May 20, 2013
Busting Robin Hood
Keene sues six parking meter 'Robin Hoods' who put money in expired metersKEENE - The city has filed a lawsuit against six citizens, part of a group dubbed Robin Hood of Keene that patrols downtown armed with video cameras and pockets full of change to fill expired parking meters.[...]
"They say video recording or talking to them is harassing them, but I don't agree with that," "Robin Hooder" James Cleaveland said of parking enforcement officers. "So they want to establish a safety zone of fifty feet."
Members of the group place cards under windshield wipers that read, "Your meter expired; however, we saved you from the king's tariffs, Robin Hood and his Merry Men. Please consider paying it forward," and includes an address where donations can be sent.
The group says the suit was filed because the city is losing revenue from parking tickets. The city says the activists are harassing its employees.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 18, 2013
Unclear on the concept (3)
Man arrested for 'soliciting prostitute' on HONEYMOON after he leaves bride in hotel so he can meet hooker who is actually a copThe honeymoon is over for Mohammed Ahmed.
The 21-year-old Illinois man was arrested for soliciting a prostitute last week while he was honeymooning with his new wife in Florida. [....]
Ahmed left his newlywed in their room at the Omni Hotel in Champions Gate when he went off on his sojourn to pay for sex.
When he never returned, the worried bride called the sheriff's office to report him missing.
Posted by joke du jour at 11:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 16, 2013
Vigilantes 1, vulgarians 0
Gothamist issues a certificate of commendation.
Heroic Theatergoer Smashes Cell Phone, Gets Thrown OutWe can't count the number of times we've wanted to enact vengeance on some inconsiderate audience member whose cell phone goes off during a performance. But, like most people, we just bottle that fury up deep down inside and take it out on the break room vending machine later. Not Kevin Williamson. Last night the National Review writer was in attendance at the marvelous new musical Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 when one theatergoer's incessant cell phone use finally drove him over the edge... into vigilantism. [...]
Although each table is explicitly told that photography and cell phone use is strictly prohibited during the performance, the people seated around Williamson were, he says, unbearable. "They were carrying on a steady conversation throughout entire show," Williamson, who also writes a theater column for New Criterion, tells us. "They had been quite loud and obnoxious the entire time. There were two groups, one to the left and one to the right who were being loud and disruptive."
During intermission, Williamson's date complained to the theater's management, but he says he didn't personally witness the theater managers admonish the disruptive audience members. And once the performance resumed, the woman sitting to Williamson's right on his bench would not, he says, stop using her cell phone. "It looked like she was Googling or something," Williamson tells us. "So I leaned over and told her it was distracting and told her to put it away. She responded, 'So don't look.' "
Blood boiling, Williamson says he then asked her, sarcastically, "whether there had been a special exemption for her about not using her phone during the play. She told me to mind my own business, and so I took the phone out of her hands. I meant to throw it out the side door, but it hit some curtains instead. I guess my aim's not as good as it should be." Asked if the phone was damaged, Williamson says, "It had to be; I threw it a pretty good distance."
Title comes from Mr. Williams' account of the events.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 15, 2013
Why New Yorkers are so popular
Rich Manhattan moms hire handicapped tour guides so kids can cut lines at Disney WorldThey are 1 percenters who are 100 percent despicable.
Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by hiring disabled people to pose as family members so they and their kids can jump to the front, The Post has learned.
The "black-market Disney guides" run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day.
"My daughter waited one minute to get on 'It's a Small World' — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours," crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 14, 2013
And God is her copilot, I'll bet
North Miami mayoral candidate says she was endorsed by JesusNorth Miami's unpredictable election exploits entered the final day on a divine note: a mayoral candidate claiming she was endorsed by Jesus Christ.
Anna Pierre, who previously said she was a victim of Vodou sorcery, posted the message in a campaign-style flier featured on her Facebook page.
This woman seems to have a lot going on.
Update:
Mayoral candidate in Florida defeated after claiming endorsement by JesusAnna Pierre, a registered nurse, claimed she was endorsed by Jesus Christ, but still finished last among the seven candidates in the North Miami mayor's race.
She didn't have a prayer.
A mayoral candidate in Florida was soundly defeated in her election on Tuesday despite claiming an endorsement by Jesus Christ.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 13, 2013
Senhor Testiculo
Danilo writes, "[H]ere in Brazil this is like a joke. Many people here can't understand how people can think that way. It's like a shame."
Senhor Testiculo (AKA 'Mr. Balls') Is Here To Save Brazilians From Testicular CancerWe've got to hand it to this Brazilian cancer organization: Having a huge testicle as a mascot is pretty ballsy.
"Senhor Testiculo" (aka "Mr. Testicle" or "Mr. Balls"), recently made a very public appearance at an event run by the Associação de Assistência às Pessoas in Viçosa, Brazil. The mascot, which is literally a huge pair of testicles, appears quite cheerful in the numerous pictures from the event. (Just goes to show, you don't have to be testy to represent testicular cancer.)
Picture of this mascot at the link
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 11, 2013
DIY invisibilty
Do-it-yourself invisibility with 3-D printingSeven years ago, Duke University engineers demonstrated the first working invisibility cloak in complex laboratory experiments. Now it appears creating a simple cloak has become a lot simpler.
"I would argue that essentially anyone who can spend a couple thousand dollars on a non-industry grade 3-D printer can literally make a plastic cloak overnight," said Yaroslav Urzhumov, assistant research professor in electrical and computer engineering at Duke's Pratt School of Engineering. [...]
Urzhumov said that producing a cloak in this fashion is inexpensive and easy. He and his team made a small one at Duke which looks like a Frisbee™ disc made out of Swiss cheese. Algorithms determined the location, size and shape of the holes to deflect microwave beams. The fabrication process takes from three to seven hours. [...]
Just like the 2006 cloak, the newer version deflects microwave beams, but researchers feel confident that in the not-so-distant future, the cloak can work for higher wavelengths, including visible light.
Posted by joke du jour at 09:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 06, 2013
Don't it make your brown eyes blue
New laser surgery technique can turn your brown eyes blueOf all the features we notice about a person upon meeting them, their eyes are often the first connection we make. But some people just aren't satisfied with the color of their peepers, wishing their dark corneas away in favor of a pleasant shade of blue. Those unhappy with brown eyes may find just what they're looking for: Laguna Beach doctor Gregg Homer has developed a new procedure that can actually convert brown-colored eyes to blue in just a matter of weeks.
The operation itself is fairly straight forward: Using a laser tuned to a special frequency, the doctor actually alters the cells that produce the brown coloration in the eye. After a few weeks, the darker color begins to fade, revealing the blue pigment underneath. As the doctor explains it, the procedure only works for brown-eyed individuals, as they already have a bluish coloration hiding underneath.
According to Homer, the procedure takes just 20 seconds to complete. [...] Homer and his company, Stroma Medical, have been working on the technology for over a decade, and say it will be available on a consumer basis within three years.
As Dave Barry wrote, "Lasers are amazing devices which emit beams of light powerful enough to vaporize a bulldozer, yet are so precise that they can be used in delicate optical surgery, provided the surgeon remembers to change the setting on the laser to ‘delicate optical surgery’ from ‘vaporize bulldozer'."
Via TYWKIWDBI who references Crystal Gayle's 1977 song.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 02, 2013
Unclear on the concept (2)
Victims take gun from suspects during home invasion, suspects come back asking for their gunEdinburg police continue their search for a man accused of robbing three people early Saturday morning.
Investigators told Action 4 News two men burst into an apartment located on the 1400 block of West Carmen Street around 4:00 Saturday morning and demanded money. [...]
Police said during the robbery the victims were able to get the gun from the suspects; both fled the scene.
The victims called 911 and turned the gun over to police.A few hours later the victims said the suspects came back and asked for their gun back—that is when the victims called police again.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 01, 2013
A little indiscreet, to say the least
She never should have walked the walkSometimes, to make a convincing case for yourself, you have to show as well as tell, walk the walk as well as talk the talk. [...]
Erica Tamburin made the mistake of walking the walk when she ought not have. She participated in the Ogden Newspapers Half Marathon in May 2010, finishing in 2 hours, 43 minutes (50th out of 173).
What would have been a respectable performance for anyone was truly extraordinary for a young woman claiming severe, permanent injuries from a car accident in the Cabela’s parking lot just six months earlier. (Ms. Tamburin was also listed as the first baseman for the HJS coed softball team subsequent to her accident.)
Tamburin filed suit against Cabela’s in 2011, claiming injuries to her head, neck, shoulders, back, chest, arms, body chemistry, and psyche. The exact nature of the injuries to her “body chemistry” and “psyche” is not known.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 30, 2013
Meet Mr. Slick
This cat has to be a crazy smooth talker.
Four female prison guards impregnated by same inmateBALTIMORE Four female prison guards in Baltimore fell pregnant to the same inmate, according to authorities who have busted a major smuggling gang inside the jail system.
Two of the women tattooed the inmate's name on their bodies and he showered three of them with expensive gifts including cars and jewelry.
The four women are among 25 people who face federal charges, including 13 female prison guards, CBS Baltimore reports.
The scheme involved smuggling drugs and cell phones into Baltimore City Detention Center.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 29, 2013
First thing we do...
Let's kill all the lawyers. If you read the woman's feedback you'll see that it's very civil.
Med Express Sues Marginally Dissatisfied Customer For Posting Accurate Feedback On eBayHere's yet another example of companies using lawsuits to censor speech -- a situation that would be stopped if there was a serious federal anti-SLAPP law in place. Paul Levy shares the incredible story of a company called "Med Express," an Ohio company, who appears to sell various medical equipment exclusively via eBay (there are other "Med Express" companies out there from what I can tell). One buyer, in South Carolina, purchased something, but was disappointed by the fact that the product arrived postage due. The woman noted it wasn't the fact that she had to pay, just the inconvenience of having to pay to get the delivery when it wasn't expected. In response, she left negative feedback on Med Express' eBay page.
While Med Express did express regret (while noting that some other customers had seen the same problem) and offered to reimburse the postage due, it also asked her to remove the negative review. However, as she noted, it wasn't the money issue, but the inconvenience, so she decided to leave her feedback up. At this point, Med Express and its lawyer, James Amodio, apparently decided that if she didn't like "inconvenience" it would subject her to more inconvenience and sued her for defamation in state court in Ohio and sought a temporary restraining order against eBay to block the review. While that failed, apparently the judge is allowing a hearing to happen for a preliminary injunction even though (as Levy points out) the same reason the TRO was rejected should apply to any preliminary injunction.
Amazingly, the complaint directly lays out the pretty clear fact that it's suing her for not removing a truthful review. They don't even attempt to argue that she said anything false or defamatory. Just that they feel she shouldn't have complained since they offered to reimburse.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 26, 2013
Hello there, sailor!
US sailor thwarts Dubai bus driver rapistAn off-duty US navy sailor wrestled a bus driver to the ground and beat him into submission after he attempted to rape her at knife point, a court heard yesterday.
Prosecutors said that she knocked the knife from his hand, broke it in two, bit him in the hand, forced him to the ground and locked him between her thighs.
The woman, 28, was on 24-hour shore leave in Dubai and was attacked as she returned to the port where she was based after a day shopping.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 25, 2013
There's an app for that (11)
The population of Iceland is only ~320, 000 people.
Iceland students create 'Incest Spoiler' Android appREYKJAVíK, Iceland, April 22 (UPI) -- Three University of Iceland students said the smartphone app they designed is meant to prevent people from accidentally dating their cousins.
On the other hand, here are 31 famous people who married a first cousin.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 24, 2013
Banzai!
Samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishop comes to aid of woman being attackedA Samurai sword-wielding Mormon bishop helped a neighbor woman escape a Tuesday morning attack by a man who had been stalking her.
Kent Hendrix woke up Tuesday to his teenage son pounding on his bedroom door and telling him somebody was being mugged in front of their house. The 47-year-old father of six rushed out the door and grabbed the weapon closest to him -- a 29-inch high carbon steel Samurai sword.
He came upon what he describes as a melee between a woman and a man. His son stayed inside to call 911 while he approached the man along with other neighbors who came to help. The martial arts instructor didn't hesitate in drawing the sword and yelling at him to get on the ground.
"His eyes got as big as saucers and he kind of gasped and jumped back," Hendrix said by phone Tuesday afternoon.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Sounds like it's a contender
Is this the shortest TV career in history?The weekend new anchor who started his new job by swearing live on air with his first words has been let go today by his news station in North Dakota.
KFYR news anchor A.J. Clemente opened up on air by saying 'F****** s***' into his live microphone, leaving his co-anchor dumbfounded.
Sadly though for Clemente, KFYRTV fired him today after less than 24-hours in the job and Clemente took to Twitter to say, 'Unfortunately KFYRTV has decided to let me go. Thank you to them and everyone in ND for the opportunity and everyone for the support.'
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 23, 2013
Like flies to honey, I'll bet
Customers flock to topless barber shopA Brisbane barber shop says it is attracting customers from hundreds of miles away - after offering topless trims.
It claims that customers travel from as far as Townesville - 850 miles away - for a short back and sides.
The scantily-clad barbers also offer scalp massages, brow waxing, blow dries and a shave with a cut-throat razor.
Owner operator Jasmine Robson said all her stylists were fully qualified hairdressers.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 22, 2013
Now that's a phat one
Video shows UC Santa Cruz police confiscating 2-pound joint from 4/20 partyA video posted to the Internet shows police on the University of California, Santa Cruz campus confiscating what is described as a 2-pound marijuana joint Saturday.
According to various accounts on the Internet, the incident happened at an annual event that marks April 20, or 4/20, numbers which have become associated with smoking marijauna.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 19, 2013
Good morning!
Boy, 16, charged with assault for urinating in school staffroom coffee pot after teachers report strange 'chemical taste'A 16-year-old Missouri boy has been charged with assault after allegedly urinating into his teachers' staffroom coffee pot.
The unidentified boy is accused of being caught on camera sneaking into the room at Central High School, St Joseph, and urinating into the glass container.
After three weeks of investigation and watching surveillance video from a hidden staffroom camera, headteacher Melody Smith said staff identified a possible culprit and notified police.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 18, 2013
Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail
When Dinner Has a Gleam in Its EyeBEIJING — Bundled up on a wind-whipped day, about 30 people lined up outside a restaurant takeout window here, waiting for rabbit heads.
For guests in the main dining room, a video explained how to eat the fist-size heads. Su Yong, the restaurant's enthusiastic chef and star of the video, demonstrated by pulling open the rabbit's mouth and separating the jaw from the skull before splitting the jawbone in two and sucking off the succulent meat. In case there was any confusion, brochures with diagrams rested on each table.
Mr. Su is a sort of rabbit head evangelist, drawing celebrities to his restaurant, Old Street Rabbit, to help drum up crowds. He holds aloft one half of a tiny jawbone, explaining that it can be employed as a pick, and then uses the incisor to scoop out an eye, window to the bunny's soul.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 17, 2013
Self-contempt
Judge holds self in contempt for his smartphoneIONIA, Mich. (AP) — A Michigan judge whose smartphone disrupted a hearing in his own courtroom has held himself in contempt and paid $25 for the infraction.
Judge Raymond Voet has a posted policy at Ionia County 64A District Court stating that electronic devices causing a disturbance during court sessions will result in the owner being cited with contempt, the Sentinel-Standard of Ionia and MLive.com reported.
On Friday afternoon, during a prosecutor's closing argument as part of a jury trial, Voet's new smartphone began to emit sounds requesting phone voice commands. Voet said he thinks he bumped the phone, and the embarrassment likely left his face red.
"I'm guessing I bumped it. It started talking really loud, saying 'I can't understand you. Say something like Mom,'" he said. [...]
Over the years, the judge whose court is about 110 miles northwest of Detroit has taken phones away from police officers, attorneys, witnesses, spectators and friends. During a break in the trial, Voet held himself in contempt, fined himself and paid the fine.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 16, 2013
That description isn't much of a recommendation
Elephant Dung Beer Sounds Grosser Than It TastesLast year, the first elephant dung coffee debuted on the scene at a whopping $1,100 per kilogram. Don't worry, the coffee doesn't actually taste like feces, but rather like an earthy and smooth blend. It just happens to be made from beans that passed through an elephant's digestive tract.
This month, Sankt Gallen, a Japanese brewery, decided to take the elephant dung "trend" one step further by creating elephant dung beer. According to RocketNews24, Sankt Gallen debuted the brew on April Fools' Day, and it sold out within minutes.
The beer, titled "Un, Kono Kuro" -- a pun on "unko," the Japanese word for "crap" -- is a coffee stout made with elephant dung coffee beans.
A contributor to RocketNews24 got his hands on a few bottles and seemed quite taken with the creation. "For some time after I could still feel as if my body was saturated with that warm scent," he wrote. "Luckily there were two more bottles left."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 15, 2013
Straight out of Tom Sawyer
Chinese undertaker offering fake funerals for the livingLast month, 24 pretend funerals were held at the Shimenfeng Celebrity Culture Park cemetery in the Chinese city of Wuhan.
"It was the first time we ever offered this kind of service," said Zhang Bei, the mortuary's 30-year-old "cemetery designer", who argued the experience could help people better appreciate their lives.
The fake funerals were the brainchild of Zeng Jia, a 20-year-old student, who became the first to lie down in a coffin during her fake wake at the end of March.
Ms Zeng, who is studying to be an undertaker, said she had come up with the idea after a relative suffered a brain haemorrhage and died in 2011. "I was so touched by this incident," she said.
Workers at the cemetery were initially confused by Ms Zeng's idea but were eventually convinced.
"We were really surprised but found [the concept] new and interesting," said Ms Zhang.
Despite the absence of genuine cadavers, Ms Zhang said the funeral services were realistic, involving coffins, floral bouquets, mourners, photographers and even emotion-packed speeches from friends of the 'deceased'. [...]
"The atmosphere is quite light-hearted, just like a party," said Ms Zhang.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 11, 2013
Immune to his meds, it sounds like
Man who faked diplomatic immunity sent to prisonSALT LAKE CITY — An Ogden man who pleaded guilty to charges stemming from falsely claiming diplomatic immunity during a traffic stop and then billing police and other government agencies $53 trillion in damages is headed to prison for three years.
A federal judge sentenced 55-year-old Harvey Douglas Goff on Monday. [...]
Court documents show that the 55-year-old Goff told police that he had diplomatic immunity during a traffic stop about two years ago and then demanded $53 trillion in damages.
When he wasn't paid, he filed liens on 77 parcels of land in Weber County. Some of them included personal property of government officials.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 10, 2013
And now he has some real problems
Police: Wedding ring pawned to pay hookerGREENWOOD, S.C., April 4 (UPI) -- Police in South Carolina said they arrested a man who allegedly admitted to pawning his wedding ring to pay a prostitute.
The Greenwood Police Department said an officer pulled over a vehicle in an area known to be frequented by prostitutes and drug dealers [...] WYFF-TV, Greenville, S.C., reported Thursday.
The driver, Marvin Holmes II, 33, allegedly told the officer he decided to pick up a prostitute because he was having problems with his wife.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 05, 2013
See scenic North Korea
North Korea tourism 'booming' despite war threatsA handful of state-sanctioned travel operators have been guiding tourists through the otherwise secretive North Korea for several years now, and they say business is booming despite the nation's recent threats of nuclear war against neighbouring South Korea and the U.S.
"All [our] sources are saying that this is just the latest — notably a particularly big wave — but still just another wave" of anti-Western sentiment, Richie Fenner, a 23-year-old Brit who has visited North Korea 20 times, told CBC News. [...]
"You definitely feel you're somewhere very, very different to anywhere else you've been before," he says. So he invested in YPT and came on board as a guide for the company whose tagline is: "Adventure travel to destinations your mother would rather you stayed away from."
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 04, 2013
Nice work if you can get it (10)
'Tall white foreigner from Wales singing songs about communism' is hit in ChinaIain Inglis, 30, shot to fame after singing traditional communist revolutionary songs while dressed in a Red Army uniform.
The university lecturer made it to the semi-finals of the show [China's Got Talent - JdJ] and now performs for up to £5,000 a night.
"I'm a tall, white foreigner from Wales singing songs about communism in Chinese," Mr Inglis, from Cardiff, said. "It was a bit of fun to start off with but the more performances I did, the more I was hooked. For some reason the Chinese people seem to find it quite hilarious."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 03, 2013
How cool would this be?
Too bad it's an April Fools joke
Virgin Atlantic Launches World's First-Ever Glass-Bottomed PlaneAs you may have seen in the national press, after nearly 30 years of providing the ultimate long-haul flying experience, Virgin Atlantic and our founder Richard Branson are once again flying in the face of ordinary by announcing the creation of a world first in aircraft innovation. This technological innovation coincides with the start of our first ever domestic service, Little Red.
Today we've announced that our world-class engineering crew have been secretly working on the design and production of the world's first-ever glass-bottomed plane, created to ensure passengers can enjoy both an unparalleled flying experience, as well as a selection of stunning landscapes from the comfort of their seats.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 02, 2013
Another Darwin Award nominee
Man hurt flying kite from moving vehicle in Calif.RIVERSIDE, Calif. -- A 22-year-old man was critically hurt in Southern California when he fell off the trunk of a car while attempting to fly a kite from the moving vehicle. [...]
Authorities say the car's driver wasn't injured and alcohol was not involved.
H.T. Carol
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 01, 2013
Getting around in Moscow
Wealthy Russians hiring ambulances to cut through Moscow trafficWe're not sure how widespread the practice is, but the option is apparently out there: Russian police have discovered companies on the Internet offering rides in "ambulance-taxis" through notoriously bad Moscow traffic. For roughly 6,000 rubles per hour – about $193 US, which doesn't sound like much for a wealthy Russian – the 'customer' will get to cut through gridlock in an ambulance with flashing lights and the proper paint scheme outside but a refitted, leather-lined interior.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 27, 2013
I wonder what they charge for window-shopping?
This won't end well...
Store Charges Customers $5 'Just Looking' Fee To Combat ShowroomingThere's a store in Australia that really hates it when its customers walk around the store without buying anything.
Redditor BarrettFox posted a pic of a sign informing shoppers of a new fee at a specialty food store in Brisbane.
It's $5 for "just looking."
The fee exists to stop people from "showrooming" — which occurs when a customer looks at items in a physical store, then makes the purchase online.
The sign assures that you'll have the five dollars deducted from the final purchase price, so you'll get your money back if you buy something.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 26, 2013
Scrapping the breathalyzers
This was first mentioned about 6 weeks ago.
Irish Town Legalizes Drinking and DrivingLaw allows people to "to drive home from their nearest pub after having two or three drinks on little-used roads driving at very low speeds."
The Irish town of Kilgarvan passed a law this winter that allows members of its community to drink and drive.
Proposed by local pub owner and politician Danny Healy-Rae, the motion allows people who live in country areas to have a few beers before they drive home.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 25, 2013
Earworm cure
Get that tune out of your head - scientists find how to get rid of earwormsThey are the songs you cannot get out of your head. Now scientists may have found a way to help anyone plagued by those annoying tunes that lodge themselves inside our heads and repeat on an endless loop.
Researchers claim the best way to stopping the phenomenon, sometimes known as earworms – where snippets of a catchy song inexplicably play like a broken record in your brain – is to solve some tricky anagrams.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 22, 2013
It took 4 years?
There's got to be more to this story.
Taiwanese Woman Stifles Snicker, Divorces Man After Discovering Underwhelming EndowmentA Taiwanese couple, a 55-year old man and 52-year old woman, have divorced after four years living in separate apartments following the woman's wedding night discovery that her new husband's member appeared to have a severe case of dwarfism.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 21, 2013
Snowy street art in Germany
Snow sculpture car gets parking ticketTraffic wardens slipped up in Germany when they left a parking ticket - on a full-sized snow sculpture of a Volkswagen Beetle.
Pranksters had built the car overnight in a no-parking zone in Aachen, complete with outlines for its headlights, windscreens and even the distinctive VW badge on the bonnet.
"It was incredibly realistic looking. It looked like you could get into it and drive away once you'd swept the snow off," said one local.
Via The Presurfer
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 19, 2013
I tawt I taw a puddy tat
Image of this late feline at the site.
'Bad taste' cat-skin rug auction upsets animal advocatesThe sale of a stuffed cat as a taxidermic skin rug has upset animal advocates who say the TradeMe auction is in bad taste and disturbing.
The ginger tabby is being sold online as a "great little gift for the man-cave". Bids close tonight at 8pm.
Tauranga taxidermist Andrew Lancaster found the cat on the Napier-Taupo highway last month.
"I thought 'that's a pretty nice looking cat', did a u-turn and picked it up." He thought the cat must have been "run straight over" as there was no broken skin, but bruising inside.
"There's been about 2500 views. I usually get 100 views a week on some of my other items," he said.
Mr Lancaster's typical stuffed possums usually sold for about $70. By last night, $251 had already been bid for the cat.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 18, 2013
Panda see, pando do
'Panda porn' gets a surprising number of Google hits (surprising to me, at least).
Panda porn pays off for conservationistsConservationists are cock-a-hoop in China after a shy pair of pandas successfully mated after watched a 'wildlife porn' video.
Vets at the Panda Breeding and Research Base in Chengdu, Sichuan province, were worried when inexperienced five-year-old female Colin kept rejecting her mate,Yongyong.
So they played the played the pair a film of pandas doing what comes naturally to show them what they should be up to. [...]
"So we played them the film and she took great interest in it. After that there was no stopping her and they mated successfully."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 14, 2013
D'oh! (6)
CNN host suggests link between asteroid, global warmingCNN anchor Deb Feyerick suggested Saturday afternoon that global warming may extend further than our globe. [...]
"We want to bring in our science guy, Bill Nye, and talk about something else that's falling from the sky, and that is an asteroid," the anchor said. "What's coming our way? Is this the effect of, perhaps, global warming? Or is this just some meteoric occasion?"
Via TYWKIWDBI
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 13, 2013
Tough times in Oklahoma
Levity may not be appropriate but this could be the basis of a really funny C&W song.
Woman Tries to Sell Kids on FacebookMisty VanHorn, 22, of Sallisaw, Oklahoma, was arrested on Saturday for attempting to sell her 10-month-old daughter and 2-year-old son on Facebook, according to The Sequoyah County Times, which reported the news over the weekend. She is being held on $40,000 bail.
After posting a number of offers on Facbeook, VanHorn made contact over the network with a woman in nearby Fort Smith, Arkansas, to whom she offered to sell the 10-month-old for $1,000, or both children together for $4,000. She later spoke to the woman over the phone in an effort to seal the deal, telling her she needed the money to bail her boyfriend out of jail. [...]
Although you might think selling your children would be illegal in all 50 states, it's by no means clear that this is actually the case. In Mississippi, it was technically legal to sell your children until 2009, when the state legislature passed a law in response to a 2008 case.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 11, 2013
Yeah, that'll work
...though probably not as well as an S&W M&P9.
Guerilla knitting in Leicester 'to reduce crime fear'Hundreds of pom-poms and knitted items have been strung from trees and lampposts to help reduce the fear of crime in an area of Leicester.
Leicestershire Police hope the "guerilla knitting" or "yarn bombing" will encourage more people to use Bede Park and Great Central Way.
Some of the park's users told BBC Radio Leicester the items - including tree warmers - do not make them feel safer.
But criminologist Charlotte Bilby said they could have a positive effect.
Ms Bilby, a senior lecturer in criminology at Northumbria University, said: "I think that making an area look cosier certainly makes an area feel safer.
"If you see something that makes you smile, that makes you think that other people have enjoyed being in that space and have done something funny, something silly in that place, then that's going to change your perception about what it is to be in Bede Park."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 08, 2013
New meaning for the phrase 'Bite me!'
You Can Make Gummy Bear Versions of YourselfSomewhere in between the honor of getting a bronze statue of yourself and the shame of re-creating your sexual organs in plastic is this awesome gummy bear yourself service. You can basically create a gummy replica of yourself to eat. It looks absolutely delicious.
FabCafe in Japan is offering the service for approximately $65 (6,000 Yen), which sounds like a complete steal to me. It's apparently a 2-part process that requires a 3D body scanner and a lot of gummy colors.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 07, 2013
The hot spots in Idaho
Walmart: The place to go for milk, toiletries ... a new girlfriend?"You caught my eye in the bottled water aisle": The Craigslist section called "missed connections," where people write about fleeting glances, brief flirtations and love-at-first-sight magic, is the loneliest, most hopeful corner of the Internet.
Idaho's hot spot: Based on tallies, the local Walmart store is a popular place for Idahoans to pine for strangers. That's according to an analysis published in the February issue of Psychology Today.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 06, 2013
All dressed down and no place to go
Half-naked woman, 28, 'flees scene of DUI crash at her trailer park home in child's battery-operated toy truck'An intoxicated woman tried to flee the scene of a car accident in a child's toy truck, authorities said on Tuesday.
Jamie Craft, 28, was reportedly drunk when she slammed her car into the side of a trailer home in Jonesboro, Arkansas.
Craft, who was not wearing any pants, then tried to escape the scene by jumping in a child's battery-powered dumper truck which has a top speed of 5mph.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 05, 2013
Pure genius (2)
Brooklyn man fakes his own kidnapping to explain two-week absence to girlfriendA Brooklyn man faked his own kidnapping because he was terrified of his lover's wrath.
Rahmell Pettway, 36, told cops he spent two weeks away from his Bedford-Stuyvesant home — and then staged the crime to explain his absence to his girlfriend.
But his poorly executed plan unraveled when the cops who found him hog-tied in the street noticed the roll of duct tape still dangling from his wrists.
He eventually came clean, and was arrested for filing a false report.
"He's a total moron," said one law-enforcement source. "It was a pathetic attempt to pull the wool [over] her eyes."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 04, 2013
No good deed goes unpunished?
Cypress HS student suspended for disarming gunman?FORT MYERS, Fla. - A 16-year-old Cypress Lake High School student, who wrestled a loaded revolver away from a teen threatening to shoot, is being punished.
The student grappled the gun away from the 15-year-old suspect on the bus ride home Tuesday after witnesses say he aimed the weapon point blank at another student and threatened to shoot him.
The student, who Fox 4 has agreed not to identify and distort his voice because he fears for his safety, says there's "no doubt" he saved a life by disarming the gunman. And for that he was suspended for three days.
"I think he was really going to shoot him right then and there," the student said. "Not taking no pity." [...]
According to the referral, he was suspended for being part of an "incident" where a weapon was present and given an "emergency suspension."
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 28, 2013
Drinking to their health
Massachusetts man drinking his way across the state for a good causeIf you need a good reason to have a beer at 9:30 in the morning, Todd Ruggere has one.
"I'm drinking a Sam Adams in all 351 towns in Massachusetts and I'm doing it for charity," Ruggere said.
His latest stop was in Waltham at the Tempo Bistro.
And with each swig, he's raising money for Dana Farber and the Jimmy Fund to help with children's cancer research.
"I've always wanted to raise money for it and never really had a good idea, and I came up with this idea and everyone seems to love it," Ruggere said.
His mission: one beer a day at a different bar, in a different Massachusetts town.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 26, 2013
The lottery party was a blast
Brothers celebrate lottery win by blowing up houseTwo brothers who were celebrating a $75,000 winning lottery ticket by purchasing marijuana and meth accidentally blew up their house on Friday, said Sgt. Bruce Watts of the Wichita Police Department.
The explosion sent one of the brothers – a 27-year-old – to the hospital, where he remains in serious but stable condition with second-degree burns on his hands, arms and chest.
The other brother was sent to jail, Watts said.
The brothers were in a house in the 100 block of North Nevada Court, near Douglas and West Street, about 7 p.m. Friday, Watts said. One of the brothers went to the kitchen to refuel the butane torches they planned to use to light their bongs. He emptied a couple of large cans of butane lighter fluid, leaking butane into the air.
"The butane vapor reached the pilot light in the furnace, and as you might expect, ka-boom," Watts said.
The victim was wearing a lottery T-shirt during the explosion.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 25, 2013
She's got legs, she knows how to use them
'Absolute territory'... heh.
Young Japanese Women Rent Out Their Bare Legs as Advertising SpaceA good way to make sure your advertisement gets plenty of exposure is to place it where a lot of people are looking. With this important marketing rule in mind, one Japanese advertising service is offering brands a novel way to raise awareness to their business – placing advertising stickers on the bare thighs of young girls.
[...] Japanese PR company Absolute Territory PR has begun paying young women to wear advertising stickers on their "absolute territory" – the part of their thighs between the edge of their miniskirts and their high socks. Apparently this area of the female thigh is very popular with Japanese men, as evidenced by the fact that it even has its own Facebook page.
But wait! There's more...
Farmer Uses Sheep as Living BillboardsEnglish farmer, James Metcalfe, has brought a whole new meaning to the term "branding", after using his sheep to advertise a business venture.
After authorities denied his request to erect billboards near the A1 highway, because they could distract drivers, Metcalfe, from Dalton, North Yorkshier, decided to advertise his turf company using 20 of his sheep as living banners. Sheep marker comes in spray cans so it was quite easy to write Tyas Turf on the oblivious animals, and since the fields they graze on are right next to the A1, they're just as good as any billboards.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 23, 2013
Value is subjective
Vintage porn? I think it's funny that people add up their costs for something and then call that the value of the thing.
Earlie Johnson's vintage porn collection stolenMUSKEGON, Mich. (WZZM) - A lakeshore man says it's taken him years, and thousands of dollars to assemble the collection of vintage pornography stolen from his house.
Earlie Johnson says he arrived home Tuesday afternoon to find his back door was kicked in. Three flat-screen TVs were taken, along with his stockpile of DVDs. [...]
Angela Morton, Johnson's fiancé says she first realized the adult film collection was missing. "I went in the bedroom and I told him 'oh you really getting ready to be mad.' He said why? I said 'all your porn is gone,'" said Morton.
"I had a sinking felling because my porn collection is valuable, man," Johnson told WZZM 13.
Johnson collects rare performances by black adult film stars that were difficult for him to find and impossible to replace. He says the stolen pornography collection is worth $7,500, much more than the televisions that were taken.
H.T. Paul B
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 21, 2013
There's an app for that (10)
Ghost writer: New app to keep you tweeting after deathA new application will soon allow users to keep posting Twitter updates from beyond the grave, independently using intricate knowledge of your online character to create a virtual continuation of your personality after you die.
"When your heart stops beating, you'll keep tweeting," says the new application's tagline.
'LivesOn' will let users pursue 'life after death' on their social media profiles, letting the deceased communicate with loved ones. LivesOn will keep posting after you kick the bucket, following the example of the DeadSocial platform.
[...] The service will utilize advanced analysis of your main Twitter feed, to carefully select appropriate subjects, likes, or articles that would have been likely to interest you, posting them on your behalf for your friends to read.
[...] Users of LivesOn can even nominate an 'executor' to their LivesOn will, who will decide whether to keep the account 'live'.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 20, 2013
Nice work if you can get it (9)
5 Bizarre Workers' Comp Claims That Were Actually Successful#5. A Woman Breaks a Lamp With Her Face Mid-Coitus
In 2007, an Australian woman filed for workers' compensation benefits after being hit in the face by a lamp that she ripped from the wall while having violent sex in a hotel room on a business trip (this is the only kind of sex that is ever had in hotel rooms).
Her employers initially rejected the claim, as well they should have, on the grounds that sex was "not an ordinary incident of an overnight stay." However, a federal judge overturned the decision, arguing that "no approval, express or implied, of the respondent's conduct was required."
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 19, 2013
Yeah, quantum mechanics is weird but...
Prof Strips, Shows 9/11 Footage, Impales Stuffed Animal (VIDEO)A science professor at Columbia University on Monday began a quantum mechanics lecture by stripping into his boxers and eating a banana while rap music played in the background.
Then it got weird.
The professor, Emlyn Hughes, proceeded to redress himself in black, complete with sunglasses, and hug himself on stage at the front of the classroom, a large theater.
As Hughes sat in the fetal position, two "actors" dressed in ninja costumes walked onstage and placed white stuffed animals – lambs – on stools before the audience, according to a student-recorded video of the incident posted on Vimeo.com by "Bwog," a campus news website run by Columbia students.
The ninjas blindfolded the lambs, then a ninja impaled one of the stuffed animals with a long sword and banged it against the stool – right as an image of a plane hitting one of the Twin Towers on 9/11 started rolling on a large screen behind the performance.
H.T. Jeff G
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 18, 2013
Pants optional. Dash cams not.
Why Almost Everyone in Russia Has a Dash CamHow is it possible that a dozen different motorists around the Russian city of Chelyabinsk were able to capture video of a massive meteor flying through the sky? Because almost everyone in Russia has a dash-mounted video camera in their car.
The sheer size of the country, combined with lax — and often corrupt — law enforcement, and a legal system that rarely favors first-hand accounts of traffic collisions has made dash cams all but a requirement for motorists.
"You can get into your car without your pants on, but never get into a car without a dash cam," Aleksei Dozorov, a motorists' rights activist in Russia told Radio Free Europe last year.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 15, 2013
Special delivery (3)
This College Student Founded A Startup Delivering Emergency Condoms On CampusBy day, Kyle McCabe is a sophomore student at the College of New Jersey in Ewing Township.
By night, he's the president of his very own startup called "Condam," which is short for "Condom Ambulance."
McCabe describes Condam as an "emergency contraceptive delivery service" – hence the flashing siren on his head during deliveries.
Students can place orders online at Condam.net, and they can choose from a wide selection of condom types and flavors.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 14, 2013
I'll bet you didn't know
The world's most experienced penis reattachment surgeons can be found in Thailand..."... where, during the 1970s, an estimated one hundred vengeful Thai wives, spurred by media coverage of a prominent 1973 case, sliced off the penises of their adulterous husbands as they slept. [...] The most serious complication, in the Thai attacks, was infection. Two of the wives flushed the penises down the toilet, forcing their husbands to grope for their lost manhood inside the septic tank. (Incredibly, both were found, cleaned, cleaned some more, and reattached.) More commonly, the women would hurl the penis out the window. In the cases described in 'Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam,' all the recovered penises were 'grossly contaminated.' Better that than eaten by livestock. Many rural Thai homes are elevated on pilings, with the family's pigs, chickens, and ducks tending to mill about seeking shade in the space underneath. It is not, oddly, the pigs, but rather the ducks, that the castrated Thai must worry about. The paper does not provide the exact number of penises eaten by ducks, but the author says there have been enough over the years to prompt the coining of a popular saying: 'I better get home or the ducks will have something to eat.'"
Via Althouse (with a tip o' the hat to Jeff G).
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 13, 2013
You'll never guess where this happened (2)
Unicorns' Existence Proven, Says North KoreaYou can be forgiven for thinking that unicorns only exist in medieval fables and modern-day cartoons. North Korean scientists say you are wrong.
On Thursday, the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), the North Korea's government mouthpiece, said scientists "reconfirmed" the location of the burial site of the unicorn ridden by King Dongmyeong, the founding father of the ancient Korean kingdom of Goguryeo (37 BC-668 AD).
The unicorn's grave was rediscovered near a temple in the capital Pyongyang, with a rectangular rock engraved with the words 'Unicorn Lair' at its entrance, according to the report. The report did not elaborate on what further evidence of the royal unicorn's existence was discovered.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 12, 2013
You'll never guess where this happened
Kerry Councillors call for permits to allow rural drink-drivingKerry County Councillors have backed a motion calling for a permit system to be introduced which would allow rural people drink in moderation and drive.
The motion from Councillor Danny Healy-Rae was passed this afternoon 5 votes to 3 with the remainder of the 27 councillors either absent from the vote or abstaining.
Councillor Healy-Rae is calling on the Minister for Justice to bring in legislation which would allow Gardai issue permits to people living in isolated rural areas.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 11, 2013
It's raining spiders
Think Nemo's Bad? In Brazil It's Raining SpidersWhat's that? You're worried about a little snow falling on your head? How adorable.
Meanwhile, in Brazil, it's raining spiders.
Footage posted online yesterday shows thousands of spiders "falling from the sky" in the southern Brazilian town of Santo Antônio da Platina.
Video at the link
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 07, 2013
An unusual choice for a weapon
Death by cunnilingusLook, I do not relish making light of attempted murder. But sometimes you just need to write about a really crazy attempted murder.
A Brazilian woman has been accused of trying to kill her husband by putting poison in her vagina and asking him to have oral sex with her.
The intended victim — identified only as a 43-year-old man from Sao de Jose Rio Preto – knew something was going on when he noticed an unfamiliar odor coming from his wife's freshly poisoned nether region.
But here's the thing about vaginas, as this woman soon learned: They are very porous.
Realizing that his wife was probably absorbing a majority of the poison she had intended to kill him with, he brought her to the hospital and saved her life.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 06, 2013
Presidential Monsters
Action figures of some US Presidents as Hollywood monsters.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 05, 2013
Tag!
It Takes Planning, Caution to Avoid Being 'It'
Group of Men Have Played Game of Tag for 23 Years; Hiding in Bushes, CarsEarlier this month, Brian Dennehy started a new job as chief marketing officer of Nordstrom Inc. In his first week, he pulled aside a colleague to ask a question: How hard it is for a nonemployee to enter the building?
Mr. Dennehy doesn't have a particular interest in corporate security. He just doesn't want to be "It."
Mr. Dennehy and nine of his friends have spent the past 23 years locked in a game of "Tag."
It started in high school when they spent their morning break darting around the campus of Gonzaga Preparatory School in Spokane, Wash. [...]
The game they play is fundamentally the same as the schoolyard version: One player is "It" until he tags someone else. But men in their 40s can't easily chase each other around the playground, at least not without making people nervous, so this tag has a twist. There are no geographic restrictions and the game is live for the entire month of February. The last guy tagged stays "It" for the year.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 04, 2013
Zen of profanity
F**k It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Cash & carry
Bank Robber Uses Test Drive as Get-AwayMANTECA–
It's was a Chrysler 5th Avenue with only 64,000 miles for $2,200. One sweet ride. But police say when Gail Castle came to buy a Manteca man's car, she took him on a trip he will never forget.
"She said 'would you trust me to drive the car?' I said I wouldn't trust you to back it out of the driveway," said the Manteca man who didn't want to be identified.
They both got in the car, for what the man thought was going to be a short drive down the block. But he says Castle eventually asked him to take her to the bank, where she would get the cash to buy the car.
He did, taking Castle to the Bank of America in downtown Manteca. The bank was crowded, so the man says he was surprised when Castle came out just a few minutes later, flashing him a purse stuffed with bills.
They headed back to the man's home to complete the deal. But they only got so far.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 31, 2013
Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here
Japanese Restaurant Uses Dirt as the Main Ingredient for Its Expensive DishesWhile most chefs work hard to make sure no dirt winds up in their food, at French restaurant Ne Quittez Pas, in Tokyo, Japan, dirt is actually used as a key ingredient.
Mind you, this isn't just any kind of dirt. It's a special black soil from Kanuma, Tochigi Prefecture, that's actually been tested for safety, but it's still the thing most people use to grow plants in. So how did dirt wind up on the menu of this respectable venue? Apparently, Chef Toshio Tanabe once won a cooking competition with his signature dirt sauce, and from that point on he put together an entire menu based on the unusual ingredient. Now the restaurant is offering dishes priced as high as $110 with Kanuma dirt in them.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 29, 2013
There's an app for that (7)
Penis-Measuring iPhone App Promises to Quantify Your ShortcomingsHere's an entry that's likely to get booted from Apple's App Store, but not before it leaves a trail of insecurity in its wake—the Condom Size app from VSM Enterprises, which claims to accurately measure not just the length of the male penis but also its girth.
Talk about a real junk app, am I right?
But seriously, Condom Size is billed as a useful, ahem, tool that helps men can select the proper-sized condoms for their particular brand of equipment. And that's all it will ever be used for, we're quite sure.
(What that app needs is this -- definitely NSFW -- tune.)
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 28, 2013
Real woman of genius
Prostitution suspect lured into police HQSALEM -- The Civic Center in Salem looks like a nondescript building on the outside. It's the hub for city business that includes the police department.
"There's signs all over the Civic Center directing you to the police department," said Lt. Dave Okada.
Apparently those signs are not very visible. Two weeks ago, according to Okada, a detective on the street crimes unit posed as a "John" on line. He met a Portland woman who agreed to come to Salem and perform sex acts with the officers in exchange for money. [...]
That is where police arrested Smith. She missed several signs indicating she was at the actual police department. She walked by three uniformed officers.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 26, 2013
+10 for style
Knox woman leads deputies on lengthy pursuit, crash; never drops her beerKNOXVILLE — Despite allegedly striking a deputy's cruiser head-on, then running it off the road and leading authorities on 10-minute chase spanning two counties before crashing, she apparently never dropped her beer.
Trishia Moody, 26, of Knoxville, is charged with first offense DUI and a host of other offenses following the Monday night debacle, according to the Knox County Sheriff's Office.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 25, 2013
A real desperado
Boy fakes own kidnapping to stop parents from meeting teacherIt probably seemed like a good idea at the time. An 11-year-old Spanish boy faked his own kidnapping, according to the U.K.'s Guardian, because his mom and dad were set to meet his teacher later that day—and he didn't want to be around for the aftermath.
Needless to say, things didn't go as planned. The boy sent a text message to his father—a police officer in the northern town of Xinzo de Limia—saying he had been kidnapped and stuffed in the back of a car. His father called him immediately. The boy said he didn't know where he was being taken. He then faked phone static and hung up. Chaos ensued. [...]
The boy apparently had been terrified about the parent-teacher conference. "The child's poor school scores in recent weeks appear to explain a form of behavior that no one in Xinzo could understand," the Guardian said, explaining the quote was from a report in Spain's Voz de Galicia newspaper.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 24, 2013
The Shovel Fairy
Cleaning Fairy' busted while shovelingELYRIA, Ohio, Jan. 23 (UPI) -- Police in Ohio said a woman previously arrested for breaking into homes to clean them was arrested while shoveling strangers' driveways.
Elyria Police said they responded to a report of a "suspicious female" shoveling a home's driveway without permission Tuesday and they arrived to find Susan Warren, 53, WOIO-TV, Cleveland, reported Wednesday.
Warren was dubbed "The Cleaning Fairy" when she was busted in November 2012 for allegedly breaking into a house and cleaning it, leaving behind a handwritten bill for $75.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 23, 2013
It's news to me too
Cheese fire causes traffic meltdown in Norway tunnel(Reuters) - A truckload of burning cheese has closed a road tunnel in Arctic Norway for the last six days.
Some 27 metric tons of flaming brown cheese (brunost), a Norwegian delicacy, blocked off a three-km (1.9 mile) tunnel near the northern coastal town of Narvik when it caught fire last Thursday. The fire was finally put out on Monday.
"This high concentration of fat and sugar is almost like petrol if it gets hot enough," said Viggo Berg, a policeman.
Brown cheese is made from whey, contains up to 30 percent fat and has a caramel taste.
"I didn't know that brown cheese burns so well," said Kjell Bjoern Vinje at the Norwegian Public Roads Administration.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 22, 2013
It must have been her birthday
Drunk driver didn't know she was naked, Sparta cops say[...] Sparta police say a drunken, seemingly confused and almost completely nude woman crashed into a home's stone retaining wall early Friday morning.
At 12:53 a.m., a resident of Grove Terrace, in the Lake Mohawk section of the township, contacted police to say a white Volkswagen Jetta had just crashed into a stone retaining wall, then fled the scene, Sgt. John-Paul Beebe said.
Officer Joseph Pensado found the vehicle, and stopped it on West Shore Trail, Beebee said. Inside, he found a surprise — the driver, 36-year-old Catherine Giaquinto of Warwick, N.Y., was wearing only an unzipped jacket, Beebe said.
Pensado asked Giaquinto why she was driving in the nude, and "Giaquinto denied being completely naked," Beebe said. [...]
Pensado suspected Giaquinto was under the influence of alcohol — her speech was badly slurred and mostly unintelligible, she couldn't remember if she'd been involved in an accident and she didn't know where she was going, Beebe said.
Pensado saw a dress and other clothing in the rear passenger seat, retrieved the items and told Giaquinto to get dressed, Beebe said. It took about 10 minutes for her to do so, and when she finally did, she put her dress on inside-out, he said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 21, 2013
Nice work if you can get it (8)
Verizon finds US developer outsourced his job to China so he could surf Reddit and watch cat videosNo, this is not the Onion, it's not April Fools, and I'm not making this up. All of this comes straight from Verizon, or more specifically, a case study from 2012 outlined by its security team.
The story goes a little something like this. A developer at a US-based critical infrastructure company, referred to as "Bob," was caught last year outsourcing his work to China, paying someone else less than one fifth of his six-figure salary to do his job. As a result, Bob had a lot of time on his hands; in fact, during the investigation, his browsing history revealed this was his typical work day:
9:00 a.m. – Arrive and surf Reddit for a couple of hours. Watch cat videos.
11:30 a.m. – Take lunch.
1:00 p.m. – Ebay time.
2:00 – ish p.m Facebook updates – LinkedIn.
4:30 p.m. – End of day update e-mail to management.
5:00 p.m. – Go home.[...] At the unnamed company, he apparently received excellent performance reviews for the last several years in a row, even being hailed the best developer in the building: his code was clean, well-written, and submitted in a timely fashion.
H.T. Jeff G
Posted by joke du jour at 04:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 16, 2013
Facebook fantasy fail
They look like a cute couple.
Couple sharing same name have splitThe couple who met, fell in love and married over a shared name, have now filed for divorce. Kelly Hildebrandt and Kelly Hildebrandt have gone their separate ways.
The pair with matching names made news when they tied the knot in 2009. But the couple came to realize that sharing a name wasn't enough to keep them together. "She's a Florida girl, and I'm a Texas guy," Kelly Carl told Miami news station NBC 6. "We really did come from pretty different worlds."
The romance started in the same world: Facebook. One night in 2008, Kelly Katrina was curious and bored. Wondering if anyone on the website shared her name, she typed it into the search engine on the social networking site and up popped Kelly Carl.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 15, 2013
Just use Photoshop
'Stand closer to the rhino' results in grave woundJOHANNESBURG (AP) -- When do you not listen to the African wildlife expert? When he tells you to stand closer to the rhino. [...]
The Beeld newspaper reported Tuesday that Chantal Beyer said the game park owner snapped pictures and suggested that she "stand just a little bit closer" seconds before the attack. [...]
The paper said that just after the photo was snapped, the rhino attacked, and its horn penetrated Beyers' chest from behind, resulting in a collapsed lung and broken ribs, the paper said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 14, 2013
Catchy name
Ely bakery finds success with Crapola granolaA party joke has grown into a serious venture -- or as serious as you can be, when you've named your signature product Crapola granola -- for Brian and Andrea Strom, the husband-and-wife team behind Brainstorm Bakery in Ely, Minn.
The Stroms had never owned a business or given it much thought before Brian's late-night wisecrack about making cranberry-apple granola and calling it Crapola. [...]
Initial sales at a local farmers market and arts festival were encouraging, and an on-air mention by Jay Leno just a few months after the product launched in 2007 generated wider interest. Flush with that early success, Crapola now is in more than 100 retail locations in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, South Dakota, California and Oregon.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 10, 2013
People of Walmart
Woman Rams Pedestrian With Her Car In Altercation Over Parking SpaceWhat started as a kind gesture for a pregnant friend ended with a road-rage altercation in a Walmart parking lot.
A Georgia teenager wanted to save a parking space for a pregnant friend, so she wouldn't need to walk too far to the store. But before her friend arrived, a woman driving an SUV arrived and wanted the spot.
A dispute ensued, and it ended when the woman rammed the teenager out of the spot with her car, according to police.
"She told her to move and then she pulled into the parking spot and hit her with the tire of the vehicle," Bartow County Sheriff's Office investigator Jonathan White told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "They did see scuff marks on the victim's knee, which was consistent with the height of the tire during that incident."
Deputies arrested Angela Cornett, a member of the Bartow County school board.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 09, 2013
Roger the 'sounds preposterous'
AIG, saved by US bailout, now considers suing US governmentThe directors of insurance giant AIG plan to meet Wednesday to consider joining a lawsuit against the US government, arguing that federal officials imposed unfair terms on the company while rescuing it from collapse during the financial crisis.
On its face, the idea sounds preposterous.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 08, 2013
WoW
Man hires 'assassin' to kill son's WoW avatarEven paranoiacs have enemies - and if you find that strangers keep attacking you in online games, there just may be a reason.
According to reports, a man in China became so exasperated by the amount of time that his unemployed son was spending playing World of Warcraft that he decided to do something about it. It seems that the lad had quit a software development job after just three months, and was doing nothing to find another one.
Showing, perhaps, a rather limited understanding of how these things work, Mr Feng hoped that killing the 23-year-old's character off repeatedly would put him off playing altogether - and hired virtual assassins to do just that.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 04, 2013
Oops (23)
'Paid plaintiff' - nice work if you can get, I suppose.
Animal rights group settles lawsuit with RinglingWASHINGTON—An animal rights group will pay Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus $9.3 million to settle a lawsuit the circus filed after courts found that activists paid a former circus worker for his help in claiming the circus abused elephants.
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said Friday it was not admitting any wrongdoing in settling the lawsuit. The New York-based animal rights group was one of several involved in a lawsuit filed in 2000 against the circus' owner, Feld Entertainment Inc., claiming elephants were abused. Courts later found that the animal rights activists had paid a former Ringling barn helper involved in the lawsuit at least $190,000, making him "essentially a paid plaintiff" who lacked credibility.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 02, 2013
Splish splash (3)
Nearly a dozen people rescued from icy CA lakeWRIGHTWOOD, Calif. - December 29, 2012 (WPVI) -- A scary slip on thin ice led to chain reaction panic in California, with close to a dozen people falling through the ice.
The desperate cries for help began when one man on a sledding excursion in California fell through the ice.
Others frantically tried to rescue him, but one-by-one they plunged into the icy water themselves.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 31, 2012
Fork taken
Here's one of Miss Cellania's Top 20 Weird News Stories of 2012
The Fork in the Road is TakenThe headlines just write themselves.
A six-foot-tall fork appeared in Carlsbad, California, in the traffic island at the intersection of Levante Street and Anillo Way on Tuesday [October 16]. The unnamed artist is a 62-year-old retired teacher who said he was impressed by the joke in The Muppet Movie in which the characters encounter a giant silverware fork when they are looking for a fork in the road. Carlsbad residents got a kick out of the sculpture, but a city crew removed it on Wednesday. Another resident erected a sign in its place that says "Why the fork not?" which the city also removed. Then residents then began taping real, normal-sized forks to a nearby sign. A spokesperson for the city said the sculpture is a code violation
Posted by joke du jour at 05:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 28, 2012
What's that smell? (2)
Formal Reprimand Issued To Flatulent Federal WorkerDECEMBER 21--A federal employee was formally reprimanded this month for excessive workplace flatulence, a sanction that was delivered to him in a five-page letter that actually included a log of representative dates and times when he was recorded "releasing the awful and unpleasant odor" in his Baltimore office.
In a December 10 letter accusing him of "conduct unbecoming a federal officer," the Social Security Administration employee was informed that his "uncontrollable flatulence" had created an "intolerable" and "hostile" environment for coworkers, several of whom have lodged complaints with supervisors.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 25, 2012
Any dose would be an overdose IMO
Brussels sprouts 'overdose' hospitalised man at Christmas, report revealsA man from Ayrshire had to be hospitalised after eating too many Brussels sprouts last Christmas, it has emerged.
The traditional Christmas vegetable contain lots of vitamin K which promotes blood clotting.
However, this counteracted the effect of anticoagulants the man was taking because he had a mechanical heart. [...]
The case was reported in a festive edition of the Medical Journal of Australia.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 24, 2012
Ho F'ing Ho
Judge Rules Louisiana Woman Can Design Christmas Lights To Flip Off NeighborsA district court judge rule this week that a Louisiana woman could hang her Christmas lights in the shape of a middle finger, as a nasty holiday "greeting" to her neighbors. Police initially threatened to arrest Sarah Childs for her illuminated display, but with the help of the ACLU, Child won her suit against the city.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 21, 2012
Good Lord!
Nathan Grindal Kicked Out Of Darts Tournament For Looking Like JesusLooking like Jesus turned out to be a cross to bear for Nathan Grindal, whose resemblance to the King of Kings caused him to be kicked out of a darts tournament in Somerset, Great Britain.
Grindal, 33, who has long hair and a full beard he started growing four months ago, was sitting in the crowd at the tournament when some nearby spectators began to chant, "Jesus! Jesus!" during the final match between Phil Taylor and Kim Huybrechts, ABC News reported.
Others joined in the chant, until most of the 4,500 people in the arena were chanting the Almighty's name.
It got so raucous that security staff decided to remove Grindal, fearing his presence was upsetting the concentration of the players, as well as hurting the enjoyment of the viewers at home, ThisIsSomerset.co.uk reported.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 19, 2012
Meet Mr. HeadsetsDotCom
Florida Man Auctions Off His Last Name For $45,000Jacksonville, FL – Jason Sadler has come up with a rather clever way to make some extra cash. The Florida man offered to legally change his last name for all of 2013 to the name of the company that offers him the most money. Sadler's last name auction ended earlier this week. HeadsetsDotCom reportedly paid $45,500 as the last name auction winner.
Beginning on January 1, Jason Sadler will officially be known as Jason HeadsetsDotCom for an entire year.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 18, 2012
You'll sleep when you're dead? Think again...
Woman charged for sex with human skeletonA woman in western Sweden who was arrested after police found skeletons in her apartment has now been charged for using the bones as sex toys, a hobby she claimed was motivated by an interest in history.
"I have never heard of a case like this and neither have my colleagues, so I dare to say that this kind of case is quite uncommon," prosecutor Kristina Ehrenborg-Staffas told The Local.
A 37-year-old woman, who was arrested in September, was formally charged on Tuesday at the Gothenburg District Court for the crime of "violating the peace of the dead" (brott mot griftesfriden).
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 17, 2012
Where were Larry and Moe?
Man ironed face when phone rangA Polish man is regretting trying to impress his wife by doing the housework - after ironing his face when the phone rang.
Tomas Paczkowski, 32, from Elbag, was determined to show wife Lila that he was just as good around the home as she is.
"I decided to do the ironing while she was out at work, just to prove a point," he explained. [...]
"Trouble was, I got so involved in the boxing that I wasn't really thinking about what I was doing."
"So when the phone rang I picked up the iron by mistake and pressed it to my ear. The pain was incredible."
And Mr Paczkowski added insult to injury when he sprinted to put cold water on the burn - and ran straight into the bathroom door.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 13, 2012
Incoming!
That's a pretty powerful gas cannon that can shoot a 2.5 pound can over 500 feet.
Border Patrol: Smugglers Use Cannon To Launch Cans Of Marijuana Into USYUMA, Ariz. (AP) — U.S. Border Patrol agents say smugglers have come up with yet another creative way to get drugs in the country — a cannon.
Authorities say 33 cans of marijuana were spotted Friday in a field near where the Colorado River crosses the U.S.-Mexico border. They believe the cans were launched about 500 feet into the U.S. using a pneumatic-powered cannon.
After searching the area, agents recovered a carbon dioxide tank.
Mexican authorities were also notified and searched their side of the border.
The 85 pounds of marijuana found in the cans had an estimated value of $42,500.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 11, 2012
What's that smell?
Eau de Pizza HutAll true celebrities deserve their own perfume and Pizza Hut is no different!
What began as a fun Facebook post - with Pizza Hut asking fans just how much they loved the smell of a box of Pizza Hut pizza being opened - has materialized into Pizza Hut becoming the latest celebrity to launch its own perfume.
Introducing Pizza Hut Perfume - a brand new fragrance from Pizza Hut Canada boasting top notes of freshly baked, hand-tossed dough.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 10, 2012
Oops (22)
18th-century French chateau bulldozed 'by mistake'PARIS – Residents of a sleepy French village in Bordeaux have been left dumbfounded after discovering their local 18th-century chateau was completely bulldozed "by mistake."
The mayor's office in Yvrac said Wednesday that workers who were hired to renovate the grand 140,000-square-foot manor and raze a small building on the same estate in southwest France mixed them up.
"The Chateau de Bellevue was Yvrac's pride and joy," said former owner Juliette Marmie. "The whole village is in shock. How can this construction firm make such a mistake?"
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 07, 2012
Stuck in the middle with you (2)
Great pic of this at the link.
Cry free-dumb! Jailbreak thwarted when overweight prisoner gets stuck in wall during attempted escapeAn overweight inmate's attempts to escape jail ended in humiliation - when he got stuck in a hole he helped smash in his cell wall.
Firefighters had to free 16-stone (224 pounds - JdJ) Rafael Valadao when his belly stopped him making his break for freedom.
Prison guards compounded his embarrassment by standing round laughing as the operation to release him swung into action.
Authorities were last night hunting for a thinner cell-mate who managed to escape first.
Two other inmates waiting behind Rafael also saw their hopes of freedom thwarted by the unexpected hitch in their escape bid.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 06, 2012
Blind drunk. Literally!
Whisky saves man's eyesight after being blinded by vodkaAlcohol doesn't tend to make you see more clearly, but in Denis Duthie's case a bottle of whisky literally saved his sight.
The 65-year-old Taranaki man suddenly went blind when vodka he had been drinking reacted with his diabetes medication. He regained his sight only after hospital staff administered expensive whisky.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 05, 2012
This one shouldn't take the jury long
Robbery suspect brags on YouTubeAuthorities say a woman accused of robbing a bank in eastern Nebraska posted a video on YouTube bragging about the robbery.
York County Sheriff Dale Radcliff said a copy of the video will be turned in as evidence against Hannah Sabata of Stromsburg. The 19-year-old was arrested on Wednesday in connection with a robbery the day before at the Cornerstone Bank branch in Waco. She faces robbery and theft charges.
The video was posted the same day Sabata was arrested. It shows a woman holding handwritten signs that say she robbed a bank and stole a car. The woman then holds a large bundle of cash, what she says is $6,256, in front of the camera. She also holds up what appears to be a bag of marijuana.
The video caption says, "I just stole a car and robbed a bank. Now I'm rich, I can pay off my college financial aid, and tomorrow I'm going for a shopping spree."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 03, 2012
Mustache implants
Mideast men go under knife for manly mustaches(CNN) -- Thick, handsome mustaches have long been prized by men throughout the Middle East as symbols of masculine virility, wisdom and maturity.
But not all mustaches are created equal, and in recent years, increasing numbers of Middle Eastern men have been going under the knife to attain the perfect specimen.
Turkish plastic surgeon Selahattin Tulunay says the number of mustache implants he performs has boomed in the last few years. He now performs 50-60 of the procedures a month, on patients who hail mostly from the Middle East and travel to Turkey as medical tourists.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 29, 2012
#babynames
4 internet-inspired baby names1. The American girl named Hashtag
Last Saturday, a couple gave birth to a baby girl whom, in an homage to Twitter, they reportedly named Hashtag. "Hashtag will likely grow up to be a happy, healthy, beautiful adult woman, but we can't help but think she's going to face a great deal of scrutiny and teasing on the grade-school playgrounds," says Chase Hoffberger at The Daily Dot. Do you think they'll call her Tag for short?
Posted by joke du jour at 08:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 28, 2012
What the... ? (2)
Argentine court convicts UNC-CH physics professor of drug smugglingCHAPEL HILL - The 68-year-old UNC-Chapel Hill physics professor arrested in Argentina early this year after being caught with more than 4 pounds of cocaine hidden in a suitcase has been convicted by an Argentine court.
Paul Frampton, the Oxford-educated Louis D. Rubin Jr. Distinguished Professor of Physics and Astronomy, told investigators he was duped into unknowingly carrying the drugs after being lured first to Bolivia with a promise of meeting a famous bikini model.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 26, 2012
Crafty cats
Crafting with Cat Hair: Cute Handicrafts to Make with Your Cat [Illustrated] [Paperback]Are your favorite sweaters covered with cat hair? Are there fur balls piled up in every corner of your home? And do you love to make quirky and one-of-a-kind crafting projects? If so, it's time to throw away your lint roller and curl up with your kitty! "Crafting with Cat Hair" shows readers how to transform stray clumps of fur into soft and adorable handicrafts. From kitty tote bags and finger puppets to fluffy cat toys, picture frames, and more, these projects are cat-friendly, eco-friendly, and require no special equipment or training. You can make most of these projects in under an hour-with a little help, of course, from your feline friends!
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 20, 2012
He's got legs, he knows how to use them
Check out the photos at the link
72-Year-Old Grandpa Finds Internet Fame after Modelling Teen Girl OutfitsPhotos of a 72-year-old Chinese man modelling stylish clothes for young women have recently went viral online, after his granddaughter posted them on China's largest retail website. What started out as a silly joke turned into a massive advertising campaign for her store.
[...] Liu Xianping, a grandfather from China, is the first elderly male model who reached Internet stardom for modelling girls’ clothes. Liu, 72, has been posing for his granddaughter’s female fashion store on Tmall and although the garments are designed for sweet and cute teen girls, featuring rosy shades, laces and ribbons, he totally pulled it off. His confidence in front of the camera, his slim physique and pair of long skinny legs have apparently gained the admiration of millions and made some girls green with envy. And most importantly, his granddaughter’s store sales have increased 5 times since his pictures went viral.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 19, 2012
His chequered past
And he's got the 'stache to prove it. (See photo at link.)
District attorney admits to being 1970′s porn starA district attorney in central New York on Friday admitted to appearing in a number of pornographic films and apologized for lying to the media, according to The Post Standard.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 15, 2012
You are what you eat (2)
Deodorant Candy Makes People Smell RosyMost people probably don't start the day thinking, "Man, life would be so much easier if I could just eat this deodorant instead of wearing it." But there's good news for those people—on the off chance that those people are out there somewhere—because a new candy has come out that promises to make anyone who eats it excrete a floral scent for the next six hours.
There are a lot of foods that can change the way a person smells—garlic and asparagus come to mind—but that effect may finally have been harnessed for good instead of evil. According to Refinery29, Deo Perfume Candy contains rose oil and geraniol, an antioxidant that smells like roses and has been theorized to both fight cancer and repel mosquitos.[...]
The candy is flavored like roses, and when consumed "leaves your skin with a beautiful rose fragrance," according to the company. "Studies showed that when ingested, rose oil exudes aromatic compounds, such as geraniol, through the skin. When evaporating through the skin, geraniol aromatizes it with a beautiful rose fragrance."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 14, 2012
Holy Smoke
At Life's End, A Final Home On The (Shooting) RangeMany people keep cremated remains in an urn on the mantle or scatter their loved one's ashes over a sacred place.
Now, a company has pioneered a new twist: putting cremated remains into ammunition.
For $850, Holy Smoke will take cremated remains and put them into various types of shotgun shells and bullets for rifle and pistol shooters. The Stockton, Ala., company was started a year ago by two state game wardens.
Literally and figuratively, Holy Smoke's business is "booming." Clem Parnell, a co-founder, thought the families of the dead should have a livelier method to honor those who enjoyed the outdoors.
"Wouldn't it be cool to put some ash in a shell, to the point of a 250-round case of shells, and all his friends could go out and have a day on the range and celebrate the way this guy used to be?" Parnell says. "The way he was when he was alive — vibrant and enjoying life."
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 12, 2012
Who says there ain't no justice?
Video at the link which shows her getting stopped by police.
U.S. woman ordered to wear 'idiot' sign after driving on sidewalk to avoid stopping for school busCLEVELAND — A woman caught on camera driving on a sidewalk to avoid a Cleveland school bus that was unloading children will have to stand at an intersection wearing a sign warning about idiots.
Court records show a Cleveland Municipal Court judge on Monday ordered 32-year-old Shena Hardin to stand at an intersection for two days next week. She will have to wear a sign saying: "Only an idiot drives on the sidewalk to avoid a school bus."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 09, 2012
Markets in everything (17)
Actually, it sounds like people are offering to trade gas for sex. Who knows whether anyone's taking them up on the trade.
Sandy Gas Woes Continue: People Trading Gas For Sex On CraigslistNEW YORK (CBSNewYork) - How far would go to get gas?
Long gas stationlines and empty gas pumps have plagued drivers across New York and New Jersey since Superstorm Sandy slammed into the East Coast last Monday, leaving a gas shortage across the region.
Stories of price gouging and fights at gas stations have also been commonplace. But now it seems people — men in particular — are finding new ways to take advantage of gas-seeking Tri-State residents: Sex.
Men have been taking to the personals on Craigslist, trading gasoline for sex. Some of the ads on NewYork.Craigslist.org read as follows:
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 08, 2012
Celebrity news
Justin Bieber Gay Sex Doll 'Just-In Beaver' Leaves Teenage Hearthrob 'Incensed'A gay sex doll apparently modelled on teen popstar Justin Bieber has hit the market for the just £20.
Ingeniously named 'Just-In Beaver', the anatomically-correct doll proclaims itself "the barely legal boy-toy" and boasts that it offers "multiple entry". [...]
Apparently the 18-year-old Baby singer is less than flattered with the likeness though, and has instructed his legal team to get on the case.
A source told The Sun: "Justin is absolutely incensed with this monstrosity.
"He's already set his lawyer on these sickos."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 06, 2012
Careful around the Secret Service
Des Moines store near Obama rally has a message for the Secret ServiceDES MOINES, Iowa—President Barack Obama is planning an outdoor rally here on Monday, but one store within the event's security zone is taking a stand against Secret Service searches inside the shop.
A sign on the window of Raygun, a clothing store that sells quirky T-shirts, tells Secret Service agents who intend to "sweep" the premises before Obama's speech that it does "not consent" to any searches. The sign also added a little humor, too: "It's not that there's anything illegal in here, we just employ several Colombian prostitutes and don't want to tempt you guys," the sign reads [...]
A store clerk told Yahoo News that the sign went up Monday morning, and Obama staffers have asked for its removal. The store is refusing.
Image of the sign here.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 03, 2012
News from the North
Sweden pays jobless youth to move to NorwayUnder a scheme organised by the local authorities in the town of Soderhamn and by Sweden's national employment office, anyone aged between 18 and 28 can volunteer to take a "Job Journey" to Oslo and attempt track down gainful employment.
Those who sign up get a ticket to the Norwegian capital and are put up in an Oslo youth hostel for a month, with Soderhamn council picking up the £20 a night bill. The package also includes on-the-spot guidance on how to get a job in Sweden's northern neighbour.
Sweden Wants Your TrashMove over Abba, Sweden has found new fame. The small Nordic country is breaking records — in waste. Sweden's program of generating energy from garbage is wildly successful, but recently its success has also generated a surprising issue: There is simply not enough trash.
Only 4 percent of Swedish garbage ends up in a landfill, according to Swedish Waste Management. Due to its efficiency in converting waste to renewable energy, Sweden has recently begun importing around 800,000 tons of trash annually from other countries.
Norway is now paying Sweden to take its garbage. Swedish sights are also set on Bulgaria, Romania and Italy as future trash exporters, as Catarina Ostlund, a senior advisor for the country's environmental protection agency, told PRI
Posted by joke du jour at 11:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 22, 2012
Bodyform Responds :: The Truth
Bodyform says sorry for 'lying' to menA Bodyform video responding to a complaint by a disgruntled boyfriend, that he had been "lied to" by the company's ads, has gone viral on YouTube.
Richard Neill posted a 'complaint' on Bodyform's Facebook page to register his upset at the feminine hygiene company's 'lies' about a woman's time of the month.
"As a child I watched your advertisements with interest as to how at this wonderful time of the month that the female gets to enjoy so many things, I felt a little jealous," he said.
Here's the guy's Facebook post.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 16, 2012
His master's voice (2)
Man thinks house is being robbed when dog calls cell phoneOREM — Mystery solved: It was the dog, with the phone, in the garden.
Just before 9 a.m. Wednesday, Bruce Gardner, of Orem, called police saying his house was being broken into. He said nobody was home, but he had just received a phone call on his cell phone from his house phone, and he could hear banging and scratching in the phone.
Officers went to Gardner's home, and entered. They investigated, but did not see any evidence of forced entry and nothing appeared out of place. Police couldn't locate the phone, but left after they concluded nothing had been taken.
Several hours after police left, Gardner called back saying he had an explanation for what had happened.
"Apparently his dog had gotten a hold of his cordless home phone and in the midst of chewing on it, it happened to hit 'redial,' called the man's cell phone," said Orem Police Department Sgt. Craig Martinez.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 12, 2012
What's wrong with this picture?
Police: Man tries to rob bank of $1 in prison bidNORTHERN CAMBRIA, Pa. - A man tried to rob a bank of $1 because he hoped to be sent to a federal prison nearby, police said.
Jeffrey McMullen, a 50-year-old regular customer of an AmeriServ bank in the western Pennsylvania town of Northern Cambria, handed notes to two tellers Friday demanding a dollar, according to a police complaint reported by The Tribune-Democrat of Johnstown.
The tellers thought it was a joke, police said. [...]
Police say McMullen apparently wanted to be prosecuted federally so he could be taken to a prison in central Pennsylvania. Police could not immediately say why.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 10, 2012
Yet another reason to avoid Facebook
Why like someone on Facebook when you can hug them
Designers have come up with a jacket that actively gives you a cuddle when someone says they like you on the social network site.
The "Like-A-Hug" jacket inflates when someone clicks on the "Like" button putting a little more reality into virtual reality.
Designed by MIT student Melissa Chow, who said it "allows us to feel the warmth, encouragement, support, or love that we feel when we receive hugs".
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 08, 2012
Busted! (8)
City Attorney Drops Joint in Court, Gets Arrested, Angers WifeOf all the places to unintentionally drop an illegal drug, inside of a courtroom right in front of a police officer has to be among the worst.
Which is exactly what happened to New Orleans assistant city attorney Jason Cantrell. The prosecutor found himself on the other side of the law when a marijuana cigarette fell out of his pocket and onto the floor during a discussion he was having with two NOPD officers inside of the Orleans Parish Magistrate. [...]
He's also caused quite a problem for his wife, who is currently running for New Orleans City Council. LaToya Cantrell is staying in the race, but she was forced to distance herself from her hubby's goofy crime.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 03, 2012
Labor Day
And a lot more like that at the link...
A LABOR DAY LAMENT: NOTHING WORKS FOR MEMy first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I just couldn't concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned. Next, I became a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. I was employed at a diet center, but I got downsized. I became a baker, but I turned out to be a loafer and couldn't make enough dough. Then I opened a doughnut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
Posted by joke du jour at 04:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 01, 2012
Lemme at 'em
Police: Drunken man picks fights downtown, at jail and hospitalA reportedly drunken man who police said was randomly picking fights and hitting people in downtown Gainesville was arrested early Thursday morning and then caused a ruckus at the jail and at a hospital, according to an arrest report.
Posted by joke du jour at 11:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 28, 2012
Turn it down
SA couple face $4000 fine for loud sexAN Adelaide couple face being fined $4000 for having sex a little too loudly.
The passionate approach to love by Jessica Angel and Colin MacKenzie has upset their neighbours.
Now they face a hefty fine for breaching the Environmental Protection Act of 1993, News Ltd reports.
Under South Australian law, noise is classified as a form of pollution and that includes vibration.
The couple from the Adelaide suburb of Black Forest are reportedly the first in South Australia to be charged with breaching those environmental laws.
Police patrols have visited the couple's unit 20 times since April, News Ltd said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 24, 2012
Who hates passwords?
We should follow XKCD's suggestion.
Many Americans would rather scrub toilet than create new passwordAre you tired of trying to remember all your online passwords?
You're not alone, according to a new survey, which found 38 percent of online Americans would rather clean a toilet or do other household chores than have to create another username and password.
Another 38 percent said they think it would be easier to solve world peace than try to remember all their passwords.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 23, 2012
Pimp your ride (3)
Israeli biblical park outfits donkeys with wi-fiHOSHAYA, Israel: It was nothing like this 3000 years ago.
An Israeli attraction meant to immerse tourists in an authentic, ancient biblical experience has outfitted its donkeys with wi-fi.
At the historical park of Kfar Kedem in northern Israel, visitors decked out in biblical robes and headdresses ride donkeys through the rolling hills of the Galilee, learning how people lived in Old Testament times.
American tourist Ella uses an iPad while riding a wi-fi-outfitted donkey lead by her brother Aaron, in Kfar Kedem, a biblical reenactment park in the village of Hoshaya in the Galilee, northern Israel.Now they can also surf the web while touring the land of the Bible on one of the oldest forms of transportation. A device slung around the donkey's neck like a feedbag is actually a wi-fi hotspot.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 22, 2012
Morning sickness cure
Study: Oral Sex Cures Morning SicknessALBANY, N.Y. (CBSDC) – Pregnant women have used natural remedies such as a teaspoon of ginger or a mint to help battle morning sickness. But now, one medical professional believes you can add oral sex to that list.
According to Gordon Gallup, a psychologist at SUNY-Albany, the best way to cure morning sickness during pregnancy is sperm.
But not just any sperm, it should be the sperm of the person who got you pregnant. [...]
Gallup says the best cure for morning sickness is to ingest the father's semen so her body can build up a tolerance to what's already in her body.
H.T. Jeff G & Paul B
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 21, 2012
Mark you calendars
Mark Your Calendars: August 26 Is National Go Topless DayI suspect National Go Topless Day on August 26 will be celebrated the usual way people celebrate things like National Go Topless Day, which is that the only people who will go topless will be those you would rather keep their shirts on. But if you live in Washington, DC., Seattle, Miami, Columbus, Asheville, Honolulu, Chicago, or other cities hosting an event, it's time to keep a bottle of bleach handy for your eyes because there's a National Go Topless Day rally coming to your city. (The official website helpfully shows you locations via a BoobMap with icons of boobies serving as pins. Seriously.)"
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 20, 2012
Smile when you say nothing
Parkinson's man arrested at cycling 'for not smiling'A PARKINSON'S sufferer who was arrested during the Olympic cycle races in Surrey has questioned why he was dragged to the ground for "not smiling".
Mark Worsfold, 54, was sat on a wall in Leatherhead as the riders approached at around 3pm on Saturday, July 28 - but officers decided his manner was a cause for concern, and he was hauled off to Reigate police station.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 17, 2012
Burden of Goof
I sue! It's 'burden of goof' in city's most ludicrous, lawyerless casesAbout a fifth of all cases clogging up the city's civil federal courthouses each year are filed by people with fools for clients — themselves.
"We have a lot of frivolous cases," veteran Judge Frederic Block said of self-filed lawsuits. "On the other hand, all the judges feel that you have to just grin and bear it . . . they do deserve their day in court." [...]
Some of those cases were downright weird.
There's the Brooklyn widow who believes she's been targeted by a demonic cult and has filed nearly 100 lawsuits over the years; the Queens man who says the government has been poisoning his food; and the Manhattan man who recently claimed to be author Herman Melville's nephew — and therefore entitled to all royalties from "Moby-Dick."
H.T. Jeff G.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 16, 2012
They're NASA and they know it
Posted by joke du jour at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Biter bit (4)
Hungary Far-Right Leader Discovers Jewish RootsBUDAPEST, Hungary (AP) — As a rising star in Hungary's far-right Jobbik Party, Csanad Szegedi was notorious for his incendiary comments on Jews: He accused them of "buying up" the country, railed about the "Jewishness" of the political elite and claimed Jews were desecrating national symbols.
Then came a revelation that knocked him off his perch as ultra-nationalist standard-bearer: Szegedi himself is a Jew.
Following weeks of Internet rumors, Szegedi acknowledged in June that his grandparents on his mother's side were Jews — making him one too under Jewish law, even though he doesn't practice the faith. His grandmother was an Auschwitz survivor and his grandfather a veteran of forced labor camps.
Since then, the 30-year-old has become a pariah in Jobbik and his political career is on the brink of collapse. He declined to be interviewed for this story.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 14, 2012
What a keepsake
It sounds worse than bronzed baby shoes.
Japanese company will 3D print your fetus for $1,275New parents have a strong urge to collect everything they can from their child's early life — from photos and videos to hair and fingernails. Catering to this demand to immortalize infancy is a new product from Japanese firm Fasotec and Hiroo Ladies Clinic — a 3D printed model of your little bundle of joy in utero.
Called Tenshi no Katachi or "Shape of an Angel," the product is based on a digital model of the mother's torso built from CT or MRI scans, reports DigInfo TV.
Via Carpe Diem
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 09, 2012
Sign of confusion
Metaphor Is Not a CrimeAn Occupy Easton protester faces an attempted bank robbery charge following an arrest at an organized event at a bank – during which the "Occupier" was holding a sign that reportedly read "You're being robbed."
According to The Express-Times, Dave Gorczynski allegedly held cardboard signs outside a Wells Fargo Branch that read, "You're being robbed," while the other said, "Give a man a gun, he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank, and he can rob a country."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 08, 2012
They probably needed money for fuel
Thieves bulldoze cash machine from wall...then find getaway car won't startTwo hapless thieves were forced to flee empty handed after using a stolen digger to rip a cash machine from a bank only to find their getaway vehicle would not start.
The pair had loaded the ATM onto the back of a pick-up truck but had to leave their spoils after the engine would not start.
The men were last seen by witnesses running off into the night abandoning their truck and their loot.
The attempted burglary happened at 3.10am on Monday at the branch of Barclays Bank on Keymer Road in Hassocks, Sussex.
Homes in the area had to be evacuated during the night as the building was deemed unsafe.
Via Nothing To Do With Arbroath
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 07, 2012
A safe bet
A game with a windfall for a knowing few[...] the Selbees, who run a gambling company called GS Investment Strategies, know a secret about the Massachusetts State Lottery: For a few days about every three months, Cash WinFall may be the most reliably lucrative lottery game in the country. Because of a quirk in the rules, when the jackpot reaches roughly $2 million and no one wins, payoffs for smaller prizes swell dramatically, which statisticians say practically assures a profit to anyone who buys at least $100,000 worth of tickets.
During these brief periods - "rolldown weeks'' in gambling parlance - a tiny group of savvy bettors, among them highly trained computer scientists from MIT and Northeastern University, virtually take over the game. Just three groups, including the Selbees, claimed 1,105 of the 1,605 winning Cash WinFall tickets statewide after the rolldown week in May, according to lottery records. They also appear to have purchased about half the tickets, based on reports from the stores that the top gamblers frequent most.
"Cash WinFall isn't being played as a game of chance. Some smart people have figured out how to get rich while everyone else funds their winnings,'' said Mohan Srivastava, an MIT-educated statistician who gained fame in gambling circles when he found a flaw in a Canadian scratch ticket game that allowed him to pick the winners more than 90 percent of the time.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 03, 2012
Expand your vocabulary
From MentalFloss
15 Wonderful Words With No English EquivalentThe Global Language Monitor estimates that there are currently 1,009,753 words in the English language. Despite this large lexicon, many nuances of human experience still leave us tongue-tied. And that's why sometimes it's necessary to turn to other languages to find le mot juste. Here are fifteen foreign words with no direct English equivalent.
1. Zhaghzhagh (Persian)
The chattering of teeth from the cold or from rage.2. Yuputka (Ulwa)
A word made for walking in the woods at night, it's the phantom sensation of something crawling on your skin.3. Slampadato (Italian)
Addicted to the UV glow of tanning salons? This word describes you."
H.T. Carol J
Update:Danilo writes, "Fantastic! I can add a portuguese word 'saudade'. It's like when you miss someone or something. You feel saudade.
Like the poet would say, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzxVBXCP1jg"
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 02, 2012
It's not rocket science
Not counting the rockets in their pockets, that is.
Missile Defense Staff Warned to Stop Surfing Porn SitesThe Pentagon's Missile Defense Agency warned its employees and contractors last week to stop using their government computers to surf the Internet for pornographic sites, according to the agency's executive director.
In a one-page memo, Executive Director John James Jr. wrote that in recent months government employees and contractors were detected "engaging in inappropriate use of the MDA network."
"Specifically, there have been instances of employees and contractors accessing websites, or transmitting messages, containing pornographic or sexually explicit images," James wrote in the July 27 memo obtained by Bloomberg News.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 31, 2012
What's worse than kidney thieves?
Fei Lin's Penis Stolen By ThievesThieves stole a man's penis while he slept, according to police.
Fei Lin, 41, of the Niqiao village near Wenling City, in east China's Zhejiang province, told police he was asleep when the thieves burst into his room and put a bag over his head, according to CEN/EUROPICS and as reported in the Daily Star.
"They put something over my head and pulled down my trousers and then they ran off," Lin said. "I was so shocked I didn't feel a thing - then I saw I was bleeding and my penis was gone."
Via The Agitator
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 30, 2012
Are you the droid we're looking for?
From Craigslist, so the link will go stale soon.
Part time attorney needed (Pittsburgh west)
Date: 2012-07-16, 5:04PM EDT
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]We are a collection agency/debt buyer. What we are looking for is a part time attorney to work for us as our corporate counsel, on our payroll, about 5 to 6 hours a week. This is a short term employment arrangement, no longer than 90 to 120 days.
Your job will be to sign pleadings, praecipe for entry of appearances, praecipe for writ of execution, and garnishment orders. Our paralegal will prepare all paperwork for your signature. This is very standard stuff for us.
If you are an attorney looking for challenging legal work, this is not for you. WE DO NOT NEED F LEE BAILEY- we are fee shopping. If you passed your boards with a D+, and you can sign your name, you possess all the credentials required for this job. If this opportunity interests you, please feel free to reply to this email with a brief description of who you are, when you got your law license, and what you will be needing from us in the way of compensation.
Via CoyoteBlog
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 26, 2012
Everybody's got his hand out
Park Service is requiring permits to hunt BigfootIf you're going to make a business out of taking naive people into national parks and extorting money from them to go hunt around for Bigfoot, then the U.S. National Park Service has this message for you: They want in. Sasquatch hunter Matt Pruitt learned this when he was leading 31 believers (who had paid between $300 and $500 apiece) through Steel Creek in Arkansas last month and ran into rangers who cited him for "engaging in a business without a permit or written agreement." Pruitt had to pay almost $600 for the permit, but apparently it's worth the expense. He's led Sasquatch-sighting-centered trips in 18 states and ranks Arkansas as being in the top three for potential to spot the wily beast.
H.T. Jeff G.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 25, 2012
Going green
New York area homeowners turning to "lawn painting"(Reuters) - Despite the summer's persistent heat waves, the grass really is greener in some neighborhoods in New York and New Jersey.
Homeowners with brown, dried-up lawns are turning to "lawn painting" to liven up their yards.
Business is booming, according to Joe Perazzo, who launched his lawn painting company in New York's most suburban borough of Staten Island a few years ago, inspired by the tinting process used to color professional athletic fields. Other companies have sprung up in the region and elsewhere in the country.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 24, 2012
I wonder how much he saved
Software engineer claims generic version of Propecia turned him into a womanThis baldness cure was a bust.
For nine months, William McKee took the generic version of Propecia, the pills that promise to halt hair loss.
But the drug had radical side effects: Instead of becoming a better-looking man, he started becoming a woman, he claims.
"My rock-hard chest from the gym began to soften . . . reaching the point where I had noticeable 'breasts' even under my clothing," he says. [...]
McKee, who says he wasn't inclined to cross-dress before, began feeling like a woman. He is now only attracted to men.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 23, 2012
That must be some fine beer
Either that or most of the beer was already inside him. News from New Zealand
Chainsaw rampage charges after beer argumentA man wielding a chainsaw allegedly cut through a front door, then a pole causing a veranda to collapse before chopping a takeaway sign in half during a dispute over a box of beers.
Whangarei police Sergeant Stephanie Hudson said officers were called to a Hikurangi home about 6.50pm on Thursday.
It's believed a dispute broke out between the man and a woman over a box of Steinlager beer. The woman went out on to the veranda of the property and the man picked up a recently sharpened chainsaw.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 19, 2012
Some people are never satisfied
Cops: Woman Dialed 911 With Mug Shot Beef.JULY 19--A Georgia woman has been charged with misusing the 911 system after she called police dispatchers to register a complaint about the quality of a mug shot taken following a prior arrest.
Tonya Ann Fowler dialed police Sunday evening after spotting the photo in "Bad & Busted," a local publication that compiles images of recent arrestees. The photo that so displeased Fowler, 45, was snapped following an earlier collar
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 18, 2012
If you've ever wondered, here's how that works
Video at the link
Woman Flips Over After Trying To Ride Motorized Scooter Up MBTA EscalatorBOSTON (CBS) – A woman on a motorized scooter fell down an escalator on the MBTA last week.
On Friday, the 56-year-old woman from South Boston was attempting to ride her scooter up an escalator at the Broadway MBTA Station, but flipped over a couple times and fell down.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 17, 2012
And all he needs is fresh fish
Talkeetna Mayor is a Cat Named StubbsTALKEETNA, Alaska — A cat named Stubbs has been the mayor of Talkeetna for nearly all of his life -- no joke.
It's been that way for more than a decade in the small tourist town that boasts nearly 900 residents.
The part-manx was named honorary mayor shortly after his birth, and now locals all know the cat as "Mayor Stubbs." [...]
As the story goes, 15 years ago several of the town residents didn't like the candidates who were running for mayor of Talkeetna, so as a joke, they encouraged enough people to elect Stubbs the cat as a write-in candidate, and he actually won.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 10, 2012
The Instant Heart Attack saved
'Heart attack' sandwich can stay on N.Y. menuNEW YORK (AP) — New Yorkers can still order up an instant heart attack.
The Second Avenue Deli won a court fight with a Las Vegas-based burger joint Friday over the names of their gut-busting foods. The New York deli's sandwich called "instant heart attack" is made of sliced pastrami and fried potato latkes. It costs $24.95.
The Heart Attack Grill in Vegas had ordered the deli to stop serving the fare on trademark infringement grounds. [...]
The Second Avenue Deli is also allowed to sell another sandwich called the "triple bypass." Lebewohl says it includes "everything but the kitchen sink."
Posted by joke du jour at 10:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 09, 2012
Another use for LOLcats
Insurance claim over dead cat backfires on Tacoma manA 29-year-old Tacoma man who filed a $20,000 insurance claim for the death of a cat he claimed to have loved "like a son" has been charged with insurance fraud and attempted theft.
According to the charges filed last week in Pierce County, Yevgeniy Samsonov's beloved cat never existed and photos he submitted to bolster his claim had been pulled from the Internet.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 06, 2012
Somebody's got to do it (2)
'Hen party'? Boy, I haven't heard that in a long while.
Hen party mistake police for strippersAUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICERS narrowly escaped a Darwin pub with their dignity intact after a rowdy hen party mistook them for strippers, reports The Australian newspaper.
The male officers attended the Humpty Doo Tavern in northern Australia after reports of a disturbance, only to be greeted by an amorous group of women who proceeded to try and take the officers' clothes off.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 05, 2012
Battered
Police: Arrest follows dispute over pancakesA Muncie man was arrested this week on allegations he battered his sister after she criticized how much maple syrup he had placed on his pancakes.
Joseph Eugene Perry Jr., 47, was preliminarily charged with battery and strangulation. He remained in the Delaware County jail on Wednesday under a $7,500 bond.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 03, 2012
What the... ?
Lawsuits: Kim Kardashian A Terrorist, Had Sex On Tape While Unicorn WatchedWHEELING, W.Va. (CBSDC) – Two recent lawsuits filed against reality television star Kim Kardashian assert that the pop culture personality has terrorist sympathies, and that she recently made a sex tape in the presence of multiple animals – including a unicorn.
The two lawsuits were filed in the United States District Court in West Virginia on June 21 by Gino Romano of Brooklyn and "all others similarly situated," and on June 25 by Jonathan Kimberly of Philadelphia, CBS affiliate WTRF-TV reports.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 02, 2012
This'll stop you - no matter how sober you are
Michigan adds talking urinal cakes to DUI fightMichigan is hoping to keep drunks off the road with the help from a special bathroom message.
The state says talking urinal-deodorizer cakes have been distributed to Michigan Licensed Beverage Association members in Wayne, Bay, Ottawa and Delta counties. A recorded message will play reminding men who step up to the urinals to call a cab or a friend, if needed, to get home safely.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 30, 2012
OK... maybe clowns are scary
Evil clown stalks kids as birthday treatFor a fee, actor Dominic Deville dresses up in a deathly clown mask and contacts his child "victims" in the Swiss city of Lucerne to tell them he is watching them.
His "evil clown" service unfolds further as he teases his targets with texts, phone calls and booby-trapped letters, warning them that at some point during their birthday party, he will throw a cake in their face, the Austrian Times reports.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 28, 2012
Jesus saves
Ethnic minority turn to Jesus as more 'affordable' optionAt upwards of US$500, the cost of slaughtering a buffalo to revive a relative condemned to ill-health by the spirits has pushed the Jarai indigenous minority residents of Somkul village in Ratanakkiri to a more affordable religious option: Christianity.
In the village in O'Yadav district's Som Thom commune, about 80 per cent of the community have given up on spirits and ghosts in favour of Sunday sermons and modern medicine.
Sev Chel, 38, said she made the switch because when she used to get sick, it could cost her hundreds of dollars to appease the gods with a sacrificial package that might include a cow or buffalo, a chicken, bananas, incense and rice wine.
"So if I sold that buffalo and took the money to pay for medicine, it is about 30,000 riel to 40,000 riel [for them to] get better, so we are strong believers in Jesus," she said. "If I did not believe in Jesus, maybe at this time I would still be poor and not know anything besides my community."
Via Carpe Diem
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 26, 2012
TGFB (12)
Burger King to introduce bacon sundaeWould you buy a bacon sundae? Burger King is betting you will.
The fast-food chain famous for the Whopper will introduce the limited-time dessert on Thursday as part of its new summer menu. The 510-calorie sundae—vanilla soft serve topped with fudge, caramel, bacon crumbles and a piece of bacon—has 18 grams of fat and 61 grams of sugar.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 22, 2012
Worse than a finger in yer eye
Follow the link to check out the radiographs (x-rays).
Teen miraculously survives spear through his brain, speaks throughout ordeal(CBS News) Sixteen-year-old Yasser Lopez is currently recovering from a freak accident in which a spear longer than 3 feet discharged through his head. Amazingly the teen survived, and his doctors explained the unusual case to media at a press conference in Miami on Monday.
CBS Miami reports that Yasser's survival may be a result of the spear miraculously missing the major blood vessels in the teen's brain.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 21, 2012
A credit card for the masses
Karl Marx bank cards prove hit in eastern GermanyBERLIN | Fri Jun 15, 2012 10:53am EDT
(Reuters) - Two decades after the fall of the Berlin Wall, some eastern Germans are once again carrying round images of Karl Marx - if only in their pockets.
The disappearance of communist former East Germany has not deterred them from using credit cards emblazoned with the image of the man who foretold the end of capitalism and the triumph of communism.
More than a third of customers at Sparkasse bank in Chemnitz opted for the picture of a bronze bust of the bearded 19th century German-born philosopher, bank spokesman Roger Wirtz said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 19, 2012
The non-labor union
Just how do you get 'U cubed' out of Union of Unemployed Activists?
Union aims to organize the unemployedAmerica's jobless are unionizing, or at least furthering an agenda of one of the nation's biggest unions.
An organization aimed at giving the unemployed more influence has announced it now has more than 100,000 jobless activists in their ranks.
The Union of Unemployed (UCubed) Activists is an Internet-centric "community service project" of the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers (IAM) — one of the country's largest industrial trade unions.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 18, 2012
Fuzzy wuzzy
Ms. M writes:
[Mr. M] is on a new project in Pittsburgh. He told me the city and his hotel (and others) started to fill up late in the week with people attending a convention this weekend called Anthrocon; which is basically a gathering of "furries," or people who like to dress up as furry animals – who like to LIVE like furry animals. Here’s a photo of some of them.He said they were EVERYWHERE. They were on the streets, in the hotel elevator, unavoidable. And in full costume everywhere they go.
He then told me that the hotel staff told him that some of these crazy lunatics make a LITTER BOX in their hotel room and USE IT, and that furthermore they LEAVE IT for the hotel staff to clean up. They were NOT kidding
Photo from Douglas Muth's Flickr collection
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 15, 2012
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time (2)
The photos at the link are pretty funny.
New French Ads Poke Fun at the British OlympianA new French ad campaign for Eurostar, the high-speed train connecting Paris to London's Waterloo station, pokes fun at the latter city's Olympic aspirations. The posters, created by Paris ad agency Leg, depict two Grecian statues reminiscent of the iconic discus thrower—but instead of the discus, the statues are holding darts and a pool cue, respectively. And instead of a chiseled physique, they display protruding beer guts and doughy pectorals.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 14, 2012
Down, boy!
Swedish party wants sit-down urination(UPI) -- Left Party members of a Swedish county council said they want to encourage men using the council's toilets to sit during urination.
The Left Party in Sormland said it wants the Sormland County Council to pass a motion requiring toilets reserved for stand-up urination to be labeled, Swedish news agency TT reported Monday.
The party said sit-down urination is more hygienic and reduces the risk of bathroom users having to negotiate their way around puddles en route to the toilet.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 13, 2012
Wine dress takes on a whole new meaning
Dress Made of WineWe've heard red wine can benefit your health, but how about your closet? Researchers at The University of Western Australia have just discovered a way to make the beverage into clothing. The process is a lot easier than you'd think: the fabric actually creates itself without any weaving. Talk about futuristic fashion! [...]
The resulting material clings to the body and is entirely seamless. The duo then successfully created fermented fashion made of red wine, white wine, and beers like Guinness, which all retain their natural odor and color.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 12, 2012
Show head
2 Border Patrol Agents Accused Of Engaging In Sex Act During Cirque Du Soleil ShowSAN DIEGO (CBS) — An investigation is under way following allegations that two Border Patrol agents engaged in a sex act in public and attacked a woman who asked the pair to stop.
The incident occurred at a Cirque du Soleil show in Del Mar on May 27.
According to San Diego sheriff's investigators, the pair was identified as Border Patrol agents Kallie Helwig and Gerald Torello, Jr.
Witnesses allege Helwig performed oral sex on Torello as they watched the show in the audience.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 11, 2012
Meth-makers of Walmart
Woman Caught Making Meth In Her Purse At WalmartMEHLVILLE (KMOX) - A woman was caught cooking meth in her purse using a 20-ounce soda bottle inside of the Walmart store on Telegraph Road at I-255.
The store was immediately evacuated, out of fear for customers' safety.
St. Louis County Police Lt. Mark Cox said if the meth concoction had spilled or leaked, it would have quickly circulated through the store's ventilation system, contaminating the building and sickening lots of people.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 08, 2012
Terminal munchies
Like, who would sell his weed to buy food, man?
Stoner tries to pay for meal at Denny's with a bag of weedA Niagara Falls man did nothing to help Denny's reputation as being a late-night hangout for grubby stoners when he attempted to pay for his meal on Saturday with a sack of weed. According to police, the dude, apparently racked with the munchies and Jonesing for a Grand Slam, wandered into the all-night diner in New York around 2 a.m. He ordered a meal worth $9.91 but when it came time to pay, he presented the cashier with $1 and a bag of marijuana. When the cashier refused, he began walking around the restaurant trying to sell the pot to other diners before someone called the cops. Police are still tracking him down, but come on, man, didn't you hear how this ended for the taxi guy?
Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 05, 2012
If you've got it, flaunt it
An NBA Player Has An ATM In His Kitchen That Holds $20,000 And Charges An Egregious FeeBrooklyn Nets player Deshawn Stevenson made waves when he tweeted out a picture of himself and his in-home ATM earlier this week.
Now, we have fresh details from TMZ:
It holds $20,000, and he gets it refilled 4-6 times a year
It has a $4.50 fee every time you use it (!)
It cost $3,500Stevenson's reasoning for buying it, "I like doing things that aren't normal and it's cool to have."
He added that it's primarily used by his rich friends before they go out.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 04, 2012
The cleaning fairy doesn't work cheap
Cleaning fairy breaks into woman's home, cleans apartmentA cleaning woman in Ohio may be stuck sweeping a jail cell.
Susan Warren, 53, was arrested by Westlake, Ohio, police after she allegedly broke into a woman's apartment, cleaned it (lightly) and left a bill.
"She wrote a note on a napkin and left it on the table, saying, '$75 I was here to clean,' and left her name and number," Sherry Bush told WBBH-TV.
Bush said Warren cleaned a few coffee mugs, took out the trash, vacuumed the carpet and cleaned up her daughter's playroom.
Flabbergasted, Bush called the number to ask if she had gotten the wrong house. She said Warren became irate and told her she "did this all the time" and demanded she pay up.
Frighteningly, that may be true.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 01, 2012
This'll get their attention
Sex tape spliced into graduation videoHELLERUP, Denmark, May 29 (UPI) -- The principal of a Danish high school said he was outraged when a video shown at graduation was interrupted by a video of a student having sex.
Principal Jorgen Rasmussen said the video shown to the 450 people attending the ceremony at Gammel Hellerup Gymnasium was supposed to celebrate the graduating class with pictures from their time at the school, but the video was interrupted by footage of a male student having sex with a woman who does not attend the school, The Copenhagen Post reported Tuesday.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 31, 2012
Fandom for sale
Buy a group of Belgian soccer fans to root for your country during euro 2012For sale: Belgian soccer fans for euro 2012. Second hand but mint condition. Not been used since Fifa World Cup 2002.
Once again we Belgians have no team to root for at the euro 2012 soccer championship. Since tournaments are much more fun when you have a favourite team, we decided to put our fandom for sale at ebay.
All profits will be sent directly to Unicef.What is for sale:
During Euro 2012, all members of this facebookgroup:https://www.facebook.com/groups/414750861890585/
will root for the national soccer team of the highest bidder, or the national team of his choice.
Via Carpe Diem
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 30, 2012
The war on Cheetos
Mexican Cartel Declares War on CheetosMexican drug cartels are not strictly drug cartels. One of their fastest-growing markets is extortion of private citizens and businesses. Don't pay, and you can be threatened — or worse. But largely, the cartels target small businesses and individuals, and stay away from the larger industries. Now several arson attacks over the weekend against a Mexican snack chip subsidiary might be the first time the cartels have targeted a multinational corporation.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 25, 2012
Everybody likes beer
Police say roving Mass. cows drank some brewsBOXFORD, Mass.—Police in Boxford say a roving group of cows crashed a small gathering in town and bullied the guests for their beer.
Boxford Police Lieutenant James Riter said he was responding to call for loose cows on Sunday and spotted them in a front yard on Main Street.
Riter says the herd soon high-tailed it for the backyard, and then he heard screaming.
He says when he ran back there, he saw the cows had chased off some young adults and were drinking their beers.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 24, 2012
Put the camera down real slow
Connecticut Cop Arrested After Pulling Gun On Cop Who Photographed HimFellow officers thought it would be funny to photograph David Davis, a Connecticut railroad police officer, sleeping at his desk while on shift.
They probably didn't expect Davis to wake up, pull out his gun and point at the officer who had just taken his picture.
"No one's taking pictures today," Davis told John Freeman. [...]
The incident took place in February. He [Davis] was arrested Friday.
Davis, 51, a Metro-North Railroad police officer, is now facing first-degree reckless endangerment charges.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 23, 2012
Never mind...
From the Post-Dispatch:
Never mind! Robber changes her mind at Richmond Heights bankRICHMOND HEIGHTS • A woman who tried to rob the Commerce Bank at 7910 Clayton Road over the weekend apparently changed her mind midway through the robbery attempt, grabbing her demand note and leaving the bank without money, police said.
The woman walked in about 9:50 a.m. Saturday and handed a note to the teller which indicated she wanted money and that she had a gun. But the woman became impatient after handing over the note, police said, retrieving it and walking out of the lobby.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 22, 2012
The real estate market's warming up
The $1 million parking space
Only in New York, kids . . .You'll need a trunk full of cash to park here.
The city's first million-dollar parking space is on the market.
The private garage at 66 E. 11th St. costs six times more than the national-average price of a single-family home.
Buying it would be the same as paying a $115 ticket for illegal parking every day — for 24 years. [...]
The hot space is about 12 feet wide, 23 feet long and more than 15 feet high.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 21, 2012
Open wide
I assume the rapid effect is due to inhaling the spray.
The binge drinking machine? Mouth spray that gets you drunk in seconds - but you sober up just as fastA new gadget is designed to get people drunk INSTANTLY.
The makers claim, however, that the 'harm' is limited, because you sober up equally rapidly.
The alcohol is delivered via an aerosol spray, so people feel briefly drunk, then sober up.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 17, 2012
What a headline (8)
Seattle Times: ‘With Dicks In,’ Congressional Dems Favor Gay Marriage Ban RepealThe copy editing team at the Seattle Times either had too much or not enough time on their hands this afternoon, when they ran with the headline: “With Dicks in, all 6 WA congressional Democrats favor repeal of gay-marriage ban.” The reference was to Rep. Norm Dicks (D-WA) who had just announced his support for the repeal of the state’s prohibition on gay marriage, but the effect of that headline was something quite different from what the Seattle Times had intended.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 16, 2012
Tell us what you really think
A Midsummer Night’s ClusterfuckIf you’re a Shakespeare virgin as either an actor or an audience member, A Midsummer Night’s Dream is the ideal place to start. The language is not intimidating or difficult, and it’s so filled with simple mischief and delight that it’s as close to foolproof as any play ever written. I’ve seen amateur productions of Midsummer that were at least winningly buoyant, and some were even unforgettable, maybe because it’s partly conceived as a send-up of amateur players. And now I’ve seen something I never thought I’d see, a star-studded production of Midsummer at Classic Stage (through May 20) that turns this most charming and actable of all Shakespeare plays into a disaster area of poor ideas and incoherent intentions, an extended agony of directorial and design malfeasance.
Via Samizdata
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 14, 2012
We're gonna party like it's 2013
New Mayan Calendar Discovered That Doesn't End in 2012Archeologists have unearthed what they say is the oldest known version of the Mayan calendar and one that doesn't "end" with the Earth's destruction later this year. Yeah, you're welcome.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 10, 2012
Hell hath no fury (4)
Chew Cheating RatA jilted dentist who pulled out all her boyfriend's teeth after he dumped her for another woman is facing three years in jail in Wroclaw, Poland.
Anna Mackowiak, 34, was astonished when just days after breaking up with her, Marek Olszewski, 45, turned up at her surgery complaining of tooth ache.
"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions.
"But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a bastard' and decided to take all his teeth out," she admitted.
After putting him to sleep with a heavy dose of anesthetic, the spurned dentist locked the door and then began plucking his teeth out one by one.
Via Nothing To Do With Arbroath
Update:The L.A. Times says, "Story about scorned dentist appears to be a hoax"
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 09, 2012
Lost or stolen or strayed
Hundreds of 5-year-old municipal vehicles found in Miami that were never usedHave you ever bought a brand new cars only to forget where you put it? How about 300 of them? Probably not – unless you're Miami-Dade County, which was recently reunited with 298 vehicles it bought brand new between 2006 and 2007.
The county "discovered" this fleet of no-mileage vehicles after reading about them in a Spanish-language newspaper there (see the source for more images). Most of the misplaced motorcade is made up of Toyota Prius hybrids whose warranties either expired with very few miles on the odo or will very soon.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 08, 2012
Don't bring a sword to a chain saw fight
Bloody battle between neighbours sees man's arm almost severed with a chain saw... and another's finger chopped off with a SAMURAI swordIn a bloody battle between two warring neighbours in Australia today, one man's arm was almost severed with a chain saw, while another had a finger chopped off with a Samurai sword.
Surgeons were later trying to save the arm of the chain saw victim, Mark Jorgenson, 29, while his neighbour Troy Thornton, 26, was being treated after losing his finger to the Samurai sword.
Police who rushed to the small town of Minto, south west of Sydney, found pools of blood in the street and Mr Jorgenson crying in pain from his almost-severed arm.
Via Clayton Cramer
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 07, 2012
What a headline (7)
Free Pussy RiotIn his final interview as president of Russia, Dmitry Medvedev was asked to comment on many of the issues one would expect—relations with the United States, Ukraine and Georgia, government corruption… and the Pussy Riot case.
While you might not have heard much, if anything, about Pussy Riot in this country, the feminist punk rock collective has roiled Russian politics. Back in February, on the eve of Russia’s presidential election, it gave an impromptu performance of “Punk Prayer” on the pulpit of Christ the Savior Cathedral—Moscow’s Russian Orthodox equivalent of St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City. The performers wore ski masks, jabbed and kicked at the air and genuflected to verses imploring the Virgin Mary to “get rid of Putin, get rid of Putin, get rid of Putin.”
Via The Agitator
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 04, 2012
The midi-chlorian count was low, no doubt
Obiwan Kenobi Arrested In Roseville Hit-And-RunROSEVILLE, Calif. (KCRA) -- Jedi-mind tricks apparently weren’t enough to keep Obiwan Kenobi out of the Placer County Jail.
Roseville police said that over the weekend they arrested a 37-year-old with the same name as the Star Wars character on suspicion of hit-and-run causing injury. Kenobi was also wanted on an unrelated charge of petty theft, authorities said.
Kenobi was arrested in connection with a five-vehicle crash that took place March 19 at Fairway and Rosehall drives.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 03, 2012
They're not going to watch themselves, are they?
Cops REQUIRE Copies of Unedited Porn Films Under New Simi Valley LawSimi Valley recently passed a law requiring porn performers to wear condoms, which was widely perceived as a way to keep out condomless productions fleeing from Los Angeles.
But tucked into that law was a provision requiring adult videos producers to submit unedited copies of their films to the local police department for review, according to CBS Los Angeles. You know, just to make sure there was no funny business going on.
This got LOLs from the folks at Fark: "Breathless sweaty detectives promise to put as many hours as it takes to service protection."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 02, 2012
Ridin' bareback
Nude pillion passenger allowed to ride on after she gets 'no helmet' ticketA woman riding on the back of a motorbike stark naked was pulled over by police - because she wasn't wearing her helmet.
The pillion passenger's dangerous curves no doubt proved distracting for other drivers on the road, but cops clearly didn't want to see her cover up.
After pulling the motorbike over in Romania, officers let the modern day Lady Godiva off with just a warning and a ticket for not donning a helmet.
The cheeky rider then hopped back on the bike, nude but for a crash helmet, and sped off - giving fellow motorists plenty of photo opportunities.
The nude rider may have stopped traffic, but cops only wanted her to put her helmet on (Pic: CEN)
Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 30, 2012
There's an app for that (4)
Smartphone app files official TSA complaints in real-timeA smartphone application set to debut next week looks to bring real-time complaint reporting to Transportation Security Administration (TSA) checkpoints.
Developed by funding from The Sikh Coalition, a civil rights umbrella group that looks out for people who follow Sikhism, the app asks a series of questions that mirror the complaint reporting document offered on the TSA’s website, then sends the agency an official report, which they claim are always followed-up on.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 27, 2012
Ready, fire, aim!
Teen Driver Shoots Flare Into Own Car, Police SayHOOKSETT, N.H. -- A teen driver who pointed a flare gun at another driver ended up firing a flare into his own car, police said.
State police said the incident began Monday evening when one driver cut off another car as they were going through the Hooksett tolls.
"There was a verbal exchange of some kind. I believe there was gesturing between the two of them," Sgt. Charles Johnston said.
Police said the two cars were driving north on Interstate 93 toward Bow when 18-year-old Nicholas Richer pointed a flare gun out of the window at the other driver. Investigators said Richer fired the flare into his own car as he was pulling the gun back in the window.
The other driver called 911 to report the incident.
"The flare gun discharged inside the suspect's vehicle, ignited, caught the right passenger's front seat on fire," Johnston said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 25, 2012
Ho-hum
The not-so-exciting story of how a Scottish village called Dull became twinned with a U.S. town called BoringIf you lived in a place with a Dull church, a Dull war memorial and a Dull Highland Adventure Safari would you fancy a trip to a town featuring Boring pubs and Boring restaurants?
That's what lies in store for the residents of the small settlement of Dull in Scotland as the community gears up to formally link with the town of Boring situated in the U.S. some 5,542 miles away. [...]
The idea of bringing the two places together emerged after Elizabeth Leighton, from Grandtully, in Perthshire, passed through the U.S. town while on a cycling holiday.
She then decided to share the news of her exciting discovery with her Dull friend Emma Burtles and chairman of the Boring Community Planning Organisation Steve Bates.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 24, 2012
Engrish WTF (2)
What exactly is 'Hand Shredded A$$ Meat'? A new dictionary for Chinese restaurants may tell youBEIJING – Overseas tourists often find the menus here befuddling, for good reason.
After all, what Westerner has experience with foods like these? “Cowboy leg,” “Hand-shredded ass meat,” “Red-burned lion head,” “Strange flavor noodles,” “Blow-up flatfish with no result,” or “Tofu made by woman with freckles.”
As proud as the Chinese people are of their thousands of years of gastronomic culture, even a Chinese native can feel disoriented when going to another province, given all the different styles of cooking. Many of the food names, often unique to different provinces, get lost in translation, especially in booming cities starting to embrace overseas tourists.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 23, 2012
He won't talk his way out of this one very easily
Hunter thinks he hears a pig, shoots his girlfriendA Florida woman is recovering from bullet wounds to her legs after she was hit accidentally by her boyfriend while hog-hunting, according to authorities.
The couple, both 52, were at Cowart Hunt Camp in Flagler County when the man heard a noise in the woods and fired, thinking it was a hog, wftv.com reported.
Instead of a hog, Steven Egan shot his girlfriend, Lisa Simmons. She suffered gunshot wounds to both legs Saturday night and was in serious condition.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 20, 2012
Not exactly the Orgasmatron
If you can't believe a management professor and a sexologist, who can you believe?
Researchers Claim Sex Robots Will Be Future Of Sex TourismLAS VEGAS (CBS Las Vegas) – Are robots the future of prostitution and sex tourism? That’s what two New Zealand researchers claim.
Ian Yeoman, management professor, and Michelle Mars, sexologist, are researchers at Victoria University of Wellington in New Zealand. Their work together revolved around the concept of futuristic sex tourism.
The hypothesis? Sex robots would become the leading ladies of sex-for-profit in the seemingly distant year of 2050.
The paper was called “Robots, Men and Sex Tourism,” a work that made its way into a journal called Futures, according to a report in The Dominion Post.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 19, 2012
Enough is enough
F***ing had enough of prank callsResidents of the picture postcard Austrian village of F***ing are to vote this week about whether to change the name.
The final straw has been a growing number of calls by pranksters who ring up locals and ask in English "Is That F***ing" - before hanging up.
F***ing Mayor Franz Meindl said the village's road signs were regularly stolen - even though they were now welded on steel posts set in concrete.
"The phone calls are really the final straw," he said.
Couples have also been spotted romping naked in front of the signs, and local entrepreneurs cashed in by selling F***ing postcards, F***ing Christmas cards and even F***ing beer.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 18, 2012
Eau de pomme
Smell like a MacBook Pro with this new perfume - yes, reallyHave you ever opened an Apple MacBook Pro box, inhaled and thought, "If I only I could smell like the inside of this box, I'd be the coolest person ever"? If so, your (frankly disturbing) dreams are about to come true with a new fragrance by Air Aroma, based on the smell of unboxing a new MacBook Pro.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 17, 2012
I'm sure it does
Cannabis wine catching on in CaliforniaA number of California winemakers are secretly producing wines laced with cannabis, with Cabernet Sauvignon the grape variety of choice for the blend.
“Pot wine is increasingly fashionable in wine country – much of the marijuana used for the wine comes from California’s weed capital Humboldt County,” Crane Carter, president of the Napa Valley Marijuana Growers said.
“Cabernet Sauvignon from the Stag’s Leap district is thought to pair particularly well with pot,” Carter added.
According to Carter, pot wine delivers a quicker high than pot brownies, and the combination of alcohol and marijuana produces “an interesting little buzz.”
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 16, 2012
Don't go a-knockin'
Gravy-wrestling model suffers horrific facial injuries after being hit with monkey wrench when she interrupted a friend having sexA model who became a champion gravy wrestler suffered serious eye damage after being hit in the face with a monkey wrench.
Elisa Sampson, 31, was hit in the face by her 'best friend' Sabina English, after arriving back at her home in Rossendale, Lancashire, and finding the single mother having sex with another friend on her sofa.
When kick boxer Elisa interrupted the two with a shout of: 'What are you doing', laundry worker English jumped up and hit her in the face with the garage tool, which was lying nearby on the floor.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 12, 2012
Well it wouldn't cut grass, would it?
Man found pushing lawn mower, cursing while in middle of streetA man was arrested early Tuesday after police found him cursing while pushing a lawn mower in the middle of the street.
Issac Kindred, 56, was charged with disorderly while intoxicated, Columbus police said.
According to reports, Kindred was seen about 2 a.m. Tuesday pushing a lawn mower as he walked in the middle of Floyd Road. Kindred stared at the sky, yelling, and he didn’t stop yelling after police told him to calm down.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 09, 2012
What comes after Vista?
Bill Gates funds new machine that filters your toilet waste back into 'drinkable' waterNext time you see a dog lapping thirstily at a toilet bowl, pause for thought - next time, it could be you.
A new invention - funded by Bill Gates - aims to turn used toilet water into drinking water.
Manchester University’s Sarah Haigh is an expert in nanotechnology - the science of manipulating atoms in matter - and says, it could make waste water from toilets safe to drink.
The innovation - which has been funded by billionaire Bill Gates - could transform the lives of millions of people in the third world.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 06, 2012
Cop fantasy
Seriously?
Woman's 'cop fantasy' ends with DUIALTOONA, Pa. -- A state trooper says an extremely drunk woman met him at the door wearing underpants and holding two yellow roses she wanted him to accept as part of her "cop fantasy" -- before he charged her with drunken driving instead.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 04, 2012
Oops (16)
Priest probed over indecent imagesThe head of the Catholic Church in Ireland has said a priest who revealed pornographic images during a Holy Communion presentation is being investigated.
Father Martin McVeigh was to host a Powerpoint presentation to parents at St Mary's School in Pomeroy, Co Tyrone last week.
Instead, around 16 pictures of gay porn which had been stored on a memory stick were shown to the 26 parents and an eight-year-old child who was also at the meeting.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 03, 2012
That'll draw 'em in, I'm sure
US town plans mock execution to attract touristsDoug Ellison, 49, has asked the town’s Planning and Zoning Commission for permission to build the attraction, and intends to stage a mock hanging - with his own neck in the noose. [...]
The commission is expected to vote on the proposal next month, and Mr Ellison said he was hopeful of securing approval.
“My vision is to stage a shooting, where I'd gun down someone in the street, have a trial and a hanging, all within 20 or so minutes,” he said. “Anything longer than that and the tourists would lose interest.”
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 01, 2012
Check your assumptions
From the Sun Sentinel's FloriDUH blog.
Report: Woman hid urine-filled vodka bottle in vaginaMishelle Lindy Salzgeber, of Dade City, tried an unorthodox approach to passing a drug test in her probation office: The 20-year-old woman filled a small vodka bottle with somebody else's urine and paced it in her vagina, reports WTSP News-10 in Tampa Bay.
However, the pee inside the vodka bottle failed the test, which led to her arrest.
Posted by joke du jour at 12:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 29, 2012
Don't hunt for Easter eggs in China
It's one way to get a dose of phosphorus.
Urine-soaked eggs a spring taste treat in China cityDONGYANG, China (Reuters) - It's the end of a school day in the eastern Chinese city of Dongyang, and eager parents collect their children after a hectic day of primary school.
But that's just the start of busy times for dozens of egg vendors across the city, deep in coastal Zhejiang province, who ready themselves to cook up a unique springtime snack favored by local residents.
Basins and buckets of boys' urine are collected from primary school toilets. It is the key ingredient in "virgin boy eggs", a local tradition of soaking and cooking eggs in the urine of young boys, preferably below the age of 10.
There is no good explanation for why it has to be boys' urine, just that it has been so for centuries.
The scent of these eggs being cooked in pots of urine is unmistakable as people pass the many street vendors in Dongyang who sell it, claiming it has remarkable health properties.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 28, 2012
A long walk on a short pier
Texting woman falls into lakeST. JOSEPH, Mich., March 20 (UPI) -- Authorities in Michigan said they pulled a 45-year-old woman out of Lake Michigan after she fell off a pier while text messaging.
St. Joseph police said Bonnie Miller of Benton Harbor was text messaging on her phone and was not carefully watching where she was walking when she fell Monday from the South Pier in St. Joseph, WOOD-TV, Grand Rapids, reported Tuesday.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 26, 2012
Real Women of Genius
'SMUGGLER': None-too-subtle license plate nets aspiring drug runnerHere’s a tip for all the would-be drug runners out there – don’t move kilos of cocaine in a car with a personalized license plate reading “SMUGGLER.”
Federal investigators contend a woman was caught in Blaine doing just that late last year.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 21, 2012
Higgledy piggledy
Police capture chicken at largeMANITOWOC — Police are seeking the owner of a chicken that was taken into custody Sunday.
According to the Manitowoc Police Department report:
An officer, called to the 600 block of South 28th Street for the report of a chicken at large, located the white hen. Police dispatch did not have any reports of a missing chicken. The chicken was skinny and looked as if it hadn’t been fed recently.
Higgledy Piggledy, my white hen;
She lays eggs for gentlemen.
You cannot persuade her with gun or lariat
To come across for the proletariat.
- Dorothy Parker
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 20, 2012
Server drones
The Pirate Bay to Fly 'Server Drones' to Avoid Law EnforcementThe world’s largest and most resilient BitTorrent site plans to redefine “cloud computing” with a plan to move at least some of its servers onto unmanned drones miles above Sweden.
In a Sunday blog post, The Pirate Bay announced new "Low Orbit Server Stations" that will house the site's servers and files on unmanned, GPS-controlled, aircraft drones.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 19, 2012
Hitler's Hollywood homies
Heil Hollywood: The Los Angeles bunker from which Hitler planned to run Nazi empire after the warIt sounds like the bizzare script of a Hollywood B-movie.
In a parallel universe the Nazis have won the war, Adolf Hitler moves to LA where he mingles with the stars of the silver screen while running his evil empire from a luxurious ranch deep in the LA hills.
But during the 1930s, American sympathisers were so confident this exact scenario was actually going happen they spent millions building a deluxe compound ready for their fuhrer's imminent arrival.
Equipped with a diesel power plant, 375,000 gallon concrete water tank , giant meat locker, 22 bedrooms and even a bomb shelter, the heavily guarded estate was home to a community of Hollywood fascists who hoped to ride out the war there.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 16, 2012
Meanwhile in Louisiana
Bill proposes no straw hole for drive-through daiquirisLouisiana lawmakers will consider restrictions on drive-through daiquiri sales when they convene next month.
Senator Dan Claitor proposes legislation to make it illegal for drive-through daiquiri shops to copntinue to use lids that can be punctured by a straw.
"This bill simply says it can't be pre-perforated," he explained.
The Baton Rouge lawmaker wants to remove the straw hole to make it harder for drive-through daiquiri customers to put a straw in their drink while they drive to their destination.
Claitor says he filed this exact bill two years ago and it didn't get out of committee.
Posted by joke du jour at 09:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 15, 2012
Facebook blues
Facebook 'friend' Offer Exposes Man's Other WifeTACOMA, Wash. (AP) -- A county corrections officer in Washington state has been charged with bigamy after Facebook discovered two women were connected to him and suggested they might want to be "friends."
Pierce County prosecutors say Alan L. O'Neill married a woman in 2001, moved out in 2009, changed his name and remarried without divorcing wife No. 1.
Wife No. 1 recently found out about Wife No. 2 when Facebook detected their connection to O'Neill and suggested the friendship connection. [...]
He was placed on administrative leave after prosecutors charged him Thursday. He could face up to a year in jail if convicted.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 14, 2012
Cognotive impairment
Most women would rather be beautiful than smart because most men can see better than they can think.
Why Interacting with a Woman Can Leave Men "Cognitively Impaired"Movies and television shows are full of scenes where a man tries unsuccessfully to interact with a pretty woman. In many cases, the potential suitor ends up acting foolishly despite his best attempts to impress. It seems like his brain isn’t working quite properly and according to new findings, it may not be.
Researchers have begun to explore the cognitive impairment that men experience before and after interacting with women. A 2009 study demonstrated that after a short interaction with an attractive woman, men experienced a decline in mental performance. A more recent study suggests that this cognitive impairment takes hold even when men simply anticipate interacting with a woman who they know very little about.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 13, 2012
It's in the air
New theory: CO2 makes you fatDanish researchers are speculating whether our large emissions of CO2, e.g. from fossil fuels such as coal, oil and natural gas, have a surprising ‘CO2 effect’ – making humans hungrier and fatter. (Photo: Colourbox)
No, this is not 1 April – and this is not an April Fool’s hoax.
Mad as it may sound, Danish researchers have announced a theory that may not only explain why people all over the world are getting fatter and fatter, but also warn of the serious consequences for life on Earth of continued pollution of the atmosphere by CO2 emissions.
In itself, the theory is quite simple: CO2 contributes to making us fat.
H.T. Paul B
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 12, 2012
Brawling to Brahms
Orchestra brawl: Fistfight in elite seats stuns symphony patronsIt gets so quiet during the second movement of the Brahms Symphony No. 2, you could almost hear a pin drop.
Or a sneeze. Or a fist hitting a face.
Such was the case Thursday night at Orchestra Hall in a ruckus the Chicago Symphony Orchestra officially described as “an incident” between “two patrons.” But shocked concert-goers and police called it a fist fight in one of the boxes — where the elite typically sit and expect a more refined experience.
Just as the second movement was drawing to a gentle close — with Music Director Riccardo Muti at the podium — a man in his 30s, according to police, started punching a 67-year-old man inside one of the boxes.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 09, 2012
Not TF
City rejects 'WTF' campaignFRUITA, Colo., Feb. 29 (UPI) -- Officials in a Colorado town said they won't be giving official approval to a marketing campaign using the initials "WTF."
Clink Kinney, city manager of Fruita, said the city decided not to incorporate the initials -- which stand for "Welcome to Fruita" as well as a popular text messaging and online chatting abbreviation for a profane phrase -- after asking for opinions from the public, USA Today reported Wednesday.
Posted by joke du jour at 11:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 08, 2012
Coffee klatch told to give up coffee
Coffee is banned... from mums' coffee morning groupCouncil officers told the group to change its name from Coffee and Play to Baby Play – and swap biscuits for fruit and breadsticks as snacks
Mums have been told they cannot have a cup of coffee while looking after their toddlers at a children’s centre – because it’s against health and safety rules.
Council officers also told the group to change its name from Coffee and Play to Baby Play – and swap biscuits for fruit and breadsticks as snacks.
No children have been hurt in the five years the group has been running but the council said hot drinks were dangerous – even in special safety flasks.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 07, 2012
Beats getting shot by a Smith & Wesson
How to Build a Speech-Jamming GunThe drone of speakers who won't stop is an inevitable experience at conferences, meetings, cinemas, and public libraries.
Today, Kazutaka Kurihara at the National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology in Tskuba and Koji Tsukada at Ochanomizu University, both in Japan, present a radical solution: a speech-jamming device that forces recalcitrant speakers into submission.
The idea is simple. Psychologists have known for some years that it is almost impossible to speak when your words are replayed to you with a delay of a fraction of a second. [...]
In tests, Kurihara and Tsukada say their speech jamming gun works well: "The system can disturb remote people's speech without any physical discomfort."
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 06, 2012
Listen to your mother
Teenager wins £53,000 on lottery after finding ticket when mother forced him to clean bedroomSlovenly Ryan Kitching, 19, reluctantantly clean his bedroom after being nagged by mum Susan when he unearthed 12 old tickets in his drawer he thought he had checked.
He was about to bin them but decided to take them to the supermarket to double-check - and one ticket contained five numbers and the bonus ball netting him a cool £52,981.
Delighted part-time Tesco worker Ryan said yesterday: "I am totally speechless - it was the happiest day of my life easily.
"My mum had been nagging me for weeks to tidy my room so I started cleaning up and found a pile of old tickets.
"I was about to bin them but at the last minute I got this strange feeling that I should get them checked.
"Next time she nags me to tidy my room I won't need telling twice."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 05, 2012
I think I'll check out the log flume, thanks
New winged roller coaster ‘the Swarm’ rips the arms off crash test dummiesA theme park in London is set to debut a powerful new winged roller coaster this month, but only after first figuring out how not to dismember its riders. Time reports that Thorpe Park has been conducting test runs of its new coaster, the Swarm, even enlisting fighter pilots who described the ride as "gut-wrenching." [...]
The ride's designers ran some test runs with crash test dummies, leaving many shocked when the dummies returned from the experience missing arms and legs. A team of former British fighter pilots were then brought in as the coaster's preparation neared completion. Mark Cutmore, team leader of the Blades, a stunt pilot organization, told the Metro: "I am a self-confessed adrenaline junkie, but even as a pilot used to G-force there were some gut-wrenching moments, and I have to admit the near miss element is eye-watering -- you really do feel as if you are going to crash into the structures."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 02, 2012
Rocky road
340-ton boulder to begin tortuous trip to LACMA, because it's artA 340-ton boulder is expected to begin its difficult trek Tuesday night from a Riverside County quarry, rolling to a stop 11 days later in a new art exhibit at LACMA.
The two-story-high rock will begin its 106-mile journey on a custom-built, 294-foot-long centipede-like transporter between 10 and 11 p.m. and travel at the painstakingly slow speed of about 5 mph. It’s due to arrive at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art on Wilshire Boulevard in the wee hours of the morning March 10.
The 680,000-pound boulder is so large that work crews from about 100 utility districts will have to take down traffic signs, overhead wires and other obstacles to let the rock pass and then reinstall them later.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 01, 2012
Fix your FaceTime
Plastic Surgeon Invents Procedure for iPhone UsersLadies and gentlemen, prepare to be horrified.
There is now a plastic surgeon in Northern Virginia offering a "FaceTime Facelift," a medical procedure that, very specifically, aims to improve the way you look when video-chatting using the FaceTime app on the iPhone.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 29, 2012
Have they got a bridge for you
Two men held for stealing historic Chinese bridgeTwo men have been arrested in China on suspicion of stealing a historic, century-old bridge, reports say.
The duo, identified only as Mr Hong and Mr Wang, are both from Anhui province.
They are being held on suspicion of cutting up and stealing the 17.5m-long Fengle bridge in Chenyi village in Fengxian district in Shanghai.
A villager found the bridge missing last November, with only two support structures left, said The Global Times.
"The two men confessed that they used two cranes and two trucks that night to lift and remove the 16 stone pieces that formed the floor of the bridge," the report quoted Ruan Jilong, deputy director of Jinhai police station in Fengxian district, as saying.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 28, 2012
When pork gets personal
Giving sausage a face“Pig 3” has become an online star. The sow was the winner of the latest Meine Kleine Farm Facebook competition. The prize? Slaughter.
Pig 3 met its fate on Friday in Brandenburg at farmer Bernd Schulz’s pig farm - its memory will live on in the form of pork products. The pig’s face will appear on the packaging of 250 glasses of Leberwurst, 50 cotechino or Schlackwurst (a type of boiled Italian sausage) and 25 Mettringe sausages, already promised to buyers over the meinekleinefarm.org online shop.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 24, 2012
Try a little wine with that grease
An Unconventional Pairing: Wine and 'Sliders' at the CastleLAFAYETTE, Ind.—The wine list at the White Castle here proposes a thoughtfully balanced varietal selection, from a pétillant Moscato to a quite approachable Merlot.
Jeanette Merritt stopped by one lunchtime for a tasting. Ms. Merritt isn't new to wine; she's the Indiana Wine Grape Council's marketing director. Wine, however, is new to White Castle. Since December, at this one location, the hamburger chain has been pairing some elegant aspirations with its rather unpretentious "sliders."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 23, 2012
That's why I never go there
‘Too many Bulgarians in Bulgaria’A Norwegian family who traveled on a package tour to Bulgaria filed a formal complaint and demanded a refund, because most of the other guests at the hotel where they were staying were Bulgarians.
The Hotel Sveti Toma in Bulgaria, shown here on one of many booking sites. The Norwegian family traveled to Bulgaria, but wanted to vacation with other Norwegians, not Bulgarians.
The family conceded in its complaint that the Hotel Sveti Toma itself and its vacation facilities were fine, reported newspaper Aftenposten on Wednesday. They had wanted, however, to spend their holiday with other Scandinavians, and contended that tour operator Apollo should have informed them that most of the guests at the Bulgarian hotel were either Bulgarian or from other eastern European countries.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 22, 2012
Ouch! (10)
Kite Surfer Hospitalized After Colliding With Building in FloridaPALM BEACH, Fla. - A kite surfer was hospitalized Sunday after losing control in the air and colliding with a building in Palm Beach, Fla.
The surfer, who has not been identified, was swept into the lakeside one-story building as strong winds gusting as high as 31mph (50kmh) buffeted the area, The Palm Beach Post reported. [...]
There was no damage to the building, the spokeswoman added.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 21, 2012
The pole poll
Porn stars set for pole dancing battle to be mayor of Italian town TarantoAmandha Fox and Luana Borgia are vying to become the next civic leader of the town, and are hoping to wow voters not only with their mandates, but also with their pole dancing skills.
Porn star Amandha Fox Interesting debate: Porn star Amandha Fox is sure to attract a few floating voters (Picture: CEN)The pair have arranged a pole dancing night next month when voters can come along to hear about local election issues, although how many will turn up for a keen policy discussion is unclear.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 18, 2012
Ouch! (9)
Bartlett man finds $26,000 in safe bought on eBay(WMC-TV) - A Bartlett man found thousands of dollars inside an item he bought on eBay.
James Labrecque sold an old safe on eBay for $122.93.
"I made a mistake, you know, that's what it boils down to," said Labrecque. "And it cost me dearly." [...]
Labrecque lives in California. The person who bought the safe lives in Bartlett. Upon receipt, the buyer brought the safe to a welder, who cut it open.
Inside the safe was $26,000 in cash.
The buyer gave Labrecque a positive review and shared the news.
Posted by joke du jour at 09:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 16, 2012
Irony meter pegged again
Diner suffers cardiac arrest while eating a Triple Bypass Burger in restaurant called the Heart Attack GrillIt was always going to be unwise naming a restaurant that glorifies unhealthy food the Heart Attack Grill.
And on Saturday the inevitable happened when a customer suffered a cardiac arrest in the chain's Las Vegas branch.
An onlooker captured video of paramedics wheeling the unidentified man, thought to be in his 40s, out of the fast-food diner.
He was midway through eating a 6,000-calorie Triple Bypass Burger when he began experiencing chest pains.
The restaurant chain - founded in 2005 using the catchphrase 'Taste Worth Dying For!' - is run by a former nutritionist 'Doctor' Jon Basso who, remarkably, used to run a Jenny Craig weight loss diet centre. [...]
The Triple Bypass Burger contains three slabs of meat, 12 rashes of bacon, cheese, red onion, sliced tomato and the Heart Attack Grill's own 'unique special sauce'. And that's before taking into account the accompanying 'Flatliner Fries', cooked in pure lard, and a giant soft drink.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 15, 2012
Smokin' hot Volvo
I used to drive a Volvo 240 wagon like Mr. Prokop's; check out the pictures at the link. I liked mine - though it would hardly get out of its own way.
Swiss man replaces car's broken heater with a wood burning stoveWhen his Volvo's heater broke, Pascal Prokop took drastic action to avoid the bitter Swiss winter and installed a wood burning stove in the front of his car.
As Europe is brought to its knees by the big freeze, motorists have been advised to take extra precautions when making long journeys.
Drivers and passengers are now making sure they have torches, blankets, food rations, wellies, a thermos of sweet hot tea and a map, just in case their journey is interrupted by an unexpected blizzard.
But if Pascal falls prey to the current precipitation predicament, he won't be too bothered.
He drives a 1990 Volvo 240 - a model that is usually seen with a couple of black labradors and muddy football boots in the back - but in Pascal's car you'll find a fully functioning wood-burning stove.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 14, 2012
Spice it up
Spice up your Valentine's Day with some 'testi-escargot' for two“When I think ‘love,’ I think ‘cheeks,’ ‘hearts’ and ‘tongues,’” says chef John Critchley of Washington D.C.’s Urbana Restaurant and Wine Bar.
If your Valentine’s plans are absent cheeks and tongues, maybe it’s time to regroup. Food to woo potential lovers include lobster, steak and molten chocolate cake. They're good and all, but they lack imagination. They lack boldness. The lack balls. Chef Richard Knight lacks neither.
"Tongue in Testicles is always a good one,” Knight says of his sheep testicle and lamb tongue mélange. “They’re a bit like sweet breads,” he says of the testicles. Still a hard sell, but you go with what you’ve got.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 13, 2012
What a caper
A Cop Chased Himself For 20 Minutes Because CCTV Confused Him With a SuspectOn a cold, dark night on the mean streets of the UK, an undercover police officer was radioed and informed that a potential suspect was close by. Keen to do the right thing, he set off in hot pursuit. Twenty fraught minutes later, he learned he'd been chasing... himself.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 11, 2012
Got a permit for that teaspoon?
Teaspoon is 'drug paraphernalia', Sainsbury's tells Grocer journoWhen is a teaspoon not a teaspoon? When it’s “drug paraphernalia”, The Grocer discovered this week.
The Grocer’s own senior reporter Elinor Zuke was shocked when an age verification alert was triggered by a £1.19 pack of six Basics teaspoons at a self-scan checkout in The Grocer’s local Sainsbury’s store in West Green, Crawley.
When she asked why the purchase had to be verified, she was told the spoons “could be used as drug paraphernalia”.
“I couldn’t understand what the problem was - when the supervisor said it was because they could be used as drug paraphernalia I was completely shocked,” Zuke said.
“I would imagine the vast majority of spoons sold by Sainsbury’s are used for nothing more nefarious than stirring a cup of tea. Having to prove I was over 18 to buy them seemed total madness.” [...]
Posted by joke du jour at 11:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 07, 2012
At least his outfit was co-ordinated
Cops Bust Naked Burglar Covered In Chocolate, Peanut ButterFEBRUARY 3--A naked burglar covered in chocolate and peanut butter was arrested early Tuesday after workers found him inside a Kentucky supermarket.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 06, 2012
TGFB (9)
Jack in the Box Creates a Bacon MilkshakeJack in the Box is now serving a Bacon Milkshake. Yes, it's real, and yes, they are hoping it will cause some sort of bacon-fueled mass hysteria, so it's "as limited as limited can be." Denny's produced a Maple Bacon Sundae for their Baconalia promotion, so it's not unheard of for a chain to add bacon to dessert, although word on the street is the Jack in the Box shake uses bacon-flavored syrup and not actual porky goodness.
H.T. Jeff G
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Duties ignored
Lawsuit: Defendant Breached a Duty Not to Shoot Bottle Rockets Out of His AnusFrom a complaint filed on January 23 in West Virginia, reported today by Courthouse News Service:
8. [Defendant] was highly intoxicated on this date and time, and decided in his drunken stupor that it would be a good idea to shoot bottle rockets out of his anus on the [Alpha Tau Omega fraternity] deck, located on the back of the ATO house.10. [Defendant] placed a bottle rocket in his anus [and] ignited the fuse, but instead of launching, the bottle rocket blew up in Defendant's rectum, and this startled plaintiff and caused him to jump back, at which time he fell off of the ATO deck, and he became lodged between the deck and an air conditioner unit adjacent to the deck.
13. Per the applicable codes ... the deck in question should have had a railing, which comported with said codes.
16. ATO owed plaintiff a duty to provide a safe deck, including a railing, and ... a duty to supervise its guests and its own fraternity members, such as Defendant, and other under age persons, from consuming alcohol on its premises, which leads to stupid and dangerous activities, such as shooting bottle rockets out of one's own anus.
18. [Defendant] also owed plaintiff ... a duty of care not to drink under age, or to file bottle rockets out of his anus.
Via Clayton Cramer (who has better taste than to quote it)
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 04, 2012
But what do you tell your mother?
This is being reported as ordinary news; it may be the straight dope.
Dozens apply for brothel inspector jobA firm of private investigators in Australia has been advertising for a £50,000-a-year 'brothel inspector'.
The post involves "partaking of sexual services" undercover on behalf of local councils in New South Wales. [...]
"We had dozens if not more than that apply, it was certainly a popular job," he said, "the perfect job for a male.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 01, 2012
Organic authentic messaging
How Much Can a Celebrity Make for Tweeting?The weirdest thing about the rumor that Kim Kardashian gets paid $10,000 for a Twitter endorsement is that it’s true. (She recently plugged ShoeDazzle.com*, for instance.) The biggest player in the pay-to-tweet market is Ad.ly, a social-media advertorial clearinghouse pairing brands with celebs to inject highly personalized advertising into their Twitter streams.
The pay rate for endorsing companies like Old Navy, Toyota, Best Buy, and American Airlines is determined by the size of a celeb’s following and how that group responds to his tweets with shares and retweets. [...]
Of course Charlie didn’t write those tweets himself. No celebrity does. Instead, they’re composed by hungry young tweet ghostwriters whose job it is to broadcast a celebrity’s voice in 140 characters. Says Ad.ly CEO Arnie Gullov-Singh, “Consumers react positively to organic authentic messaging.”
Via Carpe Diem
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 30, 2012
Tells you everything except her phone number
News from Brighton, England.
I've slept with 1,000 men so far - I don't care if people judge me!After spotting a gorgeous young man on her way to the shops, Crystal Warren couldn’t wait to speak to him on her way home. She’d spent her whole grocery trip daydreaming about where they could sneak off for some illicit sex.
Two hours later, after flirting outrageously with the total stranger and talking her way into his bed, she was back at home, delighted at how her afternoon had panned out.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 29, 2012
We got yer tacos, Mr. Mayor
Hundreds of tacos sent to Connecticut mayorEast Haven, Connecticut (CNN) -- Two days after a Connecticut mayor delivered an errant comment about eating tacos to support East Haven Latinos, some of whom are the alleged victims of police mistreatment, Mayor Joseph Maturo Jr. apparently got his wish.
Some 500 tacos were delivered to his office Thursday after a Latino activist group called Junta for Progressive Action launched a text-for-tacos campaign to draw attention to the comment, which Maturo later apologized for.
Posted by joke du jour at 12:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 26, 2012
I believe Texans can deep fry anything
Deep-fried beer invented in TexasThe beer is placed inside a pocket of salty, pretzel-like dough and then dunked in oil at 375 degrees for about 20 seconds, a short enough time for the confection to remain alcoholic.
When diners take a bite the hot beer mixes with the dough in what is claimed to be a delicious taste sensation.
Inventor Mark Zable said it had taken him three years to come up with the cooking method and a patent for the process is pending. He declined to say whether any special ingredients were involved.
His deep-fried beer will be officially unveiled in a fried food competition at the Texas state fair later this month.
H.T. Jeff G
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 25, 2012
Passing the smell test
Strip club launches 'Alibi' aftershave to recreate scent of the officeYou're home late, your clothes are dishevelled you smell of alcohol. How do you convince your better half you really weren’t out on the tiles?
The answer may be here... in the form of a new range of aftershaves designed to throw suspicious wives and girlfriends off the scent.
The Alibi range can mask the smell of a heavy night with aromas linked to more wholesome activities.
For example, My Car Broke Down is said to recreate the scent of fuel, burnt rubber, grease and steel, while I Was Working Late packs the odour of coffee, wool suits, cigarettes and ink.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 24, 2012
Expensive money
Two dollar bill is hot again for TetIn recent years, giving US$2 bill as lucky money has become a trend in Vietnam, as it is thought to bring good luck. As Tet, or Lunar New Year, draws near, many are willing to pay 60 times the bill’s value to get one.
“$2 bills are produced in small numbers compared to other kinds. Besides, two is a beautiful number in Asian conception. Many buy the bills to put inside their wallet or to give to friends for good luck,” said Nguyen Hang, who works for a big supermarket in Hanoi.
She said she had just reserved a spot to buy a US$2 note, which is worth VND2.5 million ($125).
“It’s not new, but what is special is that it was printed 50 years ago, and its last four digits are 4444. That’s how the value was added up,” she explained.
Via Carpe Diem
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 23, 2012
This was only a test
Passengers on British Airways flight terrified after message warns of crash landingThe friendly skies turned terribly frightening for passengers aboard a trans-Atlantic flight.
The overnight British Airways trip from Miami to London’s Heathrow Airport was thrown into panic after a recorded message mistakenly announced their plane was about to crash in the ocean.
“We were about three hours into the flight when an automated message came over ... saying, ‘This is an emergency. We will shortly be making an emergency landing on water,’” passenger Duncan Farquharson told the London Daily Mail. [...]
“We looked at each other and figured we were both about to die,” he told the British paper. “Families with children were distraught and people were in tears. It was very distressing.”
Thirty seconds later, a crew member casually announced that the prerecorded announcement was played accidentally and there was no risk.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 20, 2012
Oops (14)
Always mount a scratch monkey.
Freak washing machine accident boils lab monkey alivePENNINGTON — They forgot to take the monkey out of the cage.
Bristol-Myers Squibb accidentally killed a crab-eating macaque this past summer when its cage was run through the wash cycle while the primate remained locked inside, according to an inspection report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 19, 2012
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time
Iran Mocks US With Toy DroneThe Iranian government, which captured a U.S. stealth drone in December, has agreed to give the top-secret spy craft back, but with a catch.
Instead of the original RQ-170 Sentinel drone, the Islamic Republic said Tuesday that it will send President Obama a tiny toy replica of the plane.
Iranian state radio said that the toy model will be 1/80th the size of the real thing. Iranian citizens can also buy their own toy copies of the drone, which will be available in stores for the equivalent of $4.
The White House formally requested return of the drone after the Iranians displayed it on state television. The U.S. says that the craft was operating over Eastern Afghanistan.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 18, 2012
Just picture it...
Dressing psychiatrists like wizards on the witness standChecking out a published report, Erik Magraken contacted former New Mexico state senator Duncan Scott and found that it was true, the lawmaker had indeed introduced a legislative amendment in 1995 providing that:
When a psychologist or psychiatrist testifies during a defendant’s competency hearing, the psychologist or psychiatrist shall wear a cone-shaped hat that is not less than two feet tall. The surface of the hat shall be imprinted with stars and lightning bolts. Additionally, a psychologist or psychiatrist shall be required to don a white beard that is not less than 18 inches in length, and shall punctuate crucial elements of his testimony by stabbing the air with a wand. Whenever a psychologist or psychiatrist provides expert testimony regarding a defendant’s competency, the bailiff shall contemporaneously dim the courtroom lights and administer two strikes to a Chinese gong…The amendment — intended satirically, one should hasten to add –”passed with a unanimous Senate vote” but was removed from its bill before consideration by the state house and never became law.
Via Coyote blog
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 17, 2012
I wonder if anyone took her up on it?
Police: woman offered sexual favors in exchange for McNuggetsA Los Angeles woman was arrested after she offered sexual favors in exchange for chicken McNuggets, Burbank police said.
Khadijah Baseer of Los Angeles reportedly opened customers’ car doors in the drive-thru of McDonald’s on the 1700 block of Olive Avenue about 11 p.m. Wednesday, asking for free chicken McNuggets in exchange for sexual favors, Officer Joshua Kendrick said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 15, 2012
Sleepless in NYC
Ringing Finally Ended, but There’s No Button to Stop ShameThe unmistakably jarring sound of an iPhone marimba ring interrupted the soft and spiritual final measures of Mahler’s Symphony No. 9 at the New York Philharmonic on Tuesday night. The conductor, Alan Gilbert, did something almost unheard-of in a concert hall: He stopped the performance. But the ringing kept on going, prompting increasingly angry shouts in the audience directed at the malefactor. [...]
But no one, it seems, felt worse than the culprit, who agreed to an interview on Thursday on condition that he not be identified — for obvious reasons.
“You can imagine how devastating it is to know you had a hand in that,” said the man, who described himself as a business executive between 60 and 70 who runs two companies. “It’s horrible, horrible.” The man said he had not slept in two days.
Posted by joke du jour at 04:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 12, 2012
Clever answer
Man asked why he has large amount of cash, 'I don't have a job, read between the lines'CRESTVIEW — A 24-year-old man was arrested Dec. 18 on charges of cocaine distribution, smuggling contraband into a detention facility and misdemeanor narcotic equipment possession.
Adrian Lamar Warren was pulled over after running a red light at McCaskill Street and East James Lee Boulevard, according to his Okaloosa County Sheriff's arrest report. [...]
During an interview, Warren was asked why he had such a large amount of cash and he responded saying, "I don't have a job, read between the lines."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 11, 2012
Criminal master minds (3)
Robber hands gun to cashier by mistake during robberyThe thief raided the Halifax bank in Cheapside in the City of London and demanded £700,000 in cash from the bank worker.
But after making his demands, the crook - who was wearing shades and a flat cap - handed over his gun to the cashier instead of a bag.
The male cashier froze as the crook realised his mistake and made a grab for his gun before running off as the security shutters came down.
Bank staff immediately raised the alarm, but the thief escaped after stealing a bank worker's bike and pedalling off.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 10, 2012
Markets in everything (16)
Sci-Fi Brothel to Open in NevadaHey gents, have you ever found yourself jealous of Captain James T. Kirk and his, …er intergalactic conquests? Do you longingly watch Jabba the Hutt’s dancing slave (her name is Oola, if you’re interested) and wonder, what if? Do you long to go where no man has gone before? Well, once a new sci-fi brothel opens in Nevada, you can.
Nevada is the only state that allows legal prostitution, and there are two dozen licensed brothels in the state, but none are sci fi-themed, yet. Nevada businessman and documentary star Dennis Hof just bought a run-down brothel 90 miles from Las Vegas and is planning on turning it into his newest business venture: Alien Cathouse.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 09, 2012
Sure it did
'Stolen' car parks itself in garageA BIZARRE case involving a stolen car at Stirling has been cracked.
The case started when an Upper Sturt man left his car in the rear car park of the shopping complex at the corner of Pine St and Old Mt Barker Rd in Stirling while he went for a walk early on Sunday, December 18.
When he returned 15 minutes later, the car was nowhere to be found and he reported it stolen to police.
The stolen car was unaccounted for until Wednesday, January 4, when the new owners of a nearby house returned home.
They reported to police that while they were away, someone had broken into their garage. [...]
"Inside the garage they discovered the stolen car."
Investigations revealed that the man originally left the car without placing its automatic transmission into park.
"After he walked away, the car rolled through the car-park, across the road, down the driveway and forced itself under the roller door, parking perfectly inside the garage where it remained safely undercover for 17 days," the spokesman said.
Via Nothing To Do With Arbroath
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 06, 2012
And how do you spell that, sir?
Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop arrestedA man with a rather unique name was arrested by Madison police Thursday because police said he was violating bail conditions from previous problems with the law.
Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, 30, Madison, was tentatively charged with carrying a concealed weapon, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and a probation violation after his arrest at about 3 p.m. in the 800 block of East Mifflin Street.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 05, 2012
Squirrely or not?
Years ago, we lived a neighborhood with many trees and so with many squirrels too. One of our neighbors used to trap the squirrels (in live traps), drive them to a city park about 6 blocks away, and release them there. My guess was that the squirrels were back at his house before he was.
Residents firing at squirrels creates an issue in ChesterfieldFormer Chesterfield Ward 1 Councilman Gene Schenberg insists he has the constitutional right to use firearms or other weapons to protect his home from repeated invasions.
By squirrels.
But Schenberg's firing of pellet guns and darts to quell nuisance squirrels on his property has become a danger, said current Ward 1 Councilman Matt Segal, who defeated Schenberg for the council post three years ago.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 04, 2012
This beats a birth certificate story
White House Denies CIA Teleported Obama to MarsForget Kenya. Never mind the secret madrassas. The sinister, shocking truth about Barack Obama’s past lies not in east Africa, but in outer space. As a young man in the early 1980s, Obama was part of a secret CIA project to explore Mars. The future president teleported there, along with the future head of Darpa.
That’s the assertion, at least, of a pair of self-proclaimed time-traveling, universe-exploring government agents. Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings insist that they once served as “chrononauts” at Darpa’s behest, traversing the boundaries of time and space. They swear: A youthful Barack Obama was one of them.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 03, 2012
Industrial-strength fashion
Fashion designer crafts gown out of Ford Focus partsAuto designers spend a lot of time trying to achieve the classiness of haute couture. Now fashion designers are trying emulate them, incorporating car parts into a gown.
Two young British designers have created an elegant Edwardian dress and necklace with parts from a 2012 Ford Focus.
Scottish designer Judy Clark formed her frock with the help of two boxes full of components sent by Ford -- car keys, radio and dashboard components, seat covers and two red taillights. Clark said she wanted to create a dress that was both feminine yet involved industrial mechanics, Ford says.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 02, 2012
Ook
Orangutans to Skype between zoos with iPadsFor the last six months, orangutans — those great, hairy, orange apes that go “ook” a lot — at Milwaukee zoo have been playing games and watching videos on Apple’s (seemingly ubiquitous) iPad, but now their keepers and the charity Orangutan Outreach want to go one step further and enable ape-to-ape video chat via Skype or FaceTime.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 01, 2012
A real high-roller
Lexington man charged with making a fake $1 million bill and trying to spend itTalk about leaving the store with a big chunk of change.
A Lexington man is accused trying to use a fake $1 million bill to pay for his purchases at a Walmart.
Michael Anthony Fuller, 53, of 3 Parker St., walked into the Walmart on Lowes Boulevard in Lexington on Nov. 17. He shopped for a while, picking up a vacuum cleaner, a microwave oven and other merchandise, totaling $476, an arrest warrant says.
When he got to the register, Fuller gave the cashier the phony bill, saying that it was real.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 30, 2011
Oops (13)
Kind columnist vows to help N.Y.Times readers on its reneged offerOh, geez, where's the Unsend button?
It's happened to most everybody, though less expensively so. A worker for the New York Times was preparing a pleading missive to several hundred disgruntled subscribers noting that they had recently canceled their paper deliveries.
We've all received such offers, some of them pretty good. 'We just know you miss us.' How about we cut the price of your newspaper subscription in half for the next 12, no, make that 16 weeks as a gesture of commercial good will -- and privately, "God Almighty, we've got to stop this circulation drop somehow!"
The Times worker, who will shortly be informed that he/she has accepted the next buyout offer, pushed the button. And off the email went -- to nearly 9 million people on the wrong list.
People who had not canceled their subscriptions. People who'd given their email to the newspaper for some reason long ago. People who liked the generous out-of-the-blue offer to cut in half what they'd already paid in full. And people who had thought the famous newspaper knew what was going on in the world but now discovered in its own offices apparently not so much.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 29, 2011
Partyin' hearty
Man shot as people pass around loaded gunA Rock Island man was shot in his lower right leg and ankle when a loaded 12-gauge shotgun, which several people were passing around inside a house and posing with for pictures, discharged and struck him, Moline police said.
Posted by joke du jour at 10:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 28, 2011
Meet Pink Sparkly
'Call me Pink Sparkly And All Things Nice' says name change salon owner
Beauty therapist Charlotte Price has changed her name to Pink Sparkly And All Things Nice in a bid to promote her business.The Nottingham mother of three, who goes by the shortened version of her name, Pink Nice, is just one of 100,000 Brits who decided to change their name this year.
She admits that she is obsessed with the colour, wears mostly pink clothes and has decorated her house in the colour, complete with furnishings.
'Everyone is still calling me by my old name. My mum thinks I'm a bit mad really and so do my children. They stick to Mum,' she said
The salon worker even decked her business out entirely in the colour and even uses pink wax on her clients.
Via Nothing To Do With Arbroath
Posted by joke du jour at 05:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 26, 2011
Markets in everything (15)
Mexico Mayan region launches apocalypse countdownSeize the day.
Only 52 weeks and a day are left before Dec. 21, 2012, when some believe the Maya predicted the end of the world.
Unlike enthusiasts of other doomsday theories who suggest putting together survival kits, southeastern Mexico, the heart of Maya territory, plans a yearlong celebration.
Mexico's tourism agency expects to draw 52 million visitors by next year only to the regions of Chiapas, Yucatan, Quintana Roo, Tabasco and Campeche. All of Mexico usually lures about 22 million foreigners in a year.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 24, 2011
Merry effin' Christmas
X-rated Christmas email wishing staff 'good sex' gets police chief suspendedEuclides Santos, police chief in the central Portuguese city of Coimbra, was suspended after an x-rated power point presentation was emailed out to all municipal staff in place of a wholesome festive message.
The presentation, featured on Portuguese television, included images of scantily clad women and was rounded off by Mr Santos wishing the 15,000 recipients success in the bedroom, Reuters reported.
'Enough with insincere and useless words. What I wish you from the bottom of my heart, is that you have incredible sexual relations, live a merry and happy life, work hard and get well paid,' the slide said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 23, 2011
Joe Schmo's Lambo
Utah man wins Lamborghini, crashes it hours laterSALT LAKE CITY — A truck driver who won a Lamborghini worth about $300,000 in a convenience store contest crashed the sports car six hours after he got it, and he now plans to sell the 640-horsepower convertible because he can't afford the insurance or taxes.
"I already had offers on it. I'm going to sell it," David Dopp said Wednesday. "I have bills more important than a Lamborghini. I've got a family to support."
Dopp, a 34-year-old truck driver for Frito-Lay, spun out of control just a few hours after taking the keys to the Murcielago Roadster that he won in a "Joe Schmo to Lambo" contest sponsored by Maverik convenience stores.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 22, 2011
Clipper terror
I'm sure these assaults were no fun for the victims. Nonetheless, this sounds like an SNL skit.
Amish beard-cutting suspects arrestedFederal agents arrested the leader of a renegade Amish group and six others in eastern Ohio on Wednesday and charged them with hate crimes for a series of beard- and hair-cutting assaults against Amish men and women.
In a case that drew wide attention because of the unusual nature of the attacks, five of the men were arrested last month on kidnapping and other state charges, and were out on bail. [...]
In at least four violent attacks over the last few months, groups of men from Mullet's compound held men down to shear their beards with scissors and battery-operated clippers. In one case, several of Mullet's nephews also hacked off the hair of their own mother — Mullet's sister — who had fled the compound years earlier.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 20, 2011
Plus ça change...
115-year-old electric car gets same 40 miles to the charge as Chevy VoltMeet the Roberts electric car. Built in 1896, it gets a solid 40 miles to the charge — exactly the mileage Chevrolet advertises for the Volt — the much-touted $31,645 electric car General Motors CEO Dan Akerson called "not a step forward, but a leap forward."
The executives at Chevrolet can rest easy for now. Since the Roberts was constructed in an age before Henry Ford's mass production, the 115-year-old electric car is one of a kind.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 19, 2011
Christmas spirit
Anonymous donors pay off Kmart layaway accountsOMAHA, Neb. (AP) — The young father stood in line at the Kmart layaway counter, wearing dirty clothes and worn-out boots. With him were three small children.
He asked to pay something on his bill because he knew he wouldn't be able to afford it all before Christmas. Then a mysterious woman stepped up to the counter.
"She told him, 'No, I'm paying for it,'" recalled Edna Deppe, assistant manager at the store in Indianapolis. "He just stood there and looked at her and then looked at me and asked if it was a joke. I told him it wasn't, and that she was going to pay for him. And he just busted out in tears." [...]
Before she left the store Tuesday evening, the Indianapolis woman in her mid-40s had paid the layaway orders for as many as 50 people. On the way out, she handed out $50 bills and paid for two carts of toys for a woman in line at the cash register.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 16, 2011
Cheaper than an empty patrol car
Cardboard cop cars slow trafficTraffic police in China have come up with a cost effective way of slowing down speeding motorists - with a cardboard cut-out of a squad car.
The cut-outs, which look like police vehicles from behind, are being used as a traffic calming technigue in eastern China's Jiangsu Province.
One motorist, Liu Yuan, said: "I spotted what I thought was a police vehicle parked on the hard shoulder so I hit the brakes. [...]
"It was so realistic. It even had a solar panel to power a flashing light to make it look even more realistic at night."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 15, 2011
Hot wheels (2)
Petrolhead gives old 1967 Chevrolet a top speed of 300mphA speed demon has come up with a novel way of making his car go faster - by strapping a cruise missile engine to its roof.
Once a reliable 1967 Chevrolet barely driven over 100mph, the Jet-Impala 67 can now reach speeds of up to 300mph.
The powerful car also fires out 30ft flames and leaves massive clouds of smoke in its wake.
The monstrous motor created by petrolhead Paul Stender, has a 10,000bhp engine - the equivalent of 10 Bugetti Verons.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 14, 2011
Oops (12)
Sandusky lawyer inadvertently touts gay sex lineBELLEFONTE, Pa. — A lawyer for a former Penn State assistant football coach accused of molesting boys said Tuesday he didn't mean to refer to a gay sex phone line when he said anyone who believes university officials thought his client raped a 10-year-old boy and did little about it should call 1-800-REALITY.
The phrase is one attorney Joseph Amendola says he has used for years to mean "get a life," but the phone number is that of a sex line for gay and bi-curious men.
H.T. Paul B
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 13, 2011
So take that!
N Korea furious at South's Christmas lights planNorth Korea has warned South Korea of "unexpected consequences" if it lights up a Christmas tree-shaped tower near their tense border.
The North's state-run Uriminjokkiri website said it would amount to a form of "psychological warfare".
Seoul's annual tradition of lighting up a Christmas tree tower was suspended in 2003 following a warming of ties.
However, the South lit a tower last year as relations deteriorated between the neighbours. [...]
The official says the towers will be located in the western, central and eastern parts of the border and security will be tight during the 15 days they are lit, beginning on 23 December.
Via The Agitator
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 12, 2011
Reports of her death are greatly exaggerated
Hey, I’m Not Dead YetBROOKVILLE, Pa. (December 9, 2011)—A Pennsylvania man published an obituary for his still-living mother in an attempt to get paid bereavement time off from work, authorities say.
Relatives called The Jeffersonian Democrat newspaper in Brookville, Pa., after the obit appeared to report that the woman was actually alive and well and to underscore that, the woman visited the paper, too.
Click here to find out more!Brookville police charged Scott Bennett, 45, with disorderly conduct on Tuesday.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 09, 2011
Looks like Zero Tolerance works both ways
Principal forced out over 9-year-old's 'sexual harassment' suspensionThe principal who accused a 9-year-old North Carolina boy of sexual harassment for allegedly calling a teacher "cute" has been forced to retire. [...]
Jerry Bostic, principal of Brookside Elementary School in Gastonia, told WSOC on Tuesday night that he had retired because of the controversy.
"One mistake in 44 years, and I'm not given the benefit of the doubt. I really don't believe I was treated fairly," Bostic told the station.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 08, 2011
Who says prayer doesn't work?
'I put my hands in holy water and asked Jesus to give me some boobs'She defies the size zero ideal of beauty with her vivacious curves, but Salma Hayek claims she didn't always have the womanly figure she is recognised for now. [...]
She said: 'I was the youngest in class and all these girls were starting to get them (breasts) and I wasn't getting anything - I was really scared.
'I was getting teased a lot because everyone was older and I was the skinny tomboy.'
Salma added: 'I went to a church that had a saint that was supposed to do a lot of miracles.
'I put my hands in the holy water and went: "Please Jesus give me some boobs."'
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 07, 2011
A moving experience
Hanford worker goes for wild ride in portable toiletA forklift operator learned the value of knocking first after he moved a Hanford portable toilet with a Teamster still in it.
On Oct. 5, a forklift operator near Hanford's D and DR reactors picked up the chemical toilet to move it to a new location, unaware that it was occupied, according to an occurrence report filed with the Department of Energy.
The driver lifted the outhouse 12 to 18 inches off the ground and backed it up about 15 feet across a gravel haul road. The door was against the loading rack of the forklift, trapping the Teamster inside.
The driver set the chemical toilet down to secure it to the loading rack, and when he got out of the forklift cab, he heard the Teamster inside. The report didn't indicate what the Teamster was saying.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 06, 2011
It's a small world (4)
Bulawayo man gets shocked as his newly hired prostitute happens to be his daughterA man in Bulawayo's Nkulumane 5 suburb got the shock of his life after a commercial sex worker he allegedly called to his hotel room turned out to be his daughter. Mr Titus Ncube is said to have collapsed while the 20-year-old daughter bolted after seeing her father.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 05, 2011
She's proud
Effin in County Limerick seen as 'offensive' on FacebookFor most people adding the name of where they live on Facebook is relatively straightforward.
A problem, however, arises when the place where you live is seemingly branded as offensive by the social networking site.
One woman from Effin in County Limerick in the Irish Republic has so far been unable to add the village name to the 'home place' section of her Facebook profile.
Ann Marie Kennedy, who works in the department of nursing and midwifery at the University of Limerick, has now started an online campaign to to get Effin recognised.
"I was born and raised in Effin and my family come from here," she said. [...]
Ms Kennedy now lives in Banogue but hopes to move back to Effin. "I'm a proud Effin woman and I always will be an Effin woman," she said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 02, 2011
Mr Eponymous
The Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility's Newest Inmate: Yup, Patrick J. SullivanIf you needed any real-world evidence as to why you should never put your name on a building while you're still alive, former Arapahoe County Sheriff Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. has you covered.
The National Sheriff Association's 2001 "Sheriff of the Year" was arrested on Tuesday, suspected of trafficking methamphetamine, according to CBS Denver. The 68-year-old Sullivan served as Arapahoe County (Colorado) Sheriff for 19 years before retiring from his elected post in 2002.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 01, 2011
Payback time (4)
Picture at the link -- it's a piece of work.
A FURIOUS woman is suing her ex-boyfriend after he tattooed a steaming poo on her back.Rossie Brovent wants £60,000 in damages from Ryan Fitzjerald.
Rossie, from Dayton, Ohio, US, wanted a scene from the Narnia trilogy inked on her back.
Instead she was left with a pile of excrement with flies buzzing around it.
Tattoo artist Ryan turned rogue after discovering that Rossie had cheated on him with his best friend.
H.T. Ms M.
Or maybe not.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 30, 2011
Adding insult to injury
A really crazy story - worth reading the whole thing.
Man Sues Couple He Kidnapped[...] Jesse Dimmick [...] sued Jared and Lindsay Rowley last month. Dimmick was convicted in May 2010 of four felonies, including two counts of kidnapping, for a 2009 incident in which he held the Rowleys against their will for several hours. Dimmick was fleeing a murder charge in a stolen van when he drove over some spikes laid by Topeka police. The van came to rest in the Rowleys' front yard, and Dimmick then invited himself in at knifepoint to enjoy some involuntary hospitality.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 29, 2011
A communist chocolate hellhole
Interesting first name.
Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the futureA would-be saboteur arrested today at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland made the bizarre claim that he was from the future. Eloi Cole, a strangely dressed young man, said that he had travelled back in time to prevent the LHC from destroying the world. [...]
Mr Cole was seized by Swiss police after CERN security guards spotted him rooting around in bins. He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.
Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 28, 2011
Don't kick the dog
'Frosty the Snowman' arrested at Maryland paradeCHESTERTOWN, Md. (AP) — Who says "Frosty the Snowman" has to be jolly?
A man in a "Frosty the Snowman" costume was arrested Saturday during the annual Christmas parade in Chestertown, on Maryland's Eastern Shore. He's accused of scuffling with police and kicking at a police dog.
Sgt. John A. Dolgos tells The Star Democrat of Easton that 52-year-old Kevin Michael Walsh became agitated when a dog-handling officer tried to escort him away from the crowd.
It amazes me that many cops won't hesitate to kill dogs but in this case they're accusing Walsh of "kicking at" a police dog.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Got any nude pictures of your wife?
This sort of reminds me of an old joke.
Husband exorted, embarrassed wife with sex pictures, jury findsJovica "Joshua" Petrovic was a vengeful man, federal officials said.
When his short-lived marriage began crumbling in 2009, Petrovic threatened to release family secrets.
Beginning in 2010, after his wife said she wanted a divorce, he stalked and harassed her and mailed roughly 150 homemade postcards to her boss, friends, relatives and neighbors. The cards carried suggestive pictures, insults and the address of a website where he posted still pictures from secretly made videos of them having sex, embarrassing personal information and some outright lies.
He demanded $100,000, her wedding and engagement rings and furniture he claimed she stole from a storage unit, in exchange for shutting down the site.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 24, 2011
Best abstract ever
From this paper (PDF).
Via The Agitator
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 23, 2011
TGFB (8)
Be A True Bacon Lover With BaconlubeA few years ago J&D's, the makers of BaconSalt and Baconnaise, posted an ad for Baconlube as an April Fool's Day joke. The company tried to move on, but as they explain, "People harassed us via email, in public and in highly inappropriate ways (thanks for that). The waiting list grew to over 3,000 people. Expectations were built."
Now they've created a limited quantity of bacon-flavored lube and massage oils for troubled individuals who want their lover to taste more like cured pork. You shouldn't be shy about contacting the company because they promise, "We'll make no judgments about why you want this or what you want to do with it." However, you may want to figure out if your partner is interested in breakfast-themed sex before springing this on them.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 21, 2011
Markets in everything (14)
Teacher's Porn Site Business ... Gets Her in Trouble With California School DistrictHot for teacher? She's got a business plan for that, apparently.
A 35-year-old California high school teacher is in hot water this week after her ex-husband reportedly revealed she was allegedly running "several" porn sites, including MySluttyTeacher.com, from her district-issue laptop, Fox 40 in Stockton reports. [...]
Of course, if this porn site business turns out to be fruitful, Kaeslin might just have a yawn and a good laugh. She's on paid leave as it is.
Finding inspiration for her operations, however, might prove to be more difficult if horny school boys aren't staring at her equipment.
One on of Kaeslin's sites the impetus for her digital smut was said to be the fact that ...
... Her male students spent most of the period staring at her boobs.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 18, 2011
Meet some cat fanciers
$27,500 bill to save dying catA Perth family paid $27,500 in veterinary bills to keep their cat alive after it was bitten by a tiger snake.
Meadow Springs couple Brigitte and David Harris took out a $20,000 bank loan, $18,000 of which they still owe, to pay for Ollie's treatment, but said it was worth it.
The family did not have pet insurance and Mr Harris advised other pet owners to consider it.
Pet insurance?
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 16, 2011
Ain't no pork up in the pan
Soy Diet Is Cruel and Unusual, Florida Inmate ClaimsMIAMI — One too many bouts of flatulence and cramping has led a Florida inmate to sue the Department of Corrections, arguing that the prison's soy-based turkey dogs and sloppy Joes amount to cruel and unusual punishment.
Eric D. Harris, 34, who is serving a life sentence for sexual battery on a child, said the soy in his prison chow is threatening his health by endangering his thyroid and immune system. Florida prisons serve meals with 50 percent soy and 50 percent poultry three times a day, a mixture that costs half as much as using beef and pork, the Department of Corrections says. The cost per meal: $1.70 a day for each inmate. Florida prisons first began serving soy-based meals in 2009.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 15, 2011
A foul-mouthed fairy
(Not that I blame her, mind you.)
Fan launches food drive to show support for fired Sugar Plum FairyST. CHARLES • Fans of the fired Sugar Plum Fairy have come up with a sweet way to show support.
Mike Swart, who started a Facebook page to save the Sugar Plum Fairy's job, is organizing a food drive that includes sweets as well as traditional food pantry items. He's hoping the thousand-plus people who have "liked" the Facebook page will participate.
[...]
Laura Coppinger, 29, who portrayed the character at the annual Christmas Traditions festival on historic Main Street for the last six years, was fired for cursing, not on the job, but when she went to take a drug test mandated for all city employees.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 14, 2011
Silicone saviors
'My boobs saved my life'A FLAT-CHESTED woman cheated death in a horror car smash — thanks to her 'chicken fillet' bra pads.
Lisa Somerville was driving home in heavy rain when she lost control of her car and careered head-on into another vehicle.
The 28-year-old had to be cut from the car by firefighters and was rushed to hospital with a punctured lung, four cracked ribs and a broken nose.
Doctors later told the mum-of-one how she would almost certainly have died had she not been wearing the silicone implants to boost her AAA bust.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 11, 2011
Age cannot wither
World's oldest groom ties the knot at 120What man doesn't want to marry a woman half his age?
Hazi Abdul Noor, a 120-year-old widower in India, made history this past weekend when he married 60-year-old Samoi Bibi, reports the Times of India.
More than 500 guests attended the wedding in Satghori, a remote village in the state of Assam. More than 100 of them were the groom's immediate family members - two sons, four daughters, their spouses and their many children.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 10, 2011
I'll bet he's... well... relieved
Nigerian actor freed after 25 bowel movementsA leading Nigerian comic actor arrested on suspicion of ingesting drugs to smuggle to Europe was on Friday freed on bail after 25 closely monitored bowel movements produced nothing suspicious.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 09, 2011
Paging Crystal Gayle
Doctor Offers Laser Treatment to Permanently Make Brown Eyes BlueThis week's step forward in conforming to the beauty standard at any cost is a laser that can turn brown eyes into blue ones. The treatment, developed by Stroma Medical's Dr. Gregg Homer, takes only 20 seconds to perform, but is irreversible. Aside from giving you the piercing stare of an Arctic wolf, the procedure could also impair your sight, experts warn. Brown eye pigment helps to prevent problems such as glare and double vision. Removing it could leave the eye with no way to control the light getting in.
Homer assures the BBC that the laser only affects pigment on the eye's surface and that the frequencies used are absorbed by the dark pigment on the iris, so there is no danger of eye damage. After testing on cadavers, he has moved his operation to Mexico, where he says there has been no evidence of injury thus far. His seventeen short-sighted patients have been offered lens transplants in return for taking part in the procedure.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 07, 2011
Somebody's gotta do it
MAJOR PUTTSBrad Lebo is one of the best golfers in the world. He's never competed at Augusta National Golf Club or played a round with Tiger Woods, but he has already won a Masters Tournament and the U.S. Open. Twice.
Lebo is a professional mini golfer. Don't make a windmill joke just yet, though.
"When [people] give me grief about being a professional miniature golfer, if it's someone I know well, I'll say, 'What have you been the national champion at?' and that will end the conversation," Lebo said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 04, 2011
Ribbed
New York Corduroy Appreciation Club searching for 11-year-olds born on 11/11Somewhere in the city there is a child who will turn 11 on Nov. 11 — and a band of corduroy enthusiasts is hunting for that kid.
It's all part of the Corduroy Appreciation Club's celebration of 11/11/11, the date it says most closely resembles the ribs of its favorite fabric.
"That child is the messiah of corduroy," said Miles Rohan, founder of the 4,000-member club, which was started as a half-joke in 2005. "We liken it to finding the Dalai Lama."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 01, 2011
But you already know that
An ad on Craigslist.
Seeking Clairvoyant (Rochester)Date: 2011-10-29, 6:42PM EDT
Reply to: job-shb3r-2675714361@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]If you have the required abilities you already know what we are asking of you. You know where to find us. We are ready.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 28, 2011
The smell of old electrons
The smell of e-books just got betterDoes your Kindle leave you feeling like there's something missing from your reading experience?
Have you been avoiding e-books because they just don't smell right? [...]
But all of that is changing thanks to Smell of Books™, a revolutionary new aerosol e-book enhancer.
Via Carpe Diem
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 26, 2011
You can eat armadillos?
Man Allegedly Beat Woman with Frozen ArmadilloDALLAS - A man used a frozen armadillo to attack a 57-year old Pleasant Grove woman, Dallas police said.
The incident happened on Sept. 29 in an apartment complex parking lot.
According to investigators, the altercation occurred when the suspect was selling the carcass to the victim, who planned to eat the animal.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 24, 2011
It's hard to argue with the scientific method
From Britain's The Sun, originators of the "Page 3" topless-female-photo feature.
Test assesses best breastsA DOCTOR has worked out what makes the perfect boobs — after carefully analysing 100 of our Page 3 girls.
Plastic surgeon Patrick Mallucci identified four key features during a three-month study.
First, the part of the boob lying below the nipple was ten per cent fuller than that above it — like those of Page 3 Hollie and model Kelly Brook. [See image at the site. - jdj]
Next, the nipples themselves were angled upwards at 20 degrees.
Finally the skin sloped flatly or inward above the nipple, and curved outwards below it.
Dr Mallucci explained: "The nipple meridian — a horizontal line drawn at the level of the nipple — lay at a point such that the proportion of the breast above it was 45 per cent and below 55 per cent."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 21, 2011
Hate your job? (3)
I once rode a train in Egypt that had this type of plumbing (I was surprised to find).
Excrement and urine shower Zurich tunnel workersConstruction workers at the main railway station in Zurich have issued an ultimatum to rail operator SBB, threatening to stop working if excrement continues to fall from the ceiling of an alleyway they are building.
The problem derives from the fact that some of the old carriages on Swiss trains use toilets that deposit faeces directly onto the tracks. The human waste usually stays in place until it dries or the rain washes it away.
But an exception occurs whenever someone uses the toilets on trains stopped at Zurich station.
Construction workers operating below tracks 10,11,12,13,15 and 16 have reported receiving frequent faecal showers from cracks in the ceiling of the passageway where they are working.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 20, 2011
OK, but whose?
Taiwanese woman finds out she has testicles(THE STAR/ASIA NEWS NETWORK) - Sin Chew Daily reported that a Taiwanese woman was shocked when a gynaecologist told her that she had testicles.
The woman, 34, decided to consult a specialist after experiencing pain in her genital area.
It was her first time seeking treatment from a gynaecologist although she had never experienced menstruation in her life.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 19, 2011
Only in Japan (5)
Pictures at the link (and a list of 'quirky innovations).
"Poop As You Go" Biogas Bike To Go On 600 Mile Tour Of JapanNever dreamed poop could get you blazing down the asphalt? Well, now it all comes true as Japan's biggest toilet maker, TOTO, takes the toilet on the road with its launch of the Toilet Bike Neo, a bike that's powered entirely by human waste. The bike runs on biogas converted from feces that is harvested directly from the driver -- who sits on the bike's toilet-styled seat. It gives a new twist to "poop as you go," but that's not the only quirky innovation that this bike will feature.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 18, 2011
Never mind
Police: Man impersonating cop pulls over real copPolice say a New Mexico man pretending to be police officer pulled over a real Albuquerque Police Department detective and is facing charges.
KOB-TV reports ( http://bit.ly/qRna9O) that Tyree Appleberry was given the citation Wednesday on charges of impersonating a police officer then arrested for an outstanding warrant.
According to police, the 42-year-old turned on his strobe lights on his white Chevy Tahoe in an attempt to stop a driver, who turned out to be an undercover officer..
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 14, 2011
Answers for any question
Family Googled 'easiest way to kill an old person' before trying to murder 89-year-old grandfatherA British family Googled "the easiest way to kill an old person" before attempting to murder their 89-year-old relative for inheritance, authorities said.
The elderly victim's adopted daughter, his 16-year-old granddaughter and 19-year-old grandson have been convicted of conspiracy to murder in an English court. [...]
The family researched the possibility of poisoning the man with toadstools but then opted for attempting to "frighten him to death" by throwing bricks at his window late at night, prosecutors said.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 13, 2011
How... um... convenient
Dutch trains substitute plastic bags for bathroomsAMSTERDAM — The Dutch national railway has an unusual solution for passengers who need the bathroom on a train line designed without them: plastic bags.
The rail operator underlined that the bags, introduced Friday, are for use in emergencies only, when a train has stopped and passengers can't be evacuated. The idea has been met with incredulity by politicians and the general public already unhappy with the short-haul "Sprinter" trains' bathroomless design.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 12, 2011
The headline writer couldn't resist
Stoner arrested for alleged possession of marijuanaDaniel Stoner, 26, was arrested early Friday for possession of cocaine and marijuana.
Bloomington Police Department Lt. Bill Parker said a foot patrol officer first noticed Stoner and two others sitting on a step in an alleyway on the south side of Brothers Bar and Grill. The officer thought he saw the men passing around marijuana, so he approached the group. He reportedly saw a bag of marijuana and a glass pipe.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 11, 2011
Only two weeks left
Canada's Best Restroom 2011The finalists have been chosen! Voting ends October 24th and the winner will be announced this fall!
Sometimes the using the restroom can be quite the memorable experience. Establishments can have facilities that make you want to return or never come back. The Canada's Best Restroom contest is a great way to celebrate and promote business and bring recognition to your favourite establishments. Cintas will crown the 2nd Annual Canada's Best Restroom King of the Throne this fall!
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 10, 2011
The bare facts
Naked ex-postman superglues himself to desk in Job Centre protestIan Robinson, 43, had to leave his job after developing arthritis, but the authorities have ruled he is not entitled to disability benefits and he must now try to survive on Jobseeker's Allowance.
Mr Robinson decided to demonstrate how angry he was about the decision by staging a bizarre protest in front of shocked staff at Bridlington Job Centre.
'When I started taking my clothes off, a man said "You can't do that in here", so I went over and glued myself to his desk. Nobody tried to stop me, it was too late by that point,' he told the Yorkshire Post.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 07, 2011
Sounds like it worked
Man's Halloween Decorations Prompt 911 CallSALISBURY, N.C. -- No one was harmed in the making of this Halloween decoration.
But the Salisbury Post reported Tuesday that the roadside attraction was realistic enough for at least one 911 caller to report what looked like a grisly accident.
It actually was the harmless creation of a man with a vivid imagination and a broken lawnmower.
Chris Deaton made the decoration, which shows what appears to be a body with bloodstained jeans trapped under the blades of a riding mower. The victim seems to be taking it well, though, as he's holding a can of beer.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 05, 2011
Killer curry
Pair in hospital after Kismot 'killer' curry contestTwo people have been taken to hospital following the "world's hottest chilli" competition at an Edinburgh Indian restaurant.
Emergency services were called to the Kismot restaurant in St Leonards Street on Saturday afternoon after some competitors became "very unwell".
The competition involves people eating the "Kismot Killer" curry. [...]
On the restaurant's website it insists that participants sign a legal disclaimer before taking part in the competition, which raises money for the Scottish children's charity Chas.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 04, 2011
There are worse places to be stranded
Family rescued from Studland nudist beach as boat sinksA family had to be rescued after their boat began sinking and they became stranded on a nudist beach in Dorset. [...]
A spokeswoman for RNLI said: "Unfortunately for them the nearest bit of land though was in the middle of the naturist beach at Studland.
"Apart from being shaken [the family was] okay.
"But the children had the additional trauma of the surroundings so they were taken onboard the inshore lifeboat and distracted from the scene."
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 03, 2011
How to impress your date
Man shoots self on first dateCHARLOTTE, N.C., Sept. 29 (UPI) -- Police in North Carolina said a couple's first date was interrupted when a man accidentally shot himself in a parking garage.
Charlotte police said the couple returned to the man's car after eating Tuesday at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse on Fairview Road and the man's gun, which was in the car, somehow went off and shot the man, The Charlotte Observer reported Wednesday.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 29, 2011
Markets in everything (13)
Are you tired of being embarrassed by the fact that you don't have a girlfriend? Do you wish that you could get interrupted by a loving phone-call during man time?Let me introduce you to FakeGirlfriend.
How it Works
1 Save (212) 804-6979 to your phone under your "girlfriend's" name.
2 When you're out with your friends, send a text to the FakeGirlfriend number.
3 FakeGirlfriend will respond with a random girlfriend-esque message.
4 About a minute later, FakeGirlfriend will call you with a pre-recorded message.
5 After you hang up, tell everyone how great your "girlfriend" is.
Via Carpe Diem
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 28, 2011
Weird fetish
"Toe Suck Fairy" arrested on new chargesLITTLE ROCK, Ark (Reuters) - A man known in Arkansas as the "Toe Suck Fairy" for a series of 1990s assaults directed at women's feet was arrested after he struck again more than a decade later, police said.
Michael Robert Wyatt, 50, was arrested on Monday after two women identified him from a photo line-up as "the man who approached them in local stores commenting on their feet and asking to suck their toes," said LaTresha Woodruff, spokeswoman for the Conway Police Department.
One of the women described the man as having "really messed up toes."
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 27, 2011
Markets in everything (12)
Rent-A-Guinea Pig Service Takes Off in SwitzerlandSwiss animal lover Priska Küng runs a kind of matchmaking agency -- for lonely guinea pigs that have lost their partners. She lives with around 80 of the furry, squeaky little creatures, in addition to six cats, a number of rabbits, hamsters and mice in the village of Hadlikon, some 30 kilometers from Zürich.
Küng, 41, rents out her guinea pigs, a service that has been in high demand in the Alpine nation ever since animal welfare rules were tightened up a few years ago. Switzerland has forbidden people from keeping lone guinea pigs because the animals are sociable and need each other's company.
As a result, the sudden death of a guinea pig, shocking enough in itself, can also place the hapless owners outside the law if they only had two of the pets.
Via Nothing To Do With Arbroath
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 26, 2011
The undie run
Thousands run in underwear to protest Utah lawsSALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- Thousands of people stripped to their underwear and ran through Salt Lake City to protest what they called the "uptight" laws of Utah.
Undie Run organizer Nate Porter says the goal of the event Saturday was to organize people frustrated by the conservative nature of the state's politics.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 24, 2011
34 years of paint
Decorator turns baseball into world's largest ball of paintDecorator Michael Carmichael decided to paint a baseball in January 1977. Since then he, his children and people from many other countries have applied 22,894 coats of paint to create the world's biggest paintball, which now weighs 1,587kg (3,500lb).
They stick to one golden rule. Each new coat has to be in a different colour from the last.
'It started as a relatively simple project and a bit of fun,' said Mr Carmichael.
'But I just kept on painting and painting and painting. And, before I knew it, it was enormous.
'Then I didn't want to stop. I moved it out of the garage a good few years ago after it outgrew it and now it has its own special shed.
'People come from all over the world to add a coat,' said the 64-year-old from Alexandria, Indiana.
'Sometimes I can add up to ten coats a day if the weather is dry but we've added at least one every day.'
paint ball First coat: Mr Carmichael's son Mike Jr started painting the baseball in 1977 (Picture: SWNS)When he started, it had a 22.9cm (9in) circumference, now it is 179cm (70.58in) and officially recognised by Guinness World Records as the biggest recorded.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 22, 2011
Emptying the nest
Italian parents bring in lawyers to evict 41-year-old stay at home sonThe elderly couple's patience with their grown-up offspring has finally run out after what they say is years of cooking him meals and washing and ironing his clothes.
They say the man has a perfectly good job and a steady income but has resisted all attempts to persuade him to fly the nest.
The couple, who have not been named, have taken their case to the legal department of an association for the defence of consumers' rights in Mestre, near Venice.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 21, 2011
TGFB (7)
Burglar caught frying bacon in UCity kitchenUNIVERSITY CITY • A burglar was frying bacon when a University City woman returned home and caught him in her kitchen, police say.
Police nabbed the man, who they believe is responsible for at least one other burglary in the area.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 20, 2011
Unexpected occupational hazard
Aaron Sorkin breaks his own nose -- while writingNever accuse Aaron Sorkin of lacking dedication to his craft: The Academy Award-winning writer broke his nose while working on a script.
"I wish I could say I was in a bar fight," Sorkin told the Ministry on Friday at the Emmy Awards' performance nominees' reception in West Hollywood, "but I broke my nose writing."
Sorkin said he was working on a block of dialogue in the mirror when he accidentally head-butted himself. In addition to creating series including "The West Wing" and last year's "Social Network" film sensation, Sorkin has invented a new occupational hazard.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 19, 2011
Alarm buttons?
Drive-in sex stalls get Swiss green lightZurich city parliament on Wednesday rubber-stamped a loan earmarked for the construction of drive-in sex stalls where punters can meet prostitutes at purpose-built venues away from the city centre. [...]
Ten garage-like booths will be erected on derelict land in an industrial area in Alstetten, complete with parking spaces and alarm buttons. The so-called "performance stalls" will be the first of their kind in Switzerland if the project goes ahead.
The city council agreed last week to sanction the 2.4-million franc ($2.8m) loan for the development pending parliamentary approval.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 15, 2011
Irony update (4)
This is a reader contribution to Best of the Web Today, sent in by David Schlosser. (It's the last item.)
In 2006, I was the Libertarian candidate for Arizona's First Congressional District, running against the soon-to-be-convicted incumbent Republican, Rick Renzi.I had spent a semester teaching at the NAU School of Communication, which was located in a fabulous new building with a stunning entry designated The First Amendment Plaza. The First Amendment was carved into a giant stainless steel sign that overlooked the amphitheater-style entrance to the building. I thought it would be a perfect place for a Libertarian to announce his run for national office, and called the school's director to schedule the space for my kickoff event.
He informed me that political speech is not permitted at The First Amendment Plaza.
H.T. Jeff G
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 13, 2011
The old trouser eel
Eel removed from man's bladder after entering penis during beauty spaZhang Nan was bathing with live eels to cleanse his skin when one rogue serpent took a liking to his manhood.
Eel swims up penis China removed urethral trauma G. Vezhaventhan Abdominal Ultrasonogram Foreign object: The dead eel is placed next to the surgical tool used to remove it from Zhang Nan's bladder (Picture: CEN)The eel treatment in question is a similar concept to the popular London spas that offer fish pedicures.
Thinking that the eels would make him look ten years younger, Nan dived into the water and let them feast upon layers of dead skin.
But after laying in the spa bath, Nan felt a sharp pain and realised a small eel was working its way up his urethra and into his bladder.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 09, 2011
Veinticuatro
Cuban man '24' proud of his 4 extra fingers, toesBARACOA, Cuba (AP) — They call him "Twenty-Four."
Yoandri Hernandez Garrido's nickname comes from the six perfectly formed fingers on each of his hands and the six impeccable toes on each foot.
Hernandez is proud of his extra digits and calls them a blessing, saying they set him apart and enable him to make a living by scrambling up palm trees to cut coconuts and posing for photographs in this eastern Cuban city popular with tourists. One traveler paid $10 for a picture with him, Hernandez said, a bonanza in a country with an average salary of just $20 a month.
"It's thanks to my 24 digits that I'm able to make a living, because I have no fixed job," Hernandez said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 06, 2011
Great price but, man, is it slow
South Carolina woman scammed thinking she bought iPad - but turned out to be block of woodThere's no app for that - but maybe a saw would help.
A South Carolina woman claims she purchased what she thought was an iPad, but it turned out to just be a block of painted wood with an Apple logo.
Ashley McDowell, 22, told officers from the Spartanburg County Sheriff's office that she was in a McDonald's parking lot Monday night when two men approached her and offered to sell her the glitzy tablet computer.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 02, 2011
Don't mess with Alaskans
Woman punches bear to save her dogBlack bears in residential neighborhoods aren't exactly unheard of in Juneau. While many people stay inside when bears are about, one local woman says she had a different instinct when she saw her dog was in trouble.
It started out as a typical evening for 22-year-old Brooke Collins. She let her dogs out as usual but this time, she said there was a black bear outside who took hold of her dachshund Fudge. She said she feared for her pet's life and, in an instant, ran over and punched the bear right in the face to make it let go.
Via The Agitator
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 01, 2011
How to have an affordable wedding
Police: Pa. newlyweds shoplifted reception foodCENTRE HALL, Pa. (AP) — A couple of Pennsylvania newlyweds are behind bars after police say they were caught shoplifting food from a supermarket for their wedding reception.
The Centre Daily Times reports 32-year-old Arthur Phillips III and his bride, 22-year-old Brittany Lurch, were arrested Saturday after taking more than $1,000 in merchandise from a Wegmans supermarket in State College.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 31, 2011
Leg fake
Staff tricked into putting electronic tag on criminal prosthetic limbTWO security firm workers have been sacked after being tricked into putting an electronic tag on a criminal's false leg.
Christopher Lowcock, 29, wrapped his prosthetic limb in a bandage and fooled workers at security services company G4S who failed to carry out the proper tests when they set up the tag and monitoring equipment at his home in Rochdale, England, the Rochdale Observer reported.
Lowcock could then simply remove his leg - and the tag - whenever he wanted to breach his court-imposed curfew for driving and drug offences, as well as possession of an offensive weapon.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 30, 2011
She knows the drill
Traveller pre-empts strip search by getting naked in lineA traveller at a Bermuda airport last week was tired of being strip-searched -- so she took all her clothes off right there in line.
"If you want to see me naked, you can do it right f***ing here," Loukai Phillips told customs officers at LF Wade International Airport, according to the island's Royal Gazette newspaper.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 29, 2011
It runs in the family (2)
From Canada's National Post:
B.C. woman hits moose on way to visit sister who hit mooseTwo sisters from the northwestern B.C. community of Kitimat have both had close encounters with moose on the loose.
A month ago, Yvonne Studley, 49, was badly injured when she hit a moose with her vehicle, so last Friday her sister decided to visit her in Vancouver General Hospital.
But sister Connie Everitt, 51, also hit a moose and ended up in hospital.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 26, 2011
Ouch! (6)
Paintball bursts breast implantA woman is recovering after her breast implant burst when she was shot in the chest during a game of paintball.
The 26-year-old's soft gel implant ruptured under her skin when the ball hit her breast at 190mph, reports The Sun.
It's believed to the first time such an injury has happened in Britain.
It caused UK Paintball, which operates more than 50 facilities nationwide, to insist that women with breast implants wear extra chest protection.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 25, 2011
Turn about's fair play
Victims of Smoking Ban Cut Off Politicians
Lawmakers no longer welcome in bars and restaurants hurt by state smoking policySmall bar owners angered over losing their butts to the statewide indoor smoking ban plan to give lawmakers the boot.
A newly formed group, Protect Private Property Rights in Michigan (PPPRM), has organized an effort to ban lawmakers from their establishments in protest against Michigan's smoking ban. This lawmaker ban is scheduled to start Sept. 1. PPPRM, which claims to have a membership of about 500 businesses, argues that the smoking ban has been disastrous for Michigan's small bar owners and their employees.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 23, 2011
Who wouldn't be honored?
This reminds me of the ballot initiative in San Francisco three years ago to rename a sewage plants for George W. Bush.
Honorary toilets? You read that right.So it’s come to this: Legion Arts is accepting donations for unusual naming rights at its newly renovated CSPS hall in Cedar Rapids. Here’s the latest from an e-newsletter that went out this weekend. (I’ve underlined the key paragraph for your convenience and/or delight.)
“Thanks to a $4.8 million I-JOBS grant from the state and incredibly generous support from throughout the community, we’ve not found it necessary to attract donors by offering to name various features of the building in their honor.
Until now, that is.
So here’s the deal. I think it’s safe to say that few improvements at CSPS are likely to be more appreciated than the new toilets. Now you can connect yourself to this conspicuous improvement in a tangible way, while helping Legion Arts raise some much-needed operating dollars.
All told we have six shiny new pissoirs (urinals) and 15 sparkling new commodes (toilets). We’re selling the naming rights to each one for $1,000 a pop.
Here’s your chance to honor a loved one, a colleague, a favorite artist or yourself. Use your imagination. You could join with your neighbors to salute a beloved legislator or council representative. Express your respect for a teacher or mentor. Or go in together with a couple of co-workers to surprise your boss. The possibilities are endless.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 18, 2011
Who says it tastes like chicken?
Alligator Fat Could Fill Your Gas Tank and Fuel Renewable Resource Investment in the South
Tastes like chicken, runs like dieselEvery year, about 15 million pounds of alligator fat is dumped into landfills as a byproduct of alligator meat processing. It would certainly be better to reuse this gloopy mess for a greater purpose, no? As it turns out, alligator fat is a prime candidate for animal-derived biodiesel, according to researchers in Louisiana.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 16, 2011
Apparently it wasn't much of a handicap
Man charged with DUI after winning demolition derbyMoments after winning the demolition derby at the Jessamine County Fair Wednesday night, a man ended up being taken to jail.
Nicholasville Police say 36-year-old David Warner was drunk, so they charged him with DUI.
Police say during the demolition derby itself, they began receiving complaints about Warner, claiming he was under the influence.
As soon as the derby was over, police say they approached Warner as he got out of his car.
Police say Warner was staggering, and having trouble standing up straight.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 12, 2011
The good neighbor
I don't put a lot of stock in this story but it is pretty funny.
H.T. Jeff G
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 11, 2011
The bottom lines
Nice pix at the link.
Boosting the bottom line: Beach volleyball stars to rent out advertising space on their bikini-clad behindsBritain's female beach volleyball champions are renting out their rears in an advertising deal that encourages spectators to photograph their behinds.
Zara Dampney, 24, and Shauna Mullin, 26, have turned their bottoms into their bottom line by wearing bikini briefs with a Quick Response (QR) code printed on the back where it will catch the eye of spectators.
When photographed on a smartphone, the code takes the user to a specific website - in this case, for bookmakers Betfair.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 09, 2011
Don't mess with a St. Louis mom
A Plane Saying "Thanks For The Downgrade, You Should All Be Fired" Flew Over The S&P Building TuesdayAt about 11:30 AM on Tuesday, a plane flew by the S&P offices in New York dragging a banner behind it saying:
"THANKS FOR THE DOWNGRADE. YOU SHOULD ALL BE FIRED."
Awesome.
If you know who's behind it, email us.
UPDATE: It was a lady broker named Lucy Nobbe who hired the plane, according to the Daily. She's a VP for the brokerage side of Wedbush, an investment bank.
From Fortune:
[The woman who sent the plan is a] Midwesterninvestment bankerbroker who woke up last night with the need to vent at those who she believes are leading the nation into an economic morass."I originally wanted to fly it over Washington, D.C., but learned that you can't do that," says the broker, who asked to remain anonymous for job security reasons [but later told The Daily her name]. "So I chose Wall Street instead, but didn't specifically intend it to fly over S&P. I'm just a mother from St. Louis who feels the only reason we got downgraded was people in politics."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 08, 2011
Priceless (3)
If You're Going to Falsely Tell Cops a Guy Sexually Assaulted You, Don't Get Caught on Camera Announcing Your Plans"Gotcha" moments don't come more classic than the one that happened in Montgomery County recently.
The Sheriff's Office blotter says two officers were called to an apartment to investigate a sexual assault.
"The alleged victim stated to the deputies that her 26-year-old male friend had sexually assaulted her," the report says.
Fair enough, and with that friend standing in the same apartment, no big manhunt needed.
Not so fast: "Upon further investigation the deputies watched a video recording the male had made that showed the female telling him that she was calling the police because he was making her leave the apartment and she would tell the police he assaulted her."
That must have been some look on the woman's face when the dude hit "play."
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 04, 2011
A story just begging for some C & W lyrics
Desperate, sick Indonesians use railroad 'therapy'JAKARTA, Indonesia (AP) - Ignoring the red-and-white danger sign, Sri Mulyati walks slowly to the train tracks outside Indonesia's bustling capital, lies down and stretches her body across the rails.
Like the nearly dozen others lined up along the track, the 50-year-old diabetes patient has all but given up on doctors and can't afford the expensive medicines they prescribe.
In her mind, she has only one option left: electric therapy.
"I'll keep doing this until I'm completely cured," said Mulyati, twitching visibly as an oncoming passenger train sends an extra rush of current racing through her body.
Posted by joke du jour at 10:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 29, 2011
The NRA-PETA nexus
Mandi doesn't sound your typical any-type-of-person. And she'd be really hot with a little less lipstick. Check it.
50 Most Beautiful People for 2011Mandi Critchfield is not your usual Republican aide. For one thing, Sen. Mike Crapo's (R-Idaho) press secretary is a member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and the National Rifle Association (NRA). For another, she's an enthusiastic Star Wars and Star Trek fan — as evidenced by her choice of a Star Wars T-shirt for The Hill's 50 Most Beautiful People photo shoot.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 28, 2011
Professional queuers
China's Professional Queuers Paid To Stand AroundIn China, waiting in line sometimes feels like a competitive sport. The overnight queue at the launch of Apple's iPad 2 pales in comparison to the epic waits for certain over-subscribed state-run services.
Earlier this month, people waited four days and three nights to register for low-income housing in the central city of Xian, while admission to a certain Beijing kindergarten in Changping last year required a week-long, round-the-clock queue, for which people set up camp beds along the pavement.
But as with most things, one pragmatic Chinese entrepreneur has found a business opportunity out of adversity.
For the past two years, Li Qicai, 28, has made a career out of waiting in line. What's more, he now outsources the waiting to others. He employs four full-time queuers and a host of freelancers, who, for a cost of about $3 an hour, will do the waiting for you.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 27, 2011
I guess he had no forks
Glendale Man Tries to Remove Hernia Using Butter KnifeGLENDALE, Calif. (KTLA) -- A Glendale man is hospitalized in stable condition after police say he tried to perform surgery on himself -- using a butter knife!
The 63 year-old man, whose name is not being released, was trying to remove a protruding hernia from his stomach using a six inch butter knife, Glendale police Sgt. Tom Lorenz tells KTLA.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 25, 2011
Dumb and dumber
Men Driving Stolen Car Ask Police for DirectionsPALM SPRINGS-- The desert may have some new contenders for the "dumbest criminal" award: Cops say two men driving a stolen car were caught after stopping to ask police for directions. [...]
When the police officer ran the license plate of the car, it returned stolen out of Riverside, about 60 miles west of Palm Springs, said Long.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 22, 2011
Ouch! (5)
Man dumped by fiancee after selling kidney for £12k to buy engagement ringA MAN sold a kidney for £12,300 and spent the cash on an engagement ring for his lover – only for her to dump him in the Ukraine.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 21, 2011
How to annoy a sausage maker
If Only Laws Were Like SausagesLANDOVER, Md. — In defending their work, members of Congress love to repeat a quotation attributed to Otto von Bismarck: "If you like laws and sausages, you should never watch either one being made."
In other words, the legislative process, though messy and sometimes unappetizing, can produce healthy, wholesome results.
But a visit to a sausage factory here, about 10 miles from the Capitol, suggests that Bismarck and today's politicians are mistaken. In many ways, that quotation is offensive to sausage makers; their process is better controlled and more predictable.
"I'm so insulted when people say that lawmaking is like sausage making," said Stanley A. Feder, president of Simply Sausage, whose plant here turns out 60,000 pounds of links a year.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 19, 2011
Don't do him any favors
Colorado murderer suing because prison guards saved his life despite do not resuscitate orderDENVER — A convicted murderer is suing the state of Colorado for saving his life after his heart stopped beating.
Daniel Self says he suffers from sleep apnea and he ordered prison guards not to resuscitate him if he stopped breathing. The 54-year-old says in a lawsuit filed in federal court that prison officials were deliberately indifferent to his right to refuse medical treatment when he stopped breathing in 2009.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 18, 2011
Boys will be boys
It's a nice-looking statue - based on the famous photo. Check it out at the link.
Marilyn Monroe statue unveiled on Chicago's Magnificent MileIt's true, Chicago. The top half of the "mysterious" 26-foot sculpture on Michigan Avenue was unveiled Friday to be Marilyn Monroe.
There was speculation earlier this week about whether the iconic legs − complete with flowing skirt blown up by a subway grate − belonged to the Hollywood starlet
Members of the Hugh and Anya Nguyen wedding party pose under Seward Johnson's 26-foot-tall sculpture of Marilyn Monroe on Friday in Chicago.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Ten years of effort pay off
Man gets sick benefits for heavy metal addictionA Swedish heavy metal fan has had his musical preferences officially classified as a disability. The results of a psychological analysis enable the metal lover to supplement his income with state benefits.
Roger Tullgren, 42, from Hässleholm in southern Sweden has just started working part time as a dishwasher at a local restaurant.
Because heavy metal dominates so many aspects of his life, the Employment Service has agreed to pay part of Tullgren's salary. His new boss meanwhile has given him a special dispensation to play loud music at work.
"I have been trying for ten years to get this classified as a handicap," Tullgren told The Local.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 15, 2011
Georgia Chopsticks
Import Irony: China Buys Its Chopsticks From A Small Georgia TownIt seems everything we buy these days says "Made in China." But millions of the Asian nation's iconic chopsticks are proudly made in the U.S.A.
Two hours south of Atlanta lies the source of millions of Chinese chopsticks. Who would have thought? It's hard to imagine a place more quintessentially red, white and blue – the town, nestled firmly in the heartland of Georgia, is called Americus.
And their luck runs as deep as their love for country: Americus has the ideal type of wood for making chopsticks. The abundant forests of poplar and sweet gum trees in the area strike the perfect balance between hardness and softness, making a comfortable yet sturdy eating utensil for many across the world.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 13, 2011
Revenge is sweet (3)
A wee bit of revenge! Homeowner shames those using his street as a public toilet... by filming them and posting them on YouTubeAn angry homeowner is using the power of the internet to shame drunken yobs who use his street as a public toilet.
Harry Monk became so fed up with louts urinating outside his home he began recording them in the act and posting the clips on YouTube in a bid to shame them.
The 46-year-old tree surgeon said late night drinking licenses being introduced near his home has brought crowds of revellers relieve themselves in the street.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 12, 2011
High times
Denver Newspaper Hires Professional Pot CriticDenver is at the peak of a citywide pot boom.
It all started after the U.S. Attorney General's office — in a shift of policy since the Bush administration — announced in 2009 that it would not prosecute marijuana users if their state permits use of the drug for medical reasons.
"It just blew up from there," William Breathes tells Weekends On All Things Considered host Guy Raz. [...]
So Breathes — employed by Westword, Denver's weekly alternative newspaper — became perhaps the first professional marijuana critic in the country. William Breathes is his pen name, of course. Like a food critic, he remains anonymous to the businesses he reviews.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 07, 2011
There's a case for that
How about a beer with your iPhone?(Reuters) - You can do a lot with an iPhone these days -- text, take pictures, surf the net, and even make a phone call.
And soon, thanks to two Australian entrepreneurs, you will be able use it to open a bottle of beer by way of the "Opena," a hard plastic case that fits over the iPhone and is equipped with a slide-out bottle opener.
"Basically, Australians are fairly heavy drinkers, as you may or may not know," said Melbourne-based Chris Peters, an industrial designer who developed the product with Rob Ward, a former toolmaker.
This reminds me of a project I worked on back in the 90s. It was based on Apple's Newton. Someone who worked there (but who wasn't involved in the Newton project) told us, "You know, your users will find that really useful... if you put a bottle-opener on it."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 06, 2011
She knows how to drive a stick
McDonald’s crashBATH TWP.: A Copley Township man is accused of being drunk and crashing his pickup truck into a McDonald’s drive-through menu board. [...]
According to officer Dan Reilly’s report, a 2001 Chevrolet pickup entered the restaurant parking lot from the wrong direction and struck the menu board, a speaker and another vehicle with two people inside.
A test showed Sherbert’s blood-alcohol level at 0.121 percent. According to police, Sherbert told officers he had had four drinks at a bar and was receiving oral sex from a woman who was actually driving his truck.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 30, 2011
My first reaction was, "Thank goodness!"
Deputies: 'There Is No Poop Fairy'JEFFERSON COUNTY, Colo. -- Jefferson County is kicking off a public service campaign to remind dog owners that there is no poop fairy, and owners must clean up after their dogs.
From July 9 to 17, Animal Control will be out encouraging dog owners to pick up after their dogs in parks, trails and neighborhoods.
Volunteers will be wearing blue "poop fairy" T-shirts as they greet park users. There will also be signs and displays telling dog owners that the poop fairy doesn't exist.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 28, 2011
TMI, Mom
Brady Bunch mom got crabs in affair with NY mayorLOS ANGELES (Reuters) – This would have made an interesting episode of "The Brady Bunch."
Florence Henderson, the actress who played perky mom Carol Brady in the beloved family sitcom, says she once got crabs after a one-night-stand with career politician John Lindsay, who was the mayor of New York City at the time.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 24, 2011
The urge to merge
was evidently overwhelming.
Young couple arrested for 'having sex on the beach in full view of 50 people at restaurant'It wasn't quite the sunset view the customers at Caddy's restaurant had in mind.
A young couple were arrested after allegedly having sex on the beach in Treasure Island, Florida, in front of 50 people - including children.
Erica Huerta, 21, and Steven Douglas, 22, were each charged with one count of lewd and lascivious exhibition after reportedly spending half-an-hour engaged in various sexual acts 100 feet from the restaurant. [...]
The incident took place at around 7.30pm on Monday, and according to the affidavit both Huerta and Douglas had been drinking heavily.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 22, 2011
Why they put blinders on horses
Amish Sexter Sought Buggy Sex With Girl, 12JUNE 21--An Amish man who sent hundreds of sexually charged text messages to a 12-year-old girl was arrested last week when he drove a horse and buggy to an Indiana restaurant where he had arranged a rendezvous with the child, according to police. [...]
In one text, Yoder told the girl that, "the proposed sex act would happen inside the buggy," according to a Connersville Police Department report.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 20, 2011
Fried Kool-Aid
Fried Kool-Aid a fair hit, creator saysDEL MAR — The deep-fried Kool-Aid is selling like deep-fried hot cakes, according to their famed creator, "Chicken" Charlie Boghosian.
Chicken Charlie's is a staple of fried rations at fairs across the country. It sold 400 to 600 orders of deep-fried Kool-Aid per day the first weekend of the San Diego County Fair. That's about double the rate of previous debut items, Boghosian said.
"That's because it tastes so darn good," Boghosian said of the Kool-Aid.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 17, 2011
Make sure it's well done
Japan scientist synthesizes meat from human fecesSomehow this feels like a Vonnegut plotline: population boom equals food shortage. Solution? Synthesize food from human waste matter. Absurd yes, but Japanese scientists have actually discovered a way to create edible steaks from human feces.
Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher from the Okayama Laboratory, has developed steaks based on proteins from human excrement. Tokyo Sewage approached the scientist because of an overabundance of sewage mud. They asked him to explore the possible uses of the sewage and Ikeda found that the mud contained a great deal of protein because of all the bacteria.
Update: How it works
Posted by joke du jour at 09:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 15, 2011
All in the family
Timaru police nab drink-drive familyIt must have set a record, but it's one a South Canterbury family would surely much rather not have, after three of them were booked for drink-driving on the same night.
The saga began about 12.15am on Saturday when a 15-year-old boy was stopped and arrested for drink-driving on State Highway 1 near Pareora. He blew 529 micrograms per litre of breath, more than three and a half times the youth limit.
The teenager was taken to the Timaru police station for processing, where his mother was called to collect him. She was subsequently stopped and arrested for drink-driving on Craigie Ave at about 2.14am, after blowing 776 mcg, nearly twice the adult limit of 400.
But it wasn't over there.
The woman then rang her partner to come and pick them both up. He was stopped and arrested on North St at about 3am, when he blew 559mcg.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 14, 2011
Will the real lesbian bloggers please stand up?
Following up on yesterday's post.
2nd lesbian blogger revealed as manLONDON – The hoax involving the true identity of a Syrian lesbian blogger has taken another turn, as another man has acknowledged he is behind a lesbian blog that republished vivid accounts of revolt in Damascus. [...]
Later Monday, The Washington Post reported that an editor of lesbian news website Lezgetreal.com — who encouraged Arraf and republished her blog entries — was a man named Bill Graber who used the name Paula Brooks as an online persona.
Graber confirmed his identity to The Associated Press, saying "LezGetReal was not meant to be deceitful or con anyone."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 13, 2011
Out of the closet
Syrian lesbian blogger is revealed conclusively to be a married manTom MacMaster's wife has confirmed in an email to the Guardian that he is the real identity behind the Gay Girl in Damascus blog
The mysterious identity of a young Arab lesbian blogger who was apparently kidnapped last week in Syria has been revealed conclusively to be a hoax. The blogs were written not by a gay girl in Damascus, but a middle-aged American man based in Scotland.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 10, 2011
I scream, you scream
The cicadas have been swarming here for the last week or so. I didn't know they're edible (not that knowing makes any difference).
Cicada ice cream bugs health officials in Missouri: Why?(CBS/AP) Cicada-flavored ice cream proved to be a big hit with customers of an ice cream shop in Columbia, Mo. But health officials were so bugged by the stuff that they told the creative thinkers at Sparky's Homemade Ice Cream to cool it.
Sparky's contacted the health department after it sold out of its only batch of the insect-filled snack within hours of its June 1 debut. Employees had collected the bugs in their backyards, then boiled them and coated them in brown sugar and milk chocolate before adding them to the ice cream. What did they do with the wings? Some were removed, but some were left in to give the ice cream a satisfying crunch.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 09, 2011
We gotta criminalize something!
Connecticut Decriminalizes Real Pot, Criminalizes Fake PotToday the Connecticut House of Representatives approved a bill, passed by the state Senate two days ago and endorsed by Gov. Dannel Malloy, that makes possessing less than 14 grams (about half an ounce) of marijuana a "noncriminal violation" punishable by a $150 fine. By the time the House acted, the Senate had moved on to another piece of drug legislation, voting unanimously to make possession of synthetic marijuana punishable by a $1,000 fine and up to a year in jail. "For the life of me," said Senate Republican Leader John McKinney, "I don't know how I'm going to explain to my constituents one penalty for the fake pot and another for the real pot." The bill also bans salvia divinorum.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 08, 2011
Make cupcakes, not war
British spies to terrorists: make cupcakes not warLONDON (AP) — Britain's spy agencies have a new message for terrorists: make cupcakes, not war.
Intelligence agents managed to hack into the extremist Inspire magazine, replacing its bombmaking instructions with a recipe for cupcakes. [...]
The quarterly online magazine, which is sent to websites and email addresses as a pdf file, had offered an original page titled "Make a Bomb in the Kitchen of Your Mom" in one of its editions last year. The magazine's pages were corrupted, however, and the instructions replaced with the cupcake recipe.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 07, 2011
Well, duh (4)
'Breastaurants' Ring Up Big ProfitsRestaurants that woo men with attractive waitresses, big beer selections & giant TVs are winning loyal customers--and raking in revenues.
Franchises inspired by the Hooters model--such as Celtic-themed sports bar chain Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery and faux mountain sports lodge chain Twin Peaks--have expanded rapidly over the last half decade, while corporate-owned chains like Brick House Tavern + Tap and Bone Daddy's House of Smoke are picking up steam regionally. In fact, for the next couple of years, this segment (often referred to as "breastaurants") is poised to be one of the fastest-growing restaurant categories.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 06, 2011
Her cups runneth over
All I want for my wedding is... a breast enlargement: Bride asked her guests to contribute towards plastic surgeryMost wedding lists contain the usual mix of crockery, sheets and electrical appliances - or the happy couple perhaps asks for some money towards their honeymoon.
But Louise and Les Hampson aren't like most couples. Instead of asking for gits [sic], they asked their 200 guests to contribute towards a new pair of breasts for the bride.
Now, after raising 2,000-pounds, 33-year-old Louise has had the cosmetic surgery she craved.
Her new implants have boosted her bust from a 32D to a 32DD.
She told a magazine: 'My wonderful wedding guests have given me the greatest boost to my married life - new boobs for the blushing bride!'
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 02, 2011
But it was vicious
Cops in Independence shoot gator; find out it's lawn ornamentINDEPENDENCE, Mo. • Police responding to an alligator sighting in a suburban Kansas City pond took quick action to dispatch the big reptile.
It wasn't until after the second rifle shot bounced off the beast Sunday that the three Independence officers realized it was a concrete lawn ornament. [...]
Gentry says the landowner told officers he put the fake gator there to keep children off his property.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 31, 2011
Who's next?
I wouldn't want to be a weatherman in Italy.
Italian Seismologists Charged With Manslaughter for Not Predicting 2009 QuakeItalian government officials have accused the country's top seismologist of manslaughter, after failing to predict a natural disaster that struck Italy in 2009, a massive devastating earthquake that killed 308 people.
A shocked spokesman for the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) likened the accusations to a witch hunt.
"It has a medieval flavor to it -- like witches are being put on trial," the stunned spokesman told FoxNews.com.
Enzo Boschi, the president of Italy's National Institute of Geophysics and Volcanology (INGV), will face trial along with six other scientists and technicians, after failing to predict the future and the impending disaster.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 27, 2011
Exploding watermelons
China farmers face 'exploding' watermelon problemFarmers in eastern China have been left perplexed after their watermelons began to explode one by one.
An investigation by state media found farms in Jiangsu province were losing acres of fruit because of the problem.
The overuse of a chemical that helps fruit grow faster was blamed in one report by China Central Television.
But agriculture experts were unable to explain why chemical-free melons were exploding. They cited the weather and abnormal size of the melon as factors.
China Central Television said farmers were overspraying their crops with the growth promoter, hoping they could get their fruit to market ahead of the peak season and increase their profits.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 26, 2011
Guess who won't be reading this post
Meet the woman allergic to electricityA British woman cannot use an electric kettle, keeps her washing machine in a concrete outhouse and cannot have neighbours with wireless internet because she is allergic to electricity.
Janice Tunnicliffe spends every night playing Scrabble by candlelight with her husband because she claims to have a rare condition called electrosensitivity.
She cannot bear to be anywhere near electromagnetic fields of any kind and, as a result, she cannot watch television, listen to the radio or talk on a mobile phone and has been left completely isolated from the modern world by her condition.
Mrs Tunnicliffe, 55, was struck down with the illness after receiving chemotherapy for bowel cancer three years ago.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 24, 2011
How to slice a pizza
POLICE: Louisville woman pulls sword at Pizza HutLOUISVILLE, Ky. (WDRB Fox 41) -- Police say a woman involved in an argument at a Louisville Pizza Hut raised the stakes considerably when she tried to pull a sword. [...]
According to an arrest report, police were called to the restaurant after they received reports that 29-year-old Wynika Mason was "causing trouble." When they got there, she allegedly began yelling at the officers.
An employee told the officers that, shortly before they arrived, Mason began yelling at him and told him that she had a sword on her person. The employee said that Mason, "began to raise it out of the sheath" when her brother seized it from her and put it in their vehicle outside.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 23, 2011
Markets in everything (10)
Hop to it: half-price jugs for 4 rabbitsA Wanaka bar has taken to helping deal with Central Otago's rabbit plague by offering half-price beer to patrons who bring in dead rabbits.
Bullock Bar manager Margo Johnston said the bar would offer half-price jugs to anyone who brought in four rabbits to the bar tomorrow.
The idea for the promotion come about not only because the rabbits were a pest in the area but because the New Zealand Warriors were playing the Sydney Rabbitohs in a rugby league match, Ms Johnston said,
"Hopefully it will eradicate a few rabbits from Central Otago farmland," she said.
Unlike the Alexandra Easter Bunny Hunt, where some of the dead rabbits were buried in residential land, the dead rabbits were expected to be turned into dog food.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 22, 2011
OK, back to making the beds
Make My Bed? But You Say the World's EndingThe Haddad children of Middletown, Md., have a lot on their minds: school projects, SATs, weekend parties. And parents who believe the earth will begin to self-destruct on Saturday.
The three teenagers have been struggling to make sense of their shifting world, which started changing nearly two years ago when their mother, Abby Haddad Carson, left her job as a nurse to "sound the trumpet" on mission trips with her husband, Robert, handing out tracts. They stopped working on their house and saving for college. [...]
“I have mixed feelings,” Ms. Haddad Carson said. “I’m very excited about the Lord’s return, but I’m fearful that my children might get left behind. But you have to accept God’s will.”
The children, however, have found something to giggle over. “She’ll say, ‘You need to clean up your room,’ ” Grace said. “And I’ll say, ‘Mom, it doesn’t matter, if the world’s going to end!’ ”
Posted by joke du jour at 11:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 19, 2011
Planking
Posted by joke du jour at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
News from Chicago
Woman missing since she got lostPolice are looking for a 25-year-old Rogers Park woman last heard from after getting lost last week while heading to a Near West Side nightclub.
Irma Sabanovic left her home in the 1900 block of West Hood Avenue on May 12 with the intention of going to the Exit nightclub near Elston and North, a missing persons alert from Belmont Area Special Victims Unit detectives said.
At 2 a.m., she texted a male friend that she was lost near Milwaukee and Erie. That was the last communication from Sabanovic, the alert said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 17, 2011
Special dispensation
Brazilian Woman Wins Right To Masturbate At WorkAna Catarian Bezerra is a 36-year-old Brazilian woman who suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality. Ana, an accountant by day, began to have problems at work because the only way to relieve said anxiety is by masturbating. A lot. Now, after winning a court battle and seeking professional medical help, Ana is allowed to masturbate and watch porn — using her work's computer, no less — legally.
Ana wasn't always like this, she was worse:
"I got so bad I would to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day. That's when I asked for help, I knew it wasn't normal."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 15, 2011
Michael!
Forgotten Michael Jackson photos could power the world, inventor saysLos Angeles (CNN) -- A Los Angeles inventor who photographed Michael Jackson 33 years ago hopes those images will now help launch an electric motor he claims could solve the world's energy problems.
Reginald Garcia will use cash from the sale of 130 unpublished Jackson photos to fund testing of the motor, which he claims generates more electricity than it uses. Garcia is in the process of getting the photos appraised and prepared for sale.
H.T. Paul B.
Posted by joke du jour at 09:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 12, 2011
Hell hath no fury (3)
Staten Island mom 'hit' boyfriend over head with cooking potMaybe he should buy flowers next time.
A Staten Island mom allegedly whacked her baby daddy over the head with a cooking pot yesterday -- because she was furious that he hadn't bought her a Mother's Day gift.
"I hit him with a pot, and I'm glad I did!" a steamed Aretavia Kimbrough, 28, allegedly told cops after nailing boyfriend Charmean Allen, 28, with the pot, leaving him with a 4-inch gash and a big lump on his head.
"I've been with him for seven years, and he never bought me nothing! "
But Allen, who has an 8-month-old son with Kimbrough, later insisted to The Post, "I was going to get her balloons and candy and take her to dinner.
"But I can't take her to dinner because the police aren't releasing her."
Posted by joke du jour at 11:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 11, 2011
Drive-by advertising
In-car projection for drive-by advertisingDRIVERS are already bombarded with advertising on billboards and vehicles. Now even car windows could become part of the advertisers' canvas.
Wallen Mphepö of the Beijing Normal University in China has come up with a way to turn car windows into billboards that could be used to display dynamic adverts and public safety messages.
Mphepö has developed a polymer film that can be attached to a window to act as a kind of screen, picking up images projected from inside the vehicle and transmitting them to viewers outside through a series of microscopic mirror-like structures. Thin vertical strips of clear film in between these structures allow the driver to see through the window as normal, Mphepö says.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 10, 2011
BAMF cat
Man airlifted after fight with catA Cleveland man was attacked by a housecat Friday afternoon and the man's injuries are so severe that he had to be taken by air ambulance to Memorial Hermann Hospital in Houston. [...]
At some point during the attack, the man and the cat reportedly were injured by a knife the man was holding. The man was taken to Cleveland Regional Medical Center before being transported to Houston.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 09, 2011
Artisanal urinals
Photos at the link.
Victoria's $60k open-air urinal 'an attraction in itself'Canada's battle against public urination has a monument, and it stands in Victoria, B.C.
Prominently located just across the street from one of the city's premier theatre venues stands the first of many artisanal urinals designed to rid Victoria's alleys and alcoves of the unwanted stench of urine.
The $60,000 facility isn't so much a bathroom appliance as a piece of public art.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 05, 2011
Not quite Escape
Canadian man's online date turns out to be his girlfriendA Canadian man's attempts to meet up with a woman he met online have gone horribly wrong after his date turned out to be his own girlfriend.
Barrie police said the 49-year-old woman turned up at a local coffee shop at the weekend at the arranged time and proceeded to throw coffee in her boyfriend's face before slapping him.An off duty police officer then arrested the woman and called for assistance. Local press claim the woman is currently awaiting a bail hearing.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 03, 2011
What's the RFC for sharing mono?
Japanese boffins build internet kissing machineResearches in Japan are hard at work developing an internet-enabled kissing simulator that will allow lovers – or perfect strangers – to reach out and buss someone.
"This device is for communications within the mouth," researcher Nobuhiro Takahashi of the Kajimoto Laboratory at The University of Electro-Communications in Tokyo told DigInfo TV. "In other words, the goal is to obtain the feeling of kissing."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 01, 2011
It's a tough job
City Workers Make Porn Film While on the JobCity officials failed to discipline two traffic officers who appeared in a pornographic film while on the job, NBC4 LA has found.
The Los Angeles Department of Transportation has opened an investigation into the behavior of two uniformed, on-duty officers who appear in the sexually explicit movie. The investigation was prompted by the NBC4 LA exposé.
Posted by joke du jour at 12:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 25, 2011
Positive feedback
"This is quite amusing," says Ms M. Follow the link and read the whole post. It's not too long.
Amazon's $23,698,655.93 book about fliesA few weeks ago a postdoc in my lab logged on to Amazon to buy the lab an extra copy of Peter Lawrence's The Making of a Fly – a classic work in developmental biology that we – and most other Drosophila developmental biologists – consult regularly. The book, published in 1992, is out of print. But Amazon listed 17 copies for sale: 15 used from $35.54, and 2 new from $1,730,045.91 (+$3.99 shipping).
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 22, 2011
Special in aisle 3
Shoppers surprised when man falls through Missouri grocery ceilingLEE'S SUMMIT, Mo. People at a suburban Kansas City grocery store got quite a surprise while looking for bargains.
Lee's Summit police say a man in his 20s fell through the ceiling of a Cosentino's Price Chopper Thursday evening.
After he dropped into the store, he ran into a nearby business and asked for help. Then he ran away. Officers caught him and he was treated for injuries at a hospital.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 21, 2011
A wood-fired El Camino
I'm thinking this car's too top-heavy to corner very well - but it's a tour de force nonetheless.
The Finnish-built, wood-burning El CaminoTruth is stranger than fiction, or so the saying goes. And I could not make this story up if I tried. A Finnish politician has converted his American-built El Camino to run on woodgas. How's that for awesome?
Juhas Sipilä's 1987 El Camino, affectionately dubbed "El Kamina" (The Stove), features a very steampunk-like woodgas generator taking up about half of the truckbed
Posted by joke du jour at 09:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Petite lap giraffes
From Russia's finest purveyor. Video at the site.
Posted by joke du jour at 09:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 20, 2011
Easy fishin'
Posted by joke du jour at 11:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 19, 2011
Red-faced about a green light
Traffic light sex couple leaves town baffledRed-faced traffic bosses are investigating how pranksters altered a set of pedestrian lights to show a couple making love whenever they turned green.
The lights - in Nimwegen, Holland - literally stopped the traffic when passers by stopped to gawp at them during rush hour.
One officer said: 'People kept pressing the button to see the couple having sex and of course every time they did, the traffic had to stop suddenly. We had quite a lot of rear end shunts from drivers who were too distracted.'
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 15, 2011
Location, location, location (3)
A cop's gotta eat, right?
Seattle cops look for Aurora speeders -- at Krispy KremeIn three hours Thursday morning, police gave 120 tickets as part of a speeding patrol in North Seattle.
More than 50 Seattle police personnel were working Aurora Avenue North and joined by six State Patrol troopers and three teams from the State Liquor Control Board.
The police command center was established at North 125th Street and Aurora Avenue North – an intersection that's home to Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
The emphasis was expected to continue all day.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 14, 2011
Now he'll be on the offenders' registry
Portage teen uses girl's nude photo as threat for not getting saxA Portage High School student is facing a charge of possessing child pornography after a fellow student accused him of threatening to post a nude picture of her if she didn't give him her saxophone, according to Portage police.
The incident came to light Friday when the girl, a freshman, told Principal Caren Swickard about the threat.
The boy in question, who is not being named, told Swickard and Portage Police Officer Troy Williams that his saxophone broke and the band director told him that because the girl didn't use hers, to have her give him her saxophone, police said.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 13, 2011
Breakfast o' champions (2)
Experts' breakfast beer worryIt's nicknamed the "breakfast beer" but alcohol watchdogs are hoping a new Kiwi brew to be launched early on a weekday morning is nothing but a fizzer.
The cherry-flavoured, wheat lager by Marlborough brewery Moa is described as "a beer the ladies can enjoy too ... if you're having a champagne breakfast but don't fancy champagne, have a beer instead".
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 12, 2011
Hunting copper
Pensioner in Georgia cuts Armenia off from internetAn elderly woman in Georgia is facing a prison sentence after reportedly causing internet services in neighbouring Armenia to crash.
The country found itself offline for hours on 28 March after cables linking Georgia to Armenia were damaged.
A Georgian interior ministry spokesman said a 75-year-old woman had admitted damaging fibre-optic cables while scavenging for copper. [...]
She had been searching for copper in the Georgian village of Ksani.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 09, 2011
At the Chillicothe fire station
From Ohio:
Fire station a potential fire hazardOne Chillicothe firefighter has new job duties on each shift - walking around the firehouse to make sure the place isn't on fire.
Chillicothe Fire Station No.1, the only one staffed in the city following budget cuts, is officially considered a potential fire hazard.
The fire-detection and alarm system at the main station downtown on Water Street hasn't worked for at least a year, perhaps longer. And, the sprinkler system had not been inspected.
To avoid being ordered to vacate its only station, the department now must assign firefighters - who can perform no other duties - to a 24/7 "fire watch."
The state fire marshal's office put the fire department on notice last week that it must correct three fire-code violations or face fines of up to $1,000 per violation per day.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 07, 2011
Placebo surgery
This news is a little dated, but I didn't know they did double-blind studies of surgical efficacy. How do they explain to someone that he had a 'sham operation'?
Common spine surgery ineffective in two studiesBOSTON, Aug 5 (Reuters) - A common spine operation for relieving back pain is no more effective than make-believe surgery, two teams reported in the New England Journal of Medicine.
The technique, called vertebroplasty, involves injecting medical cement into a fractured spine bone to strengthen it. More than 38,000 such procedures are done in the United States every year and the number has been increasingly rapidly, nearly doubling from 2001 to 2005.
"We had hoped this treatment might get the pain better quicker, but we couldn't demonstrate that," said Rachelle Buchbinder of Monash University in Malvern, Australia, whose group found that 36 volunteers who received sham surgery did just as well as 35 who got the real operation.
Posted by joke du jour at 01:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 05, 2011
Jumpers
'Jumpers' offered big money to brave nuke workTOKYO — It's a job that sounds too good to be true — thousands of dollars for up to an hour of work that often requires little training.
But it also sounds too outrageous to accept, given the full job description: working in perilously radioactive environments.
In its attempts to bring under control its radiation-gushing nuclear power plant that was severely damaged by last month's massive earthquake and tsunami, Tokyo Electric Power Co. (TEPCO) is trying to get workers ever closer to the sources of stubborn radiation at the plant and end the world's worst nuclear crisis since Chernobyl.
Workers are reportedly being offered hazard pay to work in the damaged reactors of up to $5,000 per day — or more accurately, a fraction of a day, since the radiation-drenched shifts must be drastically restricted.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 04, 2011
Good things come in threes
It's granddaughters galore for St. Cloud couple, who welcome 3 in 3 daysThree sisters, Melissa Valen, Michele Orth and Katie Larson, (back left to right) gave birth within one day of each other, making their parents, Mike and Joan Benda, proud grandparents again.
Mike and Joan Benda's St. Cloud home buzzed with children Saturday.
Three toddlers squealed as they ran through their grandparents' home. Meanwhile, three tiny newborn granddaughters slept, oblivious to the laughter that surrounded them.
This family grew quickly. The Bendas welcomed three granddaughters in three days this month from their three daughters.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 01, 2011
Miracle beer
XXXX beer brings horse back from the dead after bout of colicIT sounds like a load of XXXX but beer saved this horse's life.
Diamond Mojo, a six-year-old Australian waler, had been given up for dead by his owner Steve Clibborn after being struck down with a bout of potentially deadly colic.
So, as desperate men do in desperate times, Steve turned to the bottle not for himself, but for his horse.
"I had pretty much kissed him goodbye," he said.
"I had spent 23 hours straight with him but nothing worked and then I remembered an old bush tale that said you could feed them beer.
"I don't know whether I really believed it or not but it was worth a shot and as soon as he had that beer, he burped and perked right up. So I gave him another couple."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 25, 2011
Wouldja look at that!
Naked shower protest causes car crashA Los Angeles motorist crashed his car while distracted by two naked women taking a shower by the side of the road.
The women were activists for animal rights pressure group Peta who were showering in public in Hollywood to make a point on World Water Day.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 24, 2011
Ya think?
Manhattan Federal Judge Kimba Wood Calls Record Companies' Request for $75 Trillion in Damages 'Absurd' in Lime Wire Copyright CaseDoes $75 trillion even exist? The thirteen record companies that are suing file-sharing company Lime Wire for copyright infringement certainly thought so. When they won a summary judgment ruling last May they demanded damages that could reach this mind-boggling amount, which is more than five times the national debt.
Manhattan federal district court judge Kimba Wood, however, saw things differently. She labeled the record companies' damages request "absurd" and contrary to copyright laws in a 14-page opinion.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 23, 2011
A good man with a blade
Philadelphia Breast Surgeon Moonlights as Knife ThrowerMeet Dr. Ted Eisenberg, holder of the world record for the most breast surgeries performed in a lifetime.
Rest assured, ladies -- you're probably in safe hands.
Not content with handling scalpels all day, in his spare time Eisenberg is a competitive knife thrower.
Inspired by fictional Australian outback hero Crocodile Dundee and James Bond movies, the Philadelphia surgeon is a delicate artist by day who relaxes after hours with tomahawks and hunting knives.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 22, 2011
That good old liquid lunch
Man Brings Beer to DWI Court AppearanceA 49-year-old man is in Sullivan County Jail without bail after authorities say he showed up for a court hearing on a felony DWI charge drunk and carrying an open can of Busch beer, plus four more cans in a bag.
The Middletown Times Herald-Record reports that Keith Gruber of Swan Lake was an hour and a half late for his court appearance Monday before Sullivan County Judge Frank LaBuda, who asked him if he enjoyed his "liquid lunch."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 17, 2011
A BIG party
Teen cancels Facebook party with 200,000 'guests'.SYDNEY (AFP) – An Australian schoolgirl had to cancel her 16th birthday party after her Facebook invitation went viral and close to 200,000 people said they would turn up at her house, reports said Tuesday.
The Sydney girl had wanted her schoolmates to attend, and the post -- which included her address -- said they could bring friends if they let her know, Sydney's Daily Telegraph newspaper reported.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 16, 2011
The value of time
Video at the link.
Woman Sells First Spot in iPad 2 Line For $900College student Amanda Foote has turned the die-hard techie tradition of waiting hours, sometimes days, to be the first to purchase a new Apple product into a lucrative odd job. After nearly 41 hours of waiting in line for the iPad 2 release at Apple’s flagship store in New York, she sold her number one spot for $900.
Foote sat through an entire day of rain, had a stranger help himself to a box of doughnuts she was eating, and slept a total of 3 hours and 10 minutes in the time between when she got in line at 5 p.m. Wednesday and when she left it at 9:00 a.m. Friday. She plans to buy tickets to a Lady Gaga concert with the cash that she earned for her trouble.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 15, 2011
Over-stocked pirates reduce ransoms
Somali pirates cut ransoms to clear hijacked shipsMOGADISHU, March 13 (Reuters) - Somali pirates said on Sunday they would lower some of their ransom demands to get a faster turnover of ships they hijack in the Indian Ocean.
Armed pirate gangs, who have made millions of dollars capturing ships as far south as the Seychelles and eastwards towards India, said they were holding too many vessels and needed a quicker handover to generate more income.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 14, 2011
Frog porn?
Frog's porn found on magistrate's laptopA MAGISTRATE has narrowly avoided jail after being caught with a collection of extreme pornography — including images of women having sex with a gerbil and a FROG.
Michael Hall, 46 — who is also a school governor and worked on a council panel to protect children — downloaded the disgusting images on to his laptop computer.
When police raided his home they found 230 photos and 150 videos showing women engaging in sex acts with horses, a donkey, dogs, a gerbil, a frog and a live snake.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 12, 2011
Another criminal mastermind
Taking a shower??
Intruder calls 911, afraid homeowner may have gun(CNN) -- This time it was the intruder who called 911.
A man who broke into a house in Portland, Oregon, called police -- afraid the homeowner may have a gun.
The suspect, Timothy James Chapek, was in the bathroom taking a shower when the homeowner returned to the house Monday night, Portland police said in a statement.
Accompanied by two German shepherds, the homeowner asked Chapek what he was doing in the house.
Chapek locked himself in the bathroom and made an emergency call, police said. He said he had broken into the house, the owner had come home, and that he was concerned the owner might have a gun.
Posted by joke du jour at 09:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 10, 2011
The halfro stabber
This is the lower of two items on this page.
In other non-professional criminal news, a man at a barber shop in Connecticut decided to stab another man halfway during his own haircut. He then fled the scene, creating another candidate for best mugshot of the year:Police in Stamford, CT said in a statement that David Davis was getting a haircut when the victim approached in what Davis characterized as an “aggressive manner.” He then picked up scissors to protect himself and slashed the man in the back.
H.T. Jeff G.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 08, 2011
Vatican assassin warlock?
Witch Community Upset With Sheen's Depiction of a WarlockCharlie Sheen managed to upset a group he probably never thought of -- witches -- after one of his notorious tirades last week.
In a week in which the embattled actor described himself as having "tiger blood" and other apparently super-human aspects usually found in the pages of comic books, the star described himself as a "Vatican assassin warlock" during a radio show.
The description evidently did not sit well with the witch community in Salem, Mass.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 07, 2011
Vodka on the rocks
Vodka on the rocks man rescuedA Polish man had to be rescued by coastguards after he drifted out to sea on a sheet of ice clutching a bottle of vodka.
Michal Kawolski, 23, had been drinking with pals at Gdansk when he decided to test the strength of the ice forming beside the shore.
But as he clambered on, a piece broke away and swept terrified Mr Kawolski into the Baltic Sea by powerful currents.
"We dared him to do it and it seemed like a good idea after a few hours of drinking," said one friend.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 04, 2011
Because it's bare
Picture at the site - in case you're wondering what "cat ears" are.
Woman's naked mountain climbCONQUERING one of the Sunshine Coast’s most treacherous mountains is not enough for some.
Take Jess Kelley, a 24-year-old Brisbane archaeologist, for instance.
She decided to take on the challenge while utterly starkers.
Jess ventured onward and upward armed with experience, a mobile phone and a pair of “cat ears” to keep her fringe under control.
A gentleman named Jeremiah also took on the challenge and shed his clothes – aside from a dapper pork-pie hat.
They reached the summit and posed as though she had conquered Europe.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 03, 2011
Meet Prince Charming
Accused kidnapper says he was going to proposeTRENTON -- A city man accused of kidnapping his ex-girlfriend, punching her in the head and threatening to kill her with a screwdriver told a judge yesterday that it was all just a prelude to a marriage proposal.
Melvin Cade, 44, of North Clinton Avenue, is being held in connection with the Feb. 16 abduction of his ex-girlfriend in Ewing.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 02, 2011
Busted! (5)
Former president of MADD arrested for DUIMARION COUNTY, Fla. (WOFL FOX 35) - A woman who was the former president of the Mothers Against Drunk Driving chapter in Gainesville has been arrested for drunk driving.
Debra Oberlin, 48, was arrested around 1:00 a.m. February 18 after police say the car she was driving was swerving on Northwest 39th Street. According to the arrest report she was given two breathalyzer tests and measured .234 and .239. The limit in Florida is .08.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 01, 2011
Smart kid
Student Uses Smart Phone To Beat Speeding TicketA student describes how he was able to get out a speeding ticket by whipping out his Android.
The cop cited him for going over 40 mph in a 25 zone, which he was too frazzled to contest at the time. After he had cooled down and parked his car later, he remembered that he had been running the My Tracks app by Google which records your GPS info and speed. Pulling up the data, he found that he hadn't been speeding. When his court date arrived, he plead not guilty, presented his GPS data, and successfully got out of the ticket. Nice!
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 28, 2011
Free-range ice cream?
As though these women are nomads, roaming the moors? Right.
Mmm? Ice cream-maker to sell breast milk treatEarlier this year, we blogged about a Wisconsin woman who was making cheese from women's breast milk. Now, a London ice cream parlour is creating a breast milk ice cream, calling it an "organic, free-range" treat.
H.T. Ms M.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 25, 2011
There is some justice
Woman: Driver Makes Obscene Gesture, Crashes Into HouseCOVINGTON, Ky. -- A reckless driver lost control of his pickup truck after making an obscene gesture and crashed into a Covington home, witnesses said.
Shelley Gillespie said the man was driving too fast Wednesday afternoon on Kentucky Avenue when she motioned for him to slow down.
She said the man turned toward her and extended his middle finger just before crashing into the living room of Melvina Sheffield.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 24, 2011
The No-Eat list
Seattle-Area Restaurant Refuses To Serve TSA AgentsFed up with what he views as crappy treatment from the TSA, the owner of a restaurant near Seattle-Tacoma International Airport has decided to put all TSA agents on his No-Eat List.
"We have posted signs on our doors basically saying that they aren't allowed to come into our business," one employee tells travel journalist Christopher Elliott. "We have the right to refuse service to anyone."
She says that whenever a TSA agent attempts to dine at the restaurant, "we turn our backs and completely ignore them, and tell them to leave... Their kind aren't welcomed in our establishment."
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 23, 2011
Biters bit (3)
An entertaining story.
Wells Fargo Meeting Today With Philly Homeowner Who "Foreclosed" On Them (Here's How He Did It)Wells Fargo is meeting today at noon with the Philadelphia homeowner who "foreclosed" on them, The Consumerist has exclusively learned. Patrick says he "received a call from upon high" late yesterday and that he now has an appointment, "with a very senior Wells Fargo person." It will be interesting to see how this plays out. But how did Patrick go from embattled and ignored homeowner to seated across the negotiating table with leverage? I spoke with him to find out more about both how and why he did what he did. His story is an inspiration to anyone who's dreamed of going toe-to-toe with the big banks and winning. Turns out that armed with persistence, and a little legal know-how, Davids can take down Goliaths.
H.T. Paul B.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 22, 2011
A stereotype in the flesh
Penis-leash couple nabbed at shopsFrench police say they have arrested a 63-year-old woman who was leading her 40-year-old companion along a busy shopping street by a leash attached to his exposed penis. [...]
The couple admitted to being sex addicts and said they were in the middle of a game when arrested, police said on Thursday.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 21, 2011
It's a small world (2)
Missus in a bottleMandy English was just 13 when she hurled the note requesting a penpal into the sea during a 1979 school trip to Scotland.
Two years later Richard, then just six, spotted the glass bottle on the beach and sent a reply by postcard.
Mandy never wrote back because of the age difference.
But while sorting through keepsakes last week, she found the 1981 card and realised its schoolboy sender had the same name as Richard, her boyfriend since last June.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 18, 2011
Whoa, Trigger!
Foodies to race for stallion semenNew Zealanders will be serving up glasses of horse semen at the famed Hokitika Wildfoods festival next month, a "delicacy" that racehorse owner Lindsay Kerslake says will have extreme foodies "raring to go".
"Horses are pure testosterone, you know. They have hardly any cholesterol, so the idea is you knock it back and feel like a stallion yourself," said Mr Kerslake, of Christchurch.
"You'll have as much zizz as a stallion for a week afterwards." [...]
Even the organiser of the edgy festival, Mike Keenan, said he wouldn't be letting the drink pass his lips.
"God no, it's definitely not to my taste, but you'll be shocked how many people will go for it," he said.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 17, 2011
Safety first! (2)
'Safety' wall built across motorwayRoad officials who built a wall across a 70mph motorway at night without warning motorists are being sued by crash victims.
The five feet high wall - which had no lights or signs - had been built to protect road repairers working further down the highway.
But officials are facing an inquiry after dozens of cars slammed into the wall in Xian, Shaanxi province, western China, without realising it was there."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 16, 2011
Strange chow
One of the oddest bits I've read recently but there is a reason given, if you read the whole thing.
Latest boffinry: Feeding TNT to sheepThere's a good reason, honest
Stateside boffins are diligently getting a small number of laboratory sheep to eat as much TNT as possible.
One should point out straight away that this will not - or ought not to, anyway - involve any sheep then exploding in a sequence of fearful fleecy detonations and spattering the landscape with woolly fluff and raw mutton. This is not some kind of crazed attempt to create instant-self-barbecuing lamb or similar. In fact it seems that the guts of a sheep, capable of digesting various things which would prove fatal to lesser species such as cows or humans, can break down trinitrotoluenes - TNT - into harmless residues without any ill effects on the animal.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 14, 2011
What a headline (5)
Flying dong dings bucks party goerJure Skumavc was hit in the head by a flying dildo during a bucks party stripper show. Picture: BRAD FLEET
THE best man at a wedding was left battered and bloodied after he was hit in the head by a fast-moving dildo.
The flying phallus left Darwin architect Jure Skumavc, 31, nursing a split forehead.
Mr Skumavc said he was injured by the bullet-shaped, pink, sex toy - measuring about 12cm in length - at a bucks party to farewell friend's Peter Rolih's bachelorhood.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 11, 2011
Only in New York City
What a gonef.
Cabby admits 800G rip-offA car-service driver has pleaded guilty to fraud for taking a businessman on what is probably the most expensive airport cab ride in New York history.
Peter Rahhaoui, a Queens limo operator, admitted billing a Hong Kong mogul's credit card nearly $800,000 after driving him 13 miles from Teterboro Airport to Manhattan in 2008.
Tony Chan, a megamillionaire and feng-shui master, did not notice the startlingly exorbitant charges and learned of them only after he was notified by bank security.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
DIY DWI
Drunken woman pulls herself overA woman suspected of drunk driving pulled herself over on Milan Road after mistaking the flashing Skate World sign for police lights.
While pulling to the side of the road, however, the woman lodged her black Dodge Avenger into a snow bank near the sign.
A passerby stopped to see if the woman needed help and called police after noticing she seemed intoxicated, according to a Perkins Township police report.
The woman told the passerby she thought the flashing lights from Skate World's sign were police lights, police said.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 10, 2011
How about a permanent ban?
Sex ban suggested for Belgian coalition negotiatorsThe partners of Belgian politicians are being urged to go on a sex strike until a government is formed.
The country had general elections last June but parties have so far been unable to form a governing coalition. [...].
It is now 241 days since the elections, and Belgium is fast approaching an unofficial world record.
Apart from Somalia, it is reported that only Iraq has taken longer (249 days) to form a government.
"I call on the spouses of all negotiators to withold sex until a deal is reached," said [Socialist senator Marleen] Temmerman in an article for a Belgian newspaper. "Have no more sex until the new administration is posing on the steps of the Palace."
Posted by joke du jour at 06:31 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 09, 2011
There's an app for that (2)
Catholic church gives blessing to iPhone appThe Catholic Church has approved an iPhone app that helps guide worshippers through confession.
The Confession program has gone on sale through iTunes for £1.19 ($1.99).
Described as "the perfect aid for every penitent", it offers users tips and guidelines to help them with the sacrament.
Now senior church officials in both the UK and US have given it their seal of approval, in what is thought to be a first.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 08, 2011
Now we need bears
In addition to Mama, trains, trucks, prison and gettin' drunk.
Unwelcome bear on Boulder hospital property chased off with country musicMaybe it was the country-western music or maybe it was just too loud to sleep. Either way, Colorado Division of Wildlife officials succeeded over the weekend in shooing away a hibernating bear after it was found holed up under a residence on Boulder Community Hospital property.
A plumber for the hospital found the bear around 1 p.m. Friday in a crawl space beneath one of two cottages that the hospital reserves near its Mapleton Center [...]
State wildlife officials discussed several options and decided to scare the bear away by tucking a loud radio in the hole with the bear, Sheehan said. They played country western music, he said.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 03, 2011
Whoopie pie?
Food Fight: Maine Weighing Whoopie Pie as State DessertHere's a weighty matter for Maine lawmakers: whether to crown the whoopie pie as the state's official dessert.
Those who support the idea say the chocolate cakes filled with creamy white frosting are a decades-long Maine tradition and help the economy, as bakeries turn out thousands a day. The one-man opposition is concerned about glorifying a product made with lard amid an obesity epidemic.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 02, 2011
What he said
Self-deprecating suspect held in holdupsPaul Stoliker probably ranks high up there in the annals of not-so-smart bank robbery suspects. After all, it says so right on his alleged demand note: "Dumb Ass Robbing Bank."
It all started at 4:40 p.m. Tuesday when a man walked into the U.S. Bank on Second Avenue in downtown San Mateo, approached a teller and asked if there was an urgent care center nearby.
The teller told him that Mills Health Center was just down the street "and asked the robber whether he was OK," FBI Special Agent Adrienne Sparrow wrote in an affidavit filed in U.S. District Court in San Francisco.
The man said everything was fine before showing the teller a piece of paper that said, "I'm unarmed," the affidavit said. He left with $1,330 in cash, but not before telling her, "I'm sorry I had to do this to you," according to Sparrow.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 01, 2011
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
And THREE YEARS is a lot of absence.
Immigration officer put wife on terror listAn immigration officer was so sick of his wife that he put her on a terrorist watch list - so she couldn't get home from Pakistan.
The officer added her name to the register of people banned from flights into the UK while she was visiting family overseas, reports The Mirror.
When she went to the airport to get her return flight back, officials told her she could not board the plane and did not explain why.
She called her husband, who promised to look into it - but left her stuck in Pakistan for three years while he had the "time of his life".
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 27, 2011
Incoming! (2)
Smugglers get medieval: Pot catapult found at borderDrug smugglers trying to get drugs across the U.S.-Mexico border are getting old-school: they're trying a catapult.
National Guard troops operating a remote video surveillance system near Naco observed a catapult being set up south of the border last Friday evening, authorities said.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 25, 2011
Killer hickey
Woman Nearly Dies Of A HickeyWe all know hickies are embarrassing to receive if you're over the age of 14, but turns out they can also be dangerous. A 44-year-old New Zealand woman was rushed to the emergency room for a hickey gone awry. The trouble all started when her lover sucked her neck one night while they were sitting on the couch watching television. Only his technique was a little too aggressive. He hoovered her so vigorously that he created a blood clot near a major artery in her neck. The clot then broke off and moved into her heart causing a minor stroke. She only knew she was having a stroke when she started experiencing paralysis on her left side.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 20, 2011
Busted! (4)
Cross-dressing policeman in Oz caught in an 'offensive act' by officersMelbourne, Jan 19 (ANI): A cross-dressing police officer in Sydney, Australia was caught committing an "offensive act" by officers while wearing a black ladies G-string, bra and six-inch high heels.
Off-duty constable Peter Karras, 51, of Green Valley, was found sitting in a dark and secluded Punchbowl street putting on women's clothing while touching himself, the Herald Sun reported. [...]
The officers also found his police uniform and police-issued gun belt on the back seat of his car.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Jurassic beer
Poly professor brews beer with 45-million-year-old yeastA Cal Poly professor's mission to turn a 45-million-year-old yeast into an ingredient for a beer has proven successful — and now he hopes to grow his operation locally.[...]
Despite initial skepticism from some about the taste the beer would produce, Cano says the flavor turned out surprisingly good and unique.
Critics have described the taste as one with lots of spice, resembling cloves, along with tinges of ginger and pineapple.
Check them out at the Fossil Fuels Brewing Co.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 19, 2011
But you can call him 'Nick'
Madcap Brit's full-name has 197 charactersBarnaby Usansky, 36, formerly Nick, is fascinated by words and added the new names by Deed Poll – plus Marmaduke – because he loves it so much.
His full name is now Barnaby Marmaduke Aloysius Benjy Cobweb Dartagnan Egbert Felix Gaspar Humbert Ignatius Jayden Kasper Leroy Maximilian Neddy Obiajulu Pepin Quilliam Rosencrantz Sexton Teddy Upwood Vivatma Wayland Xylon Yardley Zachary Usansky.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 18, 2011
Being French
I blow my nose at you so-called Arthur King. You and all your silly English k-niggets.
French smoker creates commotion on plane(CNN) -- A brawling smoker who turned his trans-Atlantic flight from France into something resembling a bar fight is facing criminal charges.
Franck Lebrun was on a Delta Air Lines flight from Nice, France, to New York last Saturday when things became tense, according to a complaint filed at the U.S. District Court in New York.
The account reads like something out of a movie to scare air travelers. [...]
Lebrun continued to scream and yell expletives and then "aggressively positioned himself toward one of the federal air marshals in a fighting stance," court papers say. The marshals then handcuffed him and seated him in the back of the plane.
"Lebrun continued to verbally abuse individuals around him, yelling in substance 'I'm French, f*** you!'" according to the complaint.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 17, 2011
Truth in labeling
A toxin by any other name? Nuclear Sludge bars recalled for leadAlmost 28,000 prophetically named Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge bars have been pulled from the market for lead levels that are more than twice the U.S. government's tolerance. The problem was found after tests by the California Department of Pubic Health.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 14, 2011
This old haunted house
The Housing Slump Has Salem On a Witch Hunt AgainSALEM, Mass.—There's a certain look and feel to a foreclosed home, and 31 Arbella St. has it: fraying carpet, missing appliances, foam insulation poking through cracked walls.
That doesn't faze buyer Tony Barletta since he plans a gut renovation anyway. It's the bad vibes that bother him.
So two weeks before closing, Mr. Barletta followed witch Lori Bruno and warlock Christian Day through the three-story home. They clanged bells and sprayed holy water, poured kosher salt on doorways and raised iron swords at windows.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 12, 2011
Who you gonna call?
Jam busters!
Jam-busting service on the road in many citiesBEIJING - With more Chinese people getting behind the wheel every day, traffic jams are a major headache in most cities but the gridlock has become an opportunity for some entrepreneurs who are offering an escape route - for a price.
Drivers who get stuck in traffic in some cities can now get on their mobile phones and call for a substitute to take their cars to their destinations while the frustrated drivers are whisked away on the back of a motorcycle.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 11, 2011
Tech support hell
Apple support company sues customer for complainingThe national press, the tech blogosphere, even normal, ordinary human beings on Twitter are railing against Systemgraph, a support company officially approved by Apple to be its reseller and authorized service provider.
Dimitris Papadimitriadis, a physician in Greece, was apparently having a little trouble with his iMac, so he took it to Systemgraph in order to enjoy its authorized servicing skills. According to the Greek newspaper Proto Thema, Papadimitriadis discovered dark patches on the screen of his machine. [...long description of he said/they said...]
Papadimitriadis posted his story on a forum, something that seems to have upset Systemgraph. For the company has sued him for 200,000 euros (about $267,000), claiming he damaged its reputation.
His post, as translated by Google, does not seem to offer harsh or emotive language. The most anyone who has reported on the case claims is that Papadimitriadis described Systemgraph as "dodgy." [...]
And yet there is reportedly to be a court hearing on January 19. The company reportedly claims in its complaint that, given that the issue has spread to the Web, this is "an organised attempt to slander and insult" its very fine name.
This will be, I am told by Greek correspondents, the first time a Greek company has taken a customer to court for something written online.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 10, 2011
Now they need to regulate hot balls
Skirting EU law: The rebranding of incandescent bulbs as 'Heat Balls'You gotta hand it to German businessman Siegfried Rotthaeuser, who came up with a brilliant run around the European Union ban on conventional incandescent light bulbs — he rebranded them as "Heat Balls" and is importing them for sale as a "small heating device."
Rotthaeuser's website is in German, but Google does a passable job of translation. First, he's clear that the Heat Ball isn't for lighting, stating (in German, the following is translated) "A HEAT BALL ® is not a lamp, but it fits in the same version!"
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 07, 2011
No one's above the law
Comatose Little Girl Gets Ticket for JaywalkingThe nerve of some people. There's a little girl in Las Vegas who was hit by car. She's 13-years-old and in a medically induced coma.
Allegedly, Takara Davis was jaywalking when she got hit. So a police officer showed up at the hospital and gave the ticket to her mother, Kellie Obong. Why did they hand the ticket to the mother? Because Takara was busy being rushed to the operating room as the doctors tried to stop the bleeding in her head…
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 06, 2011
Café con piernas
Chile's Racy Coffee Shops: Making Hooters Look TameTwo minutes ago, I was in front of the Palacio de la Moneda, in Santiago, Chile, standing in the sun with well-fed stray dogs, looking for the window of President Salvador Allende's office, where he died in 1973. Now I'm in a dark room surrounded by women in glow-in-the-dark thongs and the smoke's so heavy I can hardly breathe. I'm in a tunneled strip mall in the city center, in an unnamed coffee shop marked with a single sign: abierto. Open.
My waitress's white g-string glows in the black light. Her stockings too, which reach up her thighs and connect via a proper six-strap garter belt. As she leans over to serve the suits on the other side of the room, she casually gives my side of the horseshoe bar a view of her bare bottom. Then she greets me formally, with two kisses, and asks me how I am, as if we were old friends.
The café con piernas nickname for these coffee houses brings to mind a trip to Mexico City in the late 90s. My hosts told me that to improve my Spanish I should find a diccionario con piernas - or in other words, a Spanish-speaking girlfriend.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 05, 2011
Funniest plate in the world revoked
Virginia's DMV Does Not Approve of Hilarious CannibalismYet another reason to hate the Department of Motor Vehicles: Virginia's DMV has reportedly revoked a man's custom "Kids First" license plate emblazoned with the letters EATTHE.
Funny! And likely harmless: The plate had apparently been in circulation for several years with no reported adverse effects. But as Jalopnik explains, someone seems to have gotten the idea that the "plate was advocating something beyond hilarious cannibalism.”
Posted by joke du jour at 06:03 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Surprise! (3)
She's not much chop as a kid's prizeA Nelson family are shocked that a market stall is giving away sex toys as prizes, after their young daughter won a blow-up sheep at the Tahunanui Arts and Crafts Fair on Sunday.
The girl's grandfather, Allan Goodman, her mother, Nicola Quinn, and grandmother, Angela Quinn, were stunned when their seven-year-old appeared in the lounge yesterday morning, holding her prize. [...]
The sheep, sporting a French maid's bonnet and with beguiling long-lashed blue eyes, was "disgusting", Angela Quinn said. She was "mortified" that her granddaughter had been walking around the fair with it all day, and promptly confiscated it.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 04, 2011
Life stinks
Suicidal New York man leaps, but saved by garbage pileNEW YORK (Reuters) - A would-be suicide jumper in New York was alive on Monday after leaping from a ninth-floor window but landing in a giant heap of garbage uncollected since the city's massive snowstorm a week ago.
Vangelis Kapatos, 26, was hospitalized in critical but stable condition after jumping from his apartment on West 45th Street on Sunday afternoon, authorities said.
Sanitation workers have not collected trash since the December 26 storm dumped more than a foot and a half of snow on the city. Mounds of garbage several feet high line many sidewalks.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 03, 2011
What a New Year's hangover
Gambler at Star City casino served 42 beers in one sessionA BOOZE-LOVING card player used his "poker face" to fool Star City Casino staff into serving him 42 beers in a single 17-hour sitting.
The unnamed gambler put in a marathon innings, downing five beers every two hours.
Three waiters were happy to oblige the cashed-up player with as many drinks as he requested and failed to keep track of the seriously high level of alcohol the man was ingesting as he sat at the same card table in the main gaming floor from 2.30am.
It was not until the card table closed at 7am that Star City staff realised the man was wildly intoxicated.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 31, 2010
Like that excuse will fly
Flier Blames Tabasco Spill For Lewd ActArrested this week for allegedly masturbating while seated next to a teenage girl on an airplane flight, the 50-year-old suspect told police that he was actually massaging and itching himself because he had spilled Tabasco sauce on his penis.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 29, 2010
Don't confuse me with facts
Posted by joke du jour at 05:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 28, 2010
Pre-emptive returns
Amazon Plan: Let Users Return Gifts Preemptively(Washingtonpost.com) This story was written by Washington Post staff writer Michael S. Rosenwald.
Undoubtedly, the Thread and Bobbin Sewing Kit that Aunt Mildred sent from Amazon.com for Christmas will never see a stitch. The Stallion Stable Music Box might have looked pretty on the computer screen, but under the tree's flickering lights, it is frightful. The polka-dot nightgown has never been a good idea, even with free shipping. [...]
Amazon is working on a solution that could revolutionize digital gift buying. The online retailer has quietly patented a way for people to return gifts before they receive them, and the patent documents even mention poor Aunt Mildred. Amazon's innovation, not ready for this Christmas season, includes an option to "Convert all gifts from Aunt Mildred," the patent says.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 26, 2010
Good advice...
Never bring an iPhone to a knife fightNEW LONDON, Conn. — An accused would-be restaurant robber had a change of heart Wednesday, after cooks at the establishment grabbed knives to defend themselves.
Police said Jerome Taylor, 20, wore a mask as he entered the Northern Indian restaurant on State Street Wednesday afternoon.
He pulled what the cooks thought was a gun and demanded money, according to police. But the cooks grabbed knives and said they weren't handing anything over. [...]
Taylor was gone by the time police arrived, but they caught up with him a short time later. Officers said Taylor confessed to the crime, but told them he didn't have a gun, but used an iPhone.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 24, 2010
They need a new drug
SANTA'S reindeer will be flying higher than ever this Christmas - after munching magic mushrooms.Scientists have found that the animals regularly eat the mind-bending fly agaric fungi in the wild.
And Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen and pals are often seen staggering around, making odd noises afterwards.
Scientist Andrew Haynes believes reindeer deliberately seek out the mushrooms to escape the monotony of dreary long winters. [...]
"For humans a common side-effect of mushrooms is the feeling of flying, so it's interesting the legend about Santa's reindeer is they can fly."
He also said herdsmen drink the reindeer's URINE to get high themselves.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 23, 2010
Oops (8)
Flash-mob singers spark California mall evacuationA spontaneous musical concert at a California shopping mall ended with the entire complex being evacuated after some 5,000 people turned up to sing.
The incident happened at the Roseville Galleria shopping mall, which is reported to have started shaking due to the volume of people inside. [...]
Thousands had gathered at the shopping mall's food court to take part in a group rendition of Handel's Hallelujah Chorus as part of a flash-mob concert - when groups of people - often strangers - conspire on social networking websites to turn up at the same place at the same time and start singing.
But, as they burst into song, there were reports that the building's floor began to move and creak, and witnesses reported hearing popping sounds.
Emergency services were forced to evacuate the entire building.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 20, 2010
Uh-oh!
WikiLeaks Publishes Santa's Naughty/Nice List(Roiters) He makes a list, checks it twice. Five billion names - the entire world population, minus children under the age of three, and observers of Festivus. And now it's on the Internet for all to see.
From London's Wandsworth prison, Julian Assange stated that the list was acquired just prior to his arrest. He refused to disclose his source, but Santa Claus identified the culprit - an elf named Lenny, who expressed dissatisfaction with the overtime rules and the health plan.
After passing the data to WikiLeaks, Lenny attempted to flee the North Pole by drifting away in an ice floe, but he was discovered by a film crew scouting locations for CBS's upcoming Arctic Survivor.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 17, 2010
Ho, ho, ho!
Designed to stay on?
Magnetic bra, undies designed to stay onA BRITISH department store unveiled a hi-tech line of lingerie today that stays on thanks to magnets.
The underwear, about to go on sale at high-end department store Selfridges, features tiny invisible magnets instead of fastenings to overcome the problem of tricky bra hooks.
The bra comes with a matching pair of "clip-on, clip-off" panties, which have magnetic side strips.
Created by French designer Laetitia Schlumberger, and named "Dement" - the French word for 'insane" - the underwear costs upwards of £165 ($US256) for a bra and panties set.
Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
December 13, 2010
Marooned - but it's OK
The ultimate lock-in: Seven trapped in Yorkshire pub for last NINE daysSeven people have been trapped inside a pub for nine days after the building was engulfed by 16ft snow drifts.
The five staff and two local residents have enjoyed the ultimate lock-in at The Lion Inn in Blakey Ridge, Kirkbymoorside, North Yorkshire.
They have been cut off since last Friday when heavy snow blocked the windows and doors of the isolated Lion – the fourth-highest pub in England – and made surrounding roads too treacherous for any vehicles to pass.
Enlarge Snowed inn: The Lion Inn pub in Blakey Ridge, North Yorkshire, where seven people have been trapped for nine daysThe snow was so deep that vehicles in the car park were completely buried.
But despite their ordeal, the spirits of those trapped have remained high. They have kept themselves busy – eating, drinking and playing games – in a huge bar that normally serves 150 customers a night.
Posted by joke du jour at 09:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 10, 2010
It's worse than blind drunk
Reported blind man arrested for DUI, public intoxicationA reported legally blind man arrested Sunday night for driving while intoxicated, has been re-arrested for public intoxication after allegedly coming to court drunk.
Mark Alan Watson, 41, of Bartlesville, was about to be arraigned Monday on charges of driving under the influence of alcohol, leaving the scene of an accident, driving under suspension and assault on a police officer when he fell on his face in front of Associate District Judge Russell Vaclaw.
[...]
"Are you intoxicated?" Vaclaw asked.
"No, I'm blind," Watson replied.
Posted by joke du jour at 07:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Shop now: you may not have long to enjoy it
Superior jeweler says end is near, having saleLarry Falter, owner of Superior's LTD Jewelers, hit upon a novel idea for his latest TV commercial — blending a storewide sale with his belief that the Day of the Lord is near.
After opening with the trumpeting of horns and a glimpse of a land assailed by fire and lighting, the 30-second ad shows Falter in his store, stating his belief that we are really close to the Day of the Lord and the return of Jesus Christ to Jerusalem.
"Nonetheless, here and now, if you want jewelry, I have access to millions," he then says. And it's all on sale at 50 percent off during his Second Coming sale.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 07, 2010
Writer's remorse
Do They Know It's Christmas was worst song in the world, admits Bob GeldofIf you haven't heard a rendition of Do They Know It's Christmas yet this year, it's only a matter of time.
But should you curse Bob Geldof for writing That Song, you'll be in good company. He's fed up with it too.
The single was released 26 years ago today as Geldof set up Band Aid to raise money for famine-hit Ethiopia.
And although it became the biggest selling single in the world at the time, it seems he's had enough.
He said: 'I am responsible for two of the worst songs in history. One is Do They Know It's Christmas? and the other one is We Are The World.
'Any day soon, I will go to the supermarket, head to the meat counter and it will be playing. Every ****ing Christmas.'
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 03, 2010
Pwned! (5)
Iranian National Air Line Has Star of David on Roof?Al- Arabiya reported this week that Iranian officials were outraged to discover a Star of David on the roof of the headquarters of Iran Air. Iran's national airline's headquarters was built by Israeli engineers three decades ago, but apparently no one noticed the symbol until a Google Earth user picked it up.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 02, 2010
Monty Python explained
British humor linked to geneticsLONDON, March 11 (UPI) -- Sarcasm and self-depreciation, hallmarks of British humor that don't always travel well, may be linked to genetics, a researcher said. [...]
Martin and his research team surveyed 2,000 pairs of twins in Britain and 500 pairs of twins in North America.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 01, 2010
Occupational hazard
Wait a minute... They charged the guy who was getting patted down? WTH?
Man arrested after ejaculating during TSA pat-downTSA agent gropes manA 47 year old gay man was arrested at San Francisco International Airport after ejaculating while being patted down by a male TSA agent. Percy Cummings, an interior designer from San Francisco, is being held without bail after the alleged incident, charged with sexually assaulting a Federal agent.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 29, 2010
No, really
Company creates sarcasm punctuationMOUNT CLEMENS, Mich., Jan. 12 (UPI) -- A Michigan company announced the release of software Tuesday that introduces new punctuation to the typed word: The sarcasm mark.
Sarcasm Inc. of Washington Township said the SarcMark, which resembles an open circle with a dot in the center, can be installed on computers via a program that can be downloaded from sarcmark.com for $1.99.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 26, 2010
So to speak...
Roadkill calendar a surprise hitA controversial roadkill calendar featuring squashed squirrels, battered badgers and dead ducks has become a surprise bestseller.
High street stores are refusing to stock the calendar but creator Kevin Beresford says he has been inundated with online orders.
Mr Beresford, 58, a courier, travelled around the country to take his photos of carcasses, some of which are so squashed they cannot be identified.
"Some people are finding it too controversial to stock, so I'm selling it online and it's going really well," he said.
Posted by joke du jour at 04:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 23, 2010
Playtime
From the UK's Daily Mail (via Steve R).
Photographer Michel Denis-Huot, who captured these amazing pictures on safari in Kenya's Masai Mara in October last year, said he was astounded by what he saw.'These three brothers have been living together since they left their mother at about 18 months old,' he said. 'On the morning we saw them, they seemed not to be hungry, walking quickly but stopping sometimes to play together.
'At one point, they met a group of impala who ran away. But one youngster was not quick enough and the brothers caught it easily.'
These extraordinary scenes followed, as the cheetahs played with the young impala the way a domestic cat might play with a ball of string.
(Two more pictures of the cheetahs and their 'toy' at the site.)
Anyone else reminded of Isaiah 11:16?
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 22, 2010
He didn't need Facebook - neither do you
Pastor who banned Facebook had three-way sex affairThe Rev. Cedric Miller didn't need Facebook to be part of an extramarital affair.
Miller, 48, who gained national attention this week when the pastor banned his church's leaders from using Facebook because he said it is a portal to infidelity, had himself engaged in a three-way relationship with his wife and a man a decade ago, according to testimony he gave in a criminal case.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 19, 2010
Step away from the chessboard
Cops bust seven men playing chess in upper Manhattan parkDrop that bishop and come out with your hands up!
A squad of cops in bulletproof vests swooped into an upper Manhattan park and charged seven men with the "crime" of playing chess in an area off-limits to adults unaccompanied by kids -- even though no youngsters were there.
"Is chess really something that should be considered a threat to the neighborhood?" Inwood resident and mom Joanne Johnson wrote Mayor Bloomberg, the City Council and Police Commissioner Ray Kelly after the raid.
Posted by joke du jour at 10:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 18, 2010
Blow up your TV
Cops: Wisconsin man shoots TV after Palin danceMADISON, Wis. -- Prosecutors say a rural Wisconsin man blasted his TV with a shotgun after watching Bristol Palin's "Dancing with the Stars" routine, sparking an all-night standoff with a SWAT team.
According to court documents, 67-year-old Steven Cowan of the town of Vermont in Dane County became enraged while watching Palin dance on Monday evening. He felt Palin was not a good dancer.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 15, 2010
Worst headache ever
Unlucky buck: Deer loses head-butt with lawn ornamentA love-struck buck ran out of luck a week ago. The seven-point buck was killed when it rammed a 640-pound concrete statue of an elk in the backyard of Mark and Carol Brye's home in rural Viroqua. [...]
Brye claimed the buck with a tag from the Vernon County conservation warden. He laughed at the warden's tag note: "lawn ornament fight - lost."
Brye said the deer shattered its skull. The antlers were still on its head but were dangling.
H.T. Steve R.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 12, 2010
What a virus
Man Paid Up To $20 Million For "Protection" In Insane Computer Virus Conspiracy PlotSince 2004, Roger Davidson's basically been living in a twisted Dan Brown novel. It all started when a computer repair guy informed him that a virus on his computer was linked to Opus Dei, Polish priests, and death threats.
In August of 2004, Davidson, a wealthy composer, took his computer to Datalink Computer Products, a local computer repair shop. He was worried that a virus might destroy the music compositions he had saved on the gadget. Information from the shop's owner, Vickram Bedi, left him with far worse worries though: His life was in danger. [...]
For whatever reason, Davidson believed this inane tale and agreed to "pay the computer shop not only for data retrieval, but for personal protection." Since that time, Davidson has paid somewhere between six and twenty million dollars to Datalink Computer Products, Vickram Bedi, and Helga Invarsdottir, a Datalink Computer Products employee.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 11, 2010
Step away from the clippers
I've had some bad haircuts but this is ridiculous.
Criminal barbering? Raids at Orange County shops lead to arrests, raise questionsAs many as 14 armed Orange County deputies, including narcotics agents, stormed Strictly Skillz barbershop during business hours on a Saturday in August, handcuffing barbers in front of customers during a busy back-to-school weekend.
It was just one of a series of unprecedented raid-style inspections the Orange County Sheriff's Office recently conducted with a state regulating agency, targeting several predominantly black- and Hispanic-owned barbershops in the Pine Hills area.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 09, 2010
Uh-huh
Goat sacrifice fixes aeroplaneOfficials at Nepal's state-run airline have sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, following technical problems with one of its Boeing 757 aircraft.
Nepal Airlines, which has two Boeing aircraft, has had to suspend some services in recent weeks due the problem. [...]
The goats were sacrificed in front of the troublesome aircraft Sunday at Nepal's only international airport in Kathmandu in accordance with Hindu traditions, according to an official at the company.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 08, 2010
The peasants are revolting
Hate your job?
India toilet cleaners stage protest over conditionsHundreds of Indian workers employed to manually clean non-flush toilets have protested in Delhi against their working conditions. [...]
Government figures suggest that about 300,000 low-caste Dalits are still employed in such work.
They are estimated on average to earn less than $4 (£2.50) a month. [...]
Manual "scavenging" - removing human excreta from dry or non-flush toilets - is a centuries-old practice in India.
It is mainly carried out by the Dalits, formerly known as the untouchables, who are at the lowest rung of the Hindu caste system.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 05, 2010
Scariest traffic camera ever
Scariest speed camera of all...
It checks your insurance, tax and even whether you are tailgating or not wearing a seatbeltEven the most law-abiding driver might feel a shiver down the spine when spotting this speed camera at the roadside.
For as well as detecting speeding, it is packed with gizmos that check number plates to make sure insurance and tax are up to date.
It also measures the distance between vehicles to spot tailgating and takes pictures of the inside of the car – to make sure you are wearing a seat belt.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 04, 2010
She'll need a very good grade on the final
Woman stabs classmate in anger-management classTalk about a teachable moment.
A 19-year-old Bellevue woman has been charged with second-degree assault after she allegedly stabbed a classmate Saturday during an anger-management class.
Bellevue police say Faribah Maradiaga "blew up out of control" and stabbed the classmate's arm and shoulder several times after the two women exchanged words.
Police said Maradiaga, who already has a pending assault charge, told them that the other woman had threatened her first, according to charging documents.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 03, 2010
They can get elected too?
Dead state senator reelected in Long BeachJenny Oropeza, who died after a long illness last month, was reelected to another term in the state Senate on Tuesday. With more than half of the vote counted, voters in Oropeza's Long Beach district gave her more than 54% percent of the vote. Republican John Stammreich trailed with 40% of the vote.
This reminds of the 2000 election, when Missouri elected the late Mel Carnahan to the US Senate.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 02, 2010
Ticket city
Cop Blocks Bike Lane To Ticket Cyclists For Not Using LaneSometimes the NYPD's inanity is so perfect, so immaculately risible, that you just want to burst into applause and toss a bouquet of roses onto the hood of a squad car. Today is one of those days. According to a tipster, a cop parked in the bike lane on First Avenue near 23rd Street proceeded to write tickets for cyclists who weren't using the bike lane, because they had to ride around him to get by.
Posted by joke du jour at 06:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 01, 2010
Hit me!
Driver thanks man who