September 02, 2010
It must have been Miller Lite
Store Owner Uses Beer To Fend Off RobberMARATHON, Ohio -- A Clermont County store owner used an unlikely weapon to foil an armed robbery on Monday.
The Clermont County Sheriff's Office said a man walked into Dave's Grocery on U.S. 50 in Marathon at about 9 p.m. and pulled out a gun, demanding money.
The store's owner, Narendra "Goppi" Patel, said he was preparing to close and was holding a six-pack of beer when the man came in.
Patel said he told deputies he picked up one of the beer cans and threw it at the robber, who ducked, losing his baseball hat.
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September 01, 2010
¡Salud!
Heavy Drinkers Outlive Nondrinkers, Study FindsOne of the most contentious issues in the vast literature about alcohol consumption has been the consistent finding that those who don't drink actually tend to die sooner than those who do. The standard Alcoholics Anonymous explanation for this finding is that many of those who show up as abstainers in such research are actually former hard-core drunks who had already incurred health problems associated with drinking.
But a new paper in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research suggests that - for reasons that aren't entirely clear - abstaining from alcohol does actually tend to increase one's risk of dying even when you exclude former drinkers. The most shocking part? Abstainers' mortality rates are higher than those of heavy drinkers.
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August 31, 2010
These folks were filled with some kind of spirit
But I'm not sure it was the Holy Spirit.
Cops: 6 Arrested After Gunfire At Baptism PartyFORT SMITH, Ark. -- Police said a baptism party where some uninvited guests arrived turned into a brawl that resulted in gunfire. Police were dispatched to the Progressive Men's Club at 2 a.m. Saturday after a caller reported gunfire. Witness Amy Manjarrez told Fort Smith television station KHBS that her uncle was pistol whipped and that others, including her father and a disk jockey, were beaten.
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August 25, 2010
Make it so
Star Wars fans ask NASA to build a hyperdriveDie-hard "Star Wars" fans have visited the imaginary worlds of Hoth and Tatooine countless times in the sci-fi films, and now they want NASA's help to do some real intergalactic exploring.
At the Star Wars Celebration V convention in Florida over the weekend, "Star Wars" filmmakers and fans asked NASA representatives to develop a hyperdrive that can transport astronauts through space at light speed. And to make it snappy.
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August 23, 2010
You know times are hard when...
Wall Street Drug Use: Employees Giving Up Cocaine for Pot and PillsThe credit crisis appears to have sobered up Wall Street in more ways than one.
A review of drug-test data compiled by drug testing firm Sterling Infosystems Inc., shows that cocaine is losing its favor among investment professionals. What drug is their choice? Marijuana.
Last year, cocaine showed up in 7% of the positive tests at Wall Street firms, down from 16% in 2007, according to Sterling, a New York-based firm that screens about 5,900 employees a year for some 270 finance shops.
Meanwhile, the prevalence of marijuana in failed tests jumped from 64% to 80% between 2007 and 2009.
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August 16, 2010
For all you skeptics
'I See Jail in Your Future …'A man was jailed by a Kemerovo region court on Thursday for assaulting a Gypsy fortune teller who predicted that he would be jailed, the Investigative Committee said.
Gennady Osipovich tried to kill the unidentified female fortune teller, who told him she saw a "state-owned house" — a Russian euphemism for jail — in his future, the committee said in a statement on its web site.
The woman managed to escape, but Osipovich stabbed to death two unidentified witnesses of the assault, which took place in October. He was sentenced to 22 years in a maximum-security prison.
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August 13, 2010
The sign Nazis are loose
A Man, A Plan And A Sharpie: 'The Great Typo Hunt'Incensed by a "no tresspassing" sign, Jeff Deck launched a cross-country trip to right grammatical wrongs.
He enlisted a friend, Benjamin D. Herson, and together they got to work erasing errant quotation marks, rectifying misspellings and cutting unnecessary possessive apostrophes.
The Great Typo Hunt is the story of their crusade.
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What's not to like?
It dices! It slices! It's "in perfect alignment with the magnetic north"! But wait... it affects the Earth's gravity too!
Giant Mecca clock seeks to call time on GreenwichFor more than a century, a point on the top of a hill in south-east London has been recognised as the centre of world time and the official starting point of each new day.
But now the supremacy of Greenwich Mean Time is being challenged by a gargantuan new clock being built in Mecca, by which the world's 1.5 billion Muslims could soon be setting their watches.
Due to start ticking on Thursday as the faithful begin fasting during the month of Ramadan, the timepiece sits atop the Royal Mecca Clock Tower which dominates Islam's holiest city. [...]
According to Yusuf al-Qaradawi, an Egyptian cleric known around the Muslim world for his popular television show "Sharia and Life", Mecca has a greater claim to being the prime meridian because it is "in perfect alignment with the magnetic north."
This claim that the holy city is a "zero magnetism zone" has won support from some Arab scientists like Abdel-Baset al-Sayyed of the Egyptian National Research Centre who says that there is no magnetic force in Mecca.
"That's why if someone travels to Mecca or lives there, he lives longer, is healthier and is less affected by the earth's gravity," he said. "You get charged with energy."
H.T. Paul B.
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August 12, 2010
It takes a village
The village where it takes £8,000 (and three years) to change a lightbulbResidents were celebrating today as work finally begun on replacing two lightbulbs, ending a three-year battle with a council who claim it will cost £8.000.
The Church Hall and the village green in picturesque Glemsford, near Sudbury, Suffolk, were plunged into darkness after two street lamps stopped working in 2007.
After inspecting the lights, workers from Suffolk County Council said they were unable to fix them due to a 'G39' health and safety issue.
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August 11, 2010
How to quit your job
Check out the 33 photos; they're pretty funny.
Girl quits her job on dry erase board, emails entire office (33 Photos)We received the following photos last night from a person who works with this girl. Her name is Jenny (not confirmed) - we're working our contact for Jenny's last name. Yesterday morning, Jenny quit her job with a (flash)bang by emailing these photos to the entire office, about 20 employees we're told. Awesome doesn't begin to describe this office heroine. Check back as we will be updating if we get more details.
Update: 'Jenny' turns out to be named a woman named Elyse who admits this was a hoax (in 16 more photos).
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August 10, 2010
Had enough
Fed-Up Flight Attendant Jailed on a BoatA flight attendant who was arrested after arguing with a passenger on a JetBlue flight -- making a grand exit from the aircraft by grabbing some beers and pulling the emergency chute -- is being held at a jail on a barge after failing to make $2,500 bail. [...]
Slater was working on Flight 1052 from Pittsburgh to Kennedy Airport, which landed at around 12 p.m. Monday, when he got into a verbal altercation with a passenger -- a now legendary exploit, which has even been immortalized in a CGI video by the same Taiwanese company that make the Tiger Woods and Al Gore animations.
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August 09, 2010
And what beats a turtle burger?
Doughnut burger judged 'awesome'
This fair-food family is also offering 'fried butter' as a new item this yearThe Hoosier family behind last year's chocolate-covered bacon at the Indiana State Fair is at it again.
Their newest offering? A burger served between two Krispy Kremes, known simply as the doughnut burger.
AdvertisementVeteran concessionaire Dennis Reas said that if his family wants to survive selling novelty fair food, he must think of new products every year to keep the customers coming back.
"You just have to have something new to keep people entertained," said a beaming Reas, 53, as fair visitors circled his stands around lunchtime on the fair's opening day. "Every year we try to come up with something new."
And it seems to be working -- even if the $6.50 burger and another new offering, deep-fried butter, produced almost as many questions as orders from the first customers of the 17-day fair.
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August 03, 2010
Where's the beef?
Unhappy robber: Gunman calls restaurant to gripeA man who robbed a Wendy's at gunpoint Saturday night apparently was so upset with his haul that he twice called the restaurant to complain, Atlanta police said.
"Next time there better be more than $586," he said during one call. He made "a similar threat" in the second call, police said.
About 11:15 p.m., a man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun walked up to the drive-through window at the Wendy's at 1940 Piedmont Road, police said. He told an employee to put the cash drawer on the counter.
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August 02, 2010
Feelin' the heat
Miami Heat fires sales team after season tickets sell outThe Miami Heat easily sold out its season tickets after LeBron James announced he was joining the team. That turned out to be bad news for the ticket-sales staff, which the Heat fired Friday.
``Now that the supply for [season tickets] has been exhausted we no longer require a season ticket sales team,'' the Heat said in a brief statement Friday afternoon.
A team spokeswoman, Lorrie-Ann Diaz, declined to comment or answer questions about the firings, which one staffer said cost roughly 30 people their jobs.
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July 30, 2010
She's telling them
Ballot slogan axedMadison — State elections officials Wednesday narrowly rejected a Milwaukee Assembly candidate's attempt to run with the slogan "NOT the 'whiteman's bitch' " under her name on the ballot.
Ieshuh Griffin, an independent candidate with a history of feuds with local officials, said in response she would sue the state Government Accountability Board for infringing on her freedom of speech. [...]
"I'm not making a derogatory statement toward an ethnic group. I'm stating what I'm not," Griffin told board members. "It's my constitutional right to freedom of speech."
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July 29, 2010
Who made those bullets?
North Carolina Man Charged with Shooting Wife with Toilet PaperLonnie Pinnix (ROCKINGHAM COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE / July 20, 2010)
REIDSVILLE, N.C. - A 55-year-old North Carolina woman was taken to the hospital after her husband loaded a gun with toilet paper and shot her in the back early Tuesday morning, according to the Rockingham County Sheriff's Office.Lonnie Irvin Pinnix, 38, of 951 Garrison Rd., was charged with assault with a deadly weapon for allegedly shooting his wife after she returned to their home shortly after midnight.
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July 27, 2010
Who'd miss seeing Bridget the Midget?
Massachusetts Policeman Resigns After Leaving Beat to See Midget Porn StarA Massachusetts police officer resigned after leaving his beat to see a dwarf porn star called "Bridget the Midget" and lied about the visit during an investigation into the incident, local media reported Tuesday.
Officer Richard P. Bennett, 28, deserted his late-night patrol to visit a gentleman's club where adult film star Bridget "The Midget" Powers -- billed as "the world's smallest porn star" -- was performing last month.
Bennett was in uniform at the time of his visit to Club Alex's in Stoughton and was reported to authorities by at least five other officers, said Stoughton Police Chief Paul Shastany.
H.T. Jeff G.
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July 26, 2010
A really big one that got away
Steve R says, "Can you imagine the call to the insurance rep?%quot;
Whale of a tale! 40-ton mammal lands on yachtA South African couple was out sailing near the country's infamous Robben Island when a 40-ton whale breached and crash-landed on their yacht.
"We were watching the whale flipping its tail for about half an hour," said Cape Town Sailing Academy Administrator Paloma Werner, who was enjoying a Sunday sail with her boyfriend and sailing instructor, Ralph Mothes.
"It reached about 100 to 200 meters from us, then it disappeared under water and reappeared about 10 to 20 meters from the boat, but we didn't think we were on a collision course," she told msnbc.com. [...]
"My boyfriend told me to go to the other side of the boat," she said, explaining that they thought it would dive under their vessel.
"All I heard him say was 'Oh sh*&,' and I saw the whale come out of the water and crash against the mast of the boat.
"I ducked behind the coach house and my boyfriend ducked behind the steering wheel and we saw the mast crashing toward us and the whale slip back into the water," she said."
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July 25, 2010
Never bring an ax to a gun fight
Man with ax tries to rob Jack in the Box restaurantST. LOUIS -- The ax-wielding robber didn't count on Policeman Luther Tyus being just around the corner.
Tyus had stopped a car on routine morning patrol Wednesday on Lindenwood Avenue, just steps from Kingshighway in south St. Louis.
About 8:55 a.m., someone ran up to Tyus and told him that a man with an ax was robbing the Jack in the Box a few doors away, at 4201 South Kingshighway.
Tyus walked into the busy restaurant with his gun drawn. He saw the robber carrying an ax that was bigger than a hatchet.
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July 23, 2010
&_&
You gotta be kiddin' me.
Elmhurst considers violation for eye-rollingElmhurst officials are considering creating a "disturbance and disorderly conduct" violation after a resident accused of rolling her eyes and sighing was ejected from a public meeting.
City Attorney Don Storino has been directed by the city’s finance and council affairs committee to look at various sources including “Robert’s Rules of Order,” Illinois state statutes and policies adopted by other municipalities for a legal definition of disorderly conduct and disruptive behavior. [...]
Ald. Stephen Hipskind said Darlene Heslop rolled her eyes and sighed while attending a June 14 committee meeting. Heslop, who was asked to leave the meeting, said she favors adding a definition of disorderly conduct to the municipal code.
“I’d like for them (city officials) to have a better understanding of the open meetings act and its meaning and to understand what disorderly conduct is,” she said.
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July 22, 2010
Nice work if you can get it (6)
California Official's $800,000 Salary in City of 38,000 Triggers ProtestsHundreds of residents of one of the poorest municipalities in Los Angeles County shouted in protest last night as tensions rose over a report that the city's manager earns an annual salary of almost $800,000.
An overflow crowd packed a City Council meeting in Bell, a mostly Hispanic city of 38,000 about 10 miles (16 kilometers) southeast of Los Angeles, to call for the resignation of Mayor Oscar Hernandez and other city officials. Residents left standing outside the chamber banged on the doors and shouted "fuera," or "get out" in Spanish.
It was the first council meeting since the Los Angeles Times reported July 15 that Chief Administrative Officer Robert Rizzo earns $787,637 -- with annual 12 percent raises -- and that Bell pays its police chief $457,000, more than Los Angeles Police Chief Charlie Beck makes in a city of 3.8 million people. Bell council members earn almost $100,000 for part-time work.
Take it, Benny...
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July 21, 2010
No sticky accelerator here
Teen charged after crash of horse and buggy in chaseLEON—An Amish teen who tried to flee police faces charges of alcohol possession and "overdriving an animal" after he crashed his getaway vehicle— a horse and buggy.
Cattaraugus County sheriff's deputies reported over the weekend that Levi E. Detweiler, 17, ran a stop sign and refused officers' attempts to stop the buggy. Deputies chased Detweiler for about three quarters of a mile, and when he tried an unsafe turn into a driveway, he crashed the horse and buggy in a ditch.
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July 20, 2010
Irony update (3)
To Protest Hiring of Nonunion Help, Union Hires Nonunion PicketsWASHINGTON—Billy Raye, a 51-year-old unemployed bike courier, is looking for work.
Fortunately for him, the Mid-Atlantic Regional Council of Carpenters is seeking paid demonstrators to march and chant in its current picket line outside the McPherson Building, an office complex here where the council says work is being done with nonunion labor.
"For a lot of our members, it's really difficult to have them come out, either because of parking or something else," explains Vincente Garcia, a union representative who is supervising the picketing.
So instead, the union hires unemployed people at the minimum wage—$8.25 an hour—to walk picket lines. Mr. Raye says he's grateful for the work, even though he's not sure why he's doing it. "I could care less," he says. "I am being paid to march around and sound off."
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July 19, 2010
What a headline (4)
This from Springfield, Massachusetts. Now, if only he'd been robbing a second hand store...
Springfield police charge one-armed man with unarmed robberySPRINGFIELD – Police charged a one-armed man with unarmed robbery early Wednesday afternoon following an incident that occurred about noon on Wednesday a block away from the police station.
The suspect, Manuel Hernandez, 28, of 52 Avon Place, goes by the street name of Lefty, Sgt. John M. Delaney said.
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July 17, 2010
Grumbles from the grave
End of obituary blasts senator"In lieu of flowers, vote for another more worthy candidate."
Those were the final words in a family-written obituary for Charlotte McCourt, an 84-year-old former campaign worker for Sen. Harry Reid whose fervent wish in her final years was to see the senator lose re-election, two of her daughters said Wednesday.
"We believe that Mom would say she was mortified to have taken a large role in the election of Harry Reid to U.S. Congress," said the obituary, which appeared in Tuesday's Las Vegas Review-Journal. "Let the record show Charlotte was displeased with his work."
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Some 'body work' of her own
Target of alleged murder for hire plot talks about ex-wifeKANSAS CITY, Missouri - When federal authorities first showed up at the used car shop George Cascone has owned along North Oak Trafficway for nearly three decades, he wondered if he had done some bad body work.
However, he quickly learned his ex-wife Dorothy Cascone was in jail, accused of hiring someone to have him murdered .
The revelation would surprise most people, but Cascone was not short on adjectives describing his ex-wife.
"She is psychotic, crazy, diabolical and evil," said Cascone. "I mean Tiger Woods ain't got nothing on me. She's smashed up several of my cars."
The video's a hoot.
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July 15, 2010
They need a few tons of industrial-strength Lipitor
'Walls of fat' removed from London's sewersEnough fat to fill nine double-decker buses is being removed from sewers under London's Leicester Square.
A team of "flushers" equipped with full breathing apparatus has been drafted in with shovels to dig out an estimated 1,000 tonnes of putrid fat. [...]
The build-up is the result of years of "sewer abuse" - when anything other than water, human waste and toilet paper is put down drains - according to Thames Water.
Danny Brackley, the water company's sewer flusher, said: "We're used to getting our hands dirty, but nothing on this scale.
"We couldn't even access the sewer as it was blocked by a four-foot wall of solid fat."
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July 14, 2010
Another funny headline
This appeared in Variety.
French B.O. up 9%Total French box office in the first half of the year rose 8.9% to €635.3 million ($802.4 million) compared to the same time last year, according to Centre National du Cinema estimates.
The U.S. market share was up from 44.1% to 49.8%, rolling off bumper takings from "Avatar," which has grossed nearly $100 million in Gaul this year.
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July 13, 2010
Filthy lucre
How Zimbabweans really do launder dirty money
U.S. dollar bills put through the spin cycle to make them lastIt looks like a clean-cut case of money laundering as Zimbabweans hang up notes on the line.
But these $1 bills are essential currency in the African country and putting them through the washing machine is the only way to ensure they remain hygenic.
Low denomination U.S. bank notes change hands until they fall apart, and the bills are routinely carried in underwear and shoes through crime-ridden slums.
dollar billsSome have become almost too smelly to handle, so Zimbabweans have taken to putting their $1 bills through a spin cycle and hanging them up to dry with clothes pins.
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Inspect this package
United Airlines pilot detained after dropping pantsA United Airlines pilot was briefly detained at the international airport in Rio de Janeiro after lowering his pants during a security screening, police said on Saturday.
Pilot Michael D. Slynn, 49, was asked to remove his belt and shoes as part of a routine security screening Friday afternoon. In response, Slynn laughed at security guards and lowered his pants to his ankles, said a police spokesman who was prohibited by departmental rules from giving his name.
Slynn was detained but released shortly afterward and allowed to fly back to Washington, DC, after signing a document promising to appear before a judge the next time he is in Brazil, the spokesman said.
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July 12, 2010
Diving dachshund
Russian Teaches Dachshund To Scuba DiveMOSCOW -- Any dachshund owner knows the feisty breed rarely backs off from a challenge, but one in Russia is taking that reputation to new heights - or depths.
The dog named Boniface is learning how to scuba dive.
Owner Sergei Gorbunov, a professional diver in the Pacific Coast city of Vladivostok had a diving suit complete with helmet made for the dog and is teaching him the tricks of the trade.
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High dive
Don't go off the VERY deep end...If you fancy a dip in this pool, you'll need a head for heights - it's 55 storeys up.
But swimming to the edge won't be quite as risky as it looks. While the water in the infinity pool seems to end in a sheer drop, it actually spills into a catchment area where it is pumped back into the main pool. At three times the length of an Olympic pool and 650ft up, it is the largest outdoor pool in the world at that height.
It features in the impressive, boat-shaped 'SkyPark' perched atop the three towers that make up the world's most expensive hotel, the £4billion Marina Bay Sands development in Singapore.
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July 09, 2010
You never know where it'll show up next
Face of Jesus seen from the heavens by internet fan using Google EarthHis face has been seen on a frying pan, in Marmite and even on the bottom of a drain pipe. Now, Jesus has been found in a field in Hungary.
The shadowy features of what appeared to be the Messiah were discovered by internet fan Zach Evans while using Google Earth.
Actually, this is one of the better claims I've seen. Check out the image at the link.
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July 08, 2010
Markets in everything (7)
Oil Spill WaterLooking to own a piece of the largest oil spill in American history? Want to help repair the Gulf from this environmental disaster? This is your opportunity! For only $9.99, OilSpillWater.com will send you your very own Oil Spill, packaged in a sealed glass bottle, for you to display in your home. Show your family and friends – your Oil Spill makes a great conversation piece! Order your piece of history today!
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July 06, 2010
Elaine and Gary and their catalog life
Catalog Living is chock full of snarky goodness.
We're so happy you could visit! The room's all made up for you, and I ripped out some pages of my favorite book and taped them to your wall in case you're like me and enjoy reading before bed.
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God hates shrimp
God Hates ShrimpShrimp, crab, lobster, clams, mussels, all these are an abomination before the Lord, just as gays are an abomination. Why stop at protesting gay marriage? Bring all of God's law unto the heathens and the sodomites. We call upon all Christians to join the crusade against Long John Silver's and Red Lobster. Yea, even Popeye's shall be cleansed. The name of Bubba shall be anathema. We must stop the unbelievers from destroying the sanctity of our restaurants.
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July 02, 2010
No red-eye here, officer
Man Accused Of Growing Pot Near School, Gets $10,000 Bond
Robert Prosser Had 33 Marijuana Plants, Police Say
CINCINNATI -- A Price Hill man had his bond set at $10,000 after he was charged with drug possession, cultivation of marijuana and having weapons while under disability.
Robert Prosser was accused of knowingly cultivating within the vicinity of Rees E. Price School in Price Hill.
Police officers found 33 plants and three guns at Prosser's Glenway Avenue home.
Police said Prosser also had a prior felony conviction.
H.T. Paul B.
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July 01, 2010
Face job
Chinese companies 'rent' white foreignersBeijing, China (CNN) -- In China, white people can be rented.
For a day, a weekend, a week, up to even a month or two, Chinese companies are willing to pay high prices for fair-faced foreigners to join them as fake employees or business partners.
Some call it "White Guy Window Dressing." To others, it's known as the "White Guy in a Tie" events, "The Token White Guy Gig," or, simply, a "Face Job."
And it is, essentially, all about the age-old Chinese concept of face. To have a few foreigners hanging around means a company has prestige, money and the increasingly crucial connections -- real or not -- to businesses abroad.
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June 30, 2010
Everything you needed to know, you learned in kindergarten
PLAY-DOH COLOGNE SPRAYThose fresh-from-the-can, full-of-potential, childhood memories... Now in a convenient spray!
This Play-Doh Cologne was created to celebrate the 50th Birthday of Play-Doh! Hasbro said the fragrance is "meant for highly-creative people, who seek a whimsical scent reminiscent of their childhood."
Close your eyes and you're back in kindergarten all over again! It's amazing how the scent of Play-Doh can take you to another time and place.
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June 29, 2010
Must have been performance review day
Woman set office fire to go home earlyNEW PORT RICHEY, Fla., June 24 (UPI) -- A Florida woman accused of starting an office fire to get sent home early with pay pleaded guilty to criminal mischief.
The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Michelle Perrino, 40, drew suspicion during a meeting of Bayonet Point Oxygen employees when she mentioned the May 12, 2009, fire had started in a filing cabinet before workers had been informed of the fire's origins, the St. Petersburg Times reported Thursday.
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June 25, 2010
Punk your Pad
I got yer iPad keyboard RIGHT HERE!Designer Jack Zylkin is selling kits to make this crazy mod that lets you use the iPad with a manual typewriter as the keyboard, the designer, has made kits available for $75, $150 for a prefab version and $400 to $500 asking price for whole thing assembled (iPad not included). It even goes "ding!" at the end of each line.
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The alexic writer
Via NPR's Morning Edition.
The Writer Who Couldn't Read"In January of 2002," writes the neuroscientist Oliver Sacks, "I received a letter from Howard Engel, a Canadian novelist describing a strange problem." Engel's problem was so strange, I decided to create a short video to let you see his story. Our narrator and animator is San Francisco artist Lev Yilmaz.
On July 31, 2001, Engel woke up, dressed, made breakfast, and then went to the front door to get his newspaper. "I wasn't aware," he says in our NPR interview, "that it was any different from any other morning."
But it was. When he looked at the front page — it was the Toronto Globe and Mail, an English-language journal — the print on the page was unlike anything he had seen before. It looked vaguely "Serbo-Croatian or Korean," or some language he didn't know. Wondering if this was some kind of joke, he went to his bookshelf, pulled out a book he knew was in English, and it too was in the same gibberish.
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June 24, 2010
An interesting hobby
Extreme DIY: Building a homemade nuclear reactor in NYCMany might be alarmed to learn of a homemade nuclear reactor being built next door. But what if this form of extreme DIY could help solve the world's energy crisis?
By day, Mark Suppes is a web developer for fashion giant Gucci. By night, he cycles to a New York warehouse and tinkers with his own nuclear fusion reactor.
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June 23, 2010
Your money or your weather stripping!
"Just keepin' Austin weird, officer!"
Man attempts to hold up gas station with caulk gunPolice have issued an arrest warrant for a man accused of injuring a gas station clerk while attempting to rob him — with a caulk gun.
The suspect fled the scene in the company of a transgender prostitute he'd picked up earlier in the evening, according to an affidavit issued by the Travis County Sheriff's Office.
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June 22, 2010
Wait... what? (2)
News about New Zealand's All Blacks rugby team.
Nude Blacks on showTackles were on display on Saturday at the Nude Blacks seventh annual rugby "international", played in fine deep south conditions.
Mostly made up of Otago University students, the Nude Blacks defeated the Welsh Leeks at Dunedin's Logan Park Sports Ground – watched by a crowd of fully clothed fans. [...]
Highlights of the match include a nude haka, which the "Welsh" team responded to with some attempted Morris dancing, before brandishing and tossing leeks at the Nude Blacks. [...]
A fully clothed streaker took to the field, before being taken down by a woman adorned in nothing but a police hat.
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June 21, 2010
Not so funny
Vuvuzela injures South African woman's throat after she blew the horn too hard at World Cup gameThe vuvuzela really blows.
We know the plastic horns trumpeted by World Cup fans are annoying. Now they've become a health hazard.
A South African woman ruptured her throat by blowing the horn too hard, doctors told her.
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June 18, 2010
Bad cop! No doughnut! (4)
Yeah - just imagine.
Queens councilman Dan Halloran irate over light-running, yakking traffic cop Daniel ChuA city councilman who spotted a traffic cop blow through stop signs while yakking on the phone confronted the officer – and got slapped with a $165 ticket, the irate lawmaker said. [...]
The councilman was on his way to hid district office in Whitestone Monday when he says he saw Officer Daniel Chu zoom by, talking on a cell phone with his lights blazing.
"I know the traffic agents have no emergency they have to run to," Halloran said. "It immediately set my radar off."
He said he followed the car as it blasted through two stop signs while weaving in and out of traffic before illegally parking in front of a Dunkin' Donuts, where the officer went to get coffee.
Halloran says he pulled over and began snapping pictures of the officer's vehicle parked at the corner of Clintonville St. and 11th Ave. [...]
Halloran said he told the surly officer that he was a city councilman.
"He said, 'Oh yeah? You want to take pictures of me? I'm going to give you a ticket,'" Halloran recalled.
Chu then wrote Halloran a $165 ticket for blocking a crosswalk. The councilman denied he was blocking it, adding that his engine was running and the car door was open.
"It was baloney," said Halloran, who's calling for an investigation into Chu's conduct.
"If he did this to a city councilman and lied about the facts … imagine what he does to average citizens," Halloran said.
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June 16, 2010
Whacker attack
Neighbourhood feud ends in bloody weed-whacker attackA 20-year feud between two neighbours in the German state of Hesse revved up this week, ending in bloodshed when one of the elderly men attacked the other with a weed whacker, police reported on Thursday.
The pair had been bickering over a small strip of lawn near their homes in the small community of Grasellenbach just south of Darmstadt, according to the authorities.
When one man decided to trim his grass with a weed whacker on Wednesday afternoon, his neighbour was apparently disturbed by the noise.
This prompted the 66-year-old to pour a bucket of water over his 63-year-old nemesis, the police said.
“Unwilling to tolerate this outrage, the drenched man took to drastic measures,” the statement said. “Armed with his strimmer the 63-year-old attacked the other Grasellenbach resident and caused multiple injuries below the waist – some of which were severe.”
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June 15, 2010
Bus roulette
Pensioners play 'bus roulette' in search of boozeInvented because they were getting bored of the pub quiz at their regular boozer, the game involves jumping on whichever is the first bus to come along, and staying on it for a number of stops pre-determined by a game involving coins - then spending the evening in whatever the nearest pub is.
‘It's better than real roulette. You can never lose playing bus roulette because you always fall into a pub,’ said Peter Biggs, 65, from Oxford.
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June 14, 2010
Online dairy
Nursing 26-year-old mother in England sells excess breast milk over the InternetTalk about milking it for all it’s worth.
A 26-year-old nursing mom from England who discovered that she had more than enough breast milk for her baby started bottling and selling the excess over the Internet.
She now has 10 regular customers who pay her 15 pounds (about $23) for one-half cup of breast milk, according to the Daily Mail.
"I haven’t made loads of money, but I intend to carry on selling it until it dries up," Toni Ebdon told the London newspaper.
After the birth of her baby boy, David, in March, Ebdon’s breasts were heavy and painful from being engorged with milk, so she began to use a breast pump and to freeze the extra milk. When a friend tossed off a remark that Ebdon could open her own dairy, the single mom took it to heart.
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June 11, 2010
It's not a bug, it's an arachnid a feature
A couple of interesting photos accompany this article.
Tarantula cocktail - the worst cocktail ever?The arachnophobe’s nightmare is made using rice wine, jack fruit and a tarantula – which many Cambodians believe can help your heart and work as an aphrodisiac.
Photographer Tim Whitby, who took the pictures, said the tarantulas are added live to the mixture to preserve their freshness.
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Wishing them a long and happy Section 125...
Megan McArdle writes in her column in The Atlantic:
Going to the Chapel and We're . . . GONNA Get Ma-a-aariedSo as some of you may have heard, I'm marrying Peter Suderman. Specifically, I'm marrying him on Saturday. We are finally on the brink of that happy moment that every girl dreams of: a qualified change in family status under section 125 of the tax code.
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June 10, 2010
Looking for love
Woman Calls 911 To Get A HusbandALLIANCE, Ohio -- An Ohio woman was looking for love in all the wrong places … and ended up in jail.
Christi Klimes has been fielding 911 calls for 21 years, and nothing prepared her for when Audrey Scott called five times in one hour with a so-called emergency.
Scott: Get me that husband.
Klimes: You need to get a husband?
Scott: Yes.
Klimes: You're calling 911 to get a husband?"
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June 09, 2010
Carroll??
Follow the link for the images.
Penis in the Paper PrankSenior journalism majors at the University of Utah spelled some spectacular acrostics in the final issue of their student newspaper, arranging their editorials to say PENIS and Carroll in very large type.
Unfortunately the University of Utah seems to think it's a preschool, and is holding up these students from graduating, because they spelled a naughty word. Luckily, they have the Associate Dean of Students Lori McDonald on their side. Oh, no, wait, she's accusing them of "intentional disruption or obstruction of teaching, research, administration, disciplinary proceedings or other University activities."
H.T. Paul B.
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June 08, 2010
He'll see your ticket and raise you a domain name
Anti-speed camera activist nabs Bluff City PD’s expiring web domainBLUFF CITY, Tenn. – Brian McCrary found the perfect venue to gripe about a $90 speeding ticket when he went to the Bluff City Police Department’s website, saw that its domain name was about to expire, and bought it right out from under the city’s nose.
Now that McCrary is the proud owner of the site, http://www.bluffcitypd.com, the Gray, Tenn., computer network designer has been using it to post links about speed cameras – like the one on U.S. Highway 11E that caught him – and how people don’t like them.
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June 07, 2010
The old Catch-22
Disturbing Job Ads: 'The Unemployed Will Not Be Considered'Still waiting for a response to the 300 resumés you sent out last month? Bad news: Some companies are ignoring all unemployed applicants.
In a current job posting on The People Place, a job recruiting website for the telecommunications, aerospace/defense and engineering industries, an anonymous electronics company in Angleton, Texas, advertises for a "Quality Engineer." Qualifications for the job are the usual: computer skills, oral and written communication skills, light to moderate lifting. But red print at the bottom of the ad says, "Client will not consider/review anyone NOT currently employed regardless of the reason.
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Only in D.C.
You Don’t Need to Waste More Money to Shrink GovernmentIt’s rather symbolic of what’s wrong with Washington that a commission ostensibly created to promote deficit reduction is seeking a bigger budget, as noted in the Tax Notes story excerpted below. Rather than impose a bigger burden on taxpayers, though, I will generously suggest that they could easily fulfill their mandate by perusing Cato’s Downsizing Government website. And if they really want to do the right thing, they can always just look at Article I, Section VIII, of the Constitution and get rid of existing programs and activities that are not enumerated powers of the federal government.
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June 03, 2010
Pied Piper in reverse
Bagpipes scare off sewer ratsTour bosses have come up with a way of frightening off rats on their trips round the historic drains of the Austrian capital Vienna - bagpipes.
The Third Man tours - which walk the sewers made famous in Orson Welles' cult film - were closed down after health and safety chiefs said the risk of rat bites was too great.
Now they're back on after organisers proved how the squeal of Scottish bagpipes from a kilted piper send the rats scurrying for cover.
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Open wide...
Mouth-shaped 'kisses' urinal flushed out of eateryHAMILTON, Ont. -- A urinal shaped like a woman’s wide-open mouth has been flushed out of the men’s room of a Hamilton eatery following a nearly year-long public outcry.
The glossy, red-lipped loo at The Honest Lawyer restaurant sparked a letter writing campaign that attracted almost 1,100 people, including Ontario’s NDP leader and Hamilton’s mayor.
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June 02, 2010
Polly wants an Alka-seltzer
Drunken parrots fall out of skyThe red collar lorikeets eat a mystery food, lose coordination and pass out, says Lisa Hansen, a founding member of the Ark Animal Hospital at Palmerston, near Darwin.
"It happens every year around this season, they lose all balance and we do find them fallen out of trees and the sky," Ms Hansen told AAP.
"It seems that the birds get intoxicated by something they have eaten and it renders them unable to fly and function correctly."
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June 01, 2010
Outsourced dating
THAT'S WHERE WE COME IN.Virtual Dating Assistants is an innovative online dating management agency that allows you to fully outsource the online dating process. Our team of seasoned experts use proven strategies to bring online dating offline and into reality.
Our techniques are designed to gain interest, build comfort and flip attraction switches. We take care of the tedious, time consuming aspect of online dating while you enjoy the best part… meeting people in person, and testing out the chemistry.
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A tea cozy party
Berkeley tea party to protest tea cozy orderBerkeley -- Berkeley hosted its own version of a tea party protest Sunday afternoon, complete with pots of tea and a heavy dollop of civic disobedience.
Rogue knitters encamped along the Berkeley-Oakland border with lawn chairs, tea cakes and knitting projects to protest the city of Berkeley's order that they remove an 8-foot knitted tea cozy they sewed over the T in a public sculpture they believe insults Oakland.
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May 29, 2010
Gringo masks
Markets in everything.
Miami Company Creates "Gringo Masks" for IllegalsIf you are looking for a way to beat Arizona's new immigration law, look no further than Miami's new Gringo Masks.
The new product, brainchild of Miami advertising agency Zubi Advertising, guarantees the cops won't be stopping you or your loved ones after you put your best white face forward.
The product is simple. Choose from a cut out of a blue-eyed, sandy hair-colored white guy or a green-eyed, blond haired white woman.
Cut the face to fit yours. Poke out the eyes. And presto! You don't look like a "suspicious, potentially illegal" alien. Rubber band or green card not included.
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May 28, 2010
School's out, judge
Woman refuses sentence writing sentenceELLENWOOD, Ga., May 26 (UPI) -- A Georgia woman ordered to write "I will not dishonor myself by passing a school bus" 2,500 times has asked for a jury trial rather than accept the sentence.
Nancy Nguyen, 19, of Ellenwood, was ordered by a Forest Park judge to write the sentence as well as perform community service, pass a defensive driving course and pay a $350 fine after the judge found her responsible for passing a stopped school bus in March, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Wednesday.
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May 27, 2010
MILSPEC brownies
How to Make Brownies, Pentagon-StyleThe Pentagon's brownie recipe is 26 pages long. Just grab a copy of document MIL-C-44072C and gather your ingredients: water that conforms to the "National Primary Drinking Water Regulations (Copies are available from the Office of Drinking Water, Environmental Protection Agency, WH550D, 401 M Street, S.W., Washington, DC 20460)," and some eggs in compliance with "Regulations Governing the Inspection of Eggs and Egg Products (7 CFR Part 59)," and you're ready to go!
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May 26, 2010
Field botanists they ain't
Hundreds Of 'Pot Plants' Seized By Texas Cops Aren't MarijuanaMaybe there should be an IQ test for police officers. What was first thought to be one of the largest marijuana seizures in the Corpus Christi Police Department's history turned into an embarrassing incident for the cops, as the clueless officers spent a busy and exciting evening harvesting hundreds of harmless weeds from a city park.
The revealing incident began when a teenager riding his bike through Waldron Park in Flour Bluff discovered what he thought were pot plants growing there about 8 p.m Thursday, reports Bart Bedsole of KRIStv.com.
The would-be junior narc wasted no time in excitedly reporting his "find."
Police then self-importantly hauled away 300 to 400 medium-sized plants that they, too, believed were marijuana.
Exhausted officers only stopped collecting the harmless plants because it got too dark to work; they planned to return bright and early in the morning to look around for more marijuana.
Trouble is, after spending more than an hour laboriously removing and tagging hundreds of plants, and then hauling it all to the police department downtown, testing revealed that none of it was marijuana at all.
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May 24, 2010
FM
Druids hired to cut road accidentsMotoroway bosses in Austria secretly hired a full-time team of druids to drain 'negative energy' from accident blackspots.
The team is said to have reduced fatal accidents at one notorious crash site to zero after restoring its "terrestrial radiation".
Chief engineer Harald Dirnbacher from Austria's motorway authority ASFINAG explained: "We were really sceptical at first and certainly didn't want people to know what we were doing, so we kept it secret."
But now the trial results are so impressive officials are spreading the scheme nationwide.
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May 21, 2010
I think I'd need to practice first
Chinese Snap to Attention for Bra-Removing Contest(May 18) -- Since the dawn of women's apparel, men have been trying to score by unhooking brassieres. This contest, however, brings the game to a whole new level.
A Chinese shopping mall hosted a competition to find out who could unclasp bras the fastest using just one hand.
Competitors raced to undress a line of eight masked women who stood on a stage in the Guangzhou mall wearing bras and short-shorts.
Eager participants entered the contest to fulfill their dreams and have the chance to take home a mall gift certificate for 1,000 yuan -- about $146 -- according to AsianPopular.com.
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May 20, 2010
You are what you eat
City requires lingerie store to get food permit for having tasty treatsRosemary Benitez thought it was a joke at first. She was told her store was going to need a food permit in order to stay in business.
But Benitez doesn't own a restaurant. She owns the Shades of Love lingerie store on West Bitters road.
Shades of Love sells racy lingerie, high heel shoes, adult toys and items meant to enhance a couple's sex life. However, some of those items are edible. That's why the health department ruled the store needed a food permit. [...]
Beneitez says, "Everything is sold as novelty. Everything in the box says 'novelty item' only... It's not something you sit down and actually eat. It's more for licking and tasting. Edible? No. It's not going to fill you up."
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May 19, 2010
Can you hear me now?
Man gets stuck in toilet trying to retrieve cell phoneA Chinese student had to be rescued by firefighters after he got his arm stuck down a toilet trying to retrieve his cell phone.
The Chongqing Technology and Business University student was using the toilet in his dorm while on his phone before accidentally dropping it down the hole, the Orange News reports. In a desperate act to try and get it back, he wrapped newspaper around his arm and went in after the device.
While the young man hoped the newspaper would keep his arm clean, it instead expanded in the water and trapped his arm in the U-tube of the toilet.
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May 18, 2010
Getting an eyeful
'Drinking' neat vodka through your EYE for a quick buzz?
It sounds insane, but countless young people are risking their sight in this new crazeEven as drunken student antics go, it was, by any stretch of the imagination, a disturbing scene. Surrounded by cheering rugby players, applauded by fellow members of the university netball team, 19-year-old Melissa Fontaine tipped back her head and giggled as fellow drinkers in the Students' Union bar pulled apart her eyelids and allowed them to pour a shot of vodka into her left eye.
'Vodka eyeballing', as it is known in student circles, is the latest drinking craze to sweep through Britain's universities.
Those who do it claim that it induces feelings of drunkenness at break-neck speeds, providing an instant high. [...]
Melissa, who left university last summer and is now 22, believes they are right to be worried. Her constantly watering left eye has been left permanently scarred by her antics. More worryingly still, she has been warned that her eyesight may deteriorate further as she gets older.
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May 15, 2010
Winng the battle and losing the war
Cop who said he wouldn't get a break gets a breakCraig Lancaster wanted to prove that Chicago Police officers are treated the same as others when they break the law, Cook County prosecutors said.
So in a drunken argument with a friend last summer, prosecutors said, the 41-year-old veteran officer shot a gun in the air outside an Ashburn bowling alley where he also worked security -- and waited.
Within minutes, Lancaster appeared to have won the debate when officers arrived on the scene and arrested him. He was charged with two counts of reckless discharge of a firearm.
But on Friday, some might argue, he caught a break -- but seemingly lost the argument.
Judge Marcus Salone acquitted Lancaster, who was apparently captured on surveillance cameras with his arms in the air. Lancaster could be seen on video holstering a gun seconds later as he walked back into the Bluebird Lanes Bowling Alley, at 3900 W. Columbus, prosecutors said.
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May 12, 2010
It's a winner
Best Correction to a News Story. Ever.This one requires no commentary. From Calbuzz today:
In our Saturday post <http://www.calbuzz.com/2010/05/team-emeg-dem-ad-is-a-plot-to-pick-a-gop-loser/> about the California Democratic Party's ad attacking Meg Whitman but masquerading as an "issues ad," we described the abrupt ending to our conversation with CDP Chairman John Burton. Through his spokesman, Burton on Monday complained that he had been misquoted. Burton says he didn't say "Fuck you." His actual words were, "Go fuck yourself." Calbuzz regrets the error.
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May 10, 2010
A practical solution
Porn Company Has Plan to Stop SEC Time-WastingPink Visual, fleeting recipient of a Newt Gingrich "Entrepreneur of the Year" award, is back in the news again. On the heels of the Securities and Exchange Commission's porn-surfing scandal, the adult entertainment company has issued a plea to the agency to "Stop Wasting Our Tax Dollars -- Surf After Work."
Rather than simply curse the darkness, though, Pink lights a candle (and puts on some Al Green) by offering a way for government workers to get their porn fix, while keeping both hands free in the workplace. They'll have a chance to surf free Pink porn for a two-week trial period, as long as they do it before or after work. We contacted Pink to get the ins and outs of their special offer.
According to their press release, "Starting on May 5, new customers who sign up using a '.gov' email address will be given a free two-week trial to the company's flagship subscription website Pink Visual Pass, provided that the workers only use the site between 6 p.m. and 6 a.m."
Anyone who signs up will be denied access if they try to log on during the day.
Via
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May 07, 2010
We have no secrets
Rolando Negrin Beats MIA Co-Worker After His Genitals Are Exposed on Full-Body ScannerRolando Negrin was Miami International Airport's guinea pig during an employee training session on full-body scanning equipment last year. The machines have the unintended side effect of giving a rough determination of the size of things underneath your clothes. Apparently, Negrin didn't measure up (hey, maybe he's a grower, not a shower), and his co-workers teased him about his apparent shortcomings.
Negrin's rage brewed for about a year, and on Tuesday night, he snapped. He allegedly had a confrontation with a co-worker in an employee parking lot that night and proceeded to beat him with a baton. He told police "he could not take the jokes anymore and lost his mind.
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May 06, 2010
A miracle cure
Bucks County woman allegedly caught stripping in Wilson Borough after claiming she couldn't waitressA Quakertown woman who allegedly worked the pole in Wilson Borough after claiming she couldn't wait tables in Bucks County is facing criminal charges.
Christina Gamble filed a workers compensation claim after falling Nov. 9, 2007, during a shift at Red Robin restaurant in Richland Township. Eight days after a doctor examined Gamble and declared her unfit to work because standing and changing positions would be painful, the 43-year-old was spotted stripping at CR Fannys, 1700 Butler St.
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May 04, 2010
Slider candle
Good news if you love that White Castle smellYour heart burns for White Castle sliders? This product's for you.
The Ohio-based burger chain is selling a slider-scented candle throughout May to commemorate National Hamburger Month.
The white candle is packaged in a ceramic version of the cardboard White Castle sleeve.
Sales of the $10 candle, available at the stores and at houseofcrave.com, benefit Autism Speaks.
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May 03, 2010
Live to ride to live, ride to... uh, wait
Not Even Death Can Stop Him From RidingHow much do you love riding? Probably not as much as this guy did. David Morales Colon, 22, was shot to death April 22 in Puerto Rico. For his wake, Colon was embalmed and mounted on his Honda CBR600F4i with full Repsol colors.
The work was performed by the Marin Funeral Home in San Juan, which also made headlines two years ago for presenting the embalmed body of Angel Luis "Pedrito" Pantojas Medina standing up in the corner for his own funeral.
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May 01, 2010
Well, duh (3)
Jim Beam Found Drunk In Public: Police
Parolee Arrested At Sacramento City CollegeA parolee named Jim Beam was arrested at Sacramento City College on suspicion of being drunk in public and under the influence of narcotics, police said.
Seriously.
In addition to having a name that matches a well-known brand of Kentucky bourbon, 61-year-old Beam has also been known to go by the name John Wayne and other aliases, according to jail records.
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April 30, 2010
Smarty pants
Talk about privacy issues! What if they try to subpoena your underwear?
Screen-Printed Sensors on Underwear Can Monitor Body's BiochemistryForget gossipy neighbors, peeping toms, or shady repairmen. In the future, you may be handing out non-disclosure agreements to your underwear drawer. Researchers from Taiwan and U.C. San Diego have devised a way to print electrochemical sensors directly onto fabric, which means that those tighty whities you're wearing could someday monitor your vitals. (No word on whether they'll text-message your friends, too.)
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April 29, 2010
That'll teach him
'Rude Man' Beaten, Pelted With Pasta
Women Say Man Failed To Hold Open Elevator DoorBOSTON -- A Roxbury man who apparently didn't show enough chivalry was hit with a plate of pasta, punched, kicked and beaten with handbags by two women who told investigators they needed to "teach him a lesson" for not holding an elevator door for them, Boston police said.
Kenyana McQuay, 27, and Waltia Funches, 28, told officers Mohammed Warsame "was rude to them" because he didn't keep the elevator door open when it started to close on them.
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She done him wrong
You stuck my flash drive in your vagina - m4w - 25 (philadelphia)
Date: 2010-04-20, 3:04PM EDTYou stuck my flash drive in your vagina. If you are reading this, you know who you are. I don’t think this is a fad sweeping the city, so this one’s for you.
We met at a Millcreek Tavern. You said you were from Lancaster. You were beautiful, you liked me. It was perfect. But then…
We went back to my apartment. We watched The Breakfast Club. You had never seen it before. We then ended up in my bed, as planned. And had sex, as planned.
You looked beautiful half covered in my sheets when I left to use the bathroom. When I came back, this is what I saw:
You standing naked at my computer. You with your hand on the keyboard, not typing. You grabbing the flash drive.
Screen capture here.
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April 26, 2010
No gay dogs allowed
I'm guessing it was her Scottish accent.
Gay dogs not welcome, diner in South Australia toldA RESTAURANT in a northwest suburb of Adelaide that refused a blind man entry because it thought his guide dog was "gay" was ordered by the Equal Opportunity Tribunal to pay him $1500.
The (Adelaide) Sunday Mail said Ian Jolly, 57, was barred from dining at the Thai Spice restaurant in May 2009 after a staff member mistook his guide dog Nudge for a "gay dog," a tribunal heard this week.
A statement given by restaurant owners Hong Hoa Thi To and Anh Hoang Le said one of the restaurant's waiters said that Mr Jolly's partner Ms Chris Lawrence stated "she wanted to bring a gay dog into the restaurant."
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April 24, 2010
Don't tick off your neighbors
Police: Conn. man in feud placed fake orgy adHARTFORD, Conn. — A Connecticut man who was feuding with his neighbor targeted her in an explicit online posting that invited strangers to a rowdy orgy with a bored soccer mom, police said. [...]
The charges stem from an April 5 posting on Craigslist that said a West Hartford woman wanted to "please as many as I can before I go to work!" Detectives, Conran's attorney and the woman targeted in the posting are not saying what prompted the feud between the longtime neighbors in the middle-class Hartford suburb.
West Hartford Police Chief James Strillacci said even veteran officers were surprised by the number of strangers who knocked on the woman's door, called the house or drove by.
"We were saying to ourselves, 'The economy must be worse than we think if all of these able-bodied men are able to immediately drop everything and drive over to this neighborhood'" on a Monday morning, he said. [...]
The Craigslist ad, titled "Looking for lust," was purported to be written by a married soccer mom hoping to fulfill her fantasy of group sex and inviting strangers to "please come play." It listed her street address.
Men started showing up at her door and in her neighborhood, prompting her brother-in-law to stand guard and write down visitors' license plates, police said. He also shooed away those bold enough to come to the door, including one who threatened to post her picture at soccer fields around town, authorities said.
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April 23, 2010
Boobquake Day
If you've got it, flaunt it.
Boobquake determined to prove cleric wrongA ONE-WOMAN mission to prove breasts don't cause earthquakes has swollen into a shirt-straining global movement preparing for the inaugural "Boobquake".
Iranian cleric Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi angered womens' groups around the world on Monday when he claimed that promiscuous women were responsible for literally making the earth move.
"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,'' Sedighi said.
"What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?'' he asked during a prayer sermon on Friday.
"There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes.'' [...]
Jennifer McCreight is determined to prove him wrong.
Since launching the "Boobquake" Facebook page two days ago, she has enlisted more than 20,000 women promising to show as much cleavage as possible on Monday, April 26.
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April 22, 2010
Hot Wheels
Man loses licence after drink-driving in toy Barbie carPaul Hutton, 40, was pulled over by police as he drove an electric Barbie car, which moves slower than a mobility scooter, near his home in Essex.
Mr Hutton, who has four children Simon, 17, Calum, 14, Laina, 12, and John, 11, admitted being a 'complete twit'.
Speaking after the hearing at Colchester magistrates court, he said: "You have to be a contortionist to get in, and then you can't get out.
"I was very surprised to get done for drink-driving but I was a twit to say the least.
"It is designed for three-to-five-year-olds.
"Originally it was a pink Barbie car but I put bigger wheels on it but it's not fast.
"I'm not unhappy with my punishment, just a little bit surprised."
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April 21, 2010
The dude was wired
Bomb Probe Turns Up Vibrator
California Highway Patrol: Man was wired for pleasure, not terrorAPRIL 19--A California Highway Patrol office was briefly evacuated earlier this month when investigators became concerned that an arrestee might have been carrying a concealed explosive device. When officers collared Steven Ferrini on a drug charge, a search of the 60-year-old suspect turned up "a suspicious wire, with an on/off switch" in his pants pocket. "The wire was found to extend from the pant pocket to the subject's anus," according to a CHP report, a copy of which you'll find here.
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April 20, 2010
Oops (5)
Cook-book misprint costs Australian publishers dearAn Australian publisher has had to pulp and reprint a cookbook after one recipe listed "salt and freshly ground black people" instead of black pepper.
Penguin Group Australia had to reprint 7,000 copies of Pasta Bible last week, the Sydney Morning Herald has reported.
The reprint cost A$20,000 ($18,000; £12,000), but stock in bookshops will not be recalled as it is "extremely hard" to do so, Penguin said.
The recipe was for tagliatelle with sardines and prosciutto.
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April 19, 2010
When life gives you locusts, make locust pizza
News from Down Under.
Locust swarm inspires new pizza toppingEntrepreneurs are taking advantage of locust swarms sweeping northern Victoria, with one Mildura cafe offering a locust pizza to patrons.
Authorities say the swarms are among the biggest seen in northern Victoria in 30 years.
In the Mallee, the insects are plastered across the front of vehicles forced to drive through locust clouds.
The idea for the pizza was the brainchild of Mayor Glenn Milne, who rounded up the insects and trapped them in a garbage bag.
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April 18, 2010
Rand v. Reason
I know there are at least a few readers who (like me) have read Ayn Rand's books and who are also familiar with Reason magazine. So they, at least, may find this bit of libertarian trivia amusing.
Even when libertarians tried to pay her respect, Rand sometimes didn't want to hear it. [...] She threatened Reason magazine with a lawsuit when it used her likeness on a cover of an issue filled with stories about her. Manuel Klausner, a lawyer and then one of Reason's editors, rather hoped the suit would go forward (it didn't) because he was sure they'd win, first of all. And he couldn't help mordantly relishing a case on the record in a U.S. court called Rand v. Reason.
From Reason editor Brian Doherty's book, Radicals for Capitalism.
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April 16, 2010
The fine print
7,500 Online Shoppers Unknowingly Sold Their SoulsA computer game retailer revealed that it legally owns the souls of thousands of online shoppers, thanks to a clause in the terms and conditions agreed to by online shoppers.
The retailer, British firm GameStation, added the "immortal soul clause" to the contract signed before making any online purchases earlier this month. It states that customers grant the company the right to claim their soul.
By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions.GameStation's form also points out that "we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction."
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April 14, 2010
No sympathy
Helpline priest falls asleep during suicide call for helpA suicidal man connected to a Samaritans-style helpline in Sweden was left pondering his options when the priest at the other end fell asleep and started snoring down the line.
The suicidal man called emergency services at around 2am on Friday, saying he felt "psychologically unstable". He was forwarded to the duty Church of Sweden pastor. About five minutes into the call, the troubled 44-year-old man had the feeling that he was talking to himself."I thought maybe he was taking notes, so I asked: 'Are you taking notes?'" the man told the Barometern local daily.
"I could hear his heavy breathing before he woke up," he said.
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April 12, 2010
Not politically correct
Teachers union memo 'prays' for governor's death(CNN) -- A New Jersey teachers union is coming under fire after an internal memo included a veiled threat to Gov. Chris Christie.
The leaked memo, which was sent to union leaders in the New Jersey Education Association's Bergen County division, contains a closing paragraph written in the form of a prayer.
"Dear Lord," the letter reads. "This year you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett, my favorite singer, Michael Jackson, and my favorite salesman, Billy Mays. I just wanted to let you know that Chris Christie is my favorite governor."
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Smile! (2)
Victim's phone uploads picture to Facebook; police seek identityChampaign police have gotten a bit of help from technology in investigating a mugging that happened on the University of Illinois campus about six weeks ago. But now they need help from the public in identifying a photo.
Champaign police detective Don Shepard said about 3 a.m. on Feb. 28, the male victim was in a parking lot near the corner of Third Street and Gregory Drive when five or six men knocked him down, took money from his wallet and his cell phone. The man was not seriously injured.
Shepard said the victim had his cell phone set to upload any new photos automatically to his Facebook page when his phone is connected to a computer.
About two days after the attack, the victim saw a picture of a man, believed to be one of those who stole his phone, on his Facebook page.
H.T. Ms. M
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April 09, 2010
Episcopal Barbie
Barbie gets ordained, and has the smells-and-bells wardrobe to match
With her careers as veterinarian, astronaut and U.S. president behind her, Barbie has at last found her true calling: as a second-career Episcopal priest.
The 11.5-inch-tall fictional graduate of Church Divinity School of the Pacific in Berkeley, Calif., has donned a cassock and surplice and is rector at St. Barbara's-by-the-Sea in (where else?) Malibu, Calif.
She arrived at the church fully accessorized, as is Barbie's custom. Her impeccably tailored ecclesiastical vestments include various colored chasubles (the sleeveless vestments worn at Mass) for every liturgical season, black clergy shirt with white collar, neat skirt and heels, a laptop with prepared sermon and a miniature, genuine Bible. [...]
The Rev. Barbie, who in less than a week had drawn nearly 3,000 friends on her Facebook page, spends most of her time in the office of the Rev. Dena Cleaver-Bartholomew, rector of Christ (Episcopal) Church, in Manlius, N.Y., near Syracuse.
The doll, her wardrobe and portable sacristy were a gift from Cleaver-Bartholomew's friend, the Rev. Julie Blake Fisher, a priest in Kent, Ohio.
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Pursue your passion
Chinese official pledged to sleep with 800 womenA Chinese official has been arrested after his wife discovered a diary containing hundreds of his sexual escapades, and the bribes he had allegedly taken to pay for them.
The unnamed 47-year-old official, the head of a state-backed company in the Eastern city of Anqing, claimed in his diary to have slept with 500 women and was aiming to take the notches on his bedpost to "between 600 and 800".
Almost all of the women were prostitutes, and in order to fund his proclivity, the official allegedly took huge bribes. "He was busy eight hours a day looking for bribes, and then another eight hours looking for sex," one investigator told the local newspaper, the Xin'an Evening News.
This Chinese guy reminds me of Old Harold. In the mid 80's a friend of mine took me to a tavern called Vago's, a neighborhood taproom. There he introduced me to another friend of his, an old fellow named Harold. Harold had to have been in his late 60s (at least) at the time. Harold told us that when he was young, he and his friends were "always huntin' or f**kin'. When we weren't f**kin', we were huntin'... something to f**k."
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April 08, 2010
More than a mouthful's a waste
Lover 'almost killed' by huge breastsBritish woman Claire Smedley almost killed her lover during sex - with her enormous breasts.
Mum-of-three Smedley, 27, who has 40LL breasts, panicked when she lifted them up while having sex and found that her lover Steven had stopped breathing.
In an exclusive video interview with the News of the World, she revealed how Steven usually loved being smothered by her breasts.
"This time, he started flailing around a bit but I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going. A few minutes later I noticed he'd stopped moving," she said.
By then, sales assistant Steven, also 27, was still and appeared to not be breathing.
"I was panicking and just about to call 999 when, thankfully, he started to come round."
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April 07, 2010
Hooker crossing
Caution! Scantily-clad hazard ahead: Italian prostitutes get own road sign to warn motoristsThe experienced motorist will have seen a multitude of road signs warning of children crossing, elderly pedestrians and wildlife.
But the one to the right would surely prompt a second glance.
Some might say that the image of a well-endowed woman in mini-skirt and high heels is, in itself, a hazard.
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April 05, 2010
Fat's where it's at (3)
From The Consumerist.
KFC's Bacon Sandwich On Fried Chicken "Bread" Starts Killing People Nationwide April 12Last August, we wrote about the "Double Down," a mysteriously tempting (and potentialy lethal) new food item being tested by KFC. For those coming late to the story, it's bacon and cheese sandwiched between two pieces of fried chicken. And now, many months later, I'll finally be able to get my hands on one.
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April 01, 2010
What's he smokin'?
From the L.A. Times:
Democrat Rep. Hank Johnson worries loading too many people onto Guam could capsize the islandFirst, before you watch this short but remarkable video, a little background on Democratic Rep. Hank Johnson.
He's from Georgia's Fourth District. A Washington, D.C. native, he's the fellow who took office in 2007 after knocking off former five-term Democratic Rep. Cynthia McKinney.
A former county judge, the 55-year-old is an attorney, a standard liberal Democrat, receiving 100 ratings from the ADA and ACLU. [...]
Also, remember you are paying Congressman Johnson's salary this year -- $174,000.
Update: Here's some interesting back story about the congressman and the admiral.
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'Topeka' doesn't work nearly as well as a verb
From the Official GoogleTopeka Blog. Check out Topeka's home page (before midnight, is my advice).
A different kind of company nameEarly last month the mayor of Topeka, Kansas stunned the world by announcing that his city was changing its name to Google. We've been wondering ever since how best to honor that moving gesture. Today we are pleased to announce that as of 1AM (Central Daylight Time) April 1st, Google has officially changed our name to Topeka.
We didn't reach this decision lightly; after all, we had a fair amount of brand equity tied up in our old name. But the more we surfed around (the former) Topeka's municipal website, the more kinship we felt with this fine city at the edge of the Great Plains.
H.T. Ms. M.
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March 31, 2010
It's time for the Second Coming
Man breaks into North Alabama home, claims to be Jesus Christ and says he is there to have sexA man broke into a Franklin County home on Sunday and told the owner that he was Jesus Christ and was there to have sex with his wife and daughter, the TimesDaily in Florence reports.
Jean Timms, 65, of Gun Town, Miss., was charged with third-degree burglary, attempted indecent exposure, and resisting arrest, the newspaper reports. A mental examination for Timms is being ordered.
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March 30, 2010
Clever marketing (2)
German Firm Wins Right to Make Beer Called 'Fucking Hell'The EU's trademarks authority has permitted a German firm to brew beer and produce clothing under the name "Fucking Hell". It may be an expletive in English, but in German it could refer to a light ale -- Hell -- from the Austrian town of Fucking. Whether it will be brewed there is another question.
The European Union trademarks authority has permitted a German firm to register the brand name "Fucking Hell" for a new beer, much to the irritation of the Austrian village of Fucking.
In English, the term "Fucking Hell" is just an expletive used to express irritation or surprise. In German, it could refer to a light ale from Fucking in Upper Austria, because "Hell" is a term for light ale in southern Germany and Austria.
The problem is that Fucking has no brewery, and the town's mayor, Franz Meindl, is not aware of any plans to build one there, Austrian public broadcaster ORF reported on its Web site.
H.T. Ms. M.
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Makin' bacon
This is the text from a pictorial presentation of cooking bacon on a machine gun.
Making breakfast couldn't get any more manly:I've discovered a new way of cooking bacon. All you need is: bacon, tin foil, some string, and.. oh whats it called?… oh yeah, an old worn out 7.62mm machine gun that is about to be discarded, and about 200 rounds of ammunition.
1) You start by wrapping the barrel in tin foil. Then you wrap bacon around it, and tie it down with some string.
2) you then wrap some more tin foil around it, and once again tie it down with string.
3) It is now ready to be inserted into the cooking device. I ripped the tin foil a little bit getting the barrel inserted. that part of the bacon got severely burned by hot gasses.
4) After just a few short bursts you should be able to smell the wonderful aroma of bacon.
5) I gave this about 250 rounds. but I think around 150 might actually be enough. But then again I don't mind when bacon is crispy. Ahh the smell of sizzling bacon mixed with the smell of gunpowder and weapon oil.
6) And the end result: Crispy delicious well done bacon.
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March 29, 2010
To the highest bidder
From Mark Perry's Carpe Diem
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Flame on! (2)
From the UK Telegraph:
Flame-thrower scooter owner arrested
Colin Furze, a plumber who adapted his scooter to shoot 15ft flames from the rear, has been arrested for an alleged firearms offence. Mr Furze, 30, displayed his modified his scooter, with an anti-tailgating flame thrower operated by the flick of switch, in the press earlier this week.But Lincolnshire Police spotted the pictures of Mr Furze allegedly riding his scooter on a public highway – and arrested him on Thursday.
He was held on suspicion of possessing an object converted into a firearm, and was released on unconditional police bail without charge until May 6 pending further police investigation.
Possession of a firearm carries a maximum prison sentence of five to seven years at Crown Court.
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March 27, 2010
Methane market needed
Manure Raises New Stink
Giant Gas Bubbles in Indiana Dairy Farm's Waste Pond Frighten NeighborsWINCHESTER, Ind.—Like many of his neighbors, farmer Tony Goltstein has to deal with the aftermath of the dairy bubble.
But besides his mounting financial troubles, Mr. Goltstein also must contend with bubbles the size of small houses that have sprouted from the pool of manure at his Union Go Dairy Farm. Some are 20 feet tall, inflated with the gas released by 21 million gallons of decomposing cow manure.
Tony Goltstein stands last week by the bubbling lagoon at his farm in Winchester, Ind. Some fear popping the bubbles could result in an explosion.
But he has a plan. It requires a gas mask, a small boat and a Swiss Army knife.
It sounds like Mr. Goltstein needs to talk to the people at Manure Safety Solutions. I was driving on US 61 from St. Louis to Iowa last week when I passed someone pulling this trailer.
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I didn't think you could get that drunk
Police: Drunken Man Tried To Revive Dead OpossumPUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. -- State police have charged a central Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a dead opossum along a highway.
State police in Punxsutawney said several witnesses saw Donald Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, near the animal Thursday afternoon. Police arrested him along Route 36 in Oliver Township at about 3 p.m.
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March 25, 2010
RIght to the heart of the matter
Vagina-Scented Perfume DebutsDALLAS - A new scent claims to accurately capture the "the vaginal scent of a beautiful woman."
Vulva Original bills itself not as a perfume, but an erotic feminine scent designed to offer pleasure and arousal by smelling it.
It is not clear what compromises the concoction but it is advertised as being a "slightly yellow, desirable substance" that contains "more organic content."
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March 24, 2010
MIL SPEC chili
Indian military to weaponize world's hottest chiliGAUHATI, India – The Indian military has a new weapon against terrorism: the world's hottest chili.
After conducting tests, the military has decided to use the thumb-sized "bhut jolokia," or "ghost chili," to make tear gas-like hand grenades to immobilize suspects, defense officials said Tuesday.
The bhut jolokia was accepted by Guinness World Records in 2007 as the world's spiciest chili. It is grown and eaten in India's northeast for its taste, as a cure for stomach troubles and a way to fight the crippling summer heat.
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March 23, 2010
I didn't know they had a party of their own
The Tory, the Witch and the Raving Loony to fight for WitneyWITNEY residents will find themselves with election choices including a would-be Tory Prime Minister, a witch or a 'loony'.
Self-proclaimed 'King of the Witches' Magus Lynius Shadee and the Official Monster Raving Loony Party's Alan "Howling Laud" Hope will join other more conventional party candidates in standing against Conservative leader David Cameron.
Via Daithi and The Wild Hunt (where Jason links this all too appropriate bit of Monty Python).
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March 22, 2010
The sex ASBO woman's in the news again
Neighbour with sex Asbo arrested for noisy sessionsNightmare neighbour Caroline Cartwright who was given a sex Asbo to prevent noisy sessions has been arrested after failing to keep the lid on her lovemaking.
Mrs Cartwright avoided jail in January when a judge at Newcastle Crown Court handed her a suspended prison sentence after she was caught breaching a four-year Asbo which bans her from having loud sex sessions.But two months after her court case Caroline, of Hall Road, Washington, is said to be at it again and has been arrested by police and hauled before magistrates.
The 49-year-old has now been thrown back into a bail hostel to keep her and husband Steve apart while the courts decide what to do next.
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March 20, 2010
Car wash blues
IRS visits Sacramento carwash in pursuit of 4 centsIt was every businessperson's nightmare.
Arriving at Harv's Metro Car Wash in midtown Wednesday afternoon were two dark-suited IRS agents demanding payment of delinquent taxes. "They were deadly serious, very aggressive, very condescending," says Harv's owner, Aaron Zeff.
The really odd part of this: The letter that was hand-delivered to Zeff's on-site manager showed the amount of money owed to the feds was ... 4 cents.
Inexplicably, penalties and taxes accruing on the debt – stemming from the 2006 tax year – were listed as $202.31, leaving Harv's with an obligation of $202.35.
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March 18, 2010
Does she know about this plan?
Klee's Daniel Angerer Invites You to Taste His Wife's Breast-Milk CheeseThe Strong Buzz recently reported that Lori Mason, wife of chef Daniel Angerer and his partner in Klee Brasserie, was turned away from the International Restaurant and Food Services Show when a security guard informed her that no one under 18 could be admitted (Mason and Angerer took their 8-week-old daughter). The results of Mason's letter to the New York State Restaurant Association (which sponsored the event) remain to be seen, but one thing's for sure — the NYSRA won't be getting a taste of her breast-milk cheese. That's right, chef Angerer tells us he's making cheese from mother's milk.
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March 17, 2010
Pinwheel Tony
This one's destined to become a Craig's List Classic, I think.
Looking to start band... with unique twist (Las Vegas)
Date: 2010-03-12, 9:04AM PSTHi everyone, my name is Tony. I've been a professional guitar player for 20 years in bands all across the country. I settled down in Las Vegas last year and am looking to start a new band with a unique twist. [...] Here's the twist: We would play covers of the bands I mentioned but when it's time for the guitar solo, i will drop my pants. I have an urethral implant that I can set up to emit a small flame of natural gas and will light it on fire.
Here's a screen cap, in case the ad disappears.
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March 15, 2010
There are some twisted minds out there
From Planck's Constant, via Mary.
Schuylkill County Pennsylvania has a warped sense of humorPeople in Schuylkill County, Pennsylvania have a warped sense of humor. It must be something in the coal-infused water.
This is the pull off at SR 61 and Adamsdale Rd. A deer was hit there.
The couch was dumped there previously.
Day two the deer was on the couch.
Day three the end table and lamp showed up.
Day four the TV and TV stand showed up.
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March 14, 2010
What a feedback loop
This is a post at Bishop HIll that's so brief I've copied the whole.
The insanity of greeneryThis from a correspondent:
A German aristocrat of my acquaintance has figured out that the price he will be paid for the output of a solar panel is so high compared with the price he will pay for his input of normal electricity, that he is thinking of rigging up powerful arc lamps to shine on solar panels on his extensive roof.
While It's a little hard to believe that the price difference is large enough to make this worthwhile,. it' s certainly not impossible that the German government has set prices that way. If this person has very high efficiency photovoltaics (> 40%) and the price difference was at least 250%, it would break even. For example, if he's buying energy from the grid at 10¢ per kWh and selling the solar energy back to the grid at 25¢ per kWh, it would break even.
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March 12, 2010
Polly wants her house back
Bank Sorry for Taking Parrot
BofA Believed Woman's Home Was Vacant, Padlocked It and Kept Bird Over a WeekAngela Iannelli came home from work to find her home padlocked and her 11-year-old Blue and Gold Macaw, Luke, missing. Bank of America had erroneously told a contractor to enter the house and change the locks.
PITTSBURGH—Bank of America Corp. apologized after its local contractor entered the home of a mortgage borrower when she was away, cut off utilities, padlocked the door and confiscated her pet parrot, Luke.
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All together now
This graph comes from a post titled: What If Everybody in Canada Flushed At Once? It shows water usage in Edmonton during the Olympic Games.
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March 10, 2010
Venus in the snow
I hope they get some warmer weather in New Jersey 'cause someone's nose has turned blue. 'Pornography', my aching back.
Nude snow sculpture in Rahway leads police to request 'snowlady' cover-upRAHWAY --She was a frosty Venus de Milo, but one Rahway family's snow-packed tribute to the Greek goddess of love and beauty was another person's pornography.
Maria Conneran and her family worked feverishly to fashion their armless, nude snowlady from last week's heap of snow, grabbing attention and photographs on Rahway's Colonia Boulevard.
Not all the attention was good, however.
Among the visitors was a patrolman dispatched to the Conneran household after Rahway police received an anonymous complaint "of a naked snow woman," said Sgt. Dominick Sforza.
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March 06, 2010
This takes it
FHP: Driver lacked razor-sharp focusAs authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either.
Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat.
"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."
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March 05, 2010
Less than zero
That's how much 'tolerance' you'll find in this school.
Jeffersonville middle school student suspended for touching pillJEFFERSONVILLE, IN (WAVE) - The parents of a Kentuckiana seventh grade student say their young daughter was suspended from school for doing exactly what she's been taught to do for years - to just say no to drugs.
The girl did not bring the prescription drug to her Jeffersonville, IN school, nor did she take it, but she admits that she touched it and in Greater Clark County Schools that is drug possession.
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March 04, 2010
Mr. Pudding
From Futility Closet.
The Pudding GuyIn 1999, UC-Davis civil engineer David Phillips was grocery shopping when he noticed something peculiar. Healthy Choice Foods was offering frequent-flyer miles to customers who bought its products. But a 25-cent pudding would bring 100 miles — the reward was worth more than the product itself.
Recognizing a good thing, Phillips bought 12,150 servings of pudding for $3,140, claiming he was stocking up for Y2K. Then he enlisted the Salvation Army to help him peel off the UPC codes, in exchange for donating the pudding.
He mailed his submission to Healthy Choice, and to their credit they awarded him 1.25 million frequent-flyer miles, enough for 31 round trips to Europe, 42 to Hawaii, 21 to Australia, or 50 anywhere in the United States.
There's no downside. Phillips also got Aadvantage Gold status for life with American Airlines, which brings a special reservations number, priority boarding, upgrades, and bonus miles. And he got an $815 tax writeoff for donating the pudding.
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March 03, 2010
Question authority!
From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:
Woman, 61, arrested for asking 'why'Four women, two of them well into middle age, were discussing funeral plans for a friend when an Atlanta police officer told them to move.
Three did but one asked "why." In answer to her question, Minnie Carey, then 61, was handcuffed, put into a police wagon and taken to jail, where she was held for nine hours.
The Citizen Review Board found that Atlanta Police officer Brandy Dolson had violated APD policies and had falsely arrested Carey.
"I was blown away," Carey told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "I had heard about people in the community being harassed by the police … It really didn't shock me as much as it probably would have if I had not heard of people going to jail for no reason. I figured I was just another one.
"But I had the right to ask 'why' I had to move," she said.
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March 01, 2010
Irony update (2)
Scrap metal thieves haul off sculptor's recycled artMANATEE COUNTY - Oh, the irony: A man uses scrap metal to create artwork. Thieves steal the artwork and police believe it is sold as scrap metal.
Three large pieces of artwork were taken from a home in Whitfield Estates, where a band of crooks -- it had to be more than one person, deputies reason, because the art weighed about 300 pounds -- snuck off with steel statues.
Neither the artist nor police are sure what happened to the artwork. But both presume it was sold for scrap. The way scrap metal is selling these days, the thieves may have been lucky to get $40 or $50.
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February 27, 2010
Relax -- the song wasn't about you.
You're so vain... DavidSINGER CARLY SIMON has finally ended a 38-year guessing game - by naming the subject of hit You're So Vain.
The catty lyrics were believed to be aimed at an ex-boyfriend such as MICK JAGGER, CAT STEVENS, KRIS KRISTOFFERSON or WARREN BEATTY.
But now the target has been revealed as gay producer DAVID GEFFEN, at the time head of Carly's Elektra record label.
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February 25, 2010
Thank God for bacon
Otherwise, we might be overrun by Canadians. :-) News from BaconToday.com:
People in Canada Choose Bacon Over SexThe people of Canada sure love their bacon. In a recent survey conducted by Maple Leaf Foods, 43% of the respondents said they would rather have bacon than sex. Are you surprised? If you're a daily reader of Bacon Today the answer is probably no. In fact, you're probably asking a question of your own — Canadian or Traditional bacon? Sadly, the survey was not that specific.
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February 24, 2010
B-r-r-r!
Naked sled race draws 14,000A naked sledging event in Germany's Harz region created a logistical nightmare over the weekend after 14,000 people showed up to watch 30 men and women strip before sliding down the mountain.
Normally the gentle slope in front of Braunlage's town hall is a pretty quiet place during the winter. Beginning skiers practice their first turns, parents plop their children on sleds, and pensioners take some air.
But the scene was quite different on Saturday, when thousands unexpectedly turned out for a nearly naked sledging contest sponsored by a radio station.
H.T. Paul
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February 22, 2010
Careful of Granddad's pipe
Marijuana use by seniors goes up as boomers age[...] Long a fixture among young people, use of the country's most popular illicit drug is now growing among the AARP set, as the massive generation of baby boomers who came of age in the 1960s and '70s grows older.
The number of people aged 50 and older reporting marijuana use in the prior year went up from 1.9 percent to 2.9 percent from 2002 to 2008, according to surveys from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
The rise was most dramatic among 55- to 59-year-olds, whose reported marijuana use more than tripled from 1.6 percent in 2002 to 5.1 percent.
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February 20, 2010
At least they didn't notch his ears
Authorities: no charges in Breckenridge branded buttocks caseBRECKENRIDGE, Colo. - Authorities in Breckenridge won't file any charges in the case of a Texas Christian University student who suffered burns when his peers branded his buttocks during a ski trip to Colorado.
That decision was announced Thursday after prosecutors reviewed the statements from Amon Carter IV and a dozen TCU students. The Summit Daily News reports that Carter had Greek symbols from his fraternity and a sorority branded on his buttocks Jan. 8.
The branding caused second- and third-degree burns, and he said he needs plastic surgery to repair the damage.
[...]
Carter told the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram newspaper earlier this week that it was a dumb, drunken decision. He said the group drank and got rowdy and that at some point he agreed to allow his fraternity brothers to finish branding the Kappa Sigma letters on his rear end with a hot coat hanger -- a brand that was apparently started on a spring break trip a year ago.
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February 18, 2010
Naval history
I have no idea whether this is true. I suspect it's not. But it makes a good story.
The U.S.S. Constitution -- Old Ironsides -- carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e., fresh water distillers).
Let it be noted that according to her ship's log, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston on July 27th, 1798 with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum.
Her mission: To destroy and harass English shipping.
Making Jamaica on October 6th, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.
Then she headed for the Azores, arriving there November 12th. She was provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.
On November 18th, she set sail for England. In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.
By January 26th, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed, she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland. Her landing party captured a whiskey distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.
The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on February 20th, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whiskey, and 38,600 gallons of water.
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February 17, 2010
Road show
Stripper mobile in TampaDéjà Vu, a gentlemen's club located on East Adamo Drive, has started driving what it calls the "Stripper Mobile" around town. The "Stripper Mobile" is a large truck with Plexiglas sides featuring a stripper pole and dancers inside, sort of like a peep show on wheels.
Reaction so far, according to Déjà Vu dancer Bree, has been crazy.
"Everybody's taking pictures and running up and screaming and trying to get on the bus and throwing dollars outside. It's actually very exciting," she said.
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February 15, 2010
Why not, indeed
Love stinks! Minn. farmer creates manure valentineALBERT LEA, Minn. — Nothing says "I love you" like a half-mile wide heart made out of manure. A southern Minnesota man created the Valentine's Day gift for his wife of 37 years in their farm field about 12 miles southwest of Albert Lea. Bruce Andersland told the Alberta Lea Tribune that he started the project with his tractor and manure spreader Wednesday and finished Thursday.
His wife, Beth, said it's the biggest and most original Valentine she has ever received. She said some people might think it's gross, but she says it's cute and "Why not do something fun with what you got?"
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February 13, 2010
You'll be screwed at the end
EIBCs
[T]he 'Easy Inter Burial Container' for which a new US patent was granted yesterday.
'This invention relates to conserving land area and easy to install burial containers which can be pressed, agitated, screwed, self bored or by other means set into earth or other receiving materials and do not require a large amount of land area or a large pre-dug rectangular hole with subsequent refilling after the placement of the burial container. '
The screw-into-the-ground casket will use only one third of the normal space required – and ' bores its own final hole ' [...]
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February 11, 2010
Larger than life
A couple of weeks ago, I had a post featuring a picture of George W. Bush with the caption 'Miss me yet?' Somebody's taken it a step farther. (It looks to me like the same photo.)
'Miss Me Yet?' Billboard With Photo Of Bush Is Real; Not An Internet TrickInternet chatter had led to speculation that it might be an urban myth -- nothing more than clever digital trickery spreading via the Web.
But our friend Bob Collins at Minnesota Public Radio assures us he's seen it with his own eyes:
There is a billboard along I-35 near Wyoming, Minn., with a huge photo of former president George W. Bush and this question: "Miss Me Yet?"
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February 05, 2010
"Safe and ineffective"
This is hilarious - though the New Scientist's calling it 'alleged ineffectiveness' is pretty lame.
Mass drug overdose – none deadNo ill effects were reported by hundreds of volunteers who took part in a mass-overdose stunt around the world to demonstrate that homeopathic remedies are nothing more than sugar pills.
"There were no casualties at all, as far as I know," says Martin Robbins, spokesman for the "10:23" campaign, created to highlight the alleged ineffectiveness of homeopathic remedies.
"No one was cured of anything either," says Robbins. Like an estimated 300 volunteers in several cities in the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the US, he swallowed a bottleful of around 80 homeopathic "pillules" at exactly 10.23 am on Saturday.
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Save Dave
So first, this guy working in an Australian bank gets busted viewing nude pix on his computer during a newscast. Naturally, his managers want him gone.
Now there's a campaign to spare him his job:
Campaign to save Dave the libidinous banker
Australian banker in hot water after being caught viewing salacious photosSYDNEY - An online campaign has started to save the job of an Australian banker who became an Internet sensation after he was caught on live television viewing images of scantily clad supermodel Miranda Kerr on his computer.
The financial Web site "Here is the City News" [...] has set up a "Save Dave" page that encourages readers to e-mail the public relations department of Macquarie Bank to save banker David Kiely's job.
The web campaign lists four reasons for Kiely to keep his job: he seems like a nice bloke; the photographs were not hardcore; he has suffered enough, and there's just too much political correctness in this world anyway.
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Make Valentine's Day special
...depending on your definition of special. Here's news from Toronto:
Restaurant promotes sex in its bathroomsMildred's Temple Kitchen is inviting customers to have sex in its bathrooms.
The Valentine's weekend promotion takes uncomfortable but electrifying sex from the close confines of an airplane and transfers it to the unisex stalls of the Hanna Ave. restaurant.
The Liberty Village restaurant proposes its modern bathrooms become one of the "101 places to have sex before you die."
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February 04, 2010
Markets in everything (6)
Student sells her virginity online to pay for tuitionA student has auctioned her virginity to a stranger for almost £20,000 to help fund her university tuition fees.
The 19-year-old New Zealand woman offered her virginity to the highest bidder in an online auction on the www.ineed.co.nz website after she found herself desperate for money.
The student, who called herself "Unigirl", said that she was delighted with the outcome and thanked auction participants who had bid more than she expected.
"Thank you to the more than 30,000 people who viewed my ad and to the more than 1,200 offers made," she said on the auction site yesterday. "I have accepted an offer in excess of $NZ45,000, which is way beyond what I dreamt."
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January 29, 2010
That's loyalty
Loyal Blow-Up Doll Saves Owner's LifeThey say that a dog is man's best friend. For an elderly Shanghai resident known as Yang, however, no dog can ever take the place of his life-saving blow-up doll.
This story begins in a residential apartment complex lodged in the dead center of Shanghai, China, where Yang has been living by himself for several years.
Yang used to reside here with his wife and son, but then his wife passed away, and soon after his son moved away to study. [...]
Yang happened to stumble upon such a set of negative comments while perusing the Internet and was so hurt by it, that he chose to commit suicide.
And so we come to January 3rd, 2010, around 4pm, when Yang jumped off the sixth floor of his apartment complex in an attempt to end his life.
Eyewitnesses at the scene were horrified, especially because it appeared as if he was clutching onto a little girl. And as he landed, there was a large bang, which onlookers assumed was Yang slamming into her poor little body.
Thankfully, it wasn't a girl or even a human. It was his blow-up doll, which immediately blew open as he crashed into it. Yang was knocked unconscious, but he soon after made a full recovery at a nearby hospital.
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We don't discriminate against the unproductive
Some days I have to wonder if the news from Britain can get any stranger...
Employer told not to post advert for 'reliable' workers because it discriminates against 'unreliable' applicantsWhen it comes to hiring staff, there are plenty of legal pitfalls employers need to watch out for these days.
So recruitment agency boss Nicole Mamo was especially careful to ensure her advert for hospital workers did not offend on grounds of race, age or sexual orientation.
However, she hadn't reckoned on discriminating against a wholly different section of the community - the completely useless.
When she ran the ad past a job centre, she was told she couldn't ask for 'reliable' and 'hard-working' applicants because it could be offensive to unreliable people.
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January 28, 2010
What expertise?
The 6 Most Statistically Full of Sh*t ProfessionsPeople get paid a lot of money to be experts on things, so one would assume they're much more knowledgeable than the average Joe or, at the very least, a blindfolded monkey throwing darts.
Sadly, in many cases this just isn't true, and the so called "expertise" in question amounts to little more than a shot in the goddamn dark. Here are a few cases of experts that probably shouldn't inspire as much confidence as they do.
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January 27, 2010
Better if they learn it on the street?
Menifee school officials remove dictionary over term 'oral sex'After a parent complained about an elementary school student stumbling across "oral sex" in a classroom dictionary, Menifee Union School District officials decided to pull Merriam Webster's 10th edition from all school shelves earlier this week.
School officials will review the dictionary to decide if it should be permanently banned because of the "sexually graphic" entry, said district spokeswoman Betti Cadmus. The dictionaries were initially purchased a few years ago for fourth- and fifth-grade classrooms districtwide, according to a memo to the superintendent.
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January 26, 2010
Busted! (3)
Who is Ellie Light? Sounds like some serious astroturfing going on.
Obama has suspicious number of letter-writing fans named 'Ellie Light'
By Sabrina Eaton, The Plain Dealer
Ellie Light sure gets around.In recent weeks, Light has published virtually identical "Letters to the Editor" in support of President Barack Obama in more than a dozen newspapers.Every letter claimed a different residence for Light that happened to be in the newspaper's circulation area.
"It's time for Americans to realize that governing is hard work, and that a president can't just wave a magic wand and fix everything," said a letter from alleged Philadelphian Ellie Light, that was published in the Jan. 19 edition of The Philadelphia Daily News.
A letter from Light in the Jan. 20 edition of the San Francisco Examiner concluded with an identical sentence, but with an address for Light all the way across the country in Daly City, California.
Variations of Light's letter ran in Ohio's Mansfield News Journal on Jan. 13, with Light claiming an address in Mansfield; in New Mexico's Ruidoso News on Jan. 12, claiming an address in Three Rivers; in South Carolina's The Sun News on Jan. 18, claiming an address in Myrtle Beach; and in the Daily News Leader of Staunton, Virginia on Jan. 15, claiming an address in Waynesboro. Her publications list includes other papers in Ohio, West Virginia, Maine, Michigan, Iowa, Pennsylvania and California, all claiming separate addresses.
See also Who is Mark Spivey?
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More reality TV
Movie made by chimpanzees to be broadcast on televisionThe world's first film shot entirely by chimpanzees is to be broadcast by the BBC as part of a natural history documentary.
The apes created the movie using a specially designed chimp-proof camera given to them by primatologists.
The film-making exercise is part of a scientific study into how chimpanzees perceive the world and each other.
It will be screened within the Natural World programme "Chimpcam" shown on BBC Two at 2000GMT on Wednesday 27 January.
Making the movie was the brainchild of primatologist Ms Betsy Herrelko, who is studying for a PhD in primate behaviour at the University of Stirling, UK.
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January 25, 2010
Hell hath no fury... (2)
Unfortunately, http://charlesphillipsandyavaughniewilkins.com/, the URL that appears in the picture, is no longer in service.
Scorned Mistress of Married Obama Adviser Posts Billboards NationwideOn first glance, it could be the ultimate Valentine's Day card -- a gigantic billboard that towers over New York's Times Square, featuring a happy couple with the text: "You are my soulmate forever, Charles & YaVaughnie."
But as every scorned lover knows, looks can be deceiving. This billboard -- which also has gone up in Atlanta and San Francisco -- is the ultimate act of revenge -- a very public retaliation by a dumped mistress aimed at a very wealthy, and married, businessman who is an adviser to President Obama.
YaVaughnie Wilkins posted the signs after she learned that her lover, Charles E. Phillips — president and director of the tech conglomerate Oracle Corporation and a member of Obama's Economic Recovery Advisory Board — had reconciled with his wife, the New York Post reported.
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Viva Las Vegas
Las Vegas Mayor: 'If I'm Gov, I'll Cavort With Showgirls And I'll Keep Drinking My Gin'Oscar Goodman, the mayor of Las Vegas and a former defense attorney for the mob, is known for saying outrageous things. In a visit to an elementary school in 2005, for example, he told a group of fourth-graders that he would take a showgirl and a bottle of Sapphire Bombay Gin if he was stranded on a desert island.
He's also weighing a run for governor -- and is doing well in the polls.
"I envision making my announcement to run for governor with showgirls on my arm. If [the people] don't like it, they can vote for someone else. And if I'm governor, I'll cavort with showgirls and I'll keep drinking my gin and betting on anything that moves," Goodman told the Philadelphia Inquirer, his hometown paper. "I won't change!"
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January 20, 2010
Nice work if you can get it (5)
Hotel employs human bed warmersA hotel chain is employing human bed warmers to help guests get a good night's sleep.
The walking electric blankets are dressed in special all-in-one sleeper suits and are sent to warm the beds of guests staying at the Holiday Inn before they get under the covers.
Holiday Inn spokeswoman Jane Bednall said the idea was "like having a giant hot water bottle in your bed".
The five minute free bed warming sessions are being tried out in London and Manchester at the end of January.
Take it, Benny...
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January 18, 2010
Busted!
Online 'stunner' was teenage boyA German man who bid £1,400 to win a night of passion with a stunning model was distraught to find out his 'date' was a teenage boy running an online scam.
Stefan Koch, 27, turned up at the model's flat to collect his prize but instead of the promised beautiful woman found only 17-year-old Dieter Muhr.
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January 16, 2010
Making the case for term limits
Nasty PartyAn Indian politician is recruiting crooks to join his party because he thinks their cunning, dishonesty and selfishness make them perfect for life as an MP.
Former railways minister Lalu Prasad Yadav, 62, has launched an appeal for old lags to take office in his National People's Party.
"It's the best way to select candidates for politics. Show me your jail stint and join me," said Yadav.
"Most politicians end up crooked so they might as well start that way," he added.
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January 15, 2010
A long-standing question answered
Essential Life Lesson #1: Over is Right, Under is WrongAs part of our ongoing effort here at Current Configuration to make your life not only better, but also 10% more crunchy, we're offering you this first installment of what will be an ongoing series of Essential Life Lessons. Kicking off this series will be a critical but even-handed examination of a common misunderstanding that occurs in a realm of many misunderstandings: the bathroom.
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January 14, 2010
Living in the future
Follow the link - it's pretty entertaining.
2010: Living In the Future | the bookBack when I was a boy, I bought a children's book at my town's library book sale called "2010: Living in the Future" by Geoffrey Hoyle. Written in 1972, it had been withdrawn from the library's collection by the mid-80s, when I picked it up. I've somehow managed to hang onto it for 25 years and now, suddenly, here we are: 2010. I'm reproducing this long out-of-print book here to see how we're doing. Are we really living in the future?
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January 08, 2010
How to spend a snow day
Snowed-In Brits boost adultery websiteLONDON (Reuters) - Britons snowed in by the wintry weather have been flocking to an extra-marital dating site in the last 24 hours.
IllicitEncounters.com, which provides a platform for married people to conduct affairs, said on Wednesday it has seen an unexpected increase in visitors over the past 24 hours, and received a record number of new profiles on Wednesday morning.
The website said most new members are registering from areas worst hit by this week's extreme weather, including Hampshire, Berkshire, and the West Country, and the site has taken on several temporary staff members to cope with the rush.
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January 07, 2010
It's a cold world, Al
'Frozen Gore' sculpture returns in Fairbanks to fuel climate change debateFAIRBANKS - In what might become an annual tradition, an ice sculpture of former Vice President Al Gore has taken its place in front of Thrifty Liquor along Airport Way.
The two-ton "Frozen Gore" sculpture isn't exactly a tribute. It's a tongue-in-cheek critique of Gore's vocal belief in man-made climate change, complete with hot air pouring out of his mouth.
Local businessmen Craig Compeau and Rudy Gavora contracted the piece from award-winning sculptor Steve Dean and say they'll keep erecting one each winter until Gore accepts an invitation to discuss the global warming issue in Fairbanks.
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January 06, 2010
Web 2.0 Suicide Machine
Liberate your newbie friends with a Web2.0 suicide! This machine lets you delete all your energy sucking social-networking profiles, kill your fake virtual friends, and completely do away with your Web2.0 alterego. The machine is just a metaphor for the website which moddr_ is hosting; the belly of the beast where the web2.0 suicide scripts are maintained. Our service currently runs with Facebook, Myspace, Twitter and LinkedIn! Commit NOW!
Feel free like a real bird again and untwitter yourself. Watch it here!
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January 02, 2010
There's no place like jail for the holidays
Man opts for jail over New Year with relativesROME (Reuters) – A Sicilian man stole sweets and a packet of chewing gum so he could get arrested and spend New Year's Eve in a jail cell rather than be with his wife and relatives, Italian media reported on Friday.
The 35-year old Sicilian first showed up at a police station on Thursday asking to be arrested because he preferred spending the night in prison rather than with his family, but was rebuffed because he had not committed a crime, the Agi news agency said.
The man immediately went to a tobacco shop next door, where he threatened the owner with a box cutter as he grabbed a few sweets and a packet of gum. He then waited until police arrived to arrest him for robbery, the news agency said.
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December 31, 2009
Best liar of the year?
Wis. man's bank quip earns him Champion Liar titleMILWAUKEE – A jab at the woes of the nation's banks has been named the top tall tale of 2009.
The Burlington Liars Club bestowed its highest award Wednesday for this line: "I just realized how bad the economy really is. I recently bought a new toaster oven and as a complimentary gift, I was given a bank."
The quip earned Larry Legro of Sun Prairie, Wis., the dubious — but serious — distinction of being the year's World Champion Liar.
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Like Facebook for China
Two Chinese wives spot common husband on social networking siteA Chinese man has been arrested on charges of bigamy after his two wives discovered each other on a national social networking site, China Daily said on Wednesday.
The Mexican national of a Chinese origin, identified as Chang, was arrested last week after one of the wives added her husband's "buddies," including the other spouse, to her contact list on Kaixin001, a Chinese version of Facebook. The two women soon became friends.
The bigamy was exposed when they exchanged wedding photos, featuring the same groom.
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December 30, 2009
A Christmas miracle
Mom, Baby Revived After Dying During BirthDENVER -- Mike Hermanstorfer was clutching his pregnant wife's hand in a Colorado hospital on Christmas Eve when she stopped breathing, her life apparently slipping away. Then he cradled his newborn son's limp body seconds after a medical team delivered the baby by Cesarean section.
Minutes later he saw his son show signs of life in his arms under the feverish attention of doctors, and soon he learned his wife had inexplicably started breathing again.
"My legs went out from underneath me," Hermanstorfer said Tuesday. "I had everything in the world taken from me, and in an hour and a half I had everything given to me."
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Down at the Road Kill Cafe
Roadkill served in R.I. clubsSMITHFIELD, R.I., Dec. 23 (UPI) -- A chef at a Rhode Island sportsman's club said he has earned the nickname "Roadkill" due to his signature dish -- venison from the side of the road.
Richard "Roadkill" Bourque, chef for the Smithfield Sportsman's Club, said he is on the Rhode Island Department of Environmental Management's list of vendors authorized to retrieve, prepare, cook and serve deer killed on the state's roads, the Providence (R.I.) Journal reported Wednesday.
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Happy Birthday, you old coot
1 centenarian brother to another: Happy birthdayTravel to Chicago becomes problematic when you're more than a century old and live 2,000 miles away.
But there was no way 101-year-old Charles Keller would have missed Saturday's west suburban bash for little brother George, who was turning 100.
Arranged by his daughter Lynn, George Keller's birthday party at St. Charles' Pheasant Run Resort drew more than 80 friends and relatives from around the nation, including brother Charles, who trekked from Southern California.
"I'm happy I reached it, and I'd really like to make 200," said George, decked out in a gray pinstriped suit, blue shirt and gray striped tie. "I think it's going to become a pretty regular thing for people. Here's two (centenarians) in the same family."
Saturday marked the first time the Kellers had seen each other since Charles' 100th birthday fete in San Diego in May 2007.
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December 27, 2009
I can think of worse ways to spend Christmas Eve
Nordic Quack
Sweden's bizarre tradition of watching Donald Duck cartoons on Christmas Eve.Three years ago, I went to Sweden with my then-girlfriend (now-wife), to meet her family and celebrate my first Christmas. As an only partially lapsed Jew, I was not well-versed in Christmas traditions, and I was completely ignorant of Swedish customs and culture. So I was prepared for surprises. I was not prepared for this: Every year on Dec. 24 at 3 p.m., half of Sweden sits down in front of the television for a family viewing of the 1958 Walt Disney Presents Christmas special, "From All of Us to All of You." Or as it is known in Sverige, Kalle Anka och hans vänner önskar God Jul: "Donald Duck and his friends wish you a Merry Christmas."
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Surprise!
Friends Gift Wrap Apartment In Holiday PrankCHICAGO -- A Chicago man could be unwrapping the hundreds of Christmas gifts spread around his apartment for days, even weeks.
Trouble is, they aren't really presents. They're his own belongings meticulously wrapped by friends as a prank while he was out of town.
Louie Saunders' packages contain everything from couch cushions to the beer in his refrigerator.
His friend Adal Rifai masterminded the scheme after Saunders gave him a spare key. It took 16 people, 35 rolls of wrapping paper and eight hours to finish the job.
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Put your 'Jack Horner' on the dotted line
Risky Pudding: Diners Sign Waiver For DessertLONDON -- A London restaurant has asked diners to sign away their right to sue before consuming Christmas pudding, a traditional Yuletide treat that sometimes contains coins or charms.
Neleen Strauss, the owner of High Timber in central London, acknowledged that the idea was a bit silly but she said she would rather be safe than sorry.
"It has created a bit of a stir in the restaurant and people looked at it disbelieving at first," she said Thursday. "I thought it was going to be a pain but decided to do it to cover my backside."
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December 24, 2009
The traditional Burning of the Goat
Gävle goat succumbs to flamesYuletide arsonists have once again successfully set the Gävle goat ablaze. Police received a call around 3am on Wednesday that the Christmas goat in the eastern Swedish town was on fire.
While last year's goat managed to survive until December 27th, this year the 13-metre-tall straw billy succumbed to flames just three days before Christmas.
This was the 43rd traditional straw goat that Gävle has erected in the main city square a few weeks prior to Christmas. It has become a local sport to attempt to burn the goat to the ground.
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You know times are tough when...
Santa robs Hermitage bank to 'pay elves'NASHVILLE, Tenn. – An armed suspect dressed as Santa Claus robbed a local bank Tuesday morning and told tellers he was doing so to "pay his elves."
At 10 a.m., police said the man, dressed in a full Santa Claus costume complete with a hat, beard and sack over his shoulder, entered the Sun Trust Bank branch located at 4809 Old Hickory Boulevard in Hermitage, just north of Lebanon Pike, and approached a teller.
According to witnesses, Santa was wearing sunglasses and the teller asked him to remove them.
The suspect refused, reached into his sack and pulled out a gun.
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December 22, 2009
Merry Christmas, darling
Law firm offers divorce vouchers for ChristmasA London law firm has come up with a 'must have' Christmas present for unhappy couples - divorce gift vouchers.
Lloyd Platt & Co claims to have had hundreds of enquiries since putting the vouchers, which offer couples half-hour or hour-long advice sessions with a lawyer, on sale.
They cost from £125 plus VAT and the firm says it has already sold 54 in three weeks, reports the Daily Telegraph.
Senior partner Vanessa Lloyd Platt said: "Christmas can be a very stressful time for families as we have always seen by the huge increase of people seeking advice in January.
"The vouchers seem to appeal to an enormously wide spread spectrum of people looking for that 'must have' gift for Christmas."
For some reason, that story reminded me of this song.
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Let's hope he's friendly
Check out the pictures of this beast that accompany the article.
Meet 'Giant George' the 7ft-long blue great dane who could be the world's tallest dogStanding at nearly 43 inches tall from paw to shoulder and weighing a staggering 245lbs could this be the world's new tallest dog?
Pictured here in the parks of Tuscon, Arizona, George, a four-year-old blue great dane, looks more like a miniature horse than a dog.
The gentle giant, who measures 7ft 3ins from nose to tail, could be a prime contender to take the title from the former record holder, Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane who passed away from cancer last August.
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Small world
Woman Becomes World's Smallest Mom
Daughter Only 10 Inches Shorter Than New MotherCINCINNATI -- A northern Kentucky woman has been declared the world's smallest mother, WLWT-TV in Cincinnati reported.
Stacey Herald's husband, Will, told the station that the Guinness Book of World Records has sent them a certificate informing the couple that Stacey is the smallest woman in the world to give birth.
Stacey is only 28 1/2 inches tall. Her youngest daughter, Makaia, was 18 inches long when she was born last winter.
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December 21, 2009
It's a tough life in California
Tragic Shortage of Ugly Holiday Sweaters Threaten to Ruin Several Ironic PartiesThe phenomenon of Ugly Sweater Parties is fast becoming a holiday staple, but the demand for hideous sweaters may have exceeded supply in one San Francisco neighborhood. Mission District shoppers looking for an acrylic sweater decorated with a giant glitter reindeer head and whimsical antler sleeves, or a sweatshirt with a puffy-painted sunglasses-wearing Santa decorating a palm tree in Los Angeles, were greeted by near empty racks at neighborhood stores yesterday.
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Australian Grinch
Monash University public health expert Dr Nathan Grills says Santa Claus promotes obesity, speeding, drink-drivingWITH his portly belly and a fondness for a brandy-fuelled spin on the sleigh, Santa Claus is hardly the picture of health or safety.
Now his wild ways are catching up with him, with calls for a radical overhaul of his bad boy image. A study by Monash University public health expert Dr Nathan Grills found Santa could be promoting obesity, speeding and drink-driving, and damaging millions of lives.
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An offer that's easy to refue
Ohio eatery offers discount for sandwich tattoosLAKEWOOD, Ohio – An Ohio restaurant is offering lifetime discounts to people willing to make an indelible display of their love for grilled cheese sandwiches.
Melt Bar & Grilled in the Cleveland suburb of Lakewood specializes in spins on the grilled cheese and says anyone with a tattoo of the classic sandwich will get 25 percent off.
The restaurant has hooked up for the promotion with a tattoo shop, which is offering its own discount on grilled cheese designs. John Forgus of Voodoo Monkey Tattoo says he's been getting creative, giving one person a tattoo of Popeye holding a grilled cheese sandwich instead of a spinach can.
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December 19, 2009
If one is good, two must be better
I, Robot: Buy your own android double for ChristmasStuck for gift ideas this Christmas? How about an android moulded in the exact likeness of your loved one? Well that is exactly what's on offer at a chain of department stores in Japan.
The mechanical doppelgangers will be on offer at Sogo, Seibu, and Robinson retailers for the princely sum of 20.1million yen or £139,000.
Electronics firm Kokoro will create two androids to look like their buyers. They already hire out a female robot called the Actroid-Der for special events [...]
The company will create the sitting robot out of silicone with the same face, body shape, hair and eyes of the recipient. Their speech will be based on recordings of the owner's voice.
The android's facial expressions and upper body will be modeled on the movements of the buyer.[...]
Still you will have to be quick if you want to snap one up as only two of the unique machines are on sale. Sogu will accept orders at its 28 outlets over the New Year and will sell them based on a lottery system if there is great demand.
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The only two tools you need
Now in a handy kit at RedneckToolkit.com. This appears to be a real business.
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And in this corner...
Controversial Christmas Display, Jesus versus SantaNIPOMO – One Nipomo man's holiday decorations has his neighbors banding together to get it removed.
The display is of Jesus and Santa, the two icons of Christmas. However, Jesus is holding a shotgun over the dead body of Santa Claus.
Neighbors want the display taken down citing that there are children in the neighborhood and they find it disturbing. "I know its freedom of speech, but it's pretty disturbing and there are lots of children, that's our main concern," says neighbor Susana Cruz.
The artist, Ron Lake says that it represents the commercialism of Christmas.
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The McNuggetini
Mixing Meaty Cocktails With a Shot of CelebrityJUDGMENT came swiftly from the dozen or so bloggers, friends and cocktail enthusiasts gathered at an East Village bar this month to sample the McNuggetini, a sweet-and-savory libation made from McDonald's menu items and vanilla vodka (hint: rim the glass with barbecue sauce).
"It's disgusting," said Aidan Flax-Clark, an editor from Brooklyn.
The honest appraisal didn't faze Alie Ward and Georgia Hardstark, a pair of winsome drinking buddies from Los Angeles who have ridden the McNuggetini to cult status on the Internet and are now hoping for more. Like the archetypal 1950s housewives from whom they borrow their fashion sense, the two smiled gamely through the criticism.
"It's fine once you get past the barbecue sauce," Ms. Hardstark, 29, said of the drink, part chocolate shake, part Chicken McNugget. "It tastes just like a White Russian, but with meat."
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December 17, 2009
North versus South
This story comes from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Ladue is a St. Louis suburb.
The North Face sues Ladue's The South Butt
The North Face made good on its threat to sue The South Butt.
The international apparel maker filed a federal lawsuit in St. Louis late last week alleging trademark infringement by The South Butt, a Ladue-based company started by a teenager to make fun of The North Face name.
The South Butt does not appear to be backing down from the fight. "We embrace the litigation," said St. Louis attorney Al Watkins, who represents The South Butt. [...]
The South Butt was started in 2007 by Jimmy Winkelmann, now 18 and attending the University of Missouri at Columbia.
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Bah, humbug indeed
Anglican 'Santa' barred from giving gifts to children at detainee centreIt started out as a well-intentioned attempt to bring festive cheer to some of society's most neglected members – the hundreds of children who each year are caught up in the UK's asylum system.
But when the Anglican church's leading expert on Father Christmas, dressed as St Nicholas himself, arrived with one of Britain's most distinguished clerics to distribute presents to children held at the Yarl's Wood immigration removal centre in Bedfordshire, things took a turn straight out of Dickens. [...]
In a red robe and long white beard, clutching a bishop's mitre and crook, St Nick – in real life, the Rev Canon James Rosenthal, a world authority on St Nicholas of Myra, the inspiration for Father Christmas – gently protested that he was not a security threat, but to no avail.
Then as St Nicholas, accompanied by the Rev Professor Nicholas Sagovsky, canon theologian at Westminster Abbey, attempted to bless the gifts, the increasingly angry security guards called the police. The resulting ill-tempered and surreal impasse between church and state was videotaped by asylum seeker support groups and could become an internet viral hit.
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Unanswered questions
From Slate's Explainer - the list of unanswered questions is pretty long. The two below are ones I picked
The Questions We Never Answered in 2009
Digging through the bottom of the Explainer mailbag.God knows there's been plenty to explain in 2009. We answered questions about a new president, a continuing economic crisis, a global flu pandemic, and the battle in Congress over health care reform. We also made time to figure out when drunks started wearing lampshades, how prostitutes pay their taxes, and how much cash a politician can cram into an Apple Jacks cereal box. [...]
As always, we're counting on you to tell us which of these unanswered questions most deserves its own column. The top vote-getter will be designated the Explainer Question of the Year for 2009, and a response will be posted in the next few weeks. [...]
# I have always wondered who played the characters of the Wicked Witch of the West's monkey army in Wizard of Oz. Were they the same little people who played the munchkins or am I missing something here? It's no big deal, but I have always wondered. [...]
# How many human female eggs would it take to make an omelette?
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December 16, 2009
6 iPhones
Yann Tiersen, who wrote the score for the movie Amélie, plays one of the songs from it on 6 iPhones.
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It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing
Spanish fan calls police over saxophone band who were just not jazzy enoughJazzman Larry Ochs has seen many things during 40 years playing his saxophone around the world but, until this week, nobody had ever called the police on him.
That changed on Monday night however, when's Spain's pistol-carrying Civil Guard police force descended on the Sigüenza Jazz festival to investigate allegations that Ochs's music was not, well, jazz.
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Competition for the Christmas Truck
What beats a Christmas Truck in Des Moines? How about a Snow Globe Car in Houston. (Video at the link.)
Woman Makes Car Christmas Snow GlobeRachelle Brown's car looks like a snow globe on four wheels. Not many people can see the lights on her home at the end of the road, so she takes the lights with her.
Brown said, "Not many people get to see our decorations, and we love our decorations, and so this way we go drive around and get to see everybody's joy by bringing the lights to the road."
It started with an inverter to power the lights and it grew. Now there are about 100 Christmas lights, just as many cotton balls and enough white stuff to cover a queen-sized bed. Even the window sills have a coat of snow.
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Second thoughts
Money Robbed From Pa. Bank Mailed BackWEST NEWTON, Pa. -- Someone mailed an envelope filled with money to a western Pennsylvania bank that was robbed earlier this month, and the FBI suspects it was either the repentant robber or an acquaintance of his. [...]
The FBI won't say how much the robber took, but say the money in the envelope was about 80 percent of the amount stolen. It was separated into stacks of $5s, $10s, $20s and $100s.
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December 15, 2009
Welcome to Hannibal
Home town of Samuel L. Clemens himself.
After car runs out of gas, Hannibal couple pushes it downhill ... into gas stationHANNIBAL, Mo. -- A Hannibal couple's car that ran out of gas and was being pushed to a gas station missed its mark at 7:15 p.m. Sunday and crashed into Abel's Quik Shop at 100 Shinn Lane.
There was damage to the front of the building and its glass door, according to Hannibal Police Capt. James Hark, but no one was hurt.
The 49 year-old man was inside the car attempting to steer and his 42-year-old wife was pushing when the car started down an incline to the business.
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Home sweet home
Octopus Makes Armor From Coconut ShellsSYDNEY -- Australian scientists have discovered an octopus in Indonesia that collects coconut shells for shelter -- unusually sophisticated behavior that the researchers believe is the first evidence of tool use in an invertebrate animal.
The scientists filmed the veined octopus, Amphioctopus marginatus, selecting halved coconut shells from the sea floor, emptying them out, carrying them under their bodies up to 65 feet (20 meters), and assembling two shells together to make a spherical hiding spot.
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Better late than never? (2)
Man, 93, Adopts 64-Year-Old Foster SonA 93-year-old Iowa man who took care of his foster son for decades has officially adopted the 64-year-old foster as his own, KCRG-TV in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, reported.
Steve Bevelheimer said he left his home when he was just 14 years old. His father was an alcoholic and his stepmother abused him, he said. [...]
After three nights in jail, the state took him to Lee and Ellen Bevelheimer's home.
Steve Bevelheimer never left. He became like a real son to the couple.
Lee Bevelheimer, whose wife died 20 years ago, said they decided to make an adoption official because "sooner or later, if you wait too long, they'll put you in a hole in the ground, and it's goodbye Charlie."
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December 14, 2009
A missed opportunity
Motorized Bar Stool From DUI Fetches $1,125NEWARK, Ohio -- The bidding on eBay topped out at more than $1,000 for a motorized bar stool that an Ohio man rode right into an arrest for drunken driving.
The online auction ended Sunday night with a winning bid of $1,125 for the contraption Kile Wygle crashed in March in the central Ohio city of Newark. [...]
The bar stool was listed on eBay by the county, which had seized it and planned to use the sale proceeds toward back child support owed by Wygle.
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More Facebook funnies
A collection of The Funniest Facebook Snafus.
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Mayhem in the market
Salami battle in supermarket leaves Germans in hospital
Two Germans needed hospital treatment after they fought a pitched battle in a supermarket with salamis used as clubs and a chunk of Parmesan cheese brandished like a dagger.The fight took place in the western city of Aachen when a 74-year-old man and a 35-year-old woman both laid claim to a shopping trolley on Saturday.
As the pensioner wrestled the cart from the hands of his rival, her 24-year-old brother stepped forward and floored him with a punch.
Together with their 53-year-old mother, the brother and sister then took the trolley into the supermarket. But the OAP [old age pensioner - JdJ] came round and followed them to the cheese counter.
He clubbed the younger man with a salami as his mother tried to fend him off with a sharp 4lbs piece of Parmesan.
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Our apartment was so small...
And only $857 per square foot.
Cozy-crazy couple makes tight all right in the city's tiniest studioIf they can make it there, they can make it anywhere.
Zaarath and Christopher Prokop -- and their two cats -- live in the smallest apartment in the city, a 175-square-foot "microstudio" in Morningside Heights the couple bought three months ago for $150,000.
At 14.9 feet long and 10 feet wide, it's about as narrow as a subway car and as claustrophobic as a jail cell. But to the Prokops, it's a castle.
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December 12, 2009
The next bubble
The Next Bubble: The Looming Crisis in Books About the Financial CrisisSome time soon the market is going to peak, perhaps as early as this month, and then there is a terrible crash ahead. Which market? The next bubble, of course: Books about the financial crisis.
As the following graph shows, there has been an explosion in books published about the ongoing financial crisis. From just two books published per month back in June of 2008 we have spiked all the way to 20 financial crisis books per month, even touching 26 books per month briefly. (Note the S&P 500 over the same period is shown in red for comparison.)
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At least he didn't have to eat 'em
Grits are sort of the American equivalent to tofu but with a little more texture.
La. Woman Arrested In Grits Attack On BoyfriendBOUTTE, La. -- A Louisiana woman is charged with getting back at her sleeping boyfriend after a fight by scalding him with a pot of boiling grits.
Sheriff's deputies say 44-year-old Carolyn Brown caused second-degree burns on the man's face and arms.
Brown was booked on a second-degree battery charge.
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December 09, 2009
Just in time
Boise firefighters rescue boy whose tongue was stuck to metal poleMemo to children — and adults for that matter — everywhere: Don't try to emulate Flick from "A Christmas Story." Ever. Your tongue will get stuck to a metal pole when the temperature is -2.
Boise fire officials were able to help a boy whose tongue was stuck to a metal fence pole outside the Fairmont pool near the corner of Milwaukee and Northview streets Tuesday morning. Firefighters didn't ask him his age but said he was probably 10.
The boy is OK, Boise Fire Capt. Bill Tinsley said Tuesday morning. [...]
"I've been doing this 20 some years and this is the first (tongue frozen to pole call) I've had," Tinsley said. "Poor guy."
A woman driving by the pool saw the boy standing there, figured out what was going on, and called 911 a short time after 8 a.m.
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Holy cow
Holy Cow! Calf Born With Cross Birth MarkSTERLING, Conn. -- A holy cow in Connecticut, perhaps? Or maybe a divine bovine?
A calf with a white marking on its forehead in the approximate shape of a cross was born last week at a dairy farm in Sterling, a small rustic town on the Rhode Island border.
Owner Brad Davis told WFSB-TV he thinks the marking may be a message from above, though he's still trying to figure out what that message might be.
The mostly brown calf is half Jersey, half Holstein. Neighborhood children have named it Moses.
Moses? Sounds like a teaching opportunity about the difference between the Old Testament and the New.
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You could have some fun with one of these
Robot dinosaur goes walkaboutA £60,000 remote-controlled dinosaur robot has gone missing from a Walking with Dinosaurs show in Mexico.
Walking with Dinosaurs show /PA pics
It was the first time an exhibit has been stolen from the show, which has toured worldwide and been seen by more than four million people.
"Only in Mexico! How it happened, we don't know. We don't even know if whoever stole it knows its value," said Karla Arroyo, a spokesman for the show.
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December 08, 2009
Ho, ho, no
Naked Santa statue not popular with Texas
A Texas homeowner who put a naked statue of Michelangelo's David dressed as Santa has been forced to give his nude Santa more clothes - after complaints from his neighbours.Barry McBee, of Big Spring, Texas, insists he was just trying to raise a smile from passers-by when he added a Santa hat and white beard to the 5-foot-tall replica of the Renaissance statue.
Unfortunately, within a fairly short time, parents started calling Big Spring city officials complaining that their children were asking why Santa was naked.
'I just like to shock people to make them laugh, kind of break the monotony around here,' said McBee, who owns a wide variety of garden ornaments, mostly stored in his garage. 'I just bring them out occasionally.' [...]
Sjogren left McBee a voice mail last week, requesting that he put more clothes on David.
McBee relented after his friends teased him as well, putting a pair of black and white faux-velvet shorts, with a Christmas bow, on the statue.
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Mystery at Kmart
Kmart Workers Open Tin Can, Find $10,000DES MOINES, Iowa -- When employees of a Des Moines Kmart store finally opened a red tin can that had been sitting on the customer service counter for four days, they got a $10,000 surprise. The can contained $10,380 in assorted bills. Employees called police after opening the can Friday. [...]
The store manager declined to identify himself and referred all questions to police. Telephone and e-mail messages left Monday for a Kmart spokeswoman were not immediately returned.
The investigation into where the money came from is continuing.
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I don't think I'd argue with him
Hulk wants his toilet seat backLOS ANGELES - The drama surrounding Hulk Hogan's divorce continues. The former wrestler claims his now-ex-wife stripped the home the two shared.
In court documents, obtained by TMZ.com, Terry Bollea accuses Linda of pillaging a variety of valuable items from their Pinellas County home, including chandeliers, a tanning bed, a wine rack, fixtures, bathtubs, speakers, and most importantly, "the wooden antique toilet seat from the guest house."
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December 07, 2009
How to dispose of evidence
Local Goodwill Receives a Pricey but Illegal DonationTis the season for giving, and as donations pour into thrift stores, a local Goodwill received a $1,500 donation. The only problem is, it's illegal in stores and on the street.
Imagine the surprise on an employees face who opens a water jug and finds one pound of marijuana. That's exactly what happened Friday at the Goodwill on Colgate Drive in Marietta.
A two gallon metal water jug was donated to Goodwill, but Marietta police say when employees opened it, they found four bags of marijuana that together equal about a pound.
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Is there a problem, officer?
Missing Aussie man found at pubA TASMANIAN man at the centre of a two-day missing persons operation in New Zealand has been found drinking in a bar and oblivious to the search.
Michael Craig, known as Mick, had been last seen on security footage stumbling out of a South Island pub in the early hours of Saturday morning.
Mr Craig, who is in New Zealand for a fishing trip, was finally located at another bar, in nearby Christchurch, yesterday night unaware of any concern over his disappearance.
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December 06, 2009
No tannenbaum, no tannenbaum
Poole — the town with a Christmas tree that you can wipe your feet on
The £14,000 Christmas "tree" is designed to stay upright in a strong windWhen is a Christmas tree not a Christmas tree? When it is a giant cone covered in what appears to be green doormats.
Shoppers stared in bemusement at the mysterious object that landed in a shopping precinct in Poole, Dorset, this week. Some compared it to a giant traffic cone, a witch's hat or a cheap special effect from an early episode of Doctor Who.
The 33ft structure turned out to be their Christmas tree, designed according to the principles of health and safety, circa 2009.
Thus it has no trunk so it won't blow over, no branches to break off and land on someone's head, no pine needles to poke a passer-by in the eye, no decorations for drunken teenagers to steal and no angel, presumably because it would need a dangerously long ladder to place it at the top.
There's a photo of this monstrosity at the link.
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Just generally awesome
22-year-old's mayoral bid rests totally on awesomenessEven low-budget mayoral candidates can be 'awesome.' Just ask him.
Among the 11 people who want to be mayor of Minneapolis are three people who claim Democratic Farmer-Labor allegiances, one Socialist Worker's Party candidate, a Libertarian and a man from something called the Edgertonite Party, which believes in communism, that the region should secede from the United States and that Laura Ingalls Wilder is God. [...]
Then there is the fledgling candidacy of one Joey Lombard, a 22-year-old unemployed musician who lists his "political party or principle" as "Is Awesome."
On his Facebook page, Lombard counsels that voters "just fill in 'Joey Lombard is Awesome' as your first choice for mayor, and leave the rest of the ballot blank, it's that simple!"
I called Joey Lombard and asked him what makes him awesome.
"Just in general," he said. "Everybody I know thinks so."
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Crazy elf
He should have just filed a grievance.
'Elf' Jailed Over Dynamite Hoax On Ga. Mall SantaMORROW, Ga. -- A man dressed as an elf is jailed after police in Georgia say he told a mall Santa that he was carrying dynamite.
Police say Southlake Mall in suburban Atlanta was evacuated but no explosives were found.
Morrow police arrested 45-year-old William C. Caldwell III, who was being held without bond Thursday in the Clayton County jail. He was not part of the mall's Christmas staff.
Police say Caldwell got in line Wednesday evening to have his picture taken with Santa Claus.
Police say when Caldwell reached the front of the line, he told Santa he had dynamite in his bag. Santa called mall security and Caldwell was arrested.
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December 03, 2009
More better juxtaposition
Twitter-fed billboard backfires for local TV station when anchors appear next to gang rape referenceMOBILE, Ala. -- An attempt to add a live Twitter breaking news feed to a digital billboard in Mobile backfired for local television station WPMI-TV when the words "Three accused of gang rape" appeared next to smiling photos of 3 of the station's on-air personalities.
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Markets in everything (4)
Somali sea gangs lure investors at pirate lairHARADHEERE, Somalia, Dec 1 (Reuters) - In Somalia's main pirate lair of Haradheere, the sea gangs have set up a cooperative to fund their hijackings offshore, a sort of stock exchange meets criminal syndicate. [...]
One wealthy former pirate named Mohammed took Reuters around the small facility and said it had proved to be an important way for the pirates to win support from the local community for their operations, despite the dangers involved.
"Four months ago, during the monsoon rains, we decided to set up this stock exchange. We started with 15 'maritime companies' and now we are hosting 72. Ten of them have so far been successful at hijacking," Mohammed said.
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December 01, 2009
If at first you don't succeed
Man Robs 2nd Bank After Failing 1st AttemptPHILADELPHIA -- Philadelphia police and the FBI are looking for a man who robbed a bank less than two hours after a failed robbery attempt at another bank.
The FBI says the unidentified man entered a Sovereign Bank branch in South Philadelphia Monday morning, told an employee he had a gun and demanded cash. But the man ran off before getting any money.
About two hours later, the FBI says the same man entered a Wachovia Bank branch in the Juniata Park section of Philadelphia. He threatened a bank employee and ran off with an undisclosed amount of cash.
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Mandatory gratuity
Couple Busted for Refusing to Pay Tip
Patrons claim service was so bad, they had to get napkins and silverware for themselvesIf you’re frustrated by poor service at a restaurant, think twice before you decide to not tip. You may be in for a bit more than just a dirty look from the waiter.
"Nobody, nobody wants to be forced to pay a tip or be arrested for terrible service," Leslie Pope said when her happy hour ended in handcuffs.
Pope and John Wagner were hauled away by police and charged with theft for not paying the mandatory 18 percent gratuity totaling $16 after eating at the Lehigh Pub in Bethlehem, Pa. with six friends.
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Atonement
The wicked man flees though no one pursues...
Thief Gives Iowa College $500, Seeks ForgivenessIOWA CITY, Iowa -- An anonymous letter with $500 and a plea for forgiveness sheds some light on a long-forgotten crime at an Iowa Catholic college.
The writer admitted stealing a portable radio from a teacher's lounge at Clarke College in Dubuque in 1955. The writer tried to make amends by slipping five $100 bills into the mailing sent last week to college president Sister Joanne Burrows.
It seeks forgiveness, saying the money was to be used by current faculty.
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November 27, 2009
Father of the Year
I think this guy's got a lock on the 2009 award.
Police: Dad Leaves Son, Goes To Strip Club
Father Calls Police When He Forgets Where He Parked His SonINDIANAPOLIS -- A man was arrested after police said he left his 5-year-old son in a tractor-trailer while he ducked into an Indianapolis strip club to drink. The 39-year-old was arrested at 1:15 a.m. Tuesday on child neglect and public intoxication charges after calling police to report his truck stolen and his child missing. Police said the man was too drunk to remember where he had parked.
They found the boy inside watching cartoons on a television inside the cab. The keys were in the ignition, and the doors were unlocked.
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With friends like these
Facebook friend turns into Big BrotherUniversity of Wisconsin-La Crosse student Adam Bauer has nearly 400 friends on Facebook. He got an offer for a new one about a month ago. “She was a good-looking girl. I usually don’t accept friends I don’t know, but I randomly accepted this one for some reason,” the 19-year-old said.
He thinks that led to his invitation to come down to the La Crosse police station, where an officer laid out photos from Facebook of Bauer holding a beer — and then ticketed him for underage drinking.
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November 25, 2009
And the umployment insurance is cheap
'Dog Clerk' Brings Laughter At Gas StationCLEARWATER, Fla. -- Customers at one Gulf coast gas station might be surprised at who responds to the counter when they pull up to the drive-through window: The store owner's dog.
Dozens of times each day, Cody the chocolate Labradaor retriever will pop up on two paws behind the counter at a BP gas station and convenience store in Clearwater. He even has a BP logo shirt and a name tag.
Customers grin and kids squeal with joy in response.
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November 24, 2009
Ignorance was bliss
Man discovers Charles Manson is his real dadA MAN who went in search of his biological father was shocked to learn it was famed serial killer Charles Manson.
Matthew Roberts, a 41-year-old DJ who lives in Los Angeles, said the shock of discovering his father sent him into depression.
"I didn't want to believe it. I was frightened and angry. It's like finding out that Adolf Hitler is your father,” Mr Roberts told The Sun.
"I'm a peaceful person - trapped in the face of a monster."
Despite his revulsion Mr Roberts has been exchanging mail with Manson, who is serving life in Corcoran State Prison in California over nine murders committed by his “Family” of followers in 1969.
“He sends me weird stuff and always signs it with his swastika,” Mr Roberts said.
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Two out of three isn't bad?
Inmates Escape, Steal Cigarettes, ReturnCLIFTON, Tenn. -- The state Department of Correction said two inmates escaped a minimum security prison in southwest middle Tennessee on Nov. 7 to steal cigarettes before returning, WSMV-TV in Nashville reported.
Adam Garland and Michael Queener are accused of escaping through a window in their cell at the Turney Center Annex and crawling under a fence.
While out, the men stole cigarettes and tobacco products from a convenience store before returning to the prison by going back through the window that they had escaped from, officials at the corrections department said.
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November 23, 2009
Nonsense on stilts
Wouldn't that be "second-hand tar" since there's not really any smoke involved?
Smoking Near Apple Computers Creates Biohazard, Voids WarrantyUnless you've just arrived in 2009 on a time machine, you know that smoking isn't good for you. Did you know, that smoking isn't good for your computer, either? It's true, at least according to Apple. Two readers in different parts of the country claim that their Applecare warranties were voided due to secondhand smoke. Both readers appealed their cases up to the office of God Steve Jobs himself. Both lost.
Back in April, Derek copied us on his e-mail to Jobs:
I took my mid 2007 apple macbook (black) into the Jordan Creek Apple Store in West Des Moines, Iowa, on Saturday, April 25th, because I had been experiencing some issues with it overheating, and figured the fan was bad. After some initial testing, they took the computer in for work under my Applecare plan, which has over a year remaining on it.Today, April, 28, 2008, the Apple store called and informed me that due to the computer having been used in a house where there was smoking, that has voided the warranty and they refuse to work on the machine, due to "health risks of second hand smoke".
Not only is this faulty science, attributing non smoking residue to second hand smoke, on Chad's part, no where in your applecare terms of service can I find anything mentioning being used in a smoking environment as voiding the warranty.
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Well played
Slate magazine is just one of the countless media outlets convulsing with St. Vitus’ Dance over that demonic succubus Sarah Palin. In its reader forum, The Fray, one supposed Palinophobe took dead aim at the former Alaska governor’s writing chops, excerpting the following sentence from her book:“The apartment was small, with slanting floors and irregular heat and a buzzer downstairs that didn’t work, so that visitors had to call ahead from a pay phone at the corner gas station, where a black Doberman the size of a wolf paced through the night in vigilant patrol, its jaws clamped around an empty beer bottle.”Other readers pounced like wolf-sized Dobermans on an intruder. One guffawed, “That sentence by Sarah Palin could be entered into the annual Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest. It could have a chance at winning a (sic) honorable mention, at any rate.”
But soon, the original contributor confessed: “I probably should have mentioned that the sentence quoted above was not written by Sarah Palin. It’s taken from the first paragraph of ‘Dreams From My Father,’ written by Barack Obama.”
Jonah Goldberg via Instapundit
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November 20, 2009
There is such a thing as bad publicity
Man Who Claimed Disability Spotted On TV ShowLOS ANGELES -- California tax officials say an interior designer's false disability claim was uncovered when he was spotted on a home improvement television show.
Fifty-six-year-old Ronald Hunt of Los Angeles was sentenced Tuesday to 200 hours of community service and ordered to pay more than $180,000 in restitution, unpaid taxes and fines. He pleaded guilty to two felony counts of fraud.
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Sue 'em all and let the judge sort 'em out
Man Blames Planes For Divorce, Seeks $555 MillionBlame it on the planes isn't the latest Milli Vanilli spoof, it's one man's $555 million claim that the local airport drove off his wife and kids. Stanley G. Hilton's lawsuit blames everybody and everything shy of the rain, moon and stars for the end of his marriage. Given his record, we wouldn't be surprised if they're listed on his next court filing. Hilton's 16-page suit against San Francisco International Airport (.pdf) blames 37 organizations for the collapse of his marriage and seeks $15 million from each of them. Targets of the suit include the city and county of San Francisco, the airport and every airline based there, airline engine manufacturers and the real estate agencies involved in the sale of his house.
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Location, location, location (2)
Pot Farm Stunk Up LA Police Station Lot
Marijuana Operation Found 25 Feet From Police StationLOS ANGELES -- Officials said an elaborate marijuana growing site was found in an industrial building 25 feet from the back door of the Topanga police station in Los Angeles, and three people are under arrest. Officer Karen Rayner said the pot was discovered Wednesday when a search warrant was served at an address adjacent to the station in Canoga Park. [...]
The investigation began a week ago, when officers smelled marijuana in the police station parking lot.
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November 19, 2009
tlhIngan maH!
Local dad spoke only Klingon to child for three yearsIs this taking the whole Star Trek thing a teensie weensie bit too far? d'Armond Speers spoke only Klingon to his child for the first three years of its life. [...]
"I was interested in the question of whether my son, going through his first language acquisition process, would acquire it like any human language," Speers told the Minnesota Daily. "He was definitely starting to learn it."
And get this, Speers says he isn't really a huge Star Trek fan.
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He don't need no steenking GPS
Lost man drives nine hours to get newspaperCANBERRA (Reuters) - An elderly man who went out to fetch a morning newspaper ended up driving nearly 400 miles after getting lost and taking a wrong turn onto a major Australian highway, police said on Wednesday. The man, 81-year-old Eric Steward, eventually stopped and asked for directions after driving for nine hours, from the New South Wales country town of Yass to Geelong in the southern Victoria state. [...]
"This little old man came up to me saying he was lost. He handed me his mobile and asked if I could speak to his wife," said Victorian Police Senior Constable Clayton Smith.
Steward, who was reunited with his family on Wednesday, said he took the wrong turn and just kept on going.
"I just went out on the road to have a drive, a nice peaceful drive," he told reporters, adding he did not need a satellite navigation device as he'd only been lost once.
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November 18, 2009
Another urban Ninja
Would-be Seattle ninja found impaled on metal fenceSEATTLE -- An aspiring ninja learned the hard way that he isn't able to jump a 5-foot fence.
Seattle police said an officer checking out a report of an assault in the 600 block of 7th Avenue late Monday came across a man impaled on top of a metal fence, screaming for help. [...]
"Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities, no doubt bolstered by alcohol," police wrote in a news release.
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News of the News of the Weird
Florida Named Strangest State; NYC & Lincoln, NE Named Strangest CitiesTableseed.com, a new service that helps restaurants get more customers using birthday email clubs, has analyzed nearly 2,000 Associated Press (AP) "strange news" stories that were released in the past year. After segmenting all of the news stories by location, the state of Florida was the runaway winner of Tableseed.com's strangest state award.
Further analysis led to the conclusion that the three strangest cities in the US over the past year were New York City, New York; Lincoln, Nebraska; and Madison, Wisconsin respectively.
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November 17, 2009
Scotch on the rocks
Drink Makers Drill Ice For Scotch Whiskey
Company Drills For 2 Lost Crates Of Mckinlay & Co. WhiskeyWELLINGTON, New Zealand -- A beverage company has asked a team to drill through Antarctica's ice for a lost cache of some vintage Scotch whiskey that has been on the rocks since a century ago.
The drillers will be trying to reach two crates of McKinlay and Co. whiskey that were shipped to the Antarctic by British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton as part of his abandoned 1909 expedition.
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Back to nature
Back-to-nature sex, with vegan condoms and hand-cranked personal vibratorsFor some consumers, good environmental citizenship is important even when choosing among sex accessories. No longer will they tolerate plastic personal vibrators made with the softeners called phthalates; or body lubricants that contain toxic chemicals typically found in, say, antifreeze; or leather restraints from slaughtered cattle. In an October issue, Time magazine described a market of organic lubricants, biodegradable whips and handcuffs, vegan condoms, and glass or mahogany vibrators (even hand-crankable models, eliminating the need for batteries).
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What smells worse than cigars?
Customs officers seize rabbit poo cigsMore than £1 million worth of counterfeit cigarettes filled with rabbit droppings instead of tobacco have been confiscated by customs officials in Spain.
The fake cigarettes - due to be sold on the black market as famous brands - were discovered after British holidaymakers in the Canary Islands smelled a rat whenever they lit up.
"They stunk. They smell just as you'd imagine burning poo to smell," said one customs official in Tenerife.
Police and customs staff arrested 12 smugglers in an undercover operation to intercept the cigarettes as they landed on a boat from China.
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November 16, 2009
It was a very cold day
Safe-for-work photo at the link.
Caught on camera: naked love rival flees furious husbandSun Meng has been given the cold shoulder by his community after the extraordinary picture of him cowering naked outside the flat were posted on the internet.
The terrified 25-year-old fled from the balcony window when he was caught in bed with the man's wife at the married couple's flat in Chengdu, central China.
Photographs of the angry showdown, taken by a startled neighbour, were uploaded to a local community website.
They show Sun perched on the first floor [second-floor in the US. - JdJ] ledge while his lover is confronted by her unnamed husband inside.
"My family is ashamed and none of my own neighbours will talk to me any more," said Sun. [...]
"People are even laughing at how I look naked – but I have to point out it was a very cold day," he added.
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Send this guy to D.C.
Mr. Mahon, the sculptor, that is.
NZ lawmaker sculpted in cow manureWELLINGTON, New Zealand — A sculpture of a New Zealand government minister crafted from cow manure sold for New Zealand dollars 3,080 ($2,220) on an auction Web site. The bust of New Zealand Environment Minister Nick Smith, sculpted as a protest by artist Sam Mahon, attracted 112 bids before being picked up by an anonymous buyer on Friday.
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Choose the blue pill
Colombian chefs unveil Viagra-laced passion fruit dessertA group of young Colombian student chefs have unveiled a new dessert made from passion fruit and Viagra, claiming it had aphrodisiac effects on everybody who has tried it.
"We got the idea four months ago when we were dealing with a nutrition project for older people," Juan Sebastian Gomez said at an international gastronomy fair on Thursday.
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November 14, 2009
Hang up and drive
"A low-flying pelican." Yeah, right.
Bird Sends Million-Dollar Bugatti Into Marsh
Low-Flying Pelican, Dropped Cell Phone To Blame, Man SaysLA MARQUE, Texas -- A man blamed a low-flying pelican and a dropped cell phone for his veering his million-dollar sports car off a road and into a salt marsh near Galveston, Texas.
The accident happened about 3 p.m. Wednesday on the frontage road of Interstate 45 northbound in La Marque, about 35 miles southeast of Houston.
The Lufkin, Texas, man told of driving his luxury, French-built Bugatti Veyron when the bird distracted him, said La Marque police Lt. Greg Gilchrist. The motorist dropped his cell phone, reached to pick it up and veered off the road and into the salt marsh. The car was half-submerged in the brine about 20 feet from the road when police arrived.
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Perfect for those double eagles
Bra unrolls into putting matTOKYO, Nov. 11 (UPI) -- A Japanese lingerie maker said its latest bra caters to women seeking to golf on the go with the capability to unroll into a 5-foot-long putting mat.
Triumph said the Nice Cup in a Bra can be removed and unrolled into a putting mat that says "Nice shot" through a speaker when a ball sinks into the cup, The Daily Telegraph reported Wednesday [...]
Triumph releases novelty bras in Japan twice a year to highlight social trends. Previous releases include a chopstick bra and a mail carrier bra with pockets for letters..
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At least they weren't in his pants
Brit arrested with 1000 live spiders in his luggageA British man has been arrested at Rio de Janeiro airport with 1000 live spiders in his luggage.
The man was nabbed late on Wednesday after security X-rays allegedly showed he was trying to smuggle the spiders out in two suitcases.
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November 12, 2009
Waiting for the bus
Gang of racoons hold up bus for food treatsTheir masked faces give a clue as to their devious ambitions - but this is no stick-up.
This group of critters regularly pull over the No.18 bus to get a bite to eat.
The gaze of raccoons seemingly form an orderly queue to accept snacks from the bus driver as he stops off outside the Legion of Honor museum in San Francisco.
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The Facebook alibi
I’m Innocent. Just Check My Status on Facebook.The message on Rodney Bradford’s Facebook page, posted at 11:49 a.m. on Oct. 17, asked where his pancakes were. The words were typed from a computer in his father’s apartment in Harlem.
At the time, the sentence, written in street slang, was just another navel-gazing, cryptic Facebook status update — meaningless to anyone besides Mr. Bradford. But when Mr. Bradford, 19, was arrested the next day as a suspect in a robbery at the Farragut Houses in Brooklyn, where he lives, the words took on greater importance. They became his alibi.
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