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Markets in everything (4)

Somali sea gangs lure investors at pirate lair

HARADHEERE, Somalia, Dec 1 (Reuters) - In Somalia's main pirate lair of Haradheere, the sea gangs have set up a cooperative to fund their hijackings offshore, a sort of stock exchange meets criminal syndicate. [...]

One wealthy former pirate named Mohammed took Reuters around the small facility and said it had proved to be an important way for the pirates to win support from the local community for their operations, despite the dangers involved.

"Four months ago, during the monsoon rains, we decided to set up this stock exchange. We started with 15 'maritime companies' and now we are hosting 72. Ten of them have so far been successful at hijacking," Mohammed said.

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December 01, 2009

If at first you don't succeed

Man Robs 2nd Bank After Failing 1st Attempt

PHILADELPHIA -- Philadelphia police and the FBI are looking for a man who robbed a bank less than two hours after a failed robbery attempt at another bank.

The FBI says the unidentified man entered a Sovereign Bank branch in South Philadelphia Monday morning, told an employee he had a gun and demanded cash. But the man ran off before getting any money.

About two hours later, the FBI says the same man entered a Wachovia Bank branch in the Juniata Park section of Philadelphia. He threatened a bank employee and ran off with an undisclosed amount of cash.

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Mandatory gratuity

Couple Busted for Refusing to Pay Tip
Patrons claim service was so bad, they had to get napkins and silverware for themselves

If you’re frustrated by poor service at a restaurant, think twice before you decide to not tip. You may be in for a bit more than just a dirty look from the waiter.

"Nobody, nobody wants to be forced to pay a tip or be arrested for terrible service," Leslie Pope said when her happy hour ended in handcuffs.

Pope and John Wagner were hauled away by police and charged with theft for not paying the mandatory 18 percent gratuity totaling $16 after eating at the Lehigh Pub in Bethlehem, Pa. with six friends.

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Atonement

The wicked man flees though no one pursues...

Thief Gives Iowa College $500, Seeks Forgiveness

IOWA CITY, Iowa -- An anonymous letter with $500 and a plea for forgiveness sheds some light on a long-forgotten crime at an Iowa Catholic college.

The writer admitted stealing a portable radio from a teacher's lounge at Clarke College in Dubuque in 1955. The writer tried to make amends by slipping five $100 bills into the mailing sent last week to college president Sister Joanne Burrows.

It seeks forgiveness, saying the money was to be used by current faculty.

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November 27, 2009

Father of the Year

I think this guy's got a lock on the 2009 award.

Police: Dad Leaves Son, Goes To Strip Club
Father Calls Police When He Forgets Where He Parked His Son

INDIANAPOLIS -- A man was arrested after police said he left his 5-year-old son in a tractor-trailer while he ducked into an Indianapolis strip club to drink. The 39-year-old was arrested at 1:15 a.m. Tuesday on child neglect and public intoxication charges after calling police to report his truck stolen and his child missing. Police said the man was too drunk to remember where he had parked.

They found the boy inside watching cartoons on a television inside the cab. The keys were in the ignition, and the doors were unlocked.

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With friends like these

Facebook friend turns into Big Brother

University of Wisconsin-La Crosse student Adam Bauer has nearly 400 friends on Facebook. He got an offer for a new one about a month ago. “She was a good-looking girl. I usually don’t accept friends I don’t know, but I randomly accepted this one for some reason,” the 19-year-old said.

He thinks that led to his invitation to come down to the La Crosse police station, where an officer laid out photos from Facebook of Bauer holding a beer — and then ticketed him for underage drinking.

Via

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November 25, 2009

And the umployment insurance is cheap

'Dog Clerk' Brings Laughter At Gas Station

CLEARWATER, Fla. -- Customers at one Gulf coast gas station might be surprised at who responds to the counter when they pull up to the drive-through window: The store owner's dog.

Dozens of times each day, Cody the chocolate Labradaor retriever will pop up on two paws behind the counter at a BP gas station and convenience store in Clearwater. He even has a BP logo shirt and a name tag.

Customers grin and kids squeal with joy in response.

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November 24, 2009

Ignorance was bliss

Man discovers Charles Manson is his real dad

A MAN who went in search of his biological father was shocked to learn it was famed serial killer Charles Manson.

Matthew Roberts, a 41-year-old DJ who lives in Los Angeles, said the shock of discovering his father sent him into depression.

"I didn't want to believe it. I was frightened and angry. It's like finding out that Adolf Hitler is your father,” Mr Roberts told The Sun.

"I'm a peaceful person - trapped in the face of a monster."

Despite his revulsion Mr Roberts has been exchanging mail with Manson, who is serving life in Corcoran State Prison in California over nine murders committed by his “Family” of followers in 1969.

“He sends me weird stuff and always signs it with his swastika,” Mr Roberts said.

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Two out of three isn't bad?

Inmates Escape, Steal Cigarettes, Return

CLIFTON, Tenn. -- The state Department of Correction said two inmates escaped a minimum security prison in southwest middle Tennessee on Nov. 7 to steal cigarettes before returning, WSMV-TV in Nashville reported.

Adam Garland and Michael Queener are accused of escaping through a window in their cell at the Turney Center Annex and crawling under a fence.

While out, the men stole cigarettes and tobacco products from a convenience store before returning to the prison by going back through the window that they had escaped from, officials at the corrections department said.

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November 23, 2009

Nonsense on stilts

Wouldn't that be "second-hand tar" since there's not really any smoke involved?

Smoking Near Apple Computers Creates Biohazard, Voids Warranty

Unless you've just arrived in 2009 on a time machine, you know that smoking isn't good for you. Did you know, that smoking isn't good for your computer, either? It's true, at least according to Apple. Two readers in different parts of the country claim that their Applecare warranties were voided due to secondhand smoke. Both readers appealed their cases up to the office of God Steve Jobs himself. Both lost.

Back in April, Derek copied us on his e-mail to Jobs:

I took my mid 2007 apple macbook (black) into the Jordan Creek Apple Store in West Des Moines, Iowa, on Saturday, April 25th, because I had been experiencing some issues with it overheating, and figured the fan was bad. After some initial testing, they took the computer in for work under my Applecare plan, which has over a year remaining on it.

Today, April, 28, 2008, the Apple store called and informed me that due to the computer having been used in a house where there was smoking, that has voided the warranty and they refuse to work on the machine, due to "health risks of second hand smoke".

Not only is this faulty science, attributing non smoking residue to second hand smoke, on Chad's part, no where in your applecare terms of service can I find anything mentioning being used in a smoking environment as voiding the warranty.

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Well played

Slate magazine is just one of the countless media outlets convulsing with St. Vitus’ Dance over that demonic succubus Sarah Palin. In its reader forum, The Fray, one supposed Palinophobe took dead aim at the former Alaska governor’s writing chops, excerpting the following sentence from her book:

“The apartment was small, with slanting floors and irregular heat and a buzzer downstairs that didn’t work, so that visitors had to call ahead from a pay phone at the corner gas station, where a black Doberman the size of a wolf paced through the night in vigilant patrol, its jaws clamped around an empty beer bottle.”

Other readers pounced like wolf-sized Dobermans on an intruder. One guffawed, “That sentence by Sarah Palin could be entered into the annual Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. It could have a chance at winning a (sic) honorable mention, at any rate.”

But soon, the original contributor confessed: “I probably should have mentioned that the sentence quoted above was not written by Sarah Palin. It’s taken from the first paragraph of ‘Dreams From My Father,’ written by Barack Obama.”

Jonah Goldberg via Instapundit

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November 20, 2009

There is such a thing as bad publicity

Man Who Claimed Disability Spotted On TV Show

LOS ANGELES -- California tax officials say an interior designer's false disability claim was uncovered when he was spotted on a home improvement television show.

Fifty-six-year-old Ronald Hunt of Los Angeles was sentenced Tuesday to 200 hours of community service and ordered to pay more than $180,000 in restitution, unpaid taxes and fines. He pleaded guilty to two felony counts of fraud.

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Sue 'em all and let the judge sort 'em out

Man Blames Planes For Divorce, Seeks $555 Million

Blame it on the planes isn't the latest Milli Vanilli spoof, it's one man's $555 million claim that the local airport drove off his wife and kids. Stanley G. Hilton's lawsuit blames everybody and everything shy of the rain, moon and stars for the end of his marriage. Given his record, we wouldn't be surprised if they're listed on his next court filing. Hilton's 16-page suit against San Francisco International Airport (.pdf) blames 37 organizations for the collapse of his marriage and seeks $15 million from each of them. Targets of the suit include the city and county of San Francisco, the airport and every airline based there, airline engine manufacturers and the real estate agencies involved in the sale of his house.

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Location, location, location (2)

Pot Farm Stunk Up LA Police Station Lot
Marijuana Operation Found 25 Feet From Police Station

LOS ANGELES -- Officials said an elaborate marijuana growing site was found in an industrial building 25 feet from the back door of the Topanga police station in Los Angeles, and three people are under arrest. Officer Karen Rayner said the pot was discovered Wednesday when a search warrant was served at an address adjacent to the station in Canoga Park. [...]

The investigation began a week ago, when officers smelled marijuana in the police station parking lot.

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November 19, 2009

tlhIngan maH!

Local dad spoke only Klingon to child for three years

Is this taking the whole Star Trek thing a teensie weensie bit too far? d'Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his child for the first three years of its life. [...]

"I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language," Speers told the Minnesota Daily. "He was definitely starting to learn it."

And get this, Speers says he isn't really a huge Star Trek fan.

Title reference.

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He don't need no steenking GPS

Lost man drives nine hours to get newspaper

CANBERRA (Reuters) - An elderly man who went out to fetch a morning newspaper ended up driving nearly 400 miles after getting lost and taking a wrong turn onto a major Australian highway, police said on Wednesday. The man, 81-year-old Eric Steward, eventually stopped and asked for directions after driving for nine hours, from the New South Wales country town of Yass to Geelong in the southern Victoria state. [...]

"This little old man came up to me saying he was lost. He handed me his mobile and asked if I could speak to his wife," said Victorian Police Senior Constable Clayton Smith.

Steward, who was reunited with his family on Wednesday, said he took the wrong turn and just kept on going.

"I just went out on the road to have a drive, a nice peaceful drive," he told reporters, adding he did not need a satellite navigation device as he'd only been lost once.

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November 18, 2009

Another urban Ninja

Would-be Seattle ninja found impaled on metal fence

SEATTLE -- An aspiring ninja learned the hard way that he isn't able to jump a 5-foot fence.

Seattle police said an officer checking out a report of an assault in the 600 block of 7th Avenue late Monday came across a man impaled on top of a metal fence, screaming for help. [...]

"Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities, no doubt bolstered by alcohol," police wrote in a news release.

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News of the News of the Weird

Florida Named Strangest State; NYC & Lincoln, NE Named Strangest Cities

Tableseed.com, a new service that helps restaurants get more customers using birthday email clubs, has analyzed nearly 2,000 Associated Press (AP) "strange news" stories that were released in the past year. After segmenting all of the news stories by location, the state of Florida was the runaway winner of Tableseed.com's strangest state award.

Further analysis led to the conclusion that the three strangest cities in the US over the past year were New York City, New York; Lincoln, Nebraska; and Madison, Wisconsin respectively.

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November 17, 2009

Scotch on the rocks

Drink Makers Drill Ice For Scotch Whiskey
Company Drills For 2 Lost Crates Of Mckinlay & Co. Whiskey

WELLINGTON, New Zealand -- A beverage company has asked a team to drill through Antarctica's ice for a lost cache of some vintage Scotch whiskey that has been on the rocks since a century ago.

The drillers will be trying to reach two crates of McKinlay and Co. whiskey that were shipped to the Antarctic by British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton as part of his abandoned 1909 expedition.

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Back to nature

Back-to-nature sex, with vegan condoms and hand-cranked personal vibrators

For some consumers, good environmental citizenship is important even when choosing among sex accessories. No longer will they tolerate plastic personal vibrators made with the softeners called phthalates; or body lubricants that contain toxic chemicals typically found in, say, antifreeze; or leather restraints from slaughtered cattle. In an October issue, Time magazine described a market of organic lubricants, biodegradable whips and handcuffs, vegan condoms, and glass or mahogany vibrators (even hand-crankable models, eliminating the need for batteries).

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What smells worse than cigars?

Customs officers seize rabbit poo cigs

More than £1 million worth of counterfeit cigarettes filled with rabbit droppings instead of tobacco have been confiscated by customs officials in Spain.

The fake cigarettes - due to be sold on the black market as famous brands - were discovered after British holidaymakers in the Canary Islands smelled a rat whenever they lit up.

"They stunk. They smell just as you'd imagine burning poo to smell," said one customs official in Tenerife.

Police and customs staff arrested 12 smugglers in an undercover operation to intercept the cigarettes as they landed on a boat from China.

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November 16, 2009

It was a very cold day

Safe-for-work photo at the link.

Caught on camera: naked love rival flees furious husband

Sun Meng has been given the cold shoulder by his community after the extraordinary picture of him cowering naked outside the flat were posted on the internet.

The terrified 25-year-old fled from the balcony window when he was caught in bed with the man's wife at the married couple's flat in Chengdu, central China.

Photographs of the angry showdown, taken by a startled neighbour, were uploaded to a local community website.

They show Sun perched on the first floor [second-floor in the US. - JdJ] ledge while his lover is confronted by her unnamed husband inside.

"My family is ashamed and none of my own neighbours will talk to me any more," said Sun. [...]

"People are even laughing at how I look naked – but I have to point out it was a very cold day," he added.

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Send this guy to D.C.

Mr. Mahon, the sculptor, that is.

NZ lawmaker sculpted in cow manure

WELLINGTON, New Zealand — A sculpture of a New Zealand government minister crafted from cow manure sold for New Zealand dollars 3,080 ($2,220) on an auction Web site. The bust of New Zealand Environment Minister Nick Smith, sculpted as a protest by artist Sam Mahon, attracted 112 bids before being picked up by an anonymous buyer on Friday.

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Choose the blue pill

Colombian chefs unveil Viagra-laced passion fruit dessert

A group of young Colombian student chefs have unveiled a new dessert made from passion fruit and Viagra, claiming it had aphrodisiac effects on everybody who has tried it.

"We got the idea four months ago when we were dealing with a nutrition project for older people," Juan Sebastian Gomez said at an international gastronomy fair on Thursday.

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November 14, 2009

Hang up and drive

"A low-flying pelican." Yeah, right.

Bird Sends Million-Dollar Bugatti Into Marsh
Low-Flying Pelican, Dropped Cell Phone To Blame, Man Says

LA MARQUE, Texas -- A man blamed a low-flying pelican and a dropped cell phone for his veering his million-dollar sports car off a road and into a salt marsh near Galveston, Texas.

The accident happened about 3 p.m. Wednesday on the frontage road of Interstate 45 northbound in La Marque, about 35 miles southeast of Houston.

The Lufkin, Texas, man told of driving his luxury, French-built Bugatti Veyron when the bird distracted him, said La Marque police Lt. Greg Gilchrist. The motorist dropped his cell phone, reached to pick it up and veered off the road and into the salt marsh. The car was half-submerged in the brine about 20 feet from the road when police arrived.

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Perfect for those double eagles

Bra unrolls into putting mat

TOKYO, Nov. 11 (UPI) -- A Japanese lingerie maker said its latest bra caters to women seeking to golf on the go with the capability to unroll into a 5-foot-long putting mat.

Triumph said the Nice Cup in a Bra can be removed and unrolled into a putting mat that says "Nice shot" through a speaker when a ball sinks into the cup, The Daily Telegraph reported Wednesday [...]

Triumph releases novelty bras in Japan twice a year to highlight social trends. Previous releases include a chopstick bra and a mail carrier bra with pockets for letters..

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At least they weren't in his pants

Brit arrested with 1000 live spiders in his luggage

A British man has been arrested at Rio de Janeiro airport with 1000 live spiders in his luggage.

The man was nabbed late on Wednesday after security X-rays allegedly showed he was trying to smuggle the spiders out in two suitcases.

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November 12, 2009

Waiting for the bus

Gang of racoons hold up bus for food treats

Their masked faces give a clue as to their devious ambitions - but this is no stick-up.

This group of critters regularly pull over the No.18 bus to get a bite to eat.

The gaze of raccoons seemingly form an orderly queue to accept snacks from the bus driver as he stops off outside the Legion of Honor museum in San Francisco.

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The Facebook alibi

I’m Innocent. Just Check My Status on Facebook.

The message on Rodney Bradford’s Facebook page, posted at 11:49 a.m. on Oct. 17, asked where his pancakes were. The words were typed from a computer in his father’s apartment in Harlem.

At the time, the sentence, written in street slang, was just another navel-gazing, cryptic Facebook status update — meaningless to anyone besides Mr. Bradford. But when Mr. Bradford, 19, was arrested the next day as a suspect in a robbery at the Farragut Houses in Brooklyn, where he lives, the words took on greater importance. They became his alibi.

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Lazy burglar

Cops: Burglar Caught After Taking Nap In Bed

CINCINNATI -- Cincinnati police arrested a man who they said picked a very poor time and place for a nap, WLWT-TV reported.

Officers said David Freudenberg was burglarizing a home when he fell asleep in the homeowner's bed on Wednesday.

The homeowner said he came home to find Freudenberg still passed out in bed and called police.

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November 11, 2009

Man bites dog

From Oz:

Clifton Springs man bites dog to save his best Buddy

A CLIFTON Springs man yesterday told how he bit a dog to save his own from being mauled to death on a Collendina beach.

Phillip Lane said he was walking his two-year-old Jack Russell-cross-beagle Buddy with his wife Linda on a quiet Collendina dog beach about 4pm Monday, when a large, brown ridgeback ran up and snatched their little dog in its jaws.

"It grabbed our dog, threw him to the ground and had him by the neck," Mr Lane said.

"I thought, 'if he starts shaking him, he'll kill him'."

Mr Lane said he tackled the attacking dog and tried to forcibly unclamp its jaws with his hands. [...]

Then, Mr Lane's protective instinct took hold. With one hand in the ridgeback's mouth and another around its neck, he resorted to the most desperate of measures.

"I thought, 'if you're not gonna let go, I'm gonna bite your ear off' ... I ended up biting him on the ear as hard as I could," he said.

The bite stunned the attacking dog, which released Buddy and was taken away by its male owner, who had just arrived.

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The new champeen

I'll bet his mom didn't believe him when he told her he'd make a living at poker.

21-Year-Old Becomes Youngest Poker Champ Ever

LAS VEGAS -- A 21-year-old Michigan poker professional who chose cards over college won the World Series of Poker main event in Las Vegas early Tuesday, winning $8.55 million and becoming the youngest player to win the tournament in its 40-year history.

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Spooky (3)

Ghost Hunters Say Voice Led Them To Bones Paranormal Group Finds Bones Behind Historic Mansion Wall

WELLSBURG, W.Va. -- A historic Brooke County, W. Va., mansion is at the center of a police and paranormal investigation after skeletal remains were found hidden behind a brick wall.

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November 10, 2009

When Steve met Caroline

Paul sends a link to this report about an unusual legal hearing.

Court hears couple's sex sessions

A court was played a 10 minute recording of a Wearside couple whose nightly sex sessions were said to have ruined the lives of neighbours.

Caroline and Steve Cartwright's love making was described as "murder" and "unnatural" at Newcastle Crown Court.

Mrs Cartwright, 48, from Washington, is appealing against a conviction for breaching a noise abatement notice against the couple. [...]

Next door neighbour Rachel O'Connor told the court she was frequently late for work because she overslept having been awake most of the night because of the noise. [...]

Specialist equipment installed in Miss O'Connor's flat by Sunderland City Council recorded noise levels of between 30 to 40 decibels, with the highest being 47 decibels..

(Title reference.)

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Adding insult to injury

Pfizer abandons site of infamous Kelo eminent domain taking

The private homes that New London, Conn., took away from Suzette Kelo and her neighbors have been torn down. Their former site is a wasteland of fields of weeds, a monument to the power of eminent domain.

But now Pfizer, the drug company whose neighboring research facility had been the original cause of the homes' seizure, has just announced that it is closing up shop in New London

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The Darwin Award: not just for humans

Unlucky buck: Deer loses head-butt with lawn ornament

A love-struck buck ran out of luck a week ago. The seven-point buck was killed when it rammed a 640-pound concrete statue of an elk in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye's home in rural Viroqua.

Bucks often fight during the breeding season, commonly called the rut. Dominant bucks defend breeding territories and female deer by sparring with subordinate bucks. Antler battles sometimes result in the death of one or both deer, but usually end with the biggest buck winning and the smaller buck high-tailing it out to another area.

Mark Brye, who owns Brye Plumbing in Viroqua, was still laughing about the suicidal buck he found near his elk statue last week.

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November 09, 2009

Not Eisenhower's dominoes

Berlin Wall's Fall

BERLIN -- Massive colorful dominoes painted by German students were placed Saturday along the former path of the Berlin Wall to mark the 20th anniversary of the opening of the barrier that divided the city for nearly three decades.

Many of the upright 7.5-foot-high (2.3-meter-high) plastic foam dominoes carried messages, including "We are one people." The approximately 1,000 dominoes stretching for 1.5 kilometers (1 mile) will be toppled Monday as part of wider celebrations of the wall's fall.

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Incredibly close call

Drive in Missouri countryside almost turns deadly

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Need proof we live in a pinball world?

Lisa Long was driving through Cass County farm country last week when somebody -- maybe a mile or more away -- pulled the trigger on a high-powered rifle.

The bullet zipped over fields and pasture from the south as Long's car traveled west from her aunt's house. The two would meet at the same point at precisely the same instant.

Not only that, Long's driver-side window was down six inches or so and the bullet was at the perfect trajectory to enter the opening as she drove past that point at 40 mph.

The slug tore through her cheek, exited her mouth, then plopped onto the floorboard of the 1998 Ford Taurus.

What are the odds? Moving car, moving bullet. [...]

"I was listening to NPR and thinking what a beautiful day it was," Long said.

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November 06, 2009

He's got his co-pilot

From the Johnson City Press in Tennessee:

Did Jesus take the wheel? Jonesborough resident claims image of Jesus appears in truck window

Jonesborough resident Jim Stevens admits he’s not a particularly religious person, but even he is awed by what he has seen nearly every morning for the last couple of weeks on the driver’s side window of his Isuzu pickup truck.

It was two weeks ago today that an image, resembling the face of Jesus, made its first appearance on the window. Stevens, who said he has a “bum shoulder,” was having friends from Rogersville help move some items. He entered his truck from the passenger’s side to put his drink inside the vehicle. He said when he went around the truck to the driver’s side, the image was there. Initially, Stevens said he figured the image would go away and that would be the end of it.

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That's telling him

Man angrily tells cop what to do with his wife, his gun and his horse

HILLSBORO – Police arrested and jailed a 42-year-old man for littering after he threw down a ticket forbidding him from riding light rail, then angrily told off the officer who wrote the ticket.

Euphemistically speaking, Christian Alan Fletcher told the Hillsboro policeman that he would seduce the officer's wife and place the barrel of the officer's firearm ... well, where the sun doesn't shine, police reports show.

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Not-so-creative destruction

City Of Memphis Tears Down Wrong House

Memphis, TN - The City of Memphis tore down the wrong house and it cost taxpayers $29,000. The duplex used to be located at 1072 Garland Street. Records show Memphis Code Enforcement officers never notified the homeowner the house was scheduled for demolition.

Memphis city council member Myron Lowery says “Paying for a $29,000 house is a big hit that never should have happened. Someone made a mistake and they should be disciplined for it.”

According to city records, four years ago the city began condemning the property. Then it was sold to the current owner. Records show the owner made thousands of dollars worth of repairs.

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November 05, 2009

Aerial advertising

Germans attach tiny advertisements to flies

Since skywriting is no longer acceptable in advertising, German agency Jung von Matt has settled for "flyvertising," attaching tiny ad banners to flies and letting them buzz around a convention center during the Frankfurt book fair. Neat idea, but the obvious flaw is that flies are the most annoying things ever, and may not be something you'd want people associating with your product long-term. (The client here, Eichborn, is a publishing company whose logo is a fly.)

There's a picture of a tagged fly at the link.

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Rumors of his demise were greatly exaggerated

Bricklayer shows up at his own funeral in Brazil

RIO DE JANEIRO - A Brazilian bricklayer reportedly killed in a car crash shocked his mourning family by showing up alive at his funeral.

Relatives of Ademir Jorge Goncalves, 59, had identified him as the victim of a Sunday night car crash in Parana state in southern Brazil, police said. [...]

What family members didn't know was that Goncalves had spent the night at a truck stop talking with friends over drinks of a sugarcane liquor known as cachaca, his niece Rosa Sampaio told the O Globo newspaper. He did not get word about his own funeral until it was already happening Monday morning.

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The guy voted 'Most Likely To Do Time'

Robbery victim finds suspect in yearbook

ERIE, Pa. - After being robbed of his jacket, cellphone, keys, and $300, a Pennsylvania man was left with the odd feeling that his assailants looked familiar. Police say that is because they went to school together about 15 years ago.

Erie police arrested Anthony Williams, 30, Monday on charges of robbery, terroristic threats, and simple assault. The other suspect has not been found. [...]

Police say the victim recognized Williams because they both attended Central Career and Technical School in the mid-1990s. The victim brought old yearbooks to the police station and identified a newer picture of Williams from a photo lineup.

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November 04, 2009

35 years gone to waste

Posted by joke du jour at 06:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

He must really hate his job

Police: Man Made Up Mugging To Skip Work

EDGEWATER, Colo. -- Police in the Denver suburb of Edgewater say a man stabbed himself, then said he was attacked by three men dressed in black who were either Hispanic or skinheads, in a ploy to miss work.

Twenty-nine-year-old Aaron Siebers was arrested after police say he admitted making up the assault and said he was responsible for the knife wound to his leg and other superficial cuts on his body. He faces charges of false reporting and obstructing a police officer.

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It all pays the same

Two blondes worked for the city public works department. One was digging holes and the other was following behind her and filling the holes in.

They worked up one side of the street then down the other, then they moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest: one woman digging a hole, the other woman filling it in.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up?'

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the woman who plants the trees called in sick.'

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Cannabis U.

University Teaches People To Grow Pot
School Dedicated To Helping People With Medical Conditions

HILLSBORO, Ore. -- Medical marijuana advocates have opened a school where people can learn how to grow and use pot to manage illness, KPTV in Portland, Ore., reported.

The Oregon Medical Cannabis University, located in a warehouse off Cornelius Pass Road in Hillsboro, opened in October. The school offers classes and community centers where people can access the drug.

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November 03, 2009

Nice work if you can get it (4)

I think I need to start a category for these items.

Cops: TN mechanic disabled parked cars for repairs

JOHNSON CITY, Tenn.—Tennessee police said a mechanic was drumming up business by tampering with parked cars, then charging to help start them. Police arrested 41-year-old Christopher Walls of Johnson City on Thursday night.

Investigators said Walls disabled cars parked at restaurants, waited for the owners to try to start them and then offered his services as a mechanic. Police said Walls charged between $40 and $200 to get the vehicles running again.

Take it, Benny...

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It's surprising she could dial 9-1-1

Woman calls 911 to report herself as drunk driver
Eau Claire (WQOW)

Mary Strey, 49, of Granton was driving home from the bar around 11:28 p.m. on Saturday night when she called 911 to report a drunk driver. When the dispatcher asked Strey if she was following the drunk driver, she told police she was the drunk driver.

As she continued driving towards her home the dispatcher asked Mary to stop her vehicle on the side of the road and turn on her vehicle's flashers, which she did. Police found her parked on the side of the road.

Police gave Strey a field sobriety test. According to the criminal complaint Strey's speech was slurred, she stumbled, was swaying back and forth and could not perform the tests.

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November 02, 2009

Well I think it's pretty funny

Officials Not Amused By 'Go Yankees' Sign
Message Board On Interstate Lit Up Before Game 1 Of World Series

State transportation officials are looking into how the phrase "Go Yankees" appeared on an electronic message board along an interstate in eastern Pennsylvania.

Just in time for the first game of the World Series, the message lit up a board Wednesday along I-81 northbound between Wilkes-Barre and Scranton. [...]

The Yankees are facing the Philadelphia Phillies, who used to have a farm club in Wilkes-Barre/Scranton. Now the local minor league team is affiliated with the Yankees.

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What a costume

Man Dressed As Breathalyzer Suspected Of DUI

OXFORD -- Oxford police said a man they arrested on suspicion of drunken driving over the weekend was wearing a rather appropriate costume.

A police report said that James Miller, 18, was stopped after officers saw him driving the wrong way on a one-way street just before 2:30 a.m. Sunday.

When officers approached, they found Miller was dressed like a Breathalyzer.

Check out the photo of this guy at the link.

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October 30, 2009

January - December romance

Somali man, 112, marries 17-year-old girl

A crowd of hundreds attended the wedding between Ahmed Muhamed Dore and Safia Abdulleh in Guriceel, in the Galguduud region of Somalia. Mr Dore said: "Today God helped me realise my dream."

Mr Dore and his teenage bride are from the same village, and he said that he had waited for her to grow up before proposing. [...]

He already has 18 children by his other five wives.

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Dish up the dough

Man tried to rob bank with spoon

Baffled bank staff refused to fork out cash when a robber threatened them - with a spoon.

The ginger-haired crook burst into the branch in Lublin, Poland, brandishing the cutlery shouting: "This is a stick up."

Staff and customers threw themselves to the ground until they realised the 'gun' was simply a stainless steel spoon.

The would-be robber fled empty-handed with the laughter of his 'victims' ringing in his ears.

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October 29, 2009

A rude awakening

Couple alive after car pins them to bed for almost an hour

(CNN) -- With motor fluid spraying their faces and the weight of a car numbing their bodies, two Nevada college students struggled to stay calm after a drunk driver allegedly tore into their home, ripping them from their slumber.

Kristin Palmer and Trent Wood were asleep in their home last week when a motorist allegedly drove into their bedroom around 4 a.m., mistakenly believing it was his ex-girlfriend's home.

The University of Nevada students spent almost an hour pinned between the car and their bed while emergency workers battled furiously to free them.

Somehow, the two left the scene with relatively minor scrapes and burns -- and a new lease on life, Wood said.

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He just does what the voices tell him to

Police: Man Says God Told Him To Steal Car

LEXINGTON, Ky. -- Police said a man who smashed a window at a car dealership claimed he was following a higher calling.

Police said a 36-year-old man was collared by a security guard at Freedom Dodge in Lexington, Ky., before he could get inside the showroom. WLEX-TV reported the man told the guard that God wanted him to steal a Dodge Charger.

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A short chase

One-legged suspect caught with one stolen shoe

BRUSSELS -- Police said a one-legged suspect was caught after only one shoe went missing in a store in Belgium. An amputee was an immediate suspect when a store attendant found one shoe missing from a shop in the western Belgian town of Maldegem. Police spokesman Rik Decraemer said Monday authorities were alerted and quickly found the man who fit the description by shopkeepers. The shoe was also recovered.

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October 28, 2009

At least it's cheap

Worst disguise ever? Burglars cover faces with permanent marker

If you're going to commit a burglary, it's a good idea to have a disguise. However, you should probably do better than this pair of would-be burglars, whose disguise attempts extended to just drawing on their faces with a black marker pen.

Matthew Allan McNelly, 23, and Joey Lee Miller, 20 were arrested last Friday night after they tried to break into an apartment in Carroll, Iowa.

A witness called police to alert them to the attempted break in, and said that the suspects then drove off in a white car. Police tracked the car down a few blocks away, and - having been told that the suspects appeared to be wearing holsters - arrested them at gun point, the Daily Times Herald newspaper reported.

As it turned out, the duo didn't have either guns or holsters on them. They did, however, have permanent marker scribbled all over their faces, which made them rather easy to identify.

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Hot Mormon muffins

I have to admit this leaves me speechless.

2010 Hot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood Calendar

From the creators of the popular Men on a Mission calendar comes this hot addition fresh from the oven: Hot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood. Not only are they delicious, the debut 2010 edition features twelve beautiful Mormon mothers posing in kitschy vintage pin-up style.

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Arnold's acrostic

Schwarzenegger Flips Off Lawmakers in Hidden Message

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is ticked off.

He’s tired of signing bills that don’t address the pet causes he deems important. So when another unworthy bill crossed his desk recently for signing — addressing funding issues for the Port of San Francisco — the guv vetoed it and sent lawmakers a little note saying why. Only the note said a little more than lawmakers were expecting.

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October 27, 2009

Just walking the dog

Dog leads husband to unfaithful wife

The Sicilian mother of two, 35, had told her husband she was taking their Yorkshire terrier for a walk.

But later her 40-year-old husband, out with their children, heard barking and saw the dog tied up outside a bar in Caltanissetta.

He looked in the bar for his wife and caught her in a passionate clinch with the owner. Police said the couple are divorcing.

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Ri-i-i-ight

NTSB: NWA Pilots Were On Laptops

WASHINGTON -- Two Northwest Airlines pilots have told federal investigators that they were going over schedules using their laptop computers in violation of company policy while their plane overflew their Minneapolis destination by 150 miles, the National Transportation Safety Board said Monday.

The pilots -- Richard Cole of Salem, Ore., the first officer, and Timothy Cheney of Gig Harbor, Wash., the captain -- said in interviews conducted over the weekend that they were not fatigued and didn't fall asleep, the board said in a statement.

Instead, Cole and Cheney told investigators that they both had their laptops out while the first officer, who had more experience with scheduling, instructed the captain on monthly flight crew scheduling. The pilots were out of communication with air traffic controllers and their airline for more than an hour and didn't realize their mistake until contacted by a flight attendant, the board said.

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Or maybe it just seems like 25,000

Karaoke bar marks 25,000th 'My Way'

TOKYO, Oct. 22 (UPI) -- The owner of a Tokyo karaoke bar says he has heard people sing Frank Sinatra's "My Way" their way 25,000 times at his bar, and nearly all were awful.

Hide Saito, owner of Smash Hits karaoke bar, said the tune is such a popular choice among the tone deaf it was regularly heard about eight times a night when he first opened the business 25 years ago, The Times of London reported Thursday.

Saito said he has since instituted a rule limiting the same song to five renditions per night, but that has not stemmed the tide of Sinatra wannabes.

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October 26, 2009

That would be a nasty shock

Shopkeeper to electrocute drunken revellers who wee

A peeved trader plans to give drunken revellers the shock of their lives if they continue urinating against his shop front.

Businessman John O'Connor said he could no longer put up with his premises being used as an outdoor toilet by a steady stream of late-night partygoers.

The 46-year-old is taking a slash and burn approach to the anti-social behaviour by wiring up an electric current on the pavement outside his music shop in Co Clare, in the Irish Republic.

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Yahoo!

Yahoo lap dancers make wrong moves

Yahoo has apologized for its use of scantily clad lap dancers to entertain mainly male software developers and engineers in Taiwan last weekend. The Internet search company Monday acknowledged its politically incorrect step.

"I wanted to acknowledge the public reaction generated by the images of female dancers at our Taiwan Open Hack Day this past weekend," said Chris Yeh of Yahoo's Development Network on the company's blog.

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So long GeoCities

No lap dancers for the GeoCities guys.

Blog Predecessor GeoCities Closes Down

Now, 14 years after it was founded and 10 years after a purchase by Yahoo, the service has been shut down.

The former Web site for GeoCities advertises Yahoo's other Web-hosting services, a decade after it was bought for more than $3.5 billion in stock, according to the Wikipedia entry on the service. [...]

The Wikipedia entry says that in 1997, Geocities was the fifth most popular site on the Internet.

Randall Munroe is marking this event appropriately at xkcd.

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October 23, 2009

Looking for a little peace and quiet

Sicilian prefers prison to house arrest with wife

PALERMO, Sicily (Reuters) – A Sicilian builder transferred from prison to house arrest tried to get himself locked up again to escape arguments with his wife at home, Italian media reported Thursday.

Santo Gambino, 30, did time for dumping hazardous waste before being moved to house arrest in Villabate, outside the Sicilian capital, Palermo, Italian news agencies reported.

Gambino went to the police station and asked to be put away again to avoid arguing with his wife, who accused him of failing to pay for the upkeep of their two children.

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Not the pink thong!

Pink thong fetish flasher jailed

A serial flasher with a fetish for pink thongs has been jailed for 22 months after pleading guilty to breach of the peace at various locations in Glasgow.

John Shovelin, 30, targeted shoppers, clubbers and restaurant-goers in the city centre between February and June. [...]

The court heard how Shovelin was captured on CCTV exposing his underwear and buttocks to a group of women outside Princes Square in the early hours of 11 February.

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October 21, 2009

Hot and wet

Women fighting fires in see-through uniforms

A WET T-shirt controversy has broken out among female firefighters who have complained their new Rural Fire Service shirts become see-through when wet.

More than 600 volunteers joined a Facebook petition to object to the issuing of the bright yellow shirts to replace existing navy blue ones.

Women complained that when they sweat, handle leaking hoses, wash or fill their trucks and even when it rains, their male colleagues can see through their new shirts, The Daily Telegraph reports.

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Pay attention to details

Counterfeiting charges for man printing $50s in lap-dance scheme

CHEYENNE -- A local man has been charged in federal court with counterfeiting money, allegedly to pay an exotic dancer for a private session at a motel. [...]

The dancers told Cheyenne police that they took a taxi to Kempter's residence, where they picked him up and drove around town for about 30 minutes, court documents show.

The taxi driver told investigators that they dropped off one of the dancers and proceeded to the motel, where Kempter asked him to hold a roll of $50 bills.

"(The driver) noticed that the money was 'funny looking' and that several of the $50 Federal Reserve notes were not cut evenly," court documents show. "(The driver) further noticed that several of the $50 Federal Reserve notes had the same serial numbers."

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October 20, 2009

Killer iPhone app

Ex-TV Executive Creates Way to Kill People for $1

Unemployment has not been easy for Paul Sherno. Since losing his job at WJLA-TV, the veteran TV executive has applied–with 60 other people–for a warehouse job (didn't get it), considered selling insurance (money was crap), and attempted to enlist in the Army (too old). [...]

It's enough to make a guy want to mete out some justice.

"'Shoot a banker' ran through my mind," Sherno says. "I'm not an inherently violent kind of guy, but a lot of people were angry."

Also, he had an iPhone.

So Assassin FPS, the first iPhone application from Sherno's one-man company which he runs out of his Silver Spring home, Differentium LLC, was sort of inevitable. The first-person shooter game uses the iPhone's built-in camera, but instead of shooting at computer-generated enemies, the target in Assassin FPS is whatever's in front of you. Once you've selected from weapons like an AK-47, a bazooka, a laser blaster, or even Nerf darts, the weapon and its crosshair appear over the objects—or people—in your viewfinder, and you can commence blowing them into the next realm.

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What's in a name? (3)

Woman seeking divorce after finding husband listed her as Guantanamo on mobile phone

A WOMEN is seeking a divorce after she found out that her husband had nicknamed her "Guantanamo" on his mobile phone.

The woman made the discovery while examining the list of contacts in her husband's phone when he left it at home one day when he went out.

The woman was deeply offended by her husband's comparison between life with his wife and life within the Guantanamo Bay terrorist detention centre at the US naval base in Cuba.

His wife has since decided to end their 17-year marriage and is seeking a divorce, the Al-Watan newspaper in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, reports.

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Big rig

Matchstick oil rig took 15 years to build

When David Reynolds decided to build a scale model from more than 4million matchsticks there was only one thing on his mind.

Forget the Taj Mahal or Empire State Building. He chose the Brent Bravo North Sea oil rig.

John Major was still prime minister when Mr Reynolds began in 1994 and he has spent 32,000 hours creating what is now officially the world's biggest matchstick model.

Apart from costing him £5,000 in wood and glue, it has left things a bit strained in the Reynolds household.

The model weighs a tonne, is 3.6m (12ft) tall and 6.4m (21ft) long and at one stage had to be split into 14 sections.

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October 19, 2009

How did they get him so life-like?

Neighbors thought dead man's body was part of Halloween display

The body of 75-year-old man sat decomposing on his Marina del Rey balcony for days because neighbors thought the lifeless figure was part of a Halloween display and didn't call police.

Mostafa Mahmoud Zayed had apparently been dead since Monday with a single gunshot wound to one eye. He was slumped over a chair on the third-floor balcony of his apartment on Bora Bora Way, said cameraman Austin Raishbrook, who owns RMG News and was on the scene Thursday when authorities were alerted to the body.

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Not cut out for the call center

'I'll blow your house up': BT customer claims he received death threats after row with call centre worker in India

He is not the first person to have fallen out with a call centre operator.

But when Allan Wardle rang BT after his internet connection crashed, what happened next left him shocked and frightened.

A technician called him back but instead of the problem being resolved a row broke out and, Mr Wardle claims, the technician threatened to blow up his house.

'I couldn't believe what I was hearing,' said Mr Wardle, 24. 'I was incensed.'

'I was scared at first and then really angry. I called the police straight away.'

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October 15, 2009

A stimulus of her own

Lottery Hoax Causes Riot At Ohio Coat Store

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- A woman being driven around in a rented limousine pulled up at a coat store and announced she'd won the lottery and would pay for everyone's purchases, police said, but she ended up causing a riot when customers realized it was a hoax. [...]

Linda Brown was arrested Tuesday after an hours-long shopping spree that began when she hired a stretch Hummer limousine to drop her off at a Burlington Coat Factory store, police Sgt. Lt. Michael Deakins said. Brown walked to a cash register and loudly announced she had won the lottery and would pay for each person's merchandise up to $500, he said.

"Well, of course, people like to hear that," Deakins said. "Apparently they were in line calling relatives who were not at the store and told them to come."

People flooded the registers as cashiers began ringing up purchase after purchase, but Brown had not yet paid the bill, Deakins said. At least 500 people filled the aisles and another 1,000 were outside trying to get in, he said.

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The meaning of chutzpah

So it turns out that Arab sheikhs understand the meaning of "chutzpah"

Jad Mouawad and Andrew Revkin report in the New York Times on just the most darling Saudi proposal for how to help solve the global warming problem:

Saudi Arabia is trying to enlist other oil-producing countries to support a provocative idea: if wealthy countries reduce their oil consumption to combat global warming, they should pay compensation to oil producers....

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October 14, 2009

Not only does Nature abhor a vacuum

It may not be very fond of Higgs bosons either.

The Collider, the Particle and a Theory About Fate

More than a year after an explosion of sparks, soot and frigid helium shut it down, the world's biggest and most expensive physics experiment, known as the Large Hadron Collider, is poised to start up again. In December, if all goes well, protons will start smashing together in an underground racetrack outside Geneva in a search for forces and particles that reigned during the first trillionth of a second of the Big Bang.

Then it will be time to test one of the most bizarre and revolutionary theories in science. I'm not talking about extra dimensions of space-time, dark matter or even black holes that eat the Earth. No, I'm talking about the notion that the troubled collider is being sabotaged by its own future. A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather.

My view is that these physicists are indulging in a little theology; if it ain't falsifiable, it ain't science.

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A new winner in the Expensive Real Estate contest

Hong Kong Apartment Sells For $57 Million

HONG KONG -- It's a price tag that would make even New Yorkers and Londoners gasp -- an outsized luxury apartment sold for nearly $57 million in Hong Kong Wednesday amid growing fears of a real estate bubble.

The five-bedroom duplex suite with as much as 6,158 square feet was sold to an unidentified buyer from mainland China, said the developer, Henderson Land Development, a major Hong Kong property company. It is believed to be Asia's most expensive property by square foot at nearly $9,200.

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Felony franks

I'm pretty amused by the writer's name, particularly under this headline.

Slaw and Order: Hot-Dog Stand in Chicago Triggers a Frank Debate
'Felony Franks' Is Staffed by Ex-Cons, but Some Neighbors Don't Relish the Name

By JULIE JARGON

CHICAGO -- When James Andrews opened a hot-dog stand on this city's rough West Side, he thought he was doing a community service by hiring ex-convicts. But some in the neighborhood think the name he chose -- Felony Franks -- is a crime.

An alderman has refused Mr. Andrews permission to hang a new sign or build a drive-through lane. A pastor accused the restaurant owner, who is not an ex-convict, of "pimping out" the community. Members of a neighborhood association have vowed to stay away from Felony Franks until the name is changed and the décor -- including paintings of cartoon hot dogs in prison stripes -- is removed.

Via

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October 13, 2009

Nearly a ton of pumpkin

For some reason this reminds me of the One Ton Tomato parody of Guantanamera.

Pumpkin Squashes Competition In Weigh-Off

HALF MOON BAY, Calif. -- A giant pumpkin from Iowa is the prize of the patch after squashing the competition in a heavyweight championship on California's coast.

The gigantic gourd tipped the scales at 1,658 pounds to win the 36th annual World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off in Half Moon Bay on Monday. [...]

At $6 a pound, Des Moines grower Don Young will take home a $9,948 prize. He says he didn't expect to win and is very happy.

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It happes to lots of people

Part of an exchange at Emails From Crazy People:

From: Alan A
Sent: Wednesday, August 26, 2009 1:25 PM
To: Jerry R
Subject: B&B Invoice

Where are you using part# TE102 – Large Multi-Purpose Hatch?

I have an invoice that came back.

Alan

From: Jerry R
Sent: Wednesday, August 26, 2009 2:00 PM
To: Alan A
Subject: RE: B&B Invoice

YES

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October 12, 2009

Strange bunny

Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - "D'oh!" doesn't even start to cover it.

Marge Simpson -- the blue beehived matriarch of America's most loved dysfunctional family - is Playboy magazine's November cover, the magazine said on Friday.

Simpson, tastefully concealing her assets behind a signature Playboy Bunny chair, is the first cartoon character ever to front the glossy adult magazine, joining the ranks of sex symbols like Marilyn Monroe and Cindy Crawford. [...]

Playboy also promises a story inside called "The Devil in Marge Simpson". The issue arrives on newsstands on October 16.

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What a dad

Man misses birth of his child after fondling nurse, police say

Adam Jay Manning was arrested after he allegedly fondled a nurse who was helping in the delivery of his child at McKay-Dee Hospital in Ogden.

Police arrested a Bountiful man early Friday for allegedly groping a nurse who was helping a woman who was in labor with his baby at an Ogden hospital.

Adam Jay Manning, 30, brought a pregnant woman in labor to McKay-Dee Hospital around 3 a.m. Friday, said Ogden police Lt. Loring Draper. When a nurse came to assist the couple, Manning looked the nurse "up and down" and made an observation about her appearance, Draper said.

"He makes a comment about how cute she looks," Draper said.

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October 10, 2009

Nice work if you can get it (3)

I don't know if this story is true but it would certainly be funny if it is. What a scam! From StrangeCosmos.com:

STRANGE ZOO PARKING ATTENDANT MAKES OFF WITH MILLIONS!

From The London Times:

A Well-Planned Retirement

Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were £1 for cars ($1..40), £5 for busses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility.

The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee.

The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (or some such scenario), is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars!

......

And no one even knows his name!

Take it, Benny...

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Daddy's little girl

Via

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Hey, you kids! Off the grass!

School Children Banned From Kensington Public Parks

KENSINGTON, Md. - Public parks are usually the places where children go to have fun. But the town of Kensington just passed a new rule that bans kids over five years old from playgrounds during the daytime.

"It's like a sad children's story," said Joe McPherson, headmaster of the Brookewood School.

But it's no fable. The girls at Kensington's Brookewood School are banned from using a public park right across the street for recess. [...]

The town council unanimously passed a resolution this week saying only caretakers with children five years old and younger can be in Reinhardt Park from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m. Monday through Friday.[...]

The town manager says students using the park for recess created maintenance issues and damage. The town council asked the school to pay $4,000 a year to help with upkeep but never heard back.

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October 08, 2009

Hire the pros

I don't get this -- prostitution and brothel-keeping are both legal in New Zealand. Maybe the NZOC ought to finance his next Olympic bid if they want to be picky about how it's done.

Threat to sue athlete for fund-raising brothel

WELLINGTON (Reuters) – The New Zealand Olympic Committee has threatened to sue a local taekwondo athlete who plans to finance his 2012 London Games bid with the proceeds from a brothel.

Logan Campbell, whose participation in the Beijing Olympics last year cost him NZ$150,000 ($110,600) -- most of which came from his parents -- opened a brothel with a friend in Auckland earlier this year.

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Yo ho ho (2)

Somali Pirates Mistake French Military Vessel for Commercial Ship

PARIS - Somali pirates in two skiffs fired on a French navy vessel early Wednesday after apparently mistaking it for a commercial boat, the French military said. The French ship gave chase and captured five suspected pirates.

No one was wounded by the volleys from the Kalashnikov rifles directed at La Somme, a 3,800-ton refueling ship, said Rear Admiral Christophe Prazuck, a military spokesman.

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School ticket

10-Year-Old Gets $260 Ticket At School

EL PASO, Texas -- A 10-year-old student was given a $260 ticket for disrupting class at his school, KFOX-TV in El Paso reported.

For the boy's mother, the incident all started with a phone call at around 9 a.m. one day. [...]

She said her son was on medication for a behavioral disorder and couldn't stay awake in class at Travis Elementary School.

"So he fell asleep again, and when they tried to wake him, he got angry," Walka said.

She said her son then left the classroom after a teacher tried to restrain him. She said her son also made noise in the hall. He lay down on the floor and wouldn't get up. For disrupting class, officers at El Paso Independent School District gave her 10-year-old son a ticket for $260, a class C misdemeanor.

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October 07, 2009

Hang on!

Ala. woman lets daughter ride in box on top of van

ALBERTVILLE, Ala. – An Alabama woman has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child after police say she let her daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of their van. Albertville Police spokesman Sgt. Jamie Smith said the 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday after police received a call about a minivan on a state highway with a child riding on top.

Smith said the woman told police the box was too big to go inside the van, and that her daughter was inside the box to hold it down.

Smith said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger.

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Leaf rage

Cops: Mass. man shoots neighbor in leaf-dump fight

BOSTON – A man pleaded not guilty to armed assault with intent to murder after police said he shot his neighbor over a leaf-dumping dispute. Christopher Leonard was released Monday on $20,000 bail following his arraignment in Quincy District Court. Police said the 38-year-old shot his neighbor John Rota in the stomach Friday when they got into an argument over the disposal of leaves near their Randolph homes.

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Only in Britain (I hope)

CPS defends prosecution of disabled widow in 'prodding' case

The Crown Prosecution Service today defended its decision to take legal proceedings against a 71-year-old woman who prodded a 17-year-old youth in the chest.

Renate Bowling, of Thornton Cleveleys, Lancashire, confronted the boy in the street after stones were thrown at her home.

The disabled widow, who walks with a steel frame, said she thought it was a "joke" when police arrived at the scene and arrested her for jabbing the teenager with her finger. [...]

Bowling was given a conditional discharge and ordered to pay £50 court costs. [...]

"I saw one of them throw the stones against my window from my bedroom. I went out and found him hiding behind a wall. I poked my finger out at him and told him what I thought of him.

"Then the police arrested me - I thought 'What a joke. What is going on?'."

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October 06, 2009

What a belly flop

From Britain's Daily Mail, about an event that occurred in Thailand.

My bungee nightmare: Briton hits water at 80mph after elastic cord flies loose

As he hurtled towards the water at 80mph on a bungee jump, Rishi Baveja anxiously awaited the moment when the elastic cord snapped him back aloft.

It never came.

The harness around his feet worked free and he continued accelerating until he hit the surface of a Thai lagoon.
Fortunately he managed to take the full force of the impact on his chest, escaping catastrophic head injuries.

But the Cambridge graduate still suffered a ruptured spleen, torn liver, collapsed lungs and massive bruising.

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How to score a car

Detroit man faces 2 years for stealing date's car

A Detroit man has been sentenced to at least two years in prison for stealing a woman's car after skipping out on the check during their first date.

Twenty-four-year-old Terrance McCoy was sentenced today in Oakland County Circuit Court to two to 10 years in prison. [...]

Police say McCoy dined with the 27-year-old Southfield woman April 24 at a restaurant in Ferndale. The woman told investigators McCoy said he forgot his wallet in her car and asked for the keys. Police say McCoy then took off in the car.

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Yo ho ho

Illinois treasure hunt is halted as possible prank

ST. LOUIS — An Illinois woman who set out on a treasure hunt for buried gold coins after finding a cryptic note in an antique rocking chair may have been the victim of a prolific prankster who died more than 30 years ago.

With help of a donated backhoe, Patty Henken recently tore up a vacant lot in Springfield, Ill., where a typewritten note signed by "Chauncey Wolcott" — found in an old chair she bought at auction last November — suggested she would find a chest containing more than $250 in U.S. gold coins. [...]

An Iowa woman who read news accounts of the hunt said she knows Wolcott's true identity: John "Jay" Slaven, a notorious practical joker and coin collector who often used a typewriter in his pranks.

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October 05, 2009

Up in smoke (2)

The second link below directs you the NYT article (registration required).

Weed in Review

And I thought movie critics had the best job in journalism: According to the New York Times, Westword, a Denver alt-weekly, is on the hunt for what may be the nation's first pot critic:

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October 02, 2009

Be Prepared

No joke: College removes zombie plan from site
All set for hurricanes? Check. Pandemics? Check. Living dead? Check.

GAINESVILLE, Fla. - The University of Florida's response plans for a zombie apocalypse are no longer available for public consumption.

University spokesman Steve Orlando said Friday the university removed a link to a disaster recovery exercise, which detailed how the school could respond to an outbreak of the undead. The link was taken down late Thursday afternoon.

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Practice your penmanship

Teller Couldn't Read Robbery Suspect's Note

HILLSBORO, Ore. -- A 30-year-old woman tried to rob a bank Wednesday by handing a teller a threatening note, but police said the teller couldn't read her handwriting, reported television station KPTV in Portland, Ore.

Police said Stephanie Martin walked into a Wells Fargo bank in Hillsboro and handed the teller a note that read, "Need $300 or I'll kill you. I'm serious."

The teller told Martin she couldn't read the handwriting, police said. Martin then walked to a counter and re-wrote the note on a bank slip, according to Lt. Mike Rouches, of the Hillsboro Police Department.

The teller then hit the silent alarm and the bank's manager asked how he could help Martin, Rouches said.

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October 01, 2009

Not a woman to trifle with

Cops: Woman Fried, Ate Goldfish Amid Fight With Ex

PASADENA, Texas -- Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them. [...]

Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says the man reported on Saturday that the woman took the goldfish from his apartment.

Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some jewelry the man had given her but took back. She wanted the jewelry returned.

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It's a record

Bangladesh Awards Farmer Who Killed 83K Rats

DHAKA, Bangladesh -- Bangladesh on Wednesday awarded a farmer who killed more than 83,000 rats and launched a monthlong campaign nationwide to kill millions more, to protect crops and reduce the need for food imports.

Mokhairul Islam, 40, won a first prize of a color television for killing some 83,450 rats in the past nine months in Gazipur district near the South Asian country's capital, Dhaka. He collected their tails for proof.

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September 30, 2009

Showing some style

Well-suited escape plan: Prisoner walks out of Manhattan Supreme Court by dressing as lawyer

A career crook awaiting trial on numerous robbery counts escaped from Manhattan Supreme Court in broad daylight Wednesday - apparently by masquerading as a lawyer, sources said.

Ronald Tackman, who turns 55 on Thursday, has been on the lam since 9:15 a.m., and his real lawyer warned he'll be hard to catch.

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What the- !

WTF? Wisconsin Tourism Federation changes name after internet jokes

The body charged with attracting more visitors to the midwestern state will now be known as the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin (TFW), in an attempt to put a stop to the jokes.

It seems that the federation was unaware of - or unconcerned by - the modern meaning of WTF until its acronym featured on a blog that compiles unfortunate corporate logos earlier this year.

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Don't mess with a veteran (2)

Suspected flag burner pilloried

VALLEY FALLS -- The young man was given three choices: get turned over to the police, go one-on-one in a fight with a seasoned war veteran, or be duct-taped to a flagpole for six hours with a sign around his neck identifying his alleged crime: flag burning.

It was the third option that would still have the small town buzzing a week after a 21-year-old was hunted down and forced to endure a public humiliation with its roots dating to the Middle Ages. Members of the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 1938 were incensed enough to tie up the man last Sunday after they accused him of setting the flag in front of their building on fire.

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September 28, 2009

She gets around

Woman Celebrates 92nd B-Day By Skydiving

KEENE, N.H. -- A 92-year-old New Hampshire woman has celebrated her birthday by skydiving from a plane at 13,000 feet.

Swanzey resident Jane Bockstruck tells The Keene Sentinel newspaper she doesn't know what overcame her when she decided to take the parachute jump. [...]

Bockstruck says she's been married seven times, has traveled the world and has had jobs ranging from hotel desk clerk to seamstress for the John Wayne movie "True Grit."

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Provide your own punchline

What I want to know is: Who treated the rats?

'Rub-on Viagra' in development
The development could help millions of men every year.

Current erectile dysfunction drugs, called phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5) inhibitors, can cause side effects, ranging from headaches and vision problems to more serious complications. [...]

Doctors have now developed a new way of minimising side effects by delivering drugs directly to the affected area using tiny particles, smaller than the size of pollen grains.

Tests on rats have shown that the drugs are effective in nine out of 10 cases.

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September 26, 2009

Karaoke warning

Belted After Belting Out Badly

The 25-year-old woman from Port Chester, New York, was singing at Bobby Valentine's Restaurant on Wednesday night when six women made some derogatory comments about the victim's inability to sing, police said. What she was singing, we have no idea. [...]

The group is accused of punching and kicking the singer, chipping her tooth and bruising her, and pulling her hair. The victim went to Stamford Hospital to be treated.

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News from Spain

Matador to Advertise Gay Drink on Cape

MADRID - A little-known Spanish matador is breaking with a sacred tradition, agreeing to advertise on his cape while slaying bulls and endorse a soft drink that caters to gays.

Matador Joselito Ortega will be plugging a club-scene energy beverage called Gay Up and have those words embroidered into his cape in large, red cursive letters.

In Spain, matadors are seen by many as the pinnacle of macho, and Ortega's agreeing to endorse a product geared toward gay men is raising eyebrows.

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Anglo-Saxon hoard

Huge Hoard Of Anglo-Saxon Treasure Found

LONDON -- An amateur treasure hunter prowling English farmland with a metal detector stumbled upon the largest Anglo-Saxon treasure ever discovered, a massive collection of gold and silver crosses, sword decorations and other items, British archaeological experts said Thursday.

One said the treasure would revolutionize understanding of the Anglo-Saxons, a Germanic people who ruled England from the fifth century until the Norman conquest in 1066. Another said the find would rank among Britain's best-known historic treasures.

Here's a site about the Staffordshire Hoard. And here's a Flickr page with many images of it. This is a sword hilt fitting made from gold with inlaid garnet.

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September 24, 2009

Irony update

Frenchman arrested for driving drunk to police station

COLMAR (AFP) – A Frenchman was arrested for drunk driving after taking his car to a police station to distribute Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlets there, police said Wednesday.

Gendarmes in the eastern town of Neuf-Brisach smelt alcohol on the 56-year-old's breath when he arrived with the leaflets on Monday. They tested his blood and found it contained nearly double the permitted alcohol level.

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You wouldn't want to miss this

Catchy tagline: Think an ellipsis is when the moon moves in front of the sun?

Baking Contest Highlights 6th Annual National Punctuation Day®

PINOLE, CA - The first National Punctuation Day® Baking Contest will highlight the celebration of the 6th National Punctuation Day (NPD) on September 24, 2009.

NPD is celebrated in schools and businesses throughout the world with activities, games, programs, and contests. It has inspired people to pay attention not only to their p's and q's, but also their commas, semicolons, and ellipses. NPD reminds us of the importance of proper punctuation for communicating clearly at home, school, or at work.

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Sounds fishy to me

That £675,000 is around 1.1 million in US dollars.

Fish to choose who wins house

A Lancashire businessman is letting his pet fish choose who will become the new owners of his £675,000 house.

Dave Mackie, 49, is running an online Sudoku competition in which his luxury home will be given away as a prize, reports the Daily Telegraph.

He has already received thousands of entries around the world, but will let his koi pick the winner from the correct entries.

The insurance broker and puzzle fan plans to install a touch sensitive pad in the pond and when the fish touch it one of the 14,000 entries will be selected.

He hopes this will mean the fish select someone who will look after them when he moves out.

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September 23, 2009

Quite a movie buff

And a pretty greedy one at that.

Mass. postal worker admits to stealing 30,000 DVDs

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. – A former postal service employee has pleaded guilty to stealing more than 30,000 DVDs that moved through a western Massachusetts post office.

Myles Weathers, formerly of Springfield, took DVDs that were mailed by Netflix to customers for a year beginning in January 2007.

Federal prosecutors say the movie rental company alerted Springfield post office officials that a suspiciously high number of DVDs were disappearing. As many as 100 movies a week were disappearing.

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The Spirit of Portland

Introducing the Hopworksfiets: Beer, pizza, music, and true Portland spirit, all on one bike

I just witnessed the unveiling of something truly in the Portland spirit: A locally built cargo bike that holds two kegs below an inlaid wood bar. A rear rack is built to hold a stack of pizzas; below that a wood-paneled pannier is in fact a compact sound system.

It's made in Portland. And it's beautiful

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What were they thinking? (2)

From Wales via the BBC

Spotted Dick back on council menu

Council chiefs have reversed a decision to rename the pudding Spotted Dick after receiving "abusive letters" and accusations of political correctness.

Canteen staff at Flintshire council had decided it would be referred to as "Spotted Richard" on their menu after "immature comments" by some customers.

The council now says the pudding will revert to its traditional name.

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It can always get worse

Think flying economy is bad now?
New aircraft design puts passengers face-to-face in rows for budget travel

Air travel is being overhauled with a new aircraft design which plans to seat passengers facing each other in rows.

The controversial design is intended to save space and money and could see 50 per cent more passengers packed on to each plane.

Howard Guy, director of the UK company Design Q, acknowledges that some people will not be happy with the plan, but says they will be able to pay less for any inconvenience.
Design Q aircraft [...]

Mr Guy predicts that the design could see a 50 per cent increase in the number of passengers on board and a 30 per cent reduced cost per seat.

However, he did concede that the seats would not be comfortable for passengers on flights of more than two hours.

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September 22, 2009

Watch the Victoria Bitter

News from Down Under:

Sex by the meter costly

A DRUNK footballer's loudly simulated sex with a parking meter has been recounted in Cairns Magistrates' Court.

He then made racial slur against a passerby - the final straw for police.

Adam Michael Kelly, 25, of Smithfield, spent the night in the watch-house after his offensive performance and was fined $150 in court yesterday for causing a public nuisance.

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Streaking cops

More news from Down Under:

Police red-cheeked over 'nudie run'

Senior police have been forced to front the media and admit two officers stripped and ran around a police van at a set of traffic lights. And more naked police may have been inside the van, a senior official has admitted.

But they've stopped short of conceding the officers had attended a buck's party at Cleveland, on Brisbane's bayside.

"I believe it was some sort of pre-wedding party," Deputy Commissioner (Specialist Operations) Ian Stewart told reporters.

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September 21, 2009

Don't mess with a veteran

Naked Man, 91, Holds Intruder At Gunpoint

LAKE WORTH, Fla. -- Authorities said a naked 91-year-old man was able to hold a drunken intruder at gunpoint until deputies arrived.

Robert E. Thompson jumped out of bed early Saturday when his dog starting growling and attacking the intruder. He said he got his revolver and went out back to let the guy know how he felt about home invaders.

Thompson, a World War II veteran, said he didn't even notice he was standing outside in the dark without any clothes on.

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And you thought Starbuck's is expensive

Coffee maker brews up $200,000 catastrophe

It might be called the case of the $200,000 cup of coffee.

And now, St. Louis Community College at Forest Park — and its insurance company — are footing the bill for it.

A coffee maker left on in a campus photo lab on a night in July led to a ruptured water line, dumping an estimated 10,000 gallons of water down four floors. The water seeped into ceilings, walls, carpeting and computers, soaking furniture and paper files.

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September 19, 2009

Top 20

From the UK's Telegraph, the 20 most bizarre Craigslist adverts of all time

This is #14...

I left my Dentures in your Silverado last night. I gave you my number but did not get yours. Please call me asap. I need my teeth. We met in the parking lot of Margarita Jones. Get back to me asap please. Thank you.

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September 18, 2009

I can imagine how impressed she was

Man In Stolen Miniskirt Wanted To Impress Wife
RIVER FALLS, Wis. (WCCO)

A Minnesota man was ticketed for walking out of a store wearing a stolen miniskirt and bikini to impress his wife.

According to the River Falls Journal, police said workers caught Justin Larson leaving Shopko in River Falls wearing the women's clothing on Sunday. [...]

Investigators said Larson told them he took the clothes to smooth things over with his estranged wife.

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September 17, 2009

The tables turned

Naked blonde turns tables on builders

Burly builders fled when a naked blonde rushed at them on a construction site in the Austrian capital Vienna shouting: "Who wants me?"

The hard-hat hunks ran for cover when the woman turned the tables on them on the building site beside the city's main railway station.

"We like to chat up girls as they walk past - it's a tradition," said one builder.

"But this woman was too much to handle and we just ran and hid until the police got here. No-one liked to think what would happen if she caught one of us," he added.

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Sweetmeats

Meat-flavoured chocs hit with men

Meat-flavoured chocolate might not be everyone's idea of delicious, but a Kiwi chocolatier claims her new salami-tinged treats are just that.

Sweet maker Hanna Frederick has developed venison chocolate truffles to feed dozens of meat lovers at a New Zealand conference.

Made from a blend of dark chocolate and ground-up salty dried meat, the morsels, shaped like tiny sausages, have a "delicious" salami aftertaste, she said. [...]

She said the snack, being served as a starter to 150 people at New Zealand's Meat Industry Association conference, had proven a hit with men "who can't get enough of it", but admitted women had been "quieter" in expressing approval.

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Dumpster diving warning!

Couple's Trash Bin Tryst Takes Wrong Turn

WICHITA, Kan. -- A tender moment in a trash bin went all wrong for a couple who found themselves being held up at pocket knifepoint.

Police said two 44-year-olds had climbed into a Dumpster to be alone just after 6 p.m. Saturday when two men interrupted them and demanded their belongings. Officers said the man and woman were engaged in "an intimate moment" when they were robbed of their shoes, jewelry and the man's wallet.

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September 15, 2009

But it's not what you're thinking

Bananas-for-sex cult leader on the run

Papua New Guinea police are hunting the leader of a sex cult that promised villagers a bumper banana harvest if they engaged in public sex.

The alert was raised after a villager from Yamina in Morobe province walked 12 hours to the nearest town to report the cult's activities.

He told police the cult's leader and his followers have been using threats of violence to force people to have sex in public for the past four months.

The Post Courier reports villagers had been promised their banana harvest would increase every time they fornicated publicly.

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Would you like fries with that?

Worker Honored For 50 Years At McDonald's
Leonard Rhomberg Still Works At First McDonald's In Missouri

CRESTWOOD, Mo. -- A 68-year-old man who still works at the first McDonald's restaurant in Missouri has been honored for 50 years of service.

Leonard Rhomberg began his job at a McDonald's restaurant in the St. Louis suburb of Crestwood in 1959, the year after it opened. And he still works there five days a week.

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An A for effort

Boy Fakes Kidnapping To Hide Bad Grades

HUNTSVILLE, Ala. -- An 11-year-old boy gets high marks in storytelling after staging a hoax to cover up his bad grades, police said . Police said the boy faked his kidnapping Friday to avoid bringing home a bad report card, saying that a man with a pistol snatched him after he left Ed White Middle School. The boy said the man forced him into a "beat-up car" and threatened to kill him, police said .

The student said he escaped by jumping out of the car but wasn't able to grab his book bag, which contained the report card, police said.

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September 14, 2009

Heads up!

Mystery Explained: Glow in Night Sky Was Astronaut Urine
space.com – Fri Sep 11, 3:30 pm ET

The beautiful trail in the sky looked like a mysterious celestial event. In reality, it was urine.

Some skygazers were treated to the unexpected view of a bright sparkling glow Wednesday night, created when astronauts aboard the space shuttle Discovery dumped the waste out into space.

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Stop monkeying around

Driver Dons Monkey Masks To Elude Tickets

PHOENIX -- A driver has racked up dozens of speeding tickets in photo-radar zones on Phoenix-area freeways while sporting monkey and giraffe masks, and is fighting every one by claiming the costumes make it impossible for authorities to prove he was behind the wheel.

"You've got to identify the driver, and if you can't it's not a valid ticket," said Dave VonTesmar, a 47-year-old flight attendant.

It took Arizona state police months to realize the same driver was involved and was refusing to pay the fines. By the time they did, more than 50 of the tickets had become invalid because the deadline for prosecution had passed.

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September 11, 2009

Avoid the 'botax'

Patients Rush To Beat Possible 'Botax'

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. -- Taxing cosmetic procedures like tummy tucks, liposuction and Botox injections could help finance the trillions of dollars needed for health care reform if some politicians have their way.

The Senate Finance Committee had recently discussed imposing a 10 percent tax "botax" on cosmetic surgeries deemed not medically necessary, KERO-TV reported.

While it's just an idea floating around as of right now, Dr. Milan Shah of Beautologie Medical Group said he is already seeing people rushing in to get procedures done before the tax hits.

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Quite an honor

UPS Driver Is Champion Parking Violator

DENVER -- A single UPS delivery truck is the champion of Denver parking violations, racking up 196 tickets worth nearly $5,700 last year.

The Denver Post reported the dubious achievement Wednesday.

UPS spokesman Mark Dickens said parking tickets are a cost of doing business in some cities.

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Anything for a buck (4)

Police shut down kick-for-cash operation at Triangle Center

A Rainier man came up with an innovative — if rather painful — money-making idea and decided to give it a test run Tuesday at the Triangle Center in Longview.

The 23-year-old man held a sign inviting people to kick him in the groin for the bargain price of $5.

Perhaps fortunately for him, only one customer took him up on the deal before police decided to break up his enterprise.

And even worse, he'd dropped the price to $3 for his one customer because she was female, he told Longview police.

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September 10, 2009

'I forgot' isn't going to work for these people

Vegas Weddings Abound As Numbers Align On 9-9-09

LAS VEGAS -- Two years after Las Vegas chapels hit the wedding date jackpot with lucky sevens, it's all eyes on the nines for 9-9-09.

Wedding officials in Sin City and elsewhere staged a marathon set of nuptials and vow renewals on Wednesday during what was anticipated to be of the busiest days of the year -- the quirky date of Sept. 9, 2009, or 9-9-09.

The New York City Clerk's office said 200 couples had wed by midday at its refurbished marriage bureau -- about four times the Wednesday average. Nine couples in Hollywood spent 99 cents each to get married at a 99 Cents Only store on Sunset Boulevard.

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Going green

Economy Has More People Farming Marijuana

BARBOURVILLE, Ky. -- Machete-wielding U.S. police officers have hacked their way through billions of dollars' worth of marijuana in the country's top pot-growing states to stave off a bumper crop sprouting in the tough economy.

The number of plants seized has jumped this year in California, the nation's top marijuana-growing state, while seizures continue to rise in Washington after nearly doubling the previous year. Growers in a three-state region of central Appalachia also appear to have reversed a decline in pot growth over the past two years.

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September 09, 2009

What's a nice girl like you doing in a robbery like this?

Police: Robber Returned To Ask Victim Out

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Ohio police said a suspect in a robbery was arrested when he returned to the home about two hours later to ask the victim out on a date.

Police said 20-year-old Stephfon Bennett of Columbus was among three men who robbed a couple late Sunday.

Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird said the woman recognized Bennett as one of the robbers when he returned to ask her out. She had a relative call 911.

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The scarlet neon green T-shirt

Shoplifters Ordered To Wear Thief T-Shirts

WAUSEON, Ohio -- A northwest Ohio judge has added neon green T-shirts to his sentencing repertoire.

Western District Court Judge Jeff Robinson in Fulton County is requiring some defendants to wear shirts announcing "I'm a thief" while they perform court-ordered community service. [...]

The shirts have mainly been ordered for convicted shoplifters. At least one defendant offered to pay a stiffer fine instead.

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September 08, 2009

Really organized crime

Yakuza group forcing members to take 'gangster exam'

OTSU -- Japan's largest and most notorious organized crime group, the Yamaguchi-gumi, is forcing members to take a "gangster exam" in order to reduce costly damages suits, police have discovered.

An affiliate based in Shiga Prefecture is distributing written tests on the revised Anti-Organized Crime Law, which allows higher-ranking gang members to be sued for the actions of their subordinates, as a preventative measure against future lawsuits. Police believe the test has been introduced by Yamaguchi-gumi groups across the country.

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That's 'barking', with a 'b'

From Oz:

Darwin City Council traffic wardens book dog for parking

A DOG has been booked for illegal parking.

The blue heeler was tied to a fence outside Rapid Creek Market when it was approached by two Darwin City Council traffic wardens.

One of the inspectors wrote out a ticket – and taped it to the dog's lead.

Witness Ray McEvoy said he couldn't believe his eyes.

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September 04, 2009

We needed 'new research' to learn this?

From the US Department of Health and Human Services:

College Students Get More Drunk When Drinks Are Cheap
Bar discounts, special promotions linked to greater alcohol consumption, study shows.

WEDNESDAY, Sept. 2 (HealthDay News) -- Cheap drinks at college bars lead to more intoxicated students and more health and safety problems, new research shows.

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Markets in everything (3)

Want Facebook Friends? Now You Can Buy Them

SAN FRANCISCO -- On Facebook, most people make friends the old-fashioned way -- by sending a request to be added to someone's posse of pals. Now, an Australian marketing company hopes to save you time and energy by simply buying you a few thousand buddies.

The service from uSocial is mostly meant for businesses, celebrities and other individuals looking to expand on the social network, and Facebook isn't happy about it.

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Order in the court! (2)

Fire chief shot by cop in Ark. court over tickets

JERICHO, Ark. – It was just too much, having to return to court twice on the same day to contest yet another traffic ticket, and Fire Chief Don Payne didn't hesitate to tell the judge what he thought of the police and their speed traps.

The response from cops? They shot him. Right there in court.

Payne ended up in the hospital, but his shooting last week brought to a boil simmering tensions between residents of this tiny former cotton city and their police force.

Jericho's just east of I-55, a little north of West Memphis, Arkansas -- in case you're planning any trips to that part of the country.

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September 03, 2009

An unusual form of insurance

I don't know how legitimate this is but the site does have a PayPal link if you want to take advantage of the offer.

You know you're saved. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

Via

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Fat food

Finalists for State Fair's Big Tex Choice Awards include Deep Fried Butter
The place that brought you deep-fried Twinkies has taken fat food to a whole new level.

Since 2005, the State Fair of Texas has invited its vendors to create new and interesting food offerings. In recent years, we've seen such artery cloggers as Texas Fried Cookie Dough and Chicken Fried Bacon.

On Tuesday, State Fair officials released the eight finalists for this year's fifth annual Big Tex Choice Awards, and on the list is this gem: Deep Fried Butter. It's exactly as it sounds, butter that's seasoned, battered up and deep-fried. For those counting, a stick of butter has 810 calories— before it's deep-fried.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Policy compliance

Bank wants thumbprint from man with no hands

Tampa, Florida -- While most banks require a thumbprint to cash a check from someone who doesn't have an account, a Tampa man says that policy was impossible to comply with.

Steve Valdez says he was shocked when he was told he had to put his thumbprint on a check written on his wife's Bank of America check. [...] Although he had two forms of identification both with pictures, the bank still required Valdez to give a thumbprint before it would cash the check.

But that was impossible, because Valdez was born without arms and wears prosthetic devices. [...]

When Valdez told the manager giving a thumbprint would be impossible, she suggested he either bring in his wife or open an account. Valdez says that's not the way the bank would treat someone without prosthetic arms, and he refused.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 02, 2009

30 years later...

Plastic Flamingo Named City's Official Bird

MADSION, Wis. -- At a busy Madison Common Council meeting Tuesday night, council members voted to make the plastic pink flamingo the official city bird.

The new mascot was debated for five minutes, and then the Common Council voted 15-4 to make the plastic pink flamingo the official city bird, reported TV station WISC.

The idea was sparked by a 1979 prank when pranksters on campus put out 1,008 of the birds.

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All things are possible

Twitter site offers followers line to God

An Israeli university student has opened a Twitter site, twitter.com/thekotel, where prayers can be sent for placement in the crevices of Jerusalem's Western Wall, a Jewish holy site that faithful believe provides a direct line to the Almighty.

"I take their prayers, print them out and drive to Jerusalem to put them in the Western Wall," said Alon Nir, a resident of Tel Aviv.

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September 01, 2009

Any orphans out there?

Conn. Man Advertises Parents On Craigslist

MADISON, Conn. -- A Connecticut man put his parents up for sale on Craigslist as a joke to pass the time on a rainy weekend.

Michael Amatrudo, a 51-year-old Madison resident and insurance executive, said in the ad that he's gotten "lots of use out of these guys over the past 50 years, but it's time to move on." He said he'll take $155 or a trade for a younger set of parents, an Erector set or a "hot blonde."

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