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June 30, 2011
Playing Horse
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Nailed indeed
From XKCD.
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Man's best friend (3)
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My first reaction was, "Thank goodness!"
Deputies: 'There Is No Poop Fairy'JEFFERSON COUNTY, Colo. -- Jefferson County is kicking off a public service campaign to remind dog owners that there is no poop fairy, and owners must clean up after their dogs.
From July 9 to 17, Animal Control will be out encouraging dog owners to pick up after their dogs in parks, trails and neighborhoods.
Volunteers will be wearing blue "poop fairy" T-shirts as they greet park users. There will also be signs and displays telling dog owners that the poop fairy doesn't exist.
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June 29, 2011
On the iceberg
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More sand castles and sculptures
17 sand castles and sculptures in this slideshow.
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Not the owl and the pussycat
But it's close. I don't know why the cat puts up with the pigeon.
H.T. Danilo
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Sensitivity
The room was full of expectant mothers and their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of their pregnancies.
She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
Then she looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments, a man named Marvin at the back of the room raised his hand.
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
"I was just wondering... Would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.
H.T. Tucson John
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June 28, 2011
All about coffee
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Vintage geekery
Here's a Popular Science gallery of vintage tech from General Electric's archives -- some dating from Edison's day. This is an electric vehicle charger which is claimed to date to the turn of the century. (I assume they meant the turn of the last century.)
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Auto-tune your dog
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TMI, Mom
Brady Bunch mom got crabs in affair with NY mayorLOS ANGELES (Reuters) – This would have made an interesting episode of "The Brady Bunch."
Florence Henderson, the actress who played perky mom Carol Brady in the beloved family sitcom, says she once got crabs after a one-night-stand with career politician John Lindsay, who was the mayor of New York City at the time.
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June 27, 2011
Free fall dance
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Invisible tape
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An American in New York
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Markets in everything (11)
What's next? The Jolly Roger mutual fund?
Today's Pirates Have Their Own Stock ExchangePirates are on a hot streak this season. World-wide, the first quarter of 2011 saw 142 recorded attacks, up from 67 in that time last year. Off the coast of Somalia there were 97, as against 35 last year. Why? Despite some efforts by Western powers to patrol the Horn of Africa, pirates are still able to access capital, as any successful business must.
The world's first pirate stock exchange was established in 2009 in Harardheere, some 250 miles northeast of Mogadishu, Somalia. Open 24 hours a day, the exchange allows investors to profit from ransoms collected on the high seas, which can approach $10 million for successful attacks against Western commercial vessels.
While there are no credible statistics available, reports from various news sources suggest that over 70 entities are listed on the Harardheere exchange. When a pirate operation is successful, it pays investors a share of the profits. According to a former pirate who spoke to Reuters, "The shares are open to all and everybody can take part, whether personally at sea or on land by providing cash, weapons or useful materials. . . . We've made piracy a community activity."
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June 24, 2011
On a wire
[...] tightrope walker Nik Wallenda and his mother Delilah walking a high wire in Puerto Rico - the infamous walk that killed Nik's great grandfather Karl Wallenda in 1978.
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Vintage submersibles
Ten vintage submersible cars at Popular Science.
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Zombie laundry
Here's a Woolite ad made by Rob Zombie.
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The urge to merge
was evidently overwhelming.
Young couple arrested for 'having sex on the beach in full view of 50 people at restaurant'It wasn't quite the sunset view the customers at Caddy's restaurant had in mind.
A young couple were arrested after allegedly having sex on the beach in Treasure Island, Florida, in front of 50 people - including children.
Erica Huerta, 21, and Steven Douglas, 22, were each charged with one count of lewd and lascivious exhibition after reportedly spending half-an-hour engaged in various sexual acts 100 feet from the restaurant. [...]
The incident took place at around 7.30pm on Monday, and according to the affidavit both Huerta and Douglas had been drinking heavily.
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June 23, 2011
Football cops
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Miniature life
An interesting collection of 60 pix of miniature people, made by Christopher Boffoli.
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Extreme slide
Looks like a lot of fun to me.
nagano slide by movedsouth
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Negativity
Bill sends a funny story.
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who asked, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on the Tiber called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
"It was so wonderful," explained the woman. "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
"And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They were overbooked too, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say?"
He asked, "Who screwed up your hair?"
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June 22, 2011
The Oomphalapompatronium
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Genetic music project
The Genetic Music Project is an 'open source' collection of music made by assigning note values to the nucleotides (A, C, G, T) in DNA. (What? Never heard a T note? :-)
This one's called Where are the Roses? It's by Amy Pickard and is based on the genetic marker for bitter taste perception.
I took just the first 'paragraph' of the bitter sense code and assigned a chord to each of the markers (as your friend did, I believe). I wanted to change them as little as possible, so I left A, C, and G the same, but I changed the T to F. I did change A to A minor, as that is truly one of the bitterest chords.
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Samuel L. Jackson coaches hockey
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Why they put blinders on horses
Amish Sexter Sought Buggy Sex With Girl, 12JUNE 21--An Amish man who sent hundreds of sexually charged text messages to a 12-year-old girl was arrested last week when he drove a horse and buggy to an Indiana restaurant where he had arranged a rendezvous with the child, according to police. [...]
In one text, Yoder told the girl that, "the proposed sex act would happen inside the buggy," according to a Connersville Police Department report.
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June 21, 2011
For all breeders out there
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400 pounds per megabyte
And I hate to think how many dollars per megabyte. From Old Picture of the Day:
Today's picture is from 1956, and shows an IBM hard drive. This unit would be used to store information, not unlike your memory stick, thumb drive, or camera memory card. The hard drive pictured weighed over 1 ton, and was capable of storing 5 Mb or data. For comparison, it would take over 1,000 of these units to store the information held in a modern thumb drive.
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Urine terrorist
But dead squirrels are OK?
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What a legacy
U.K. Soldier Killed in Afghanistan Leaves Friends $160G for Las Vegas PartyYORK, England – A British soldier killed by a Taliban bomb in Afghanistan left $161,500 in his will -- so his friends could go on vacation to Las Vegas, The Sun reported Monday.
Royal Marine David Hart, who had taken out a $403,800 life insurance policy before he was deployed to Afghanistan, stipulated in a letter that in the event of his death, his friends and their partners should travel to Sin City for a massive party in his memory.
"In his letter David said he had had a great life and had no regrets about anything. He always said he would do something like this if something bad happened," friend Andy Hare said. "He said, 'Go and have a good time and spend all this money."
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June 20, 2011
Flying Chicago
Wow...
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Face palm
H.T. Bill F.
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High in Venice Beach
A clip shot from an R/C helicopter
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Fried Kool-Aid
Fried Kool-Aid a fair hit, creator saysDEL MAR — The deep-fried Kool-Aid is selling like deep-fried hot cakes, according to their famed creator, "Chicken" Charlie Boghosian.
Chicken Charlie's is a staple of fried rations at fairs across the country. It sold 400 to 600 orders of deep-fried Kool-Aid per day the first weekend of the San Diego County Fair. That's about double the rate of previous debut items, Boghosian said.
"That's because it tastes so darn good," Boghosian said of the Kool-Aid.
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June 19, 2011
Father's Day
I'd bet that most fathers with adult sons have been on both sides of this situation.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.Mark Twain
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June 17, 2011
Ring thing
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Endeavour's final mission
The InFocue photoblog has 38 pics from shuttle Endeavour's final mission.
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A bovine Einstein
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Make sure it's well done
Japan scientist synthesizes meat from human fecesSomehow this feels like a Vonnegut plotline: population boom equals food shortage. Solution? Synthesize food from human waste matter. Absurd yes, but Japanese scientists have actually discovered a way to create edible steaks from human feces.
Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, has developed steaks based on proteins from human excrement. Tokyo Sewage approached the scientist because of an overabundance of sewage mud. They asked him to explore the possible uses of the sewage and Ikeda found that the mud contained a great deal of protein because of all the bacteria.
Update: How it works
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June 16, 2011
More Russian gun-loving
Another fire power demonstration from FPS Russia. (We've had two clips of his earlier.)
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Puyehue
Time's LightBox photoblog has 14 images of Chile's Puyehue volcano
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Whole Foods rap
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More funny quotes
21 sports-related quotes.
"I'm working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect." - Doug Sanders, professional golfer
"All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives 'See, there's a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.'" -- Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers pitcher
"Last year we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn't think of anyplace else to play." -- Harry Neale, professional hockey coach
"When it's third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers; I'll take the whiskey drinkers every time." -- Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver
"I found out that it's not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad you're having trouble." -- Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager
"My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget." -- E. J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations
"My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren't as good." -- Vic Braden, tennis instructor
"Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch." -- Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver
"When they operated, I told them to put in a Koufax fastball. They did - but it was Mrs. Koufax's." -- Tommy John NY Yankees recalling his 1974 arm surgery
"I don't know. I only played there for nine years." -- Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles
"We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost." -- John Breen, Houston Oilers
"The film looks suspiciously like the game itself." -- Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints after viewing a lop-sided loss to the Atlanta Falcons
"When I'm on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo." -- Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher
"The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday." -- Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach
"I have discovered, in twenty years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats." -- Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner
"Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day." -- Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon.
"I have a lifetime contract. That means I can't be fired during the third quarter if we're ahead and moving the ball." -- Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach
"I won't know until my barber tells me on Monday." -- Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game
"I tell him 'Attaway to hit, George.'" -- Jim Frey, KC Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting
"I learned a long time ago that "minor surgery" is when they do the operation on someone else, not you." -- Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers
"Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash." -- George MacIntyre, Vanderbilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.
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June 15, 2011
A bed time tale
Update: Since we lost the video, here's an MP3 version.
Very definitely NSFW.
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Subways around the world
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Don't argue with a bear
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All in the family
Timaru police nab drink-drive familyIt must have set a record, but it's one a South Canterbury family would surely much rather not have, after three of them were booked for drink-driving on the same night.
The saga began about 12.15am on Saturday when a 15-year-old boy was stopped and arrested for drink-driving on State Highway 1 near Pareora. He blew 529 micrograms per litre of breath, more than three and a half times the youth limit.
The teenager was taken to the Timaru police station for processing, where his mother was called to collect him. She was subsequently stopped and arrested for drink-driving on Craigie Ave at about 2.14am, after blowing 776 mcg, nearly twice the adult limit of 400.
But it wasn't over there.
The woman then rang her partner to come and pick them both up. He was stopped and arrested on North St at about 3am, when he blew 559mcg.
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June 14, 2011
What is the sound of one joke flopping?
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Museum of Islamic art
Interior and exterior views of this museum, which is located in Doha, Qatar.
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Les rolled
From Joe Sabia using Google's Les Paul logo (permalink)
YouTube is collecting 'doodle songs' here.
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Will the real lesbian bloggers please stand up?
Following up on yesterday's post.
2nd lesbian blogger revealed as manLONDON – The hoax involving the true identity of a Syrian lesbian blogger has taken another turn, as another man has acknowledged he is behind a lesbian blog that republished vivid accounts of revolt in Damascus. [...]
Later Monday, The Washington Post reported that an editor of lesbian news website Lezgetreal.com — who encouraged Arraf and republished her blog entries — was a man named Bill Graber who used the name Paula Brooks as an online persona.
Graber confirmed his identity to The Associated Press, saying "LezGetReal was not meant to be deceitful or con anyone."
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June 13, 2011
LOL
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Now we're talking
The Hoverbike. Its inventor thinks it can reach 10,000 feet and airspeed of 170 MPH.
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Carp fishing in Peoria
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Out of the closet
Syrian lesbian blogger is revealed conclusively to be a married manTom MacMaster's wife has confirmed in an email to the Guardian that he is the real identity behind the Gay Girl in Damascus blog
The mysterious identity of a young Arab lesbian blogger who was apparently kidnapped last week in Syria has been revealed conclusively to be a hoax. The blogs were written not by a gay girl in Damascus, but a middle-aged American man based in Scotland.
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June 11, 2011
Model railroad rock
Playing Misirlou (amazingly well) with a model railroad.
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June 10, 2011
Super beer ad
For Hahn's in Sydney
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Out of control
The In Focus photoblog has 36 images of the Wallow fire in Arizona.
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Happy birthday, Frank
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I scream, you scream
The cicadas have been swarming here for the last week or so. I didn't know they're edible (not that knowing makes any difference).
Cicada ice cream bugs health officials in Missouri: Why?(CBS/AP) Cicada-flavored ice cream proved to be a big hit with customers of an ice cream shop in Columbia, Mo. But health officials were so bugged by the stuff that they told the creative thinkers at Sparky's Homemade Ice Cream to cool it.
Sparky's contacted the health department after it sold out of its only batch of the insect-filled snack within hours of its June 1 debut. Employees had collected the bugs in their backyards, then boiled them and coated them in brown sugar and milk chocolate before adding them to the ice cream. What did they do with the wings? Some were removed, but some were left in to give the ice cream a satisfying crunch.
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June 09, 2011
Hitchhiker
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Killer on the loose
Rick Polito of the Marin Independent Journal printed in Northern California is locally famous for his droll, single-sentence summations of television programs and movies which the newspaper reports will be broadcast. For the Wizard of Oz, he wrote, "Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again."
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Teens get lucky
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We gotta criminalize something!
Connecticut Decriminalizes Real Pot, Criminalizes Fake PotToday the Connecticut House of Representatives approved a bill, passed by the state Senate two days ago and endorsed by Gov. Dannel Malloy, that makes possessing less than 14 grams (about half an ounce) of marijuana a "noncriminal violation" punishable by a $150 fine. By the time the House acted, the Senate had moved on to another piece of drug legislation, voting unanimously to make possession of synthetic marijuana punishable by a $1,000 fine and up to a year in jail. "For the life of me," said Senate Republican Leader John McKinney, "I don't know how I'm going to explain to my constituents one penalty for the fake pot and another for the real pot." The bill also bans salvia divinorum.
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June 08, 2011
BFF tattoo
Bad Idea Sleeve of the Day: Why tattoo the name of a single loved one when you can permanently stain your arm with the faces of 152 forgettable acquaintances?Meet susyj87: A Dutch body-mod enthusiast who forewent the well-worn non-crazy route and had every single one of her Facebook friends inked into her flesh.
Update:
Facebook friends tattoo is an advertising stuntWednesday 08 June 2011
The Dutch girl's sleeve tattoo featuring 152 Facebook friends is a fake, the Telegraaf reported on Wednesday evening.
The girl, named Susyj87, apparently placed a video of the tattoo process on YouTube and it went global within hours. Even CNN carried the video on its site.
However, Rotterdam tattoo artist Dex Moelker eventually came clean on the Telegraaf website, admitting the tattoo and video is an advertising stunt.
'It is a try out tattoo, a transfer, that washes off in a couple of days,' Moelker, who has a tattoo shop in Rotterdam, told the paper. It took a couple of hours to apply the transfer not the 30 hours the video claimed to produce the real tattoo.
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Yugoslav memorials
Here's a collection of 25 war memorials built in the former Yugoslavia.
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Cone-ing
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Make cupcakes, not war
British spies to terrorists: make cupcakes not warLONDON (AP) — Britain's spy agencies have a new message for terrorists: make cupcakes, not war.
Intelligence agents managed to hack into the extremist Inspire magazine, replacing its bombmaking instructions with a recipe for cupcakes. [...]
The quarterly online magazine, which is sent to websites and email addresses as a pdf file, had offered an original page titled "Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom" in one of its editions last year. The magazine's pages were corrupted, however, and the instructions replaced with the cupcake recipe.
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June 07, 2011
Gumballs
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Isn't it cute?
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Ramps are for sissies
H.T. Mary
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Well, duh (4)
'Breastaurants' Ring Up Big ProfitsRestaurants that woo men with attractive waitresses, big beer selections & giant TVs are winning loyal customers--and raking in revenues.
Franchises inspired by the Hooters model--such as Celtic-themed sports bar chain Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery and faux mountain sports lodge chain Twin Peaks--have expanded rapidly over the last half decade, while corporate-owned chains like Brick House Tavern + Tap and Bone Daddy's House of Smoke are picking up steam regionally. In fact, for the next couple of years, this segment (often referred to as "breastaurants") is poised to be one of the fastest-growing restaurant categories.
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June 06, 2011
Hula cam
OK, now I'm dizzy.
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Paper cuttings
A dozen figures hand-cut from paper. (Bad link fixed.)
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That was close!
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Her cups runneth over
All I want for my wedding is... a breast enlargement: Bride asked her guests to contribute towards plastic surgeryMost wedding lists contain the usual mix of crockery, sheets and electrical appliances - or the happy couple perhaps asks for some money towards their honeymoon.
But Louise and Les Hampson aren't like most couples. Instead of asking for gits [sic], they asked their 200 guests to contribute towards a new pair of breasts for the bride.
Now, after raising 2,000-pounds, 33-year-old Louise has had the cosmetic surgery she craved.
Her new implants have boosted her bust from a 32D to a 32DD.
She told a magazine: 'My wonderful wedding guests have given me the greatest boost to my married life - new boobs for the blushing bride!'
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June 03, 2011
How not to eat pizza
One of the funniest things I've seen recently - well worth waiting through the ad.
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Robotic jugglers
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Husband of the year
Here's the winner of the Husband of the Year contest. Five runners-up here.
H.T. Tucson John
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How to tie your shoes
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A country run by crazy people
Flooded-out farmer needs permit to remove fishSABREVOIS, Que. - Bureaucrats have added insult to injury for a corn farmer south of Montreal whose fields have been damaged by near-record flooding.
Martin Reid says he's been forced to buy a fishing licence to remove carp that are swimming in a metre of water on his flooded-out fields.
He says he bought the permit to avoid the problems he faced the last time he was forced to remove fish from his flooded farmland. In 1993, Reid was fined $1,000 for illegal fishing. [...]
Reid says the fine will jump to $100,000 if he's cited a second time. [...]
A spokesman for the provincial natural resources department defended Ottawa's decision.
"The idea is to help farmers," said Jean-Philippe Detolle. "The licence was issued to reassure them they won't be fined."
H.T. Jeff G
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June 02, 2011
His first fish
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Mind the guardrails
Tucson John sends four pix of a Chevy Suburban that "ate" 120 feet of guardrail on a Montana highway.. Luckily, there were no passengers and no one was injured. The Suburban was pretty well trashed, of course.
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Cleaning up in Joplin
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But it was vicious
Cops in Independence shoot gator; find out it's lawn ornamentINDEPENDENCE, Mo. • Police responding to an alligator sighting in a suburban Kansas City pond took quick action to dispatch the big reptile.
It wasn't until after the second rifle shot bounced off the beast Sunday that the three Independence officers realized it was a concrete lawn ornament. [...]
Gentry says the landowner told officers he put the fake gator there to keep children off his property.
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June 01, 2011
Even cowgirls get the blues
Posted by joke du jour at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
It's a winner!
The first place winner in the Worst PPT Slide Contest
Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Rolling through the bay
One man, 100,000 toothpicks, and 35 years: An incredible kinetic sculpture of San Francisco
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Still practicing
Here's one of many funny entries from Shit My Students Write:
Rebels and onions got no respect.The rebel and onion armies showed grose negligence by having many of their battles right inside national parks, like Gettysburg.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
