April 23, 2011

Gas coupons

Mary forwards this timely message.

I didn't realize it but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at most retailers. I have seen them around but never took advantage of them until recently. I guess I never realized their actual worth.

You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere. Now is the time to use them before they lose their value and it's too late.

Gas-coupon.jpg

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October 11, 2010

History according to Facebook

Here are a couple of funny pages: if historical events had Facebook statuses and Part 2 (more of the same).

And not to neglect theology, here's If God were on Facebook.

H.T. Ms. M.

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July 28, 2010

California compared to Texas

Allen sends a link to this funny story.

California vs. Texas

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.

California:

#1. Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

#2. He calls animal control. Animal control captures coyote and spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 upon relocating it.

#3. He calls veterinarian. Vet collects dead dog and spends $200 testing it for diseases.

#4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting bite wound bandaged.

#5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear of dangerous animals.

#6. Governor spends $50,000 of state funds implementing a "coyote awareness" program for residents of the area.

#7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.

#8. Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack and for letting the Governor intervene.

#9. Cost: $75,000 to train new security agent.

#10. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the state.

Texas:

#1. Governor shoots coyote and keeps jogging. Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge. Buzzards eat dead coyote.

Any wonder why California is broke?

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May 13, 2010

The deadly DHMO

New Age terrorists develop homeopathic bomb

The world has been placed on a heightened security alert following reports that New Age terrorists have harnessed the power of homeopathy for evil. ‘Homeopathic weapons represent a major threat to world peace,’ said President Barack Obama, ‘they might not cause any actual damage but the placebo effect could be quite devastating.’

The H2O-bomb has been developed by the radical New Age group, The Axis of Aquarius. [...]

Homeopathic bombs are comprised of 99.9% water but contain the merest trace element of explosive. The solution is then repeatedly diluted so as to leave only the memory of the explosive in the water molecules. According to the laws of homeopathy, the more that the water is diluted, the more powerful the bomb becomes.

‘It was only a matter of time before these people got hold of the material that they needed to make these bombs,’ said former UN weapons inspector, Hans Blix, ‘The world is a much more dangerous place with the advent of these Weapons of Mass Dilution.’


onoz.gif

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December 31, 2009

2009 in review

Dave Barry's year in review: 2009

It was a year of Hope -- at first in the sense of ``I feel hopeful!'' and later in the sense of ``I hope this year ends soon!''

It was also a year of Change, especially in Washington, where the tired old hacks of yesteryear finally yielded the reins of power to a group of fresh, young, idealistic, new-idea outsiders such as Nancy Pelosi. As a result Washington, rejecting ``business as usual,'' finally stopped trying to solve every problem by throwing billions of taxpayer dollars at it and instead started trying to solve every problem by throwing trillions of taxpayer dollars at it.

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September 08, 2009

Doctor's orders

A doctor's 10-point plan for reforming the legal industry.

A Doctor's Plan for Legal Industry Reform
By RICHARD B. RAFAL

Since we are moving toward socialism with ObamaCare, the time has come to do the same with other professions—especially lawyers. Physician committees can decide whether lawyers are necessary in any given situation.

At a town-hall meeting in Portsmouth, N.H., last month, our uninformed lawyer in chief suggested that we physicians would rather chop off a foot than manage diabetes since we would make more money doing surgery. Then President Obama compounded his attack by claiming a doctor's reimbursement is between "$30,000" and "$50,000" for such amputations! (Actually, such surgery costs only about $1,500.)

Physicians have never been so insulted. Because of these affronts, I will gladly volunteer for the important duty of controlling and regulating lawyers. Since most of what lawyers do is repetitive boilerplate or pushing paper, physicians would have no problem dictating what is appropriate for attorneys. We physicians know much more about legal practice than lawyers do about medicine.

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August 18, 2009

Pretty dark satire

President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reed are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named….

"CASH FOR CODGERS" And It Works Like This…

Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription dependent 'codgers' will garner the highest amounts.

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August 06, 2009

It could be worse

He could be proposing a program to destroy perfectly good cars. (Check out the 'clunker' in the video at that link.)

But, back to the point - here's some of Scott Ott's satire:

Health plan on ice, Obama pushes grocery reform

News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.

His health care plan at least temporarily stymied in Congress, President Obama announced today that he would mount a 27-city tour to promote his new nutrition reform program, dubbed America's Affordable Grocery Choices Act.

With the cost of grocery items skyrocketing, experts say that about 330 million Americans suffer periodic bouts of hunger. Children and the elderly often go for hours between meals.

"America's grocery system is broken," said President Obama, "and the time for reform is now. We can't kick the can down the road, or play political games any longer."

The White House said the president's plan will increase choices and competition, improve the quality of grocery items, share responsibility for grocery bills and protect consumers against waste, fraud and abuse by offering a "Public Option Grocery Store" within five miles of every American home.

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May 23, 2009

A fine reductio ad absurdum

I don't think it's a good argument against ending prohibitions but it is pretty funny if you read the whole thing.

Time to Legalize Counterfeiting

Many Americans today believe certain illegal vices in our society should be decriminalized, taxed, and regulated. The most popular of these vices include marijuana smoking, prostitution, and all forms of gambling. The proponents for decriminalization believe that the new tax revenues produced would help support schools, healthcare, and the impoverished, ease the pain of taxpayers, and reduce the deficit. They also believe that transgressions such as these will take place no matter, but, if properly regulated, would be safer for society in general. It would be a win, win situation.

Unfortunately, when it comes to lowering taxes and helping the downtrodden, the best-laid government plans seem to fall short of expectations. However, there is one vice, one small illegal indiscretion, that, if decriminalized would solve all our problems. The United States needs to legalize the victimless crime known as counterfeiting.

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April 18, 2009

Are you a terrorist?

Are You a Terrorist? It's easy to find out!

According to recent reports issued by the Missouri Information Analysis Center and the Department of Homeland Security, domestic terrorist activity may be on the rise. Are you part of the problem? Find out now. This quiz only takes a few seconds and will provide you (and the relevant authorities) with answers, dammit!


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March 26, 2009

Human Achievement Hour

CEI Announces “Human Achievement Hour” to Coincide with “Earth Hour”
Prominent D.C.- Area Supporters Include: Kennedy Center, Smithsonian Institution, WMATA, Target, and George Washington University Hospital; other Nationally Recognized Institutions With Events Planned During Human Achievement Hour Include Wal-Mart, New York Times, and United States Marine Corps

Washington, D.C., March 19, 2009—The Competitive Enterprise Institute, a leading free-market think tank, plans to recognize “Human Achievement Hour” between 8:30pm and 9:30pm on March 28, 2009. The new one-hour holiday coincides with Earth Hour, a period of time during which governments, individuals, and corporations have agreed to dim or shut off lights in an effort to draw attention to climate change. [...]

“We salute the people who keep the lights on and produce the energy that helps make human achievement possible,” says Myron Ebell, CEI’s Director of Energy and Global Warming Policy. [...]

Those wishing to celebrate Earth Hour, however, do not need to take part in Human Achievement Hour. “Earth Hour is a viable alternative to human achievement hour,” says CEI Senior Fellow Eli Lehrer. “Those who wish to celebrate Earth Hour should sit in the dark, turn off the heat, and breathe as little as possible.”

It goes without saying that, except for CEI itself, the institutions listed above have not actually endorsed “Human Achievement Hour.” (All the quotes and facts, however, are real and may/should be used.)

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February 20, 2009

Two kinds of people

Americans fall into two distinct categories today: those who remember how devastating the policies of Jimmy Carter were, and those who are about to find out. - Ron Hart
Based on this news, I think he's right:
Carter voices confidence in Obama stimulus plan

ATLANTA (AP) — Former President Jimmy Carter has voiced support for President Barack Obama's plan to stimulate the economy.

Carter says he has "full confidence" in Obama's proposal and expects it will take about six months for the economy to begin improving.

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February 05, 2009

Stimulation

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January 14, 2009

A simple answer to full employment

This story comes from a post titled Making Work, Destroying Wealth at cato-at-liberty.org.

I am reminded of a story that a businessman told me a few years ago. While touring China, he came upon a team of nearly 100 workers building an earthen dam with shovels. The businessman commented to a local official that, with an earth-moving machine, a single worker could create the dam in an afternoon. The official’s curious response was, “Yes, but think of all the unemployment that would create.” “Oh,” said the businessman, “I thought you were building a dam. If it’s jobs you want to create, then take away their shovels and give them spoons!”

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December 16, 2008

Here's a plan

Mickey Kaus writes at Slate:

We need a Czar Czar, to crack the whip on all the czars. ... P.S.: Also a federal czar policy. Right now, czar decisions are made on an ad hoc, case-by-case basis, with no attempt at czar harmonization.

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December 10, 2008

Illinois politics...

hasn't changed much in the 30 years since I last lived there. The only difference seems to be one of scale: now they're selling a seat in the US Senate instead of selling CDOs to truck drivers or stuffing money into shoeboxes.

Here's a pretty funny satire (with some great graphics) on Gov. Blagojevich's legal problems.

BREAKING: Feds Seize Blagojevich eBay Account

CHICAGO - The ongoing corruption probe into Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich took a dramatic turn this evening, as federal agents working for US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald announced that they had seized the governor's eBay account. It is as yet unknown how the latest seizure will effect the outcome of the case.

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November 22, 2008

Give up and use tables

If you're wasting time fighting with CSS -- and we know you are -- we've got just the tool you need. Download the Give Up and Use Tables timer. We've scientifically determined the maximum amount of time that you should need to make a layout work in CSS: it's 47 minutes. When your time is up, we'll even give you the table code you need. Take three minutes to build a table. And ten minutes to get a donut. Bill the client for an hour. Done.

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November 03, 2008

A thought for Election Day

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard.

H. L. Mencken

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September 27, 2008

The peak theory of rock

The Hubbert Peak Theory of Rock, or, Why We're All Out of Good Songs

Many rock purists and music snobs (myself included) often lament the quality of most modern pop/rock music. "Music these days is so trite and derivative," they say. "It's just been downhill since the 60's and 70's. Those were the days." [...]

I, however, wasn't content with the casual analysis. So I punched the list into Excel, crunched some numbers, and found an interesting parallel between the decline of rock music quality and, of all things, the decline in US oil discovery and production:

RockVsOil.jpg

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September 22, 2008

Help's on the way

Nigerian Billionaire Helps Rescue Failing Banks
By Brian Briggs

New York, NY – Nigerian philanthropic billionaire Esenam Ayele said that he would make $80 billion dollars available to US banks from his accounts in Nigeria. All he needed to transfer the funds was a trusted associate at the bank. [...]

Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson said Ayele could be trusted. "I know he's had problems in the past with people believing him, but I assured the folks over at Washington Mutual that he was for real."

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September 10, 2008

It's a miracle

Evolutionists Flock To Darwin-Shaped Wall Stain

September 5, 2008

DAYTON, TN—A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of Charles Darwin—author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern evolutionary movement—made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.


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November 30, 2007

Efficiency expert

Scott Adams spent a few days in Las Vegas this week and here's a snippet from one of his posts about the trip.

Urge to Simplify

Now the casinos have people trained, like chickens hoping for pellets, to take money from one machine (the ATM), carry it across a room and deposit in another machine (the slot machine). I believe B.F. Skinner would agree with me that there is room for even more efficiency: The ATM and the slot machine need to be the same machine.

The casinos lose a lot of money waiting for the portly gamblers with respiratory issues to waddle from the ATM to the slot machines. A better solution would be for the losers, euphemistically called “players,” to stand at the ATM and watch their funds be transferred to the hotel, while hoping to somehow “win.” The ATM could be redesigned to blink and make exciting sounds, so it seems less like robbery.

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November 21, 2007

The Obesity Reduction and Health Promotion Act

Here's a little political satire:

Changing the Laws of Gravity

In a brilliant, Bastiat-like display of satire, here’s US Congressman Bill Sali responding to a plan to raise the minimum wage

Via

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October 29, 2007

FEMA marches on

From Scrappleface:

Next, FEMA Plans to Stage “Natural” Disasters
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace

(2007-10-29) — With the success of last week’s simulated news conference on the California wildfires by the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), mid-level bureaucrats at the disaster-relief agency have reportedly initiated plans to stage “natural” disasters as well.

The imitation news briefing, which featured FEMA employees pretending to be genuine journalists, was “just a test run for the more ambitious pilot program of engineered catastrophes designed to help even out the work flow during the year,” according to one unnamed source inside the agency.

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May 11, 2007

Too funny not to pass on

This appeared in James Taranto's Best of the Web Today on May 9 (near the end of the column).

What's a Six-Letter Word for 'Humidor'?
"Bill Clinton Pens NY Times' Crossword Puzzle"--headline, Reuters, May 7

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November 08, 2006

They're sorry

Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

The Onion

Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

ST. LOUIS—Calling Friday night's victory on baseball's grandest stage "a terrible mistake," members of the St. Louis Cardinals issued a formal apology for making the playoffs, winning the World Series, and depriving baseball fans everywhere...

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September 14, 2006

Weekly World Summa

"Up for some highbrow humor?" asks Dave.

What if Thomas Aquinas had been a tabloid journalist?
weekly-world-summa.jpg

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February 07, 2006

Word for the day

From Best of the Web Today:

We'll Take That as a 'Yes'

"They want to test our feelings. They want to know whether Muslims are extremists or not. Death to them and to their newspapers." -- "protester" Mawli Abdul Qahar Abu Israra in Afghanistan, quoted by the BBC, Feb. 6

The most balanced take on the Cartoon Riots that I've seen comes from Kim du Toit.

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November 29, 2005

The mullet presentation

grebo's comment about the Redneck one-liners post was, "Let's not forget that there are Hicks everywhere not just in the south! Mullets unite!"

The Mullet

That reminded me of the PowerPoint slideshow Rob sent awhile back called the Mullet Presenation. It's a pretty amusing - though not very politically correct - look at people wearing mullets. (And as usual with PowerPoint it's a little large.)

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October 19, 2005

If World War II Was an RTS

A snippet of this funny post at Strategy Page:

Roosevelt: hey sup
T0J0: y0
Stalin: hi
Churchill: hi
Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
T0JO: lol
Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
benny-tow: haha america sux
Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
Stalin: cool
deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
Roosevelt: get antiair guns
Churchill: i cant afford them
benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
paTTon: stfu
Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
*deGaulle has left the game.*

Via Two--Four.net.

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October 06, 2005

Juan Valdez at Agriculture

Bush names new Agriculture Chief

by Mac Johnson
Posted Oct 5, 2005
08:02 AM

Following his surprise pick of his former personal lawyer, Harriet Miers, to fill Sandra Day O’Connor’s seat on the Supreme Court, President Bush today named a new Head of the Department of Agriculture. The choice, Juan Valdez, again surprised many Washington insiders who cannot recall ever having met or even heard of Mr. Valdez.

Via Club for Growth blog.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:30 PM | Comments (0)

September 26, 2005

10 Truths

10 truths black and Hispanic people know but white people won't admit:

1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year child is too big for a stroller.
8. N' SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional butt-whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 truths white and black people know but Hispanic people won't admit:

1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country's flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every other daughter.
6. "Jump out and run" is not in any insurance policies.
7. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami and Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 truths white and Hispanic people know but black people won't admit:

1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. RED is not a kool-aid flavor, it's a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your wheel covers/rims and your sound system should not be worth more than your car.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:20 PM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2005

Louisiana Re-purchase

I don't know where this came from originally. It's done so well that I suspect it was written by a full-time satirist. Scrappleface, maybe?

President Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French

President Bush and a giddy Jacques Chirac shake hands on the deal.

BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French for $25 million dollars - more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.

"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."

The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.

"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."

The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana.

"Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!"

However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans.

"This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."

Posted by joke du jour at 09:30 PM | Comments (0)

August 30, 2005

5 reasons NOT to use Linux

I love Linux. I use it on my servers, I use it on my desktops, and I use it on my entertainment center, where it powers my HDTV TiVo and my D-Link DSM-320 media player, which turns my network into a media library with terabytes of storage. Heck, I even run Linux on my Linksys WRT54G Wi-Fi access points, which hook the whole shebang together.

But, Linux isn't for everyone. Seriously. Here are my top five reasons why you shouldn't move to Linux...

Via /.

Posted by joke du jour at 08:01 PM | Comments (0)

August 26, 2005

A Modest Proposal

From Patterico's Pontifications (quoted in full since it's so short):

Many have recently expressed concerns that the Iraqi constitution may overemphasize religion.

I believe I have the solution. Don’t worry about the language of the Iraqi constitution. The key to keeping the Iraqi government secular is constitutional interpretation.

I therefore propose that President Bush donate Justices Stevens, Ginsburg, Souter, and Breyer to Iraq, to be Justices of a new Iraqi Supreme Court. These Justices can be relied upon to secularize the Iraqi government, regardless of the actual language of the Iraqi constitution, or any traditions of religious observance in Iraqi public life.

We’d miss them, of course. But sometimes sacrifices must be made — for the greater good, you understand.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:28 PM | Comments (0)

August 24, 2005

Start Me Up

For those who remember when the Windows 9x horrorshow began, a very amusing post from slashdot:

ColdGrits writes "It's hard to believe it, but 10 short years ago today saw the launch of Windows '95. Here is an archive of the Washington Post's story on the day. As part of the launch, Microsoft paid $12,000,000 for the rights to use the Rolling Stones' song "Start Me Up" (containing the prophetic line 'You make a grown man cry')."

Posted by joke du jour at 08:24 PM | Comments (0)

July 18, 2005

Nadagate

John Tierney writes about the Valerie Plame/Karl Rove situation in this op-ed for the NYT (free reg. req'd). I found his conclusion very amusing:

For now, though, it looks as if this scandal is about a spy who was not endangered, a whistle-blower who did not blow the whistle and was not smeared, and a White House official who has not been fired for a felony that he did not commit. And so far the only victim is a reporter who did not write a story about it.

It would be logical to name it the Not-a-gate scandal, but I prefer a bilingual variation. It may someday make a good trivia question:

What do you call a scandal that's not scandalous?

Nadagate.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:55 PM | Comments (0)

July 15, 2005

Customer Satisfaction Survey

Here's an oldie that never fails to make me laugh.

We thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1.
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other

First Name: ............................
Initial: ........
Last Name: ..................................
Password: ........................ (max. 8 char)
Code Name:.................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:........................

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20......./......./......

4. Serial Number: .............................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Europe
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Classified

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire.
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Posted by joke du jour at 08:59 PM | Comments (0)

July 14, 2005

It must be Friday

Give a flip?

This won't take a minute - just checking to see if you give a damn about anything today.



Nope... barely moved.


Update: Keeping Up With The Pagans Dave wrote, "I have a better copy of your f-o-meter from the other day..." So I stole his.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:59 PM | Comments (0)

July 12, 2005

Liberal Media Bias

Dave forwards this amusing post from Dispatches from the Culture Wars:

The media has been reporting that President Bush fell off his bike in Scotland, sustaining only a minor scrape or two. But just to show you how the liberal media protects Democrats, they aren't reporting that Dick Durbin was the one who took the training wheels off the President's bike. And now you know...the rest of the story.

Posted by joke du jour at 06:50 PM | Comments (0)

June 28, 2005

Ah, the irony

our contributor writes.

Here's a snippet from a press release about The Lost Liberty Hotel project.

Weare, New Hampshire (PRWEB) Could a hotel be built on the land owned by Supreme Court Justice David H. Souter? A new ruling by the Supreme Court which was supported by Justice Souter himself itself might allow it. A private developer is seeking to use this very law to build a hotel on Souter's land.

Read the whole thing -- not only is it amusing, I think the guy might be serious.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:20 PM | Comments (0)

June 24, 2005

Eminent Domain proposal for D.C.

As usual, ScrappleFace manages to find the brighter side of current events.(The links in the quote point to NY Times articles; free registration required.)

Bush May Condemn and Seize Supreme Court
by Scott Ott

(2005-06-24) -- A day after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that local governments may seize private property to promote economic development, President George Bush said he may soon move to seize the high court under "the executive branch's power of eminent domain."

Read the whole thing. Then visit The Institute for Justice site and check out the Eminent Domain Watch blog.

Posted by joke du jour at 07:10 PM | Comments (0)