWEST SPORT: PIRATE HUNTING

Luxury ocean liners in Russia are offering pirate hunting cruises aboard armed private yachts off the Somali coast.

Wealthy sportsmen pay upwards of $5,000 per day to patrol the most dangerous waters in the world hoping to be attacked by raiders.

The story as it's written suggests the clients are already engaging Somali pirates with grenade launchers, machine guns and rocket launchers.

An AK-47 assault rifle goes for $8.50 a day, 100 rounds of ammo is $11.50, are they are also protected by a squad of ex-special forces troops.

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