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November 07, 2014

Don't bogart the sugar, bro

Man Stabbed As Ménage A Trois Goes Wrong

FEBRUARY 13--A ménage a trois went horribly wrong last Friday when a North Dakota man stabbed another male participant when he refused to switch positions during the tryst, according to court records.

Ashley Hunter, 33, was charged this week with felony aggravated assault for allegedly stabbing Orlando DeWitt, 37, in the arm during the bizarre February 8 encounter. [...]

Cops report that Hunter and DeWitt--who met in prison--had been partying with several female acquaintances Friday night at a Fargo bar when they returned to Hunter's residence (after a 2:30 AM McDonald's pit stop).

DeWitt told police that he "began kissing on the couch" with one of the women, named Leticia. Soon, they were "under the covers and they had their pants off," which led, of course, to the new couple having sex. DeWitt added that he twice caught Hunter watching the living room action from his adjacent bedroom.

At one point, DeWitt reported, Hunter "came out of the bedroom and began kissing on Leticia's breasts." In short order, Leticia "began to perform oral sex on Hunter." It appears that DeWitt was continuing to have sex with Leticia while she was performing double duty. [...]

"Hunter then asked to switch places with Orlando," according to a Fargo Police Department report. "Orlando told him no and Hunter became upset." During the ensuing argument, DeWitt called Hunter a "fucking retard," which infuriated Hunter. He yelled at DeWitt and ordered him to leave the residence.

DeWitt [...] recalled that Hunter [...] reached into the couch and retrieved a 12-inch butcher knife. DeWitt and Leticia, both naked, fled to a bathroom. Hunter, knife in hand, subsequently forced his way into the bathroom and continued to threaten DeWitt.

“Orlando said he decided to run for the front door,” police reported. The nude DeWitt reached the home’s first door, but as he “went to open the exterior door he felt the knife cutting the back of his left arm.” While fleeing the home, DeWitt, who was not seriously injured, grabbed Leticia’s phone, which he used to call 911 from a nearby alley.

Posted by joke du jour at November 7, 2014 06:02 PM

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